I shouldn't have done this but I did. I posted another story ( waaaaah I'm sorry I just couldn't help it!)

I'm in a serious Boku No Hero phase right now. And My fave character is by far definitely Bakugou and his Baku squad. Which meant I'm a shameless BakuDeku shipper. It didn't take long for me to blitz through all the BakuDeku fics on AO3 and desperately search for some here on . My desperation reached the point of no return and i just searched for fics where Bakugou wasn't demoralized to a shallow bully or abusive asshole. He's a complex character and any of you readers familiar with my Teen Wolf fic Keeper's Keep or Disney x G.o.T : Big Four in Westeros ( found on AO3) will know how much I love complex characters.

I've got some half-assed ideas for other BNHA fics on my laptop, but thanks to TWO specific fanfics, my inspiration for this story really pushed me to publish it.

So y'all can thank Authorship (He's the evil Twin, Okay?) and Tsume Yuki (Picking up Steam) for their god blessed brains and BNHA SELF INSERT OC FANFICTIONS.

10/10 demand everyone check them out because it is glorious.

I'm pretty sure you can find them on Ao3 [same as me] under the same usernames as well.

Anyway, enjoy this prologue because the next chapter will hopefully be out in 2 weeks max.

BNHA: F*CK MY LIFE!

Prologue: Contemplate.

There comes a time in every man's life, where he simply must ask why?

Why him?

What did he do in this life or his last that brought him here?

Seriously, what the hell did he do?

Who'd he piss off?

His luck couldn't possibly be this shitty.

Still the reality of his situation was staring him straight in the face. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't pissing himself with fear. It's obvious by the glint in those beautiful- WILDLY INSANE but still beautiful- eyes what the outcome was going to be. He had no hope of getting out of this and if he was to be honest….. He wasn't sure if he wanted to.

"Jonathan- please."

It was a last ditch attempt, his voice garbled and shaky due to the fear pulsing throughout his body. He didn't recognize the sound of his own voice and most of him had already accepted the truth.

He wouldn't be leaving this roof top alive.

"No no, this is a good thing my love. I promise. This world! It doesn't deserve you. I promise in the next world you'll be happy."

Jonathan, his lover, partner, the man he had been so sure was his destined soulmate from the universe, smiled at him with earnest belief. The wet sensation of his cheeks barely registered as he stared at the man he'd long given his heart. Perhaps that was a good thing though, as he barely felt any sense of betrayal. All he could feel was acceptance because- because- because….. Jonathan loved him more than he could ever understand.

And even now, with the knife in his hands, and that look in his eyes.

He knew it was love driving his lover to do this.

How insane is that?

How fucking messed is his life that he can sympathize and UNDERSTAND his sick lover's motives.

How the fuck can he just accept he was going to die- just because he understood his soon to be Killer's motives.

"You don't have to do this!"

Though the words sounded so earnest and hopeful, only he knew how empty they were.

He was going to die.

Jonathan was going to kill him.

There was no doubt about it.

But still it must be that survival instinct every human is supposed to have finally kicking in. Where the fuck was it when he was being lead to his death? Why the fuck didn't it warn him that first day he met Jonathan? Where the fuck was his survival instinct then?

"I know. I know I don't but if I don't this world will swallow you alive."

He should back away, or flinch heck he should not be this fucking calm! But he doesn't, he stays still almost leaning into the hand that reaches out for his cheek. The fact it takes effort for him to not lean into the touch is the real freaky shit about this whole situation.

"Jonathan, you're sick."

It's the truth and it tastes like copper on his tongue.

There's a minute where everything seems to pause. Neither of them moves, it's almost as if time has stopped. Not in the romantic sense- it was far from romantic- more in suspense. That bit in a horror movie where you know some spooky shit is going to pop up and make you scream. Regardless, he can't help but feel hope. What he's hoping for- he's not sure, but the feeling is there.

He shouldn't have felt it though.

After all he was a 25 year old pessimist and well look where it's gotten him!?

Can you seriously blame a guy?

This whole fucking thing just confirms every pessimistic thought he's ever had.

What's the use of being an optimist now!?

"I know I am. It was those pills! The pills were poisoning me! I had to stop- had TO!"

The desperately earnest confession causes his stomach to drop. It's the final nail to his metaphorical soon to be real coffin. Jonathan had stopped taking his meds.

Shit.

Fuck.

He was going to die.

The reality of it all settles itself in his chest- his gut- fuck his whole self.

The tears on his face fall faster and his trembling uncontrollable. He think's maybe he should just try a little more- stall for time, someone must have noticed something, surely. He knows there are supposed to be security camera's up here.

Surely, help was on the way.

Certainly someone was going to come to his rescue.

Jonathan is moving closer and- How the fuck can he still look so beautiful!? It's unfair, so tragically unfair and fuck you universe for making this the end to his life story. The instinctive bodily knowledge of 'danger' over powered any wants to move closer to his love. Instead some subconscious force had him backing closer to the edge every step Jonathan took forward.

"Please."

The knife in his hand twitches and he sees Jonathan cry. The 4 years they'd spent together- The history between him, urges him to get closer- to embrace him. It's his heart that tells him to step closer and comfort him because- LOOK AT HIS EYES! Jonathan is crying and what kind of shitty boyfriend are you!? Why aren't you comforting him!?

"Jona-"

"Stop! Just- stop. I k-know how this looks. I-I know what this means, but I can't-"

He can feel the fear in his blood pulsing wildly, his chest heaves frantically because it knows what's coming. He doesn't know why, but he forces himself to commit every second to memory. He forces himself to stare straight into the eyes of the man he planned to propose to later that evening. He tells himself he needs to verbally voice his last words. Screams in his head for his mouth to open and spew all the ways he loves him. Yet nothing comes out.

Jonathan comes to a stop and he's got the knife in his hand angled. The ledge of the building digs into his back. He should fucking move- he knows he should but he can't.

He will never know why he didn't fucking move.

He will repeatedly live this moment in his head trying to figure out why.

He would wonder if it was overwhelming fear or his infinite love that held him in place.

Most of all he will hear those words sobbed with broken desire.

"I can't let this world destroy you."

"Jonathan?"

"I love you."

The thrust of that steel pointed tip hurt less than those whispered three words. The world fell silent and swirled to a single pin point. All he could see were the tears in his lover's eyes and the trapped sanity that screamed within its caged depths. Then slowly the world came alive and sound returned to his ears. It didn't matter anymore none of it, because he was already falling.

He'd like to think he managed one last smile before he [was pushed] fell.

He wants to believe that Jonathan- his lover, murderer, soulmate- had understood his silent message. He desperately clung to the hope that Jonathan knew he'd forgiven him the moment that blade pierced his flesh.

As he fell, he could only watch as the blue sky seemed endless and the buildings blurred into motion. He wondered if the knife in his chest would kill him before he'd reach the bottom. He had 28 floors to think about this and by the 14th floor he concluded it didn't matter.

Though he didn't scream as he fell, when his body met the ground he had one last thought.

'Fuck My Life!'

Don't be shy, tell me what you think xD

hopefully I set the mood right.