It always started with a slight tapping sound.
It was a quiet tap—as though tiny stones were being thrown up against the window. In all truth, that was exactly the case.
The scene—as it resembled something from the theater moreso than reality—was set as such: A dark street with low fog creeping about; flickering street lamps, with moths buzzing around them; dilapidated houses sitting ominously; a thin and dark boy shifting minutely, as he tossed pence-sized stones upwards; the stones knocking against a window pane; a light flickering on in the window, a warm glow casting out into the chilly summer night; and lastly, a beautiful near-saintly face appearing, framed by flowing red locks.
What followed the angel's appearance had little variance as well: The window would swing open; the girl would whisper something down to the boy; the boy would say something back; the girl would disappear briefly, before the front door would swing open; she would beckon him in, and he would follow; they would make their way to the room from which the beautiful girl had come; she would ask him questions, to which he would say very little; the girl would then gently tend to the boy (for he was more often than not injured, when he 'visited). On occasion, other happenstances would occur, such as the passing of food from the girl to the boy—though this was rare (he was a rather prideful boy, and he felt that coming to the girl was enough degradation alone).
After the boy was mended, he would hastilly leave, a small word of thanks on his tongue.
It happened everytime; it was always the same.
Until the light never came on.
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"Lily!" Severus Snape whispered loudly, trying to get his friend's attention.
'Although,' he internally mused, 'we aren't exactly friends anymore, are we?'
He shook his head, attempting to rid his mind of those depressing thoughts—not that the action had the desired effect. If anything, the slight jostle did little more than increase his rather atrocious migraine.
"Lily, please!" he tried again, flicking the pebbles at her window. Briefly, he allowed himself to believe that she was merely at a friend's house (though she had no Muggle friends, and most of her friends from Hogwarts lived farther South), before he sighed in defeat.
For years, he had been 'visiting' Lily, in the dead of night, and he quite enjoyed the visits (not that the circumstances in which these 'visits' occurred could be considered anywhere near desirable). He and Lily had been great friends, and her kind soul had made her very willing to help him.
'Not that I ever needed help, or even need help now,' he amended. 'She's just so...great. She helps me escape for a while.'
When Lily had first become aware of his 'situation', she had immediately insisted upon these visits (when necessary, or course). Severus had been reluctant, but had eventually conceded; later, he was thankful for that moment of weakness.
So for years (too many for Severus to remember, especially in his current state) he had been sneaking out of his own eerie house, and making his way to Lily's, for her (quote on quote) "Counseling sessions".
The first time he had came to her, HE had had to comfort HER, she had gotten so worked up. It had been a little scratch on his cheek, and it hardly hurt, but Lily had started crying and hugging onto him for dear life. Severus had had to put his hand over her mouth, so her fit of melodrama didn't wake up her sister in the next room.
'Perhaps she's sick...What if she is sick? Too sick to get out of bed! And I'm just worried about myself! What if something is seriously wrong?!' Severus's pulse picked up speed, as he gave one last shot at flinging the pebbles at the girl's window.
Nothing.
Severus bit his lip, trying to ignore the real reason she wasn't answering his pleas.
'I...I know I messed up...but is she just going to let my one little mistake define our friendship?' Of course, it had been more than 'one little mistake' that caused Lily to break off all ties: She had been quite clear as to the real reason she hated him.
'She doesn't like who I hang out with.' Severus allowed a sneer to plant itself on his too-bitter-for-his-age face. 'Well what did she expect? Me to just sit by myself all the time? It's not exactly like all the Houses are together twenty-four/seven. So naturally I started hanging about boys my own age in my own House.'
He growled, suddenly angry. "You are such a hypocrite! You tell me I can't be friends with some guys because they are "bad influences", but look who you are around! Potter, Black...all of them!" Severus glared at the window, wishing nothing more for the light behind it to flicker on.
Nothing.
Severus rubbed his arm, where several round red marks stood put against his pale skin.
"This isn't worth it," he muttered, before walking away.
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A week or so later, Severus had returned to the house, and was standing in the exact same place he had earlier that summer. However, he hardly looked the same.
The teen's right eye was swollen, along with his cheek. A few claw-like marks marred the cheek as well. But despite these grotesque changes, something else was different: Severus seemed all-around darker.
He tilted his head back, looking at the window with his one good eye. That eye was terrifying; it possessed such a hungry, animalistic quality about it, that it would scare nearly anyone who tried to get close to him off.
"Lily," he whispered, barely audible.
He remembered when they were in Muggle elementary school, how she would always give half of her lunch to him, since it was obvious he didn't get much at home. The teachers noticed, perhaps, though it wasn't in their power to do anything about his 'situation'. Therefore, they often allowed Lily to spoil him. Petunia had sure been jealous.
At the thought of 'Tuney's' pouty face, Severus almost smiled. Almost.
Instead, he growled, "Lily. Look at me."
The window remained closed.
"LOOK AT ME!"
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Severus finally visited a month after that incident. He had been trying to stay away—it was obvious that these visits did more harm (emotionally, anyway) than good. However, this time he was truly afraid, and he needed to be at this house that had been his sanctuary for years.
The sun hadn't even set yet, as he dragged himself down the cracked sidewalk. He vaguely wondered why no one ever mentioned his 'situation', or offered to help...but then he remembered where he was.
Cokeworth was a town full of lost souls—a halfway house between the lowly lives it's inhabitants lived and hell. Truly, there was not one house that wasn't haunted by demons (be them current or past). The streets constantly reeked of smoke and alcohol, along with a few other smells Severus would rather not consider.
Somehow, the Evans family had found themselves here. Severus wasn't sure how, and he wasn't one to openly pry...but it was truly of no consequence; the fact that such a nice family had unofficially taken him in was enough to make his young and stone heart flutter with joy.
Mrs. Evans and Mr. Evans were the perfect parents, in his eyes (granted, his own were nothing to brag about) and Lily was his beautiful angelic flower.
Petunia, however...well, she was very selfish and constantly jealous of one person or another (including himself, which he did not understand at all). In all truth, Severus felt jelous of HER! Petunia was the one with the nice family, the good food and clothes, and Lily. No matter how close Severus got to the family, he would never truly have any of that.
Severus let out a yelp, as he was brought out of his musings. He had put too much weight on his injured ankle, causing it to twinge painfully. The teen gritted his teeth, forcing himself to breath through his nose.
'Almost there,' he urged himself foreward. Sure enough, the Evans' brick house (identical to every other on the street) came into view.
By then, night had fallen and with it Severus's will to survive.
"Lily," he whispered, though it sounded more like a ghostly moan.
'Perhaps that's all that I am anymore: A ghost, a shadow of what I used to be,' he mused.
He truly looked the part: Gone was the wild glint in his eye, and the dangerous dip of his hair. Severus was pale and gaunt, his dark eyes lacking any life, whatsoever.
'If she doesn't help me tonight...I don't think I will be able to carry on much longer...' Severus was quite aware of how dramatic that sounded, but the fact was quite simple: If he didn't get some form of help, he would die.
"Lily...Lily I know you hate me, but I need you!" Severus spoke loud—louder than usual. He was desperate.
The window remained dark.
Severus looked around at the houses around him. Everyone in those houses could hear him—they always could. He knew this, and if he would have felt better, he would have yelled and banged on their doors and windows as well; why did those people think themselves above him?!
The teen brushed his hair from his eyes—one of which was blackened, yet again—before bowing his head.
"After all this time, you turn me away!" he suddenly shouted, dark eyes shining darker. "You said you'd always be there for me..."
A light came on, though not the one he wanted.
Severus froze—too baffled to move away—as the window swung open. A pinched face framed by wispy blond hair appeared, light spilling around the girl's thin form.
"Snape!" Petunia hissed, as she tied her robe tighter around her waist. "What are you doing here?!"
Severus glared up at the girl. "It doesn't concern you."
Petunia crossed her arms across her chest, huffing. "Well it concerns me now, seeing as you woke me up. What are you doing, shouting around in the middle of the night?"
Severus dipped his head, letting his greasy hair curtain his face. "I was shouting for Lily."
"Oh," Petunia laughed, bitterly. "She doesn't want to talk to you."
Severus sneered, turning to leave. "Obviously."
"What DID you SAY to her? She has been pouting all summer, and it has been VERY annoying."
'She's not the only thing,' he thought, limping to the sidewalk.
"Oi! Wait a minute!" the blond hissed, as she left the window. Severus sighed heavily, ignoring her. However, when the front door opened, he glanced back, slightly curious.
Petunia glared at him, again adjusting her saggy robe. Unlike Lily who always possessed a certain grace and beauty about her, Petunia constantly looked as though she was trying too hard. But now—when she wasn't trying at all—her appearance was positively ghastly. Granted, Severus shouldn't be thinking that way, given his own state.
"What were you doing just then? Do you still do those nighttime visits you used to when we were kids?"
Severus glared at her through his greasy hair. "As I said earlier, this doesn't concern you."
"And as I said earlier, you woke me up, so now it does."
"Bull shit."
Petunia gasped, not expecting the curse word. "Don't use that vulgar language!"
Severus chuckled, though it was unlike any sound he had ever uttered. It sounded so cold, yet it also clearly showed how far he had fallen—how not-only the darkness of the night was drifting around him. Petunia recoiled slightly.
Severus spoke around the gargling laughter. "Vulgar language? Look where we live, Tuney. If you can honestly tell me that you haven't heard that word before, then you obviously need to see a doctor for your stupidity."
At that, Severus turned again to leave. He didn't want to have to fight the "ladies of the night" that would come out in a little bit, so he wanted to hurry.
However, a bony hand grabbed his shoulder. Severus turned to glare, but was caught off guard.
The expression on Petunia's face was an odd one—one he had certainly never seen on her before. Her face seemed to have become even more pinched, and her nose was scrunched up rather oddly. It was her eyes though, that forced Severus to stay put; perhaps it was curiosity, or maybe some form of hope—the teen was not sure.
"It occurs to me that I'm not the only one who needs a doctor."
Severus broke out of his stupor, and soon out of the girl's grasp as well. "Why don't you be a good little girl and go back home."
Petunia tilted her chin up, defiantly. "You can't tell me what to do!"
"I just did," he said back, limping down the sidewalk.
Petunia sputtered for a moment, before shrilly shouting, "But I won't listen!"
Severus shrugged, making him appear even more lopsided than the hurt foot already did. "Do what you want. Won't be my fault that you get taken by one of the drunkards 'round here."
And then Petunia was at his side. "You look horrible."
"You always look horrible."
Petunia's hand grabbed his upper arm, causing him to wince. "You know what I mean." She frowned, as he struggled to pry off her hand. "What happened to you anyway?"
Severus's eyes suddenly lit up—a vicious flare jumping from the black depths. He jerked his arm quickly, causing the blond to fall on her bum.
He looked like something out of a fairytale book: A monster. His hair was flying madly about him, the loose clothing torn and worn thin, the blood-thirsty eyes... For the first time in her life, Petunia was scared of the "scrawny Snape boy".
At Petunia's quivering lip, Severus finally allowed calm to overtake him once more. He left Petunia on the ground, limping towards his 'home'.
"...As if you don't know," he finally replied to the girl's inquiry.
She climbed to her feet, attempting to dust off the filth clinging to her robe and pajamas. "What do you mean?"
Severus stopped, turning to face her straight on. However, his face was blank. "Are you truly that daft, or are you just playing dumb to pick up the boys?"
Petunia glared. "I am not daft!"
"Bull shit. How could you not know?"
"Not know WHAT?"
Severus chuckled bitterly. "You are so incredibly stupid. Look around you; everyone has problems here. Hannah Clare is a pregnant prostitute, the Beilschmidts used to be Nazis, Iggy Smith is a drug dealer, Marv Williams a pedophile...look around you. This town is full of the damned! Everyone here is dead on the inside! How the hell your family ever ended up here is beyond me..."
Petunia took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. Of course she knew all those things—everyone did. But...the Snape boy? Sure he was a weird freak, but he always seemed so...strong. As if nothing could break him. He seemed different from the low-lives that crawled on their bellies about the town.
But now...with his darkened eyes and beaten body...it suddenly occurred to her that he and the other people weren't so different...
That he and her weren't so different.
"You've been broken."
Petunia immediately regretted her words, when Severus shot his ice-cold glare at her. "I've never been fixed. How could something already broken be broken even more?"
Petunia's hand twitched, before she made a daring decision.
She grabbed his hand, and started dragging him back to her house. She was both surprised and not that he gave little resistance.
"What are you doing?" he demanded.
"I honestly have no idea."
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Severus found Petunia's room atrocious. Used to the plain grays and browns of his own home, the girl's bright green walls seemed obnoxiously bright. Her floors were bare, cepting for a fading rug that was spread out across the wood. There was not a lot a furniture, but everything was ridiculously clean; nothing was out in the open, except for the girl's cheap record player.
So in conclusion, it took all of Severus's willpower not to dart from the room, and from the house...
'Or maybe not out of the house...but over to the next room...' he allowed himself to daydream.
However, he was jolted out of his half-awake state when Petunia snuck back into the room, a small white box under her arm.
"Mum and Dad are asleep, and I think Lily is too..." she said quietly, opening up the kit, and removing it's contents. "We can still talk, but we have to keep it down."
"Where are you hurt?" she questioned. However, when Severus remained silent, she turned to glare at him.
"Giving me the silent treatment will only hurt you in the long run."
Severus flipped his hair from his eyes, so he could level a glare of his own. "Just give me the kit, and I'll take care of myself."
Petunia rolled her eyes. "No. I'll take care of it. Now where are you hurt?"
Severus crossed his arms defiantly. "I, can take care of myself."
"Well you weren't exactly doing a good job earlier, what with how you were dragging that sprain all over town. Come on, just tell me." She reached for the ankle, since she knew that was definitely a problem area. Severus growled, yanking it away.
"What's your problem? I'm only trying to help!" Petunia exclaimed.
Severus made a sound similar to something a feral dog would make. Petunia's eyes suddenly hardened.
"Oh, I know what this is about. You're okay with HER tending to you, but NOT anyone else!" Petunia huffed, flinging her arms in the air. Severus's eye twitched. "Honestly! SHE ISN'T THAT GREAT!" Petunia stressed, somehow retaining her quiet tone.
"Don't say that about her!" Severus snapped. "She's twice the girl you'll ever be."
At that, a horrible grin spread across the blond's face. "Oh, well isn't that the story of my life! It's always "Lily this," and "Lily that"; "Why isn't Petunia as good as Lily? Why isn't Petunia as pretty as Lily? Why why WHY?!" Petunia fell back on the spring mattress beside Severus, a hand fluttering over her eyes melodramatically.
The boy rolled his eyes. "You're always complaining about how bad you've got it. You're so oblivious to the real world!"
Petunia laughed bitterly, sounding strangely similar to the black-haired boy. "It's like you to think that. But I know about the "real world" Severus Snape! As much as you!"
Both Petunia and Severus were breathing heavy, glaring at each other. Finally, however, Petunia broke the stare-off. She stood, walking over to the record player, and firing it up. Severus's eyebrows knitted together—even more so when he saw her surreptitiously raise a hand to her face, and swipe something away.
Petunia moved the needle to the edge of the record that was already on, and let it go. There was a bit of quiet crackling, before a song started playing softly.
~Goodbye to you, my trusted friend~
~We've known each other, since we were nine or ten~
~Together we've climbed hills and trees~
~Learned of love and ABCs~
~Skinned out hearts and skinned our knees~
Petunia turned slowly, as the song played, picking up the white box. The minute the first few chords had struck, Severus had bowed his head—the song was horribly maudlin, and horribly similar to...well, himself...
Petunia kneeled in front of Severus, and started wrapping his ankle.
He gave no resistance.
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The rest of the night was uneventful, in all truth. Petunia did the best she could, trying to put Severus back together—physically at least; it was fairly obvious that his mental and emotional condition was too big of a challenge for a teenage girl—who had emotional issues of her own—to handle.
They didn't talk—not really. Petunia didn't inquire further about Severus's state: It appeared that she had totally figured it out. Severus didn't fight Petunia's ministrations (though that was probably due to the fact that he was exhausted beyond imagination).
Petunia gave Severus some food, and let him sleep for a bit.
However, right before sunset, she was walking him outside.
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"Why do you still like her?" Petunia said her first words in hours. Severus—still bleary-eyed from his short rest—looked at her, confused.
"Lily. Why do you still like her how you do?"
"She was my friend," he replied slowly. "I suppose that will always be there."
"But she continuously turned you away this summer, when you needed her most!" Severus didn't question how Petunia knew that he had visited other times this summer. "And how she will probably act cold to you from now on!"
Severus shrugged, walking down the dusty sidewalk.
"She's a quitter. She quit on you. Everyone thinks of her as a Saint—you included—but she's not. She's just as human as you or me..." Petunia whispered, though she somehow knew Severus could hear.
"Or anyone else in this town."
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A/N This has been bugging me for months.
It is my headcanon that Severus comes to Lily's house during the night to take a break from the abuse his family lays on him. So I was wondering, what happened after their fifth year quarrel?
This, I suppose...
I know these characterizations may seem OOC to some, but this is how I picture them.
I also hate it how Lily is always potrayed as a "Saint" in everyone's eyes. Don't get me wrong, I like Lily, but she's not perfect.
Also, that song that Petunia played is called "Seasons in the Sun". It's from the seventies, and the words...well, let's just say that I think of it as Severus's theme song. That's why it is also the title. XD
Anyway, thank you for reading and please review!