I can't remember if I cried.
I didn't know if I still had faith.
The day I read it in the papers, those headlines shot like a bullet as if it were my turn to meet them and the rest of the dead. Those bastards, all three of them. Now, you'd best believe I'd never have said that to their faces but...
"They're dead, along with the rest of the passengers."
"And that's so easy for you to say, isn't it?"
"Ms. Nishikino I-"
"ISN'T IT?!"
Damn, get your hands off his suit! What was with that anyway? Shiny lapels tailored to perfection, dressed to the nines when those fools were never going to try it for themselves.
"Niko...Niko is..."
"She's gone Miss...my condolences all around. If this hadn't happened I'd never dare be the bearer of bad news-"
"Shut up. Just shut up."
Shoving him away, my knees gave way. The floors are too shiny, why had I begged her to wax them? Why would anyone want to see such a face...my face, hair matted and crying a river while a pool of snot bolts free. Honoka...she would've panicked and asked all the questions the world had to offer, Rin would've told a joke after rubbing my back. Niko...
"Ahh...ahh no,no no no no..."
Is this...my voice? This gravely, sore thing?
"Ma'm, the telephone is ringing. Shall I get for you?"
A groan, did that really come from me? My lungs, my chest, since when was breathing so painful? His footsteps are all the response I'll get, the receiver poking into my vision, just like Niko and her teasing pranks.
"For you, Ma'm."
"Maki? Maki?! Can you hear me? Are you there?"
"Eli..."
"Maki, I'm so sorry...you heard didn't you?"
Take a breath, count to five...
One
"Maki?"
Two
"Elicchi...don't pressure her."
Three
"You're right...Jesus what are we gonna do?"
Four
"What we can."
Five
"Guys...I...please just leave me for a bit."
Silence, a pause. Then that familiar motherly voice crackles into the mouthpiece.
"Maki, it's Nozomi. We understand. Elicchi...she's, well you can imagine."
"Yeah...yeah I can."
"It's, it's the same for me."
Nozomi, how long had it been since her voice bit down tears?
"I...promise I'll come over soon. Tell her not to worry, ok?"
"Alright."
The bloodcurdling wails in the background are enough to make a heart stop twice.
"I'll leave you now, Maki. It's finally hitting."
"Take care, Nozomi."
A click and her voice is no more. It must've been the same for Niko when that plane dived. One blink and that was it.
"Right?"
"Ma'm?"
"H-Huh? Oh...please, please leave."
"But-"
"I'm not going to say it again!"
"Y-Yes."
Slapping a man, now I've done it. But, as the door closes behind him, I'm sure she would've done the same.
"Wouldn't you? Yeah you would have, you would've..."
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why, why?! The thud and vibrations of my fist on ground hit before the pain shocks. But who cares? I can still feel, she can't. They can't. They never will.
"Never again."
This vase, this vase we picked out together, who the fuck cares if it's whole? She's never gonna bring it up to me again is she? Let it break! Let my hands tear and destroy, and while I'm at it, fuck the couch, she'll never sit there again! So what if it's ripped? The TV, the stupid flatscreen, we'll never see a movie together, so do away with that obnoxiously wide screen, this silverware she'll never eat with, dump it out the window! The plates, the glasses, the pans, fuck it all. My throat, this scream will end my talent, not like she'll ever ask me to sing. The yelling phone, that must be Umi, Hanayo, Kotori. Ah...what did their cries matter now? My feet, when did I trade them for cement blocks? The grand piano, with its shit eating grin. The glare of the lights, it's surface reflects them to glow like a sun. Her little hands, hands she always doubted could please me, they had scraped a rag over it till it shined, she'd shook her head and kept going at my snapping tongue. Insisting that I play when she was finished. Even if it risked sleeping on the couch she'd-
"Oh god..."
Another round of tears, they don't know when to stop do they?
"Heh...see what you've done to me, Niko-chan. Just look at this."
The keys, smooth. Just like her face. A note. It's dull. Ugly.
"Can't you see? I know you can, you're probably thinking of me."
My fingers have shaken like that jet, my heart melds with her crashing plane, falling, falling...
"NIKO!"
If I listen hard enough, maybe her keys will jingle in the lock.
Maybe...
Never...
Another note, then another, and another! Disgusting, it's as dead as her mangled body. I hope...I hope at least her eyes were closed.
Then she could just be sleeping.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
"If it were all a dream."
A final, revolting gurgle from the piano.
Ah.
"Look at that...the music's died."
A/N: Inspired by Don McLean's "American Pie" which was a tribute to Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper. All three died in a plane crash February 3rd 1959. This was particularly hard to finish even as the words came easily to me. I hope you enjoyed.