The Afterlife is a mansion. A huge mansion. Everybody who has died goes there, the good, and the bad. The land that accompanies this mansion, the backyard, if you will, is similarly huge. There are many activities such as tennis, whitewater rafting, horseback riding, and golf, just to name a few. Inside, among the rooms for the spirits, are studies where there are other activities, such as chess, billiards, and others. The wizards are used to the same luxuries they got with magic, and the muggles get those luxuries, even if they believe its just a feature of the afterlife. Nobody can kill, maim, or seriously injure one another, and everybody gets their full conscience back, so the especially bad tend to stay in their rooms and not socialize for fear of meeting their victims. Everybody is happy. Usually.
On this occasion, a redheaded woman, looking to be in her early 20s is pacing in her room.
"James, I can't believe he would do this to our child! She was rude to you at our wedding! Our wedding James! She's always hated me ever since I got my letter and started hanging out with Severus."
"I wish you wouldn't talk about Snivellus." Said her companion, a bespectacled young man with black hair of about her age.
"James, I'm sure he's changed, look how remorseful he was when he found us."
"Lils, he cried over your body while our son looked on. I wouldn't count on it."
"And then Dumbledore doesn't stand up for Sirius and leaves our son with that… that… bitch! It's gonna be horrible I know it!"
Sure enough, young Harry did not have an easy life growing up. But grow up he did. And he got his Hogwarts letter. He was whisked away from his abusive relatives. To witches and wizards, and magical beasts. To goblins, ghosts, and magical feasts. To spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. He was sorted into Gryffindor along with the one friend he made on the train, Ron. And it was magical.
In the afterlife, the redhead was looking down at her son with pride. "Look, James. He made it into Gryffindor, just like us. I'm so proud." And they were. They were very happy. Until their son got to potions class. Headed by one Severus Snape.
"Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"
"That's way to high a level potion for him! No first year would be expected to know that!" Lily was outraged.
"Clearly fame isn't everything… Is it… Potter?"
"This is bullying! He is bullying my son! Oh if I could get my hands on him!"
James was too afraid of his wife's wrath to say, "I told you so."
When Sirius died, Harry cried. And so did parents, because their son had lost the person that he went to for advice.
But when he got to the afterlife, he found not only Lily and James waiting for him, thanking him for looking after Harry, and James making sure he was okay like the mother hen he was, but also Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, the people he had come to think of as his mother and father.
The population the afterlife who knew James and Sirius when they were alive, or those who heard rumors, collectively shuddered, for James Potter and Sirius Black were back together to raise hell, and Remus Lupin was not there with a leash.
Harry was devastated when Snape killed Dumbledore. His mentor. But James, on the other hand, was vindictively gleeful. When Dumbledore got to that magnificent mansion, and walked into the huge foyer, it was dark. He had died at night, after all. One light turned on as he walked past it. Sitting in the chair was none other than James Potter.
"Dumbledore, come have a seat." He was wearing a smile similar to the one Lily would get when she was about to hex him or Sirius.
"James, my boy. Wh-"
"I'm not your boy Dumbledore."
"Jam-"
"You left Harry with child abusers. They abused him, they didn't feed him. You could have avoided this. Given his to Sirius, like we asked IN OUR WILL."
"Sirius was sent to prison."
"Without a trial. You knew Pettigrew was the secret keeper. There was no reason to not have a trial."
Sirius poked his head from behind the couch. "James I'm fine."
"No you're not. You were traumatized from prison and from forced house arrest that YOU, Dumbledore, put him under. As supreme Mugwump, you should have been able to do something about a trial. And as for Harry, you should have at least left him with somebody who would have loved him. Like, oh I don't know, Molly?"
"Molly already had seven children-"
"So another one wouldn't have made that much of a difference! He was already on solid food! She could've been given money from our vault to assist with taking care of Harry! And don't give me any bullshit about blood wards."
And on and on. At the end of the night, Dumbledore was Humbledored. And traumatized.
A year later, Severus Snape was killed by Nagini, and it was one of the happiest days of Lily's afterlife. She was waiting for him in the foyer.
"Severus." She said gently, walking toward him with outstretched arms.
"Li-" And she slapped him across the face."
"HOW DARE YOU TREAT MY SON LIKE THAT! IF YOU TRULY LOVED ME YOU WOULD HAVE WATCHED OVER HIM! TOLD HIM ABOUT ME, BECAUSE ALL HE GOT FROM MY SISTER WAS HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME AND JAMES, AND EVEN YOU!"
"Lily-"
She slapped him again. "NO SEVERUS! YOU MAY HAVE HATED JAMES, BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO TREAT HIS SON THE WAY YOU DID. TO TREAT FRANK AND ALICE'S SON THE WAY YOU DID!"
And Lily Potter née Evans issued the greatest beatdown since the Meteor vs. The Dinosaurs.
When Remus arrived, he was greeted by his family, James, Sirius, and Lily. But there were so many others. People he didn't know. All these people were here to greet him? Lily seemed to sense his confusion and gave him a hug. She whispered in his ear. "They're all glad you're here so you could deal with James and Sirius' mischief." That made a lot more sense. He suddenly felt a pull.
"Oh, somebody is summoning us again." James and Lily took each other's hand and disappeared. Sirius looked at Remus.
"You feel it, too" Remus nodded. Sirius took his hand and the mansion disappeared. They reappeared in the forest. Standing in front of them was Harry. He smiled at them, they smiled back. He was about to make the ultimate sacrifice for those he loved. They loved him for it.
Thanks for reading! I wrote this after a conversation with my roommate about the royal beatdown that Lily must have given Snape when he reached the afterlife.