The Unthinkable
To Padme, the thought of her husband's death is absolutely unthinkable. It is something she refuses to even consider. But it is something she may now have to deal with.
It was the end of another long day for Senator Padme Amidala. She was on her way home from the Senate Complex, to her apartment at 500 Republica. She couldn't wait to just sit down and not have to think; not about her ideas for next week's debate, not about the papers she had to organize, not about the war… just peace and quiet. She had to clear her head, badly.
But as Padme got out of the lift and walked over to her apartment door, she frowned. She swore she could have heard someone inside the apartment! But who could it possibly be, she wasn't expecting anyone… unless…
Could it really be? Could it really be Anakin?
Padme didn't allow herself to gather hope as she keyed in the security code to open the door. She wasn't going to let herself be disappointed.
She took a deep breath as the door opened, prepared for whoever it was. She walked into the cold apartment, strangely nervous. She had felt on edge all day, and hadn't been able to work out a reason why.
"H-hello?" she asked, her voice breaking with nerves, nerves that seemed unnecessary to her.
She walked into the living room and came face-to-face with her unexpected guest. And, even though she had tried to not build any hope, her heart sunk all the way to her feet when her guest wasn't who she had wanted, it wasn't Anakin.
"Obi-Wan?" Padme asked, her voice coming out sharper than she had meant, due to her extreme disappointment.
"Senator Amidala… Padme" Obi-Wan mumbled. He was upset… what had happened. Padme's stomach started to twist in knots – was Anakin okay?
"Obi-Wan, what are you doing here?" Padme asked, her voice still icy. She quickly stopped talking, and tried to make her voice softer and warmer, though all she wanted to do was to curl up in bed and weep. "I mean, it's lovely to see you again but… why?"
Obi-Wan was silent for a second or so, before he took a deep breath and came closer to Padme. When Obi-Wan spoke next, he seemed so sad that Padme felt compelled to wrap her arms around him to comfort him. But she didn't, she just waited, chewing the back of her hand, her stomach still twisting in horrible knots, for him to answer.
"Something has happened, Padme. Something bad"
"Is it about… A-Anakin?" Padme asked in a small voice. She knew that Obi-Wan was still unaware of her and Anakin's secret marriage, and about how deeply they felt for each other. So she didn't want to give anything away; she hoped Obi-Wan would think her concern for Anakin was only because he thought her and Anakin were just really good friends – which they had been once, but now they were in a much deeper relationship.
"Yes" was Obi-Wan's simple reply. It was only one word, but it sent shock waves through Padme and she had to try so hard to stop herself from screaming. She bit her tongue and waited for more.
"Anakin and I were sent to settle some disputes on a small planet called Exar. The natives of Exar are very, very primitive, and they made it quite obvious that they did… not require our help. We were forced to… engage in battle with them. The natives may have been primitive, but they were amazingly advanced fighters. Maybe that is why the Council felt that Jedi were needed to try to settle their disputes. But… in battle… Anakin was… injured… and…" Obi-Wan looked at the floor, unable to go on.
She tried so hard, but Padme couldn't help the tears escaping her chocolate eyes. They started to roll down her cheeks as she stood there, praying that Obi-Wan would not say what she knew he was going to say next.
"Padme, I know how close you and Anakin are. I'm not sure I'll ever understand how close, but I know you two are closer than you let anyone else know-" Obi-Wan started to say, but Padme cut him off.
"We are…just friends" Padme began to insist, to lie, but Obi-Wan shook his head.
"I know that you two love each other. Very much" Obi-Wan said, and Padme looked at his face and she knew that he had always known, and that he wouldn't tell anyone, at all, that her and Anakin's secret would remain safe.
"Yes" she whispered, tears still running down her cheeks. She didn't wipe them away, she was frozen. She knew that the next thing Obi-Wan was going to say was going to send her world crashing down around her, destroy the purpose for her existence, and she steeled herself for it, trying to make herself as strong as she possibly could.
"Padme" Obi-Wan began in a low voice. Padme didn't move an inch. "Padme, Anakin was injured on Exar, and he was injured very badly. We tried everything but… Anakin… didn't make it. I'm so sorry"
Padme didn't hear Obi-Wan apologise. She didn't hear anything after those four horrible words 'Anakin didn't make it'. She didn't hear because the screaming in her head was too loud, so loud that it blocked out everything. The screaming was so loud that it was too loud to stay inside of her and it burst out of her mouth and filled the entire apartment with it's sound. It was so loud that she was disoriented, and she didn't realize that she had fallen to the ground until she was being picked up by Obi-Wan and placed carefully on the sofa.
Her unexpected fall had made the screaming stop, but it hadn't made her forget why she had started the horrible screaming in the first place.
The pain Padme felt inside was so powerful she was sure it could knock all the walls in the apartment down. The tears streamed down her face so much she was sure she could fill up all the lakes on Naboo. The screaming returned inside her head louder than ever.
She couldn't believe what Obi-Wan had just told her. She was sure she had misheard him. Anakin couldn't be gone! No! Of course not! Anakin was always going to come back to her, like he always did. Like he always said he would. He would come back to her soon, like always, Padme was sure of it.
"I'm so sorry, Padme" Obi-Wan said quietly, as he put his arm around her as she sobbed desperately on the sofa beside him.
"No" Padme sobbed. "No, he's coming back!"
Obi-Wan looked as though he would cry, if it were not an inappropriate thing for a Jedi to do. "I'm sorry, but he's… gone"
"NO!" Padme yelled, and she got up off the sofa and ran into her bedroom, crying deeply.
She threw herself onto the bed and just let the pain consume her.
Anakin, her husband, the man she loved so much she couldn't even describe how deeply, the reason she lived, her soulmate, the one who thought she was an Angel and made her feel more safe and loved than she had ever felt in her whole life… was gone? For good? Forever?
It was just incomprehensible to Padme. She just wouldn't believe it. It was too horrible.
After she had sobbed alone for a while, Padme realized that Obi-Wan was still out in the living room. She didn't think it was possible for her to feel worse that she already did, but she felt bad for leaving him out there and knew that he must be grieving too.
To Obi-Wan, Anakin was his son, his brother, and his best friend all at the same time. She knew that he wouldn't be able to lose him either. She knew he would be hurting as well.
She tried to wipe the last of her tears away and concentrated on finding the strength to get out of bed.
She pushed all the thoughts of her husband that were swirling around inside her head like a plague of locusts to the back of her mind, well tried to at least, and tried to compose herself as she walked out into the living room to meet Obi-Wan.
He was sitting on the sofa and his expression hadn't changed much. Padme went quietly to sit beside him. He turned to her and saw her tear streaked face. He nodded.
"I should probably leave, Padme. There are… things to be taken care of. And besides, you need some… time" Obi-Wan said somberly.
"Okay" was all she could muster.
Obi-Wan nodded again and got up to leave. But he stopped when Padme put her hand on his shoulder. "Obi-Wan stop. Don't go… not yet at least" Padme asked. "I'm sorry. I know how you must feel"
Obi-Wan sat down again next to her and gave her a small smile.
"I know how close you and Anakin were, Obi-Wan. I know how hard this must be for you" Padme said quietly.
Obi-Wan sighed. "Yes. I never expected this"
"Neither did I" Padme stopped and took a deep breath. Obi-Wan knew how she and Anakin felt about each other; she supposed he should know the whole truth, about their three year marriage. "Obi-Wan, Anakin and I…well we are…married"
Obi-Wan reacted differently to the way she had expected. Instead of scolding, he smiled, a bigger smile than she had seen for the whole duration of his visit. "I thought so"
Padme was shocked, but still ultimately pleased. She had been dying to tell someone about her secret, and the relief she felt managed to take away a tiny bit of her pain, just for a second. She reveled in that, for the short second it lasted.
"I knew, I guess. Anakin changed, changed for the better. I could never work out what caused that change… and all along, it was you" Obi-Wan said in a quiet voice, looking at Padme.
"Three years" Padme blurted. "Three years"
Obi-Wan nodded. "Since that time on Naboo?"
"Yes. We…we… fell in love" Padme said, her voice barely a whisper as her mind brought back those beautiful memories of her and Anakin's time together on Naboo – time they would never again have. She clung to the memories, hoping, praying, that if she thought about them hard enough she could somehow make them real again, somehow bring him to life, to her side.
And then the tears came again. Gentle, diamond tears, streaming effortlessly down her porcelain cheeks. She didn't wipe them away, instead she let them fall into her lap, making little stains on her skirts.
Silence filled the apartment. Neither Padme nor Obi-Wan dared to break it. Anakin would have, if he had been there. He would have made a joke or some other playful remark, and both Padme and Obi-Wan would have laughed. Padme thought about all the times Anakin had playfully teased her, and how she always pretended, just pretended, to be annoyed with him. And then he would kiss her, gentle and full of love, over and over, until he was satisfied that she had forgiven him.
If he had been there, he would have held her in his arms, close as could be to him, and wiped away her tears, stroked her hair, kissed her cheeks, told her that he loved her, and that everything would be alright.
But now, everything was different.
The galaxy had lost a hero.
The Jedi had lost a Chosen One.
Obi-Wan had lost a brother.
And, Padme had lost her husband.
And in turn, had lost her reason to live.
How could everything be all right now? How could it ever be right again?
The End
I hope you liked my new story. Yeah I know, it was kinda depressing, but its just what I felt like writing at the moment. Please review it and tell me what you think of it. I love to hear from you :D