James and Lily were "not" dating but tragedy struck and Lily turned to James for comfort. However, that night scared her made Lily retreat from him emotionally. Will Lily finally come to realize that James honestly loves her? Or will she push him away...

Chasing Emotion

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—

A knock sounded from the door of the cottage.

'Idiot,' the girl shrouded in shadows muttered tiredly. Her face was blotched and tear streaked from crying.

The knock came again, more insistently this time and she turned towards it and sighed, long and deep. Her emotions weren't able to handle everything right now and if he got in here she wasn't sure if she could still hold herself together.

'Open up Lily I know you're in there,' he called his voice sounding funny. She wasn't able to tell if the worry and tenderness was real. After all she didn't trust him past his proclaimed feelings.

'What's the point James?' she said with enough volume so that he could hear through the roll of thunder. England always did have crappy weather. She thought waywardly. At least it was better than thinking about other things.

—

—

James Potter stood outside of the small neat cottage. His main objective since yesterday was finding a way to get here, which was a hard task since he had no idea where exactly it was. Now all I have to do, he thought is get into the cottage, which again was no easy task since the woman in there didn't want him to come anywhere near her.

They were dating him and her. Well if you can call what they were doing that. To him it was more of a fantasy. They've been "not" seeing each other for four and a half months now.

He's been told numerous times by friends and coworkers alike that he was a stubborn ass and he was going to prove it in full here if that's what it took for Lily to accept him.

He's never so much as kissed her—not that he was complaining, getting her to open up was more important than his libido—until that night 2 weeks ago, when they did a hell of a lot more than kissing.

—

—

He should leave but why wasn't he? She thought but then answered her own question of course he wouldn't leave he was too stubborn to leave without her seeing him.

Sighed she buried her head in her arms again. It was all about control—she could not control the rollercoaster of her life. Getting up, she padded slowly to her door and unlocked it, then turned around and folded herself in her couch once more.

She heard the door hinge squeak and the steps of his boots. A few seconds later she didn't need to hear when he walked up to stand over her, she felt it, as she could always feel his presence when they were in the same room together, which was ever since Hogwarts but this time it wasn't wanted or needed.

HE needed to leave but somehow instead of telling him so, a question popped out of her mouth.

'How did you find me?' she asked without looking up.

James sighed. Didn't she know anything? Apparently not it seemed. 'I knew you'd come to the place where you've had the most comfort as a child—your grandmother's old cottage.'

Damn him for knowing me so well. He is not supposed too. He is supposed to be an arrogant jerk like all blokes and not listen to their girlfriends.

Not that I'm his girlfriend she quickly amended to herself. And she didn't want to be.

'You don't belong here,' she said tonelessly.

'Yeah since I mean nothing to you at all, huh? I guess you don't need anyone right?'

She didn't answer, how should she answer that? No sense would come of it other than her own embarrassment and what happened…what happened that day…

He seemed to be thinking about the same thing, because he sighed before adding, 'then I suppose that night meant nothing to you as well didn't it?'

She didn't answer again, she couldn't when it meant more to her than he'd think. It meant everything—the world to her. Lily would have looked up but she was afraid of what he could read from her eyes. She knew he felt nothing for her, not like he was always proclaiming.

Sure she knew he liked her but it wasn't as deep as her…

—

—

James wanted to curse, scream and throttle her pretty little neck if that what it took for her to look and maybe just maybe listen to him but she wouldn't do that. As he'd told her he knew her better than that, better even than she probably thought she knew about him.

He knew she felt trapped and confined because control was taken away from her. Lily Evans he had known since he met her eight years ago, had always thrived on the fact that she could control her destiny, which was why nothing prepared her for the last few weeks.

'Why can't you just leave be?' Lily said.

She couldn't control her mother dying.

'The same reason I've always been there for you, I love you.' He answered and it was the truth. He had been there but more often than not he had wanted to be there.

She couldn't control her father's heart break after her mother was gone.

'You don't love me James,' she said sighing sadly and he wondered how she couldn't see it when everyone knew what a fool he was making of himself because he's intent on waiting it out for her to finally realise reality.

Rayburn Evans died a week ago, a month after his wife Corinne, three weeks after Lily sought out comfort in his arms.

They shouldn't have spent the night together, it was too soon. Even after seeing each other every other day for almost four months it was still too soon. In his heart it hadn't been too soon but Lily hadn't been ready to lose her virginity to him that way. He'll love her until she find someway to love him back, that he was certain off but their sleeping together three weeks ago made their relationship go back three steps.

She had left his bed early that morning; he had awoken to find the space beside him empty and the feeling akin to emptiness had swamped him. He'd left her alone to give her space and then another tragedy struck. Her father died. The cause of death a heart attack but James suspected that it was his will to live that severed after the loss of his soul mate.

The past three weeks had been tough on her, she had let him help her with everything but she never opened up to him after that and yesterday after the funeral she left. It took a couple hours but he finally got here.

'Why did you leave?' he asked what he shouldn't have.

'I couldn't stand it there in that house anymore.'

'Why did you let me be your rock?' he asked and she finally sat up and raised her head only to stare at him. 'Why didn't you let me be your sane place, to ground you so that you wouldn't give up on life?'

—

—

Lily continued to stare at the man who had moved in front of her. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to answer that question? Shouldn't she proclaim that she needed no one to center her?

No.

She'd heard the uncertainty and the agony in his voice when he had asked her that question. Why was she afraid to let him be her anchor?

Did she tell him that it scared her to her very soul to have open her hear to him? That even if she did that how would she know it would last? Did she tell him she was afraid that he'll rip whatever was left of her heart into a million unfixable pieces?

'I was afraid,' she all but whispered.

'I know baby, but I'd like to be here for you now if you'd let me and after I promise to leave you completely alone if you want me too.'

Her heart broke to hear him utter those words. Tears were already stinging her eyes.

The uncertainty flared in his eyes once more but not before he tentatively opened his arms. After a brief second Lily could take it no longer. With a sob she launched herself into his arms and held on as he closed himself around her, letting her absorb his heat then she let the tears come.

Then gathering her up tighter her carried her to the long couch and laid there beside her, just holding her. He nuzzled her neck, murmuring words of comfort and wetness touched her skin. Surprise raced through her when she realised he was crying… for her. He was crying for her.

—

—

Raw emotion was such a strong reaction and Lily couldn't help but reach up to touch his face.

'You're crying,' she whispered.

'Yeah,' he said caressing her with his eyes.

'Why?'

'I love you, I hurt when you hurt.' He said simply, as though it was nothing for him to say—to do.

The tears again began to flow, 'Hey, hey I'm sorry,' he said and wiped the streams away.

She shook her head and willed the words she needed to say to come out but they were stuck in her throat. He wanted him to know, needed him to know that he was everything to her: her lover, her rock and her life.

As she was struggling she moved her fingers along his face, taking everything about the man she loved in. she now believed he loved her. A sob chocked in her throat when she realised how much time she had wasted denying herself this man.

Lily buried her face in his neck and clung all the more fiercely to him and James didn't question the reaction he just held her there, cherishing her.

'I'm sorry James, I'm so sorry,' she said and wept. Her mother had loved him; she had wanted Lily to be settled before she left her daughter alone in the world.

Mother I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.

Lily's father had thought it was finally time someone was able to deal with his daughter's temper and crudeness.

Daddy, I miss you. Thank you for loving me and… James.

'Hush baby, you have nothing to be sorry about,' he said soothingly and smoothed the top of her head before giving her a kiss there.

'I was so afraid and I have every right to be sorry for what I've done to us.' She said then looked up. 'It because of me we wasted all this time. It was because of me that my parents didn't get to see me marry someone I love.' She said vehemently.

'Love?' he echoed and hope flared in his eyes.

'Yes, love. I'm so very sorry James. I was so afraid to love you; I kept you at a distance and I nearly ruined everything.' She said and he touched his lips to her temple fiercely.

'You weren't ready Lily. I was willing to wait until you were,' he said softly meaning to comfort her but she wasn't about to be deterred yet.

'I slept with you, then left and—'

'Which nearly ripped my heart out because I realised it was too soon. Lily, this wasn't easy for you to accept I should have stopped what happened but some selfish part of me thought it cement what we have.' He said and rubbed his thumb along her lower lip. 'I never wanted to take advantage of you in your grieving state.'

'But I didn't give you much of a choice did I?' she said remembering how she launched herself on to him.

'Maybe not but I knew better,' he started again but she closed a hand over his mouth.

'It won't matter James, not when I plan to spend the rest of my life with you and I don't care if you think I'm thinking to fast or too emotionally.'

'I maybe have a few concerns Lily but let me just comfort you for now. If you'll have me after you've cleared your mind I'll be here.' James said those words but was he strong enough not to beg? Lily may have said she loved him but how did she know she wasn't going to regret it later.

Lily wanted to argue but she'll wait, not long but she'll wait if only to ease James's mind. She loved this man nothing was going to stop her from proving herself—her love to him.

—

—

'I now pronounce you man and wife,' the priest declared and James kissed his bride. It had been four complicated months but they were finally together and married.

Lily smiled at her husband. The man was as stubborn as a hippogriff but she loved him and finally, he knew how much she wanted to be with him.

He may have been the arrogant jackass of the school but now he was her arrogant jackass and she loved him for it because without his persistence she'd never have realised he was the best thing that could have ever happened to her.

He found her and made her whole. He was her center when she needed comfort. James was her life now and soon their babies would be too.

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This Fic was influenced by the song

You Found Me Kelly Clarkson.

As you know the lyrics could have been there but are deleting them and suspending the writers.

Sorry

This is a repost of it.

I feel as though I owe you guys something so I tried to write a one shot, which is based on a song I like. There were a couple songs I wanted to write about but I had had this one in my mind since last year so I figured why not? Anyway this story has a more serious note than the other one I'm planning but let me get ahead of myself.

And well I would have added a sex scene making this an M story but it would have ruined the integrity so T it is.

Thanks a lot guys and see you in a couple of weeks…

Sasha