Title: Understanding
Author: DnKS-giRLs
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kanda-Allen
Disclaimers: err... umh, you've already known that it's not ours to begin with thus we can gain no profit without us telling you, right?
Warning: meh... read and you'll see how stupid it is... OOCness abroad... muahaha... when did we manage to make a fic that's not OOC/pointless? Right... never...
Allen sometimes wonders whether the world is too complex or he is just the one who is too stupid because there were things that he can't easily grab, things that he knows just after he entered the organization. In his past life, everything was so simple and straightforward so that he never found himself thinking hard about a matter. But he knows now what it feels like to think over some matters so hard until he can feel his skull cracking open.
For example, one moment he was back from his mission, feeling very exhausted and spent, and all he wanted was to give his report as soon as possible to his beloved psychotic supervisor with the name of Komui and had a rest. So he walked to the said person's office with his eyes almost closed with Rinali, his appointed partner, and knocked at the door. For seemingly a long time they waited without receiving any reply until suddenly the door burst open, and Komui, with his hair in disarray and his shirt undone, said shortly to them, "Later."
He was just about to ask him what he meant by 'later' when he heard Rinali speak.
"River is inside?" she asked.
"Yes," Komui answered, and with that, he found his hand taken rather harshly by the girl and the door being slammed behind him. He thought he could hear the girl muttering something about 'not in the daylight' or what.
"Um... why we did not come in?" he tried to speak up his curiosity, for really, he had no idea of what was going on.
"He's with River," Rinali answered him.
"So why?" he enquired.
"You will not want to see them," she said casually, which made Allen even more confused than before.
"Why?" he asked again, feeling really stupid for asking the same question over and over again.
"That's... oh, well, you'll understand..." she smiled sweetly at him. She seemed not wanting to give him further information on the subject, though he couldn't figure out why. She just said that he would understand, but actually, he could not. He even didn't know what to be understood to begin with.
But eventually, by picking up pieces and bits from the gossiping people all around him, he came to a conclusion about what might be happening that time in Komui's office. Yes, finally he could understand that, but still, he could not understand why people seemed so discreet about it.
"So, do you know that your brother and River are together?" he asked Rinali once. He noticed how the girl's eyes went wide and shock colouring her face.
"Allen!" she hissed. "Don't be so direct."
"Why? I thought you knew it... and I think everybody knows it too..." he said in confusion.
"Well, yes," she said.
"So why don't you ever talk about it to me?" he demanded.
"That's because it's not something to be spoken about," she sighed. "I thought you would understand that."
Everybody seems to say the same thing to him, 'I thought you would understand', but how come they expect him to understand without telling him the matter?
There are two sorts of understanding, it seems. The first is understanding on subject like math or literature or such. People have no difficulties in managing this type of understanding for it can easily be translated into words. It goes smoothly like a straight path; he can always see the line, the road, the cause and what will follow after that. But there is another sort of understanding which was hard to be translated into word. It has the aura of secrecy, wisdom, and even evil in it. The path is not straight for it is forever changing. He can't see what will follow after one thing. It's like when something happen, people don't speak about it, rather, they understand it. How they can understand something that never spoken of, he can only wonder.
The same sort of understanding hovers about his friend's strange attitudes toward him lately. Well, he expects he cannot really say someone named Kanda Yuu as his friend, but he cannot find any word else than that, so he sticks on calling the other as his... well, friend. And this one he calls friend has been acting strangely to him. Strange as in he has never thrown any sharp glare to him again.
It's true that friends are not supposed to throw any sharp glare nor tantrum to begin with, but with Kanda, it is different. In the past, he could not recall any of his meetings with the older teen that had neither cold remark nor sharp glare nor harsh statement. But now, he finds the other's gaze has somehow become... warmer, if not more lovable.
And he just can't understand that, but it seems that everybody else than him doesn't have the same sentiment with him, for he can see their amused smile and suppressed giggle as if they are happy in knowing something that he doesn't. He just detests it, badly. It feels stupid to see everyone smiles at him without knowing why they smile like that.
"I hate it," he says to Rabi once when the two of them have lunch together.
"Huh?" his opponent says with his mouth half full.
"I hate it, how people seem to... smile at me... and such..." he tries to explain.
Rabi swallows the remnants of the food in his mouth before speaking, "Well, they smile for you and Yuu though..."
"Yes, but why?" he says desperately. "I mean... I know that Kanda has been acting strange and all, but..."
"Strange? Him? Allen, you're the one acting strange around him," Rabi says.
"What!" he exclaims rather loudly.
"Well, I observe now you can't look straight to his eyes again. Every time your eyes meet his, you seem to turn your head quickly until I feel sorry for your neck. Usually you speak to him in casual ways, but nowadays you seem rather... shy to him. In the past you had never worried about him, but yesterday you're the first person to run to the infirmary room once it was announced that Yuu was back wounded from his mission. I can say much more, but... well, that's enough for now." Rabi says with the aura of satisfaction and amusement on his face. Seeing his face, Allen feels like banging his head to the table.
"Stop grinning like that, I've had enough of that kind of smile lately," he says.
"Yuu said the same thing," Rabi says. "So I said to him to go for it."
"It?" he asks.
"You."
"Huh?"
"God, Allen, don't tell me you haven't got it yet! There's limit to stupidity, you know!" Rabi says in astonishment.
"I haven't got what?" he says, felling more and more lost as the conversation continues.
"The... thing that Yuu's trying to show you," Rabi says apprehensively.
"How can I if he never speaks to me about it?" he grumbles a little. "He's so cold and distant and all... I think he hates me, and maybe that's why I always feel nervous around him."
Allen watches how Rabi is staring at him in disbelief and finally shakes his head.
"Umm... why don't you start trying to look at him straight into his eyes and you'll understand... somehow. Yuu is not a person to speak directly, but... I thought you would understand by just looking at his acts around you!" Rabi seems frustrated. "Oh well, just do what I've told you and you'll understand."
Rabi ends his explanation with those magic words of 'you will understand', though in his heart, Allen doubts that he will fully understand about the matter. But still, he tries to do what Rabi has told him to do. He really tries to look straight into Kanda's eyes, and fails miserably. Every time he looks at him, he will feel a sudden rush of blood to his face and the next thing he realizes is how he blushes like mad.
At least now he understands what Rabi meant of him acting strange. He seems to not able to maintain his composure whenever he's near with the cause of his current problem whose name is Kanda Yuu. And by looking at the other's state, he does no better than him too. He feels like they're being trapped in this clumsy situation and only go around and around without end.
Until one day, destiny finally takes pity on them and decides to stop playing with them. That night, storm is roaring outside his room and Allen can find no peace in his sleep, thus he decides to have a light walk outside his room. He is wandering aimlessly through many corridors and at one point he meets a dark figure looming on the far side of the main hall. Curiously, he steps closer to the person and the light given by the moon from outside the window reveals him to be none other than Kanda Yuu himself.
He can feel his face redden in an instant but he tries not to give it a thought and approaches the other silently. He says no word, and the other does the same. The silence is unbearable, it's suffocating, but Allen cannot bring himself to speak.
"It's raining."
He hears those words flow gracefully from Kanda's lips and he then realizes that he's trying to start a conversation with him.
"Yes," he says. "I cannot sleep."
"I cannot either," Kanda says.
"Afraid?" he says, tilting his head a little so he can steal a glance to Kanda's face.
"Of the rain? No, I don't," he hears Kanda answers him.
"Of me?" he asks though he doesn't know what reason that has caused him to say that.
"Not really,"
"Or maybe..." he searches in the dark until finally he can see Kanda's face directly. He gulps hard and dares himself to see into the depth of Kanda's eyes. He can feel the usual blush coming to his face, but he keeps his gaze into those deep eyes and what he finds there amazes him.
There, within those mesmerizing orbs, he can find confusion, fear... and even love. Love, so much love, such deep love, and he can feels that love is reflecting in his eyes too. He can see everything that the other has been keeping for this long time inside him.
Is this what Kanda has been trying to show him? Allen thinks. He feels so stupid for not realizing it sooner. The answer for all his question is laying there, inside those eyes that he never dared to look before. But now, as he drowns himself in that pair of beautiful eyes that hold so many emotions in them, he finally finds the answer. He can feel it, he can grab it.
He understands it.
"Us," he says softly.
Finally he knows now why he always feels so awkward around Kanda. Finally he knows why he always blushes like a lovesick person every time the other is near him. Finally he knows why there is always a soft stirring in his heart every time he hears the other's name is spoken. Finally he understands.
"Us?" Kanda asks. "What about us?"
"Do you worry about us?" he says.
"I worry about your stupidity, actually," Kanda grumbles a little. "There's a limit of how stupid a person can become."
Allen laughs nervously at that. Even though he has already understood, that doesn't mean he can easily make the blush disappear from his cheeks. Moreover, he is even sure that his blush has gotten deeper when he thinks about what he's about to do. Daringly, he takes a step forward and draws his face closer to Kanda's, so close that their breath mingled into one.
"Don't worry again now," he says. Looking upwards, he makes sure to see straight into Kanda's eyes to let the other know how much he means his next words. "I understand."
"Finally, bean sprout," Kanda says, a little bit harsh, but Allen misses not the glint of sheer relief on his eyes. "I almost thought you're a complete idiot."
They fall into silence after that, but this time, it's not a suffocating silence like what they had earlier. It is pleasant and warm. Allen feels it in his heart, the fact that everything has been unleashed thus he has neither doubt not confusion in him, and it feels so peaceful.
He can do this forever, standing with Kanda on his side so close that their shoulder touching, listening to the rhythm of the rain that has somehow gotten calmer outside. Yes, he can do this forever, but when at one moment Kanda suddenly turns his face and brushes their lips together, he thinks that maybe he can do better thing than just standing and listening to the rain. And the next time Kanda kisses him again, more passionately this time, he thinks that this is definitely better than just standing and listening to the rain.
The next morning, he finds himself running frantically down the hall, silently cursing Kanda for he's a part of the cause why he woke up so late that day. Halfway down the stairs, he meets Rabi, who needs only ten seconds or so to register his condition—flushed face, messed-up hair, and unbuttoned shirt—and bursts out laughing like maniac. He watches in horror as everyone who passes him seems to notice these things also and gives him a knowing smile.
"Stop it," he hisses. "It's embarrassing..."
"So..." Rabi says between his laughs. "Something happened to you?"
"Some... thing disturbed me last night..." he answers.
"Something... or someone?" Rabi asks with glint of amusement in his eyes.
"Well... it depends," he says, carefully in picking his words.
Rabi snickers after hearing his answer and sighs, "He cares for you a lot, you know?"
"I know," he says. "I understand."
Hearing that, Rabi smacks Allen's head and says, "See! It's not so hard to understand!"
He too laughs at that. Yes, it's not so hard. It's not hard at all. Even later that day, he's not a bit amazed when he finds that somehow, all of his friends has already known about his... new relationship with Kanda. He can see that in their gleaming eyes and amused smile. He can know all that without even a word uttered about the matter.
It is not spoken of. It is understood.
-the end-
(A/N : haaa... finally it's finished... it's 10.49 p.m. when we finished this... we should have been studying for crying out loud, but, hey, this fic is also a form of studying into human relationship, right? Oh well, enough rambling. We do hope for your review, dear readers. If you like it, well, we're glad. If you don't, please feel free to send us some rotten fruits or such, if you've ever read any of our fics beside this one, you'll know that we absolutely accept them. And if you adore this fic to death, marriage proposal is fine, though maybe it's better if you just send us some edible food... we're starving! Blah... enough with that. We luv you all... chu!)