The new and improved castle flies through the air, majestically cutting through cloud and blue sky alike. Sophie tears her eyes from the passing scenery to gaze deeply into Howl's loving gaze.

Without changing his cocky pose, Howl leans in possessively to claim Sophie's lips for his own. Her response is eager and tender as they share true love's kiss, a kiss that transports their hearts even higher than the stars.

The music of their love crescendos, and ...

"CUT! That's a wrap, people!"

The gooey sweet smiles instantly fell from the actors' faces as they separated, three feet of air suddenly between them.

Heedless of the congratulatory clapping, the actress sauntered towards the director. "I'm the Best Actress EVER!" she said in a triumphant tone. "Really, Tom, I'm a saint. A verifiable, one-of-a-kind saint for putting up with Mr. Arrogant over there!"

"Hey!" James, who played Howl, shouted from the harem of women who flocked to him between takes.

Laura smirked. "Brilliant comeback, neanderthal."

Frustrated, Tom threw his hands in the air. "Laura! You've been saying the same thing through this whole film. Can't you just get over it already?"

"Get over it? Are you kidding?" Laura asked with a cocked eyebrow. "But wait, I shouldn't question the great Director Tom. I mean, just look at your genius in casting. You couldn't have picked a person more like Howl - the heartless variety, that is."

"I actually agree with Laura," James yelled as he broke from his group and confronted her. "Tom's a great caster. After all, you're just like Sophie. The old Sophie, that is. Crotchety, venomous, and completely unattractive!"

Laura's cheeks puffed out and her face turned a delightfully bright shade of red. "Why, you ... "

"ENOUGH!" Tom bellowed.

Laura and James froze in amazement. Even after a year of filming, they had never heard such anger and power in his tone.

"You two are ridiculous, do you know that? You're both tolerable when not within a mile radius of the other, but put you together ..." he sighed heavily. "I can take your bickering, but your fans can't. People don't want to separate the actor from the character ... they want to believe in love."

James looked confused. "Are you saying that we kill love?"

Laura rolled her eyes. "Idiot. He's saying that if we want to boost our ratings, we need to get our public act together."

James' expression morphed to one of horror. "I have to pretend I like her in public, too? That's like ... all the time."

The director glared at the two. "Fine. Then here are your new orders: STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!"

The two actors nodded happily.

"Until opening night," Tom continued. "But on opening night, you better look like the most lovey-dovey couple in the world!"

Their faces fell.

"That's gonna be the worst night ever," James whispered to Laura.

"Seriously," she muttered back.

"No protests," Tom said, glaring at them. "Sell your relationship, sell the film. Got it?"

James and Laura glared determinedly at the ground.

"UNDERSTAND?" the director shouted.

A stony silence stretched over the whole set. It was cracked by a quiet hmph from Laura.

"Well of course I understand you, Tom," she said with a slight toss of her silver locks. "I've acted this whole movie, and I can act on opening night. It's the Vanity Fair over there you gotta worry about."

"Oh don't worry about me," James said over his shoulder. He reached out and grabbed a passing actress. "Now if you'll excuse us, Lettie and I were just leaving."

The blond actress blushed a pleasing shade of petal pink as she giggled nervously. "Umm, actually," she said softly, "my real name is Veronica. And I have plans alrea..."

"Naturally, naturally, darling! Now what do you say? Shall we dine at Fabio's? I have a delightful corner booth reserved just for us," James muttered in his sultry voice, stretching out the last word.

"Ooohhhhh," the women on the set sighed in jealousy.

"Ohhhh! How romantic!" Laura mocked as she fanned her hand over her face. "Too bad that Prince Justin here," Laura pulled the actor out from a passing crowd, "is so much more romantic than you, James. You could never compete."

'Justin' blushed as he stuttered, "A-a-actually, the name's Charles. Remember? I told you so last year, and ..."

"Right, right! Sure, honey. Shall we go?"

With noses in the air, James and Laura majestically stormed from the set, dragging their reluctant dates behind them.

Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's Moving Castle, and I have no knowledge of how actual behind-the-scenes filming works.