LOTR My Way

by xXx0Risa0xXx

Cai woke up in a place she'd never seen before, with only a bag of odds and ends to her name. She meets the beginings of the Fellowship, so what's a girl to do but join and kick ass?

Author's Note: Okay, this is a self-insert into the magical world of Tolkien's LOTR. Enjoy my (mild?) cynicism.

Disclaimer: In order to determine ownership, let us consult the Magic 8 Ball!

*picks up Magic 8 Ball*

*asks* Do I own LOTR?

*shakes Magic 8 Ball"

*reads response* "Are you fucking crazy?"

*cries* I don't own, sorry.

~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~

"Huh, that's different." Instead of the blank, white ceiling I was expecting to see, above me was a beautiful blue sky. Sitting up, I studied my surroundings. I was in a clearing, surrounded by trees, bushes, and flowers, and right next to the bluest creek I'd ever seen in my entire life. Not that 19 years is a long life, but still. I then noticed that I was dressed in a pale blue dress with a leather corset-vest-thing and leather boot-like moccasins. A quick glance to my hand assured me that the gold ring my family had given me for my 18th birthday was still on my right pinky finger. I sighed in relief, I loved that ring, and at least there was something familiar, normal, and mine was still on my person. It was the same outfit I'd worn to my 16th birthday party, (a trip with a few of my friends to the local Renaissance Festival, in costume) so I wasn't as surprised as I probably should have been when I found that my hair was pulled back in an intricate five-strand braid. I reached up with one hand to adjust my glasses only to freeze when I realized that I wasn't wearing any, but I could see better than I could when I still had 20/15 vision. In a mild panic, I began to check myself to see what else might have changed. I swallowed loudly when the other changes I found registered: the length of my hair (From mid-back to mid-calf) and my ears (From normal, round human ears to tapered, fairy-tale elven ears). I slapped myself in the face, hoping it was all a dream and that I'd wake up any second in my apartment, with my roommate's dog barking up a storm. No such luck.

It was then that I noticed a fairly large leather bag beside me, and I quickly went over to see what was inside of it. I couldn't help but smile as I opened the flap of the bag, for inside were all of my sketchbooks and notebooks, or what I like to call my lifelines. I have this annoying quirk, I don't go anywhere without something to write or draw in. I have quite a few stories I'm working on, but I never seem to be able to finish them…but anyway, further rummaging led to the discovery of a single fountain pen with what looked like a few lifetimes worth of blue ink cartridges, two mechanical pencils with the same amount of erasers and pencil lead, my two trusty Swiss-Army knives, a pair of chopsticks, a large pack of gum, three apples, two oranges, what looked like a cream-cheese sandwich, a US Military-issue boot knife, standard US Military-issue mess kit complete with canteen filled with water, my favorite pair of earrings (They have this clip that goes on the side of your right ear that holds up a chain connected to the post part of the earring, while the one on the left has some small chains that dangle from the post. They're gold in color), and my second favorite stuffed animal, a rainbow-colored bear named Ray that I got when I was twelve (Don't judge! I always sleep with my Ray, its' comforting). After a moment's thought, I grabbed the boot knife and slipped it into my right boot. Next I pulled Ray out and just cuddled her as I thought over what I knew.

First and foremost, I wasn't where I had been when I fell asleep. On top of that, I wasn't wearing what I had been earlier either. I distinctly remembered falling asleep in my baby-blue tank-top and flamingo boxer-shorts, which was about as far from my current ensemble as you could get. Second, my physiology had changed from human to…whatever it was that I was now. Third, well, I didn't know what was third, but it couldn't be good. I mean, I was in the middle of no-where, alone, without a clue. I stood up and brushed off my skirt before lifting up the bag and putting it on. As I had nothing better to do, I walked over to the stream to see if I could catch a look at my reflection in it. Thankfully I could, and I was relieved to see that my hair was still chestnut brown and my eyes were still a pale greyish-blue with a dark-blue ring around them. Cuddling Ray closely to my chest, I chose a random direction and began to walk.

By the time the sun was directly over my head I had reached a well-traveled dirt road, and I was exhausted. But right when I was about to go and sit down at the base of one of the trees lining the road, I heard what could only be hoof beats. I turned to watch as a woman holding a child raced past me on a white horse, her long brown hair billowing out behind her like a flag rippling in the wind, being chased by nine creepy beings in frayed black hoods, riding black horses. I blinked slowly at the odd sight before looking down at Ray and snarking, "Kansas, this is not, Toto." With a shrug, I sat down like I had intended to earlier and reached into my bag to pull out an apple. I leaned back against the trunk of the tree and munched contentedly on my apple before pulling out a pencil and a sketchbook. Setting Ray down next to me, I lazily began to draw one of the creepy black riders, which now that I thought about it, reminded me of the dementors from the Harry Potter series. I spent a few hours just sitting there, drawing lazily, when I noticed that it was getting dark. I put away my sketchbook and pencil, picked up Ray, stood up, and stretched. I figured this was as good a place as any to stay for the night, so I studied the nearby trees to see which ones that I could climb had thick enough branches for me to sleep on. No need to tempt fate, and all that. When I spotted a tree that fit my needs, I proceeded to climb it and make myself comfortable for the rest of the night.

I awoke the next morning to the noise of a bird singing its heart out right next to my head. Startled, I leapt up onto my feet, only to flounder for my balance as I teetered on the edge of the branch I'd been sleeping on. Once I regained my balance, I picked up Ray and climbed down from the tree. From how bright it was, I figured it was around 10, 10:30 in the morning, so I wasn't too surprised to hear some people off in the distance. Hopeful for company, I smoothed the wrinkles out of my clothes and reached into my bag to pull out my earrings, which I then put on. I gave Ray a quick hug before stuffing her into my bag and leaning against my tree to wait for whomever was coming in my direction. It wasn't long before I spotted just who was making the noise; a rather attractive brunet with a fairly short beard and what at first glance looked like three kids. They saw me within a few moments of my seeing them, and quickly made their way over to me. Now that I could get a better look at them, I realized that what I'd thought were kids were more like really short adults, but with really big, really furry, really bare feet. I smiled brightly at them.

"Hi," I said as politely as I could, "I'm kind of lost. Would you mind telling me the quickest way to civilization?" The three not-children exchanged puzzled glances while the hot guy took a few seconds to study me. I could tell the exact second he noticed my ears, because his absolutely gorgeous blue eyes widened in shock before his thick eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I tilted my head slightly to the side, was it something I'd said? One of the not-children gasped, and I looked down to see him also staring at my ears. I pouted slightly, where my pointed ears really that interesting? Well, I guess I could understand if they were, even I thought they were weird, but if there were those not-children where ever this is, why couldn't there be pointy-eared people? "Um…hello?" I asked again, drawing their attention away from my ears and back to me, "Civilization? Location of? Ring any bells?" The not-children had the decency to flush in embarrassment, but the hot guy just gave me the same confused look he'd given me earlier.

"You…are not of Imladres?" he asked in a deep voice. I cocked my head in confusion.

"Um…no? I'm from Nashville," at the confusion I noticed in his eyes I clarified, "You know, Tennessee? America?" When the confusion didn't leave his face I sighed and finished, "You don't recognize any of those places, do you?" When he shook his head I groaned loudly and pinched the bridge of my nose in exasperation. "Damn it, this is so not my fucking day…" They looked at me in shock, and I blinked at them. "What?"

"Ain't proper for a lady to curse," one of the not-children said, his shaggy blond hair falling into his eyes. I snorted, rolling my eyes.

"So my parents tell me," I drawled, "But I don't exactly do 'proper'. Life's so much more fun when you're not worrying about how you look, but about living life to its fullest." I leaned down to add with a wink, "Besides, as my dad's often told me, well behaved women rarely make history." Tall, rugged, and handsome frowned lightly.

"Who is your father, my lady?" I straightened to look him in the eye, which was easier than it usually was, 'cause I'm like six feet tall and he was around six-two, six-three. But anyway, I didn't have any reason not to tell them my dad's name, so I went ahead and did so.

"Um, he's names Ned. Well, Edward, actually, but everyone calls him Ned. Except for Uncle David, he always calls dad Neddy, but that's beside the point. And speaking of points, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I?" Pausing my babble in order to stick out my hand in the universal invitation for a handshake I continued, "Hi, I'm Caitlin, Caitlin Wilson. But you can call me Cai. Nice to meet you." After a moment of hesitation, one of the not-children bounced over to me and grabbed my hand to shake it.

"Hi! I'm Meriadoc Brandybuck, Merry for short. Lovely to meet you, Lady Cai," he said cheerfully, his curly reddish-golden locks bouncing. I smiled at him.

"Please, you can drop the 'Lady' stuff, it's just Cai." He just grinned cheekily at me while the youngest-seeming of the not-children playfully shoved Merry out of the way only to grab my hand himself.

"Hello, I'm Peregrin Took, or Pippin, if you like. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Cai." His good humor was impossible to resist, and there was really no way I couldn't smile back at the golden-haired not-child. I laughed good-naturedly, my grin threatening to split my face in two.

"Pleased to meet you too, Pippin," I mock-glared at Merry before adding, "Nice to see some people listen around here." Pippin seemed to glow at the compliment, and playfully shoved Merry again.

"See? I'm not as bad as you say, Merry!"

"Whatever you say, Pip." This led to a playful scuffle between the two (obviously) friends, during which the third not-child, a stout little blond, came over to shake my hand.

"Pleasure to meet you, milady," he said in a very polite tone, "My name is Samwise, Samwise Gamgee, but most people call me Sam." I smiled gently at him, he kind of reminded me of my older brother, George. You know, one of those guys that everyone underestimates or looks down on, but they're actually really sweet, loyal, and kind to a fault? Yeah, I had a feeling Sam and I would become really good friends.

"Nice to meet you too, Sam," I said, my smile widening. "You're quite the charmer," I teasingly added, and he flushed slightly. Turning my gaze to the hot guy that was the only one left to introduce himself, my eyes widened when he grasped my hand only to bow over it and bring it lightly to his lips. I felt my face heat up; no one had ever done that to me before!

"Mae govannen, Hiril Caitlin. Estel eneth nîn, (Well met, Lady Caitlin. My name is Estel.)" he said softly before gesturing to the three not-children and continuing, "Nin estar Strider. (They call me Strider.)" I blinked slightly, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I had never heard that language before, but somehow, I understood it. Maybe it was like parseltongue from the Harry Potter series? Deciding to test this theory, I focused on replying in the same language.

"Mára aurë, Estel, (Hello, Estel,)" I said with a light blush, "Manen nalyë? (How are you?)" He smiled gently at me, and it was all I could do to keep my blush from growing any further. However, the mild confusion on his face, probably from my obvious lack of knowledge as to where I was, had still not left him. He straightened and released my hand before tilting his head slightly in acknowledgement of my polite question.

"Im maer, le hannon. (I am well, thank you.)" In an attempt to avoid blushing again, I busied myself with the strap on my bag.

I coughed lightly to clear my throat before asking, "Well, since I don't know where I am, and you seem to know where you're going, do you mind if I join you? Until you get to your destination, of course." The three not-children looked to Estel obviously excited by the prospect of my joining them. Estel considered me for a moment, and then nodded. I smiled shyly at him, then clapped my hands together and said, "Okay, well, there's no time like the present! Let's get going, shall we?" Estel chuckled lightly and I had to fight back another blush.

"Certainly, let us be off," he said good-naturedly, heading off down the road, the same way the riders the day before had gone. Smiling at my new companions, I followed.

~meow-this-is-a-line-break-meow~

We walked for nearly the entire day, only stopping once around noon for lunch, two rabbits that Estel had caught and Sam made into a really delicious stew at his insistence, despite my offers to help. ("Oh, don't trouble yourself milady, it's fine, really!") Sam wouldn't even let me help skin them! But anyway, just when it was beginning to grow dark, we crossed a river to reach one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. (Sam—"We're here! The home of the elves…") As I stood there, gaping along with the three not-children that I now knew to be called hobbits (Me—"Pippin? I don't mean to be rude, but what are you?" Pippin—"Us? Why, we're hobbits, of course!") at the architectural marvel in front of us.

"Welcome to Rivendell," Estel said, and I just stared in wonder as we approached the front gates. We were met by a group of tall men, all easily over six foot, and all extremely beautiful. Yes, I said beautiful. Handsome just didn't cut it with these guys, they had this ethereal beauty around them…and that's when I noticed that they all had pointed ears, just like me. That's also when I noticed that their hair all went down to their butts, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was some sort of elven custom, having long hair. All of the elves greeting us had brown hair except for one, who was a very light blond. One of the dark-haired elves had a silver circlet on his head, making me wonder if he was, perhaps, royalty of some kind.

"Adar! Im gelir ceni ad lín, manen nalyë? (Father! I am happy to see you again, how are you?)" Estel greeted the elf with the circlet warmly, and was in turn greeted with equal warmth.

"Gîl síla na lû govaded, iôn. Im maer. ("A star shines on the time of our greeting, son. I am well.) But, manners flee me. Welcome, my friends, to Rivendell. I am the lord of this manor, Lord Elrond. It is nearly time for the evening meal; perhaps once you have freshened yourselves, you may join us." Elrond said, gesturing our group though the gates. I followed in a mild daze, utterly taken in by the beauty of my surroundings. Eventually I was led to a door, where I was informed there was a bath drawn for me. I smiled charmingly at my guide, the blond pointy-eared guy from earlier, and thanked him.

"Gelir na thaed, hirilnîn. (Happy to help, my lady.)" He smiled kindly at me before leaving me to my own devices. I entered the room and nearly salivated at the sight of the bath, I could see the steam coming off of the water, and I knew it would feel like heaven to take a nice soak. I quickly de-robed and slid into the tub, sighing contentedly and allowing myself to relax for a few precious moments before I began to wash myself. It's a very calming thing, washing in a bath, and the only thing more relaxing to do in a bath, I've found, is to sing in one. So I did, sing, that is.

"Love of my life, my soul mate,

You're my best friend.

Part of me like breathing,

Now half of me is left."

Despite the fact that I absolutely adore sad love songs, I have little to no experience with love. Or at least, the requited form of love. Yep, I'm the type of girl that has never had a boyfriend, the girl that's looked at as 'one of the guys'. Depressing, I know. I began to shampoo my hair, closing my eyes in relaxation.

"Don't know anything at all.

Who am I to say you love me?

I don't know anything at all…

And who am I to say you need me?"

Though I didn't know it at the time, I had a few eavesdroppers on my impromptu-concert. It would seem that my voice was more captivating than it had been before, and that made people want to listen. But like I said, I didn't know that at the time, I was simply appreciating the acoustics of the bathroom and the warm water in the tub.

"Color me blue I'm lost in you.

Don't know why I'm still waiting…

Many moons have come and gone,

Don't know why I'm still searching…"

Estel later told me that he could almost taste the heartbreak and hopelessness from the words I sang, and to be perfectly honest, I still have no idea what he was talking about. I was just singing a song I liked; there was no deeper meaning to it. I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, then began to lather it with what I assumed was the conditioner.

"Don't know anything at all,

And who am I to say you love me?

I don't know anything at all,

And who am I to say you need me?"

As I found a washcloth to use on the rest of my body, I thought about home. I missed it with every fiber of my being, especially my family. My little sister, with all of her angst and need to fit in and be popular, my older brother with all of his faults hiding one of the purest hearts I've ever known, my mom with all of her quirks and depression-based mood-swings, my dad with all of his snark and sarcasm…they were my family, and I loved them to pieces. Don't get me wrong, all that I had seen of this Rivendell place was amazingly beautiful, and I wouldn't trade being able to see it for the world…but I missed my family. With a sigh, I finished cleaning off my body and quickly rinsed myself off before finishing with a thorough rinse of my hair.

"Now you're a song I love to sing,

Never thought it feels so free…

Now I know what's meant to be,

And that's okay with me."

Now clean, I got out of the tub and looked around until I found a towel with which to dry myself. I found two, thankfully, and used one to wrap up my hair and the other to dry off my body before wrapping it around myself like a toga so I could look for a change of clothes.

"But who am I to say you love me?

And who am I to say you need me?

And who am I to say you love me…?"

I found a really nice green dress with silver trim, which was so beautiful I felt like putting it on would be an insult to its' beauty, what with how much of a Plain Jane I am. But I put it on anyway; it was the only thing for me to wear in the room besides a towel or my dirty clothes. After pulling on the dress, I tugged on my boots, slipped my boot knife back inside of them, and let my hair loose from the towel. I glared half-heartedly at the soggy locks before shrugging and leaving them as the sopping mess that they were. I sighed, refraining from finishing the song. It was a bit too depressing for me at the moment, so I just hummed out the final bars of the melody. Deciding that I was as presentable as I could get without the help of CGI and a stunt-double, I opened the door to the room and spied my blond guide, who I decided to mentally dub Glorfy. I smiled at him, and laughed softly as my stomach growled loudly.

"D'you mind leading me to the food?" I asked sheepishly. He smiled kindly down at me (Darn those people that are blessed to be that much taller than me!) and inclined his head.

"This way, my lady." I followed him through the winding halls to a new set of wooden doors, which opened to reveal a really long table covered in an amazing spread of foods. Spying my hobbit friends, I found a chair next to them and grinned.

"You guys as ready to eat as I am?" I asked teasingly. They looked up at me, beaming. I just laughed and sat down in-between Merry and Pippin. I was, admittedly, surprised by the sheer amount of food the hobbits piled onto their plates, but that's not to say I didn't have a generous portion myself. There was just so much good food…

"Cai," Pippin began after a few minutes, interrupting a discussion I was having with Merry about the best ways to con someone out of their food, "What is your home like?" Though most of them were subtle, I noticed that everyone in the dining hall were listening closely to what my answer might be. I smirked, wouldn't they be in for a surprise.

"My home is really different from anything you'd be used to, Pippin," I said with a wry smile, "And back there, I'm still in school." His eyes widened.

"But why are you still in school, Cai? Aren't you an adult?" I laughed.

"Eh, not really, I'm only 19. Where I'm from, you aren't really considered an adult until you're 21." I pretended not to notice when all of the elves at the table openly gaped at my age. I saw a few of them mouth something that looked like 'She's an elfling?', which made me want to pout. I wasn't a kid, Damnit! Shaking it off, I continued, "I will admit that I'm a bit old for school, but that's only because I took a year off to help out my dad. His business was in financial trouble, so I decided to help out. You know, cheap labor, and all that." I shrugged. "It wasn't a bad job, either. I was thinking about going back to it once I finished school."

"What did you do?" Merry asked.

"Oh, the usual stuff, filing, research, bringing my boss coffee, moving heavy furniture, repairing and/or painting walls, that sort of thing. It was fun, especially the repairing. But the best part was that most of the guys my dad hired to help were shocked to see a girl do as well if not better than they could. But that was just my day job, on nights and weekends I babysat. Now, that's a fun job. Parents paying you to take care of their kids…it's an excuse to act silly without people thinking you're crazy. That, and the pay was always good. I've met a lot of interesting people through babysitting…there was this one guy who lived next door to one of the families I babysat for, who had an amazing sword collection. He invited me over to see it one day, and it eventually turned into a spar. It was so much fun, he had a katana and a wakizashi and I was using a broadsword." My eyes glazed over for a few seconds as I got a dreamy look on my face, "Ah, that was a good day…first time wielding a sword, but so much fun…"

"He sparred with a true blade, while you were a novice?" one of the elves said indignantly. I snapped out of my daydream and glared at the offender.

"Hey, I'll have you know I was actually quite good! Besides, I'd been fighting with knives or barehanded for years before that." When I noticed the disbelieving looks around me, I sighed and reached into my boot to pull out my boot knife. Spinning the well-balanced blade around I grinned in a feral manner and said, "My dad was in the military, in an elite section called the Marine Corps. He didn't raise me to be a weakling, he raised me to stand on my own two feet and, as he used to say, 'Beat the shit out of any bastard stupid enough to pick a fight with a Marine Brat.' Back home, I have the reputation of someone you're better off not getting on the bad side of." Noting the shocked looks on everyone's faces, I smirked and slipped the knife back into my boot. Then I looked over at Pippin and said, "But you wanted to know what home was like. Well, in a word, my home is…violent." Pippin frowned.

"That doesn't sound very nice," he said with a pout. I reached over and ruffled his hair.

"It's not that bad," I reassured him, "Look at it this way, through the violence surrounding us, we can truly understand and appreciate the peace we get from time to time. Besides, I had a fairly easy time of it, I was friends with the majority of the leaders of the different factions, so people tended to not bother me." They continued to look at me, so I took pity on them and elaborated. "Really, life wasn't that bad. Men and women are pretty much treated equally, and I had a lot of really good friends. You know, my friends were always telling me that I should become a politician. They were fond of telling me that they thought I'd be a really good President." I shook my head and chuckled lightly. "Personally, I don't think so. I'm a fighter and an artist, sometimes a teacher if there's a need for it, but I wouldn't want to be a leader. Can you imagine me as a responsible adult? I sure can't! I enjoy acting silly and immature, it makes life interesting. Speaking of immaturity, Merry," I said, turning to look at Merry, "Here's an important conning tip, if you act younger than you really are, people underestimate you, and you can get away with a lot more than you would otherwise. Only act older than you are when you have to, it keeps them guessing."

The rest of the meal went fairly quietly, and once it was over everyone retired to their rooms for the night. I slept like a baby, curled up under the soft sheets with Ray cradled in my arms. My dreams were filled with images of my home and family, but when I woke up the next morning, I no longer felt homesick. It was as if my dreams the night before had been a chance to say good bye to my old life…With that sentiment in mind, I smiled, ready to greet the new day.

To be continued…