A/N: Just a tad of a warning that this fic contains eating disorders, depression, self harm, and lots of feels! You always know when a fanfic author is doing ''''''''''just fine'''''''''
Also I started writing this a year ago and just now finished it lol
Matt walked down the hall quietly, trying not to wake anyone up. The only light came from under Edd's bedroom door, his destination. Knocking on the wood slightly, the ginger waited a moment for any indication that he could come in. When he got none, Matt slid the door open himself. Edd was curled up on his bed, with his earbuds in staring at the laptop in his lap. Matt sat on the end of the bed and tapped his friends foot, which was poking out from under the fluffy green blanket. Jumping, the brown haired boy looked from the screen to Matt.
He took his earbuds out and smiled a little. He didn't look like he meant it. Matt held up a can in his hand. "Edd? I brought you a cola." he set the can next to his friend and looked at Edd's hands. They were shaking, and pale. He could see the veins on them and his knuckles were a little red. Frowning, Matt turned his attention back to Edd's face.
"T- thanks…" Edd opened the can and took a sip before setting it on the bedside table, which was unusually tidy for him. A pack of Orbit Strawberry and a picture frame were the only things on top of it.
There was a silence before Matt took in a deep breath. "Actually, Edd, I've been meaning to talk to you about something that's been troubling Tom and I for a while…" The freckled man looked up and smiled a little. It slowly faltered at the sight of Edd's tired face. Putting his hand on his knee, Matt made sure he had total eye contact before continuing. "You see… we're worried about your eating habits. It's been awhile since we've seen you eating something, and… well I know you say you've had dinner without us or you haven't been feeling well but when you do eat
you disappear for hours! We just want to make sure you're okay." his throat tightened when he finished. He was worried about his friend.
Edd was silent, staring at the hand on his knee. He shuffled a little until Matt slid it away before looking up and smiling. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've just been a little sick that's all." He chuckled and then put his headphones back in.
Matt took that as his cue to leave and stood up, giving one final smile before leaving the room. He walked over to Tom's room on the other end of the hall. A soft strumming sound came from the other end of the door, as well as low singing. Matt stood there for a moment, listening to the sweet music before knocking. The music abruptly stopped and a low 'Come in' could be heard. Matt slid into the bedroom and sat on the bean bag chair by the door. It was dark, and smelled like alcohol, chemicals, and sweat, but for some reason he liked it in there.
"He's not opening up. What'd you find?" He crossed his arms with a sigh. Tom was perched on the edge of his bed adjusting his bass. He shrugged, eyelids drooping and face blank. Matt had no clue what he was thinking. Tom was like that, barely expressive.
"Nothing. If he's taking something, my bets are on it being in the bedroom. That's where I hide my shit." Tom mumbled, setting Susan down to lean on the bed. He popped his knuckles and reached for his necklace. Matt never really understood why he had it, or needed it, but Tom said it was helpful, so he let it be. Tom put the small black gem shaped plastic in his mouth and grinded on it, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He seemed to be thinking of something hard, a rare sight to see, so Matt let him be and thought himself.
If Edd was on drugs, what could they even be? Edd didn't seem like the type to get into shady deals, Matt would know. They'd been living together for so long. If anyone was gonna experiment, it was Tom. Maybe there was nothing to worry about? He started chewing on the skin around his fingernails. They sat there quietly thinking for a few more minutes before Tom hit the bedspread with his fist. "Web history." He had a look of triumph and pride on his face, something Matt knew from the smirk plastered across it.
Matt looked up and released his finger. "What?"
"I just found out Edd doesn't know how to hide his web history or use incognito tabs… By the way that guy is into some KINKY shit. Anyways, knowing Edd he's looked whatever's going on up." Tom shrugged and flopped onto his back. "At least, that's what I would do."
"So you propose we wait until we get his laptop and we snoop?" Matt nibbled on his finger some more. "That might actually work. One problem. When does Edd leave his laptop alone?"
Tom sat back up and opened his bedside table, if you could call it that. Unlike Edd and Matt's, the thing was covered in random bullshit. An empty pretzel bag, a can of coke, a LOT of Smirnoff bottles, a pair of boxers, distastefully colored white and black checkerboard. There was a miscellaneous lighter that Matt decided not to question. Tom pulled his flask out from underneath some MORE random bullshit and took a large gulp. "We'll just send him to the store or something…"
Matt made a small grunt in agreement and stretched. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed. See you in the morning, Tom."
"Later." Tom went back to rummaging through his drawers.
Matt stood in the kitchen, flipping pancakes and humming to himself. Edd wandered in and opened the fridge, but instead of pulling out a cola, the short brown haired male got the water filter jug thing (that's the technical term). He poured a glass and put the water away, grabbing some ice from the freezer and taking a drink. Matt watched him from the corner of his eyes. Edd was standing in his hoodie, which hadn't been washed in god knows how long, and a pair of grey sweatpants. He was tired, that was obvious, and he was staring at his feet. Matt smiled and nudged his roomate with his toe.
Edd jumped and looked up. "H- hey Matt!"
Matt chuckled and flipped the pancake. A bit of chocolate stuck to the spatula and he wiped it off with his finger to lick it. "Hey there sleepy head. Want a pancake? I'm making Tom's right now!"
Edd thought for a moment before nodding. "S- sure, but I'm taking it to my room. I have work to do."
Matt grinned. "Alright! There we go." He put the current pancake on a plate and buttered it. Tom wasn't a fan of syrup unless there was alcohol in it. Edd went and sat at the kitchen table. "Tooom! You're pancake is ready!"
A loud groan came from the hallway before Tom walked out of his room. He looked tired (as usual), and his hair was a disheveled mess. Matt handed him the plate and patted him on the back. He got started on Edd's pancake, leaning on the edge of the counter and smiling faintly at his friends. Edd finished his water and got another glass, whilst Tom was scarfing down his food.
Matt finished the pancake and handed it to Edd, who mumbled a thanks and went to his room. Starting his own, Matt looked at Tom and sighed. "He isn't doing well."
"No shit." Tom put his plate next to the sink and stood next to Matt. They stood in silence, Tom leaning on the counter island and chewing on his necklace. There was a flush from upstairs and Matt finished his own breakfast. He ate slowly, staring at the floor. His mind started to run through all the different possibilities. Edd was showing a lot of symptoms of anorexia, something Matt knew a thing or two about, but he wasn't really self loathing. Maybe Matt was just overthinking it? Or maybe he just wanted to deny it and pretend Edd was just sick. He looked back at Tom and spoke up.
"I'll take him on a walk, you go through his room. Deal?" Tom nodded and went back up to his room. Matt finished his meal, rinsed him and Tom's plates, and went to go talk to Edd. Faint music was coming from Edd's room, with words he couldn't make out. The singer's voice was too soft and quiet, but it clearly wasn't Edd. He rapped on the door with his knuckles. Since when did he always close his door anyways?
"C- come in?" Matt furrowed his brow. Since when had his friend had a stutter either? He gingerly opened the door and leaned on the doorframe.
"Let's go on a walk. It's a nice day out and you need a break." He smiled a half-moon smirk.
Edd nodded slightly and got up, putting his sneakers on and following Matt out of the house. Matt called to Tom, "We're leaving!" he got a grunt back. Chuckling, they left. Edd seemed to be staring a hole in the back of his head, but Matt ignored it. He felt eyes travel all over his body. He flushed a bit. "Enjoying the show?" He turned around and smirked at his friend.
"N- no no no I was just… Well you don't wear that shirt often and-" Matt laughed and waved Edd along.
"I'm kidding. Who wouldn't check me out, I'm fabulous!" He chuckles. Edd walked next to him, falling behind a little. They were walking in the direction of the park, rambling about things like animals and cartoons. It was about 15 minutes when Edd stopped walking for a moment to let out some breath. Matt stopped with him and watched worriedly as he didn't move. After a moment he shook it off and they kept walking, but Matt couldn't help but be worried.
It wasn't long before Edd passed out. Matt looked back to see him teetering a little. Thinking fast, the ginger ran over and wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulders, bending over and picking him up bridal style. Panicking, he carried Edd back to the house. Fortunately, he exercised regularly. Had he been Tom, Edd would have hit the pavement. He wasn't really sure what to do, so he knocked on the door a few times with his foot until Tom came and opened it.
"Jesus fuck what happened to him?" Tom moved aside and stared at the man in his arms. Matt shrugged and walked briskly to Edd's room, setting him on his bed and staring at him.
"I'm not sure. He just passed out when we were walking…" Matt swallowed. He was worried his suspicions from earlier were right, and he REALLY didn't want them to be.
Tom put a hand on his shoulder. "Well… I have some things you might want to see." He waved Matt after him. The freckled man followed him to his own room, where some things were sitting on his messy bed, Edd's laptop among them. Matt sat back in the bean bag as Tom brought the stuff over to him.
He handed him a small green bottle that was half empty. Matt stared at it for a moment before mumbling. "Weight loss pills…" His eyes pricked with tears that threatened to fall.
Tom nodded and then handed him the laptop. It was open to the google web history. Hands shaking, Matt scrolled through it. There was everything, from thinspo to calorie counts and tips on how to vomit. He pushed the laptop away, bile rising in his throat. Tom put a hand on his leg. "Matt? You okay buddy?"
Matt shook his head and buried his face in his hands. "I saw the signs. I should have known oh god it was so OBVIOUS!" He was shaking, trying to sink into his hoodie. It was so clear that Edd had an ED. He's seen them before firsthand. It was so clear to the naked eye but of course he was too wrapped up in pretending it was okay to realize. He sniffled. If Edd was anything like him, though… "Go get his phone," He looked at Tom, whom had a raised eyebrow "Please just go get it now." He wrapped his arms around himself, crying faintly. The other man left and after a few seconds Tom's shuffling footsteps alerted him to his return.
Handing the device to him, Matt turned it on. He wasn't expecting a password, Edd had never had one before. He typed in some random words before trying names. Eventually he was out of ideas, and chances, and just typed in Tord. And boom, he was in. Frantically going through pages and folders, he looked at all the apps until he found it.
"I knew it…" his hands were shaking so much that he dropped the phone on the floor, the screen glowing and almost staring at him. He was trying to form words, but nothing was coming and the tears were starting to pour down his fast in a fast, swift downpour. Tom stood by the bed, watching with a blank slate before picking the phone up and looking.
It was a fasting app. The timer was set to a week, and from the looks of it, Edd hadn't eaten in days. Tom sighed and set in on his bed before kneeling by the bean bag and wrapping his arms around Matt. "It's okay Matt. We'll… We'll…" For once Tom seemed to be out of words. He wasn't sure what to do. Matt swallowed his tears.
"We need to get him to a hospital. If you-" his voice cracked. "If you don't eat for over 36 hours your body starts eating at it's organs, meaning he's at risk of a heart attack. We need to take him to the hospital. We need to get him a therapist, too. Tom he could die." Matt was gripping his friend's hoodie, bawling. They sat there for a few mintues, crying. Matt felt some tears seep through his hoodie, meaning Tom was crying silently over his shoulder.
After what felt like forever with his head buried in the crook of Tom's neck, crying, he heard the door creak. Head snapping up, Matt chocked back a gross sob.
Edd stood there, looking confused and tired. When Matt really noticed it he saw the tiny wrists and the thin face. He should have noticed before. The brown haired man had always been a little chubby, and Matt had thought it was cute, but he'd never really payed attention.
"G- guys, what hap-" he stopped talking when he saw his phone on the ground, and his laptop and pills next to it. Matt and Tom looked at eachother with guilty faces.
"Edd…" before matt could say anything the other boy ran into the room and snatched his items into his arms, his face having gone from confusion to anger.
"You went through my stuff. That's why you asked me to go on that walk! H- how could you?" Matt felt as if a billion knives had just stabbed him in the heart. He opened his mouth to speak but Tom beat him to the punch.
"Edd we had too. You're literally killing yourself," He stood up and crossed his arms, staring at Edd.
Matt stood up next to him, wiping his face on his sleeve. "Edd you need help-"
"I don't need anything! You don't know what I need!" the shorter of the three lashed out, tears running down his face.
"You could die!" Matt was crying too, his face twisting into a mix between anger and sorrow. "You could literally end up killing yourself for what? To be thinner? What would it get you, being skinny?"
Edd was silent, staring at Matt and Tom with an unreadable expression before sagging his shoulders. Tears fell onto the carpet and left little dark circles. "I don't know…"
Matt's face fell and he slowly walked over to Edd, gently gripping his shoulder and leading him to his room. Tom followed behind the slowly, chewing on his necklace. The two boys sat on Edd's bed while Tom stood in the doorway. After a moment of silence, Matt took the pills from Edd's hand and set them next to the gum on the bedside table. He put the computer and phone on the bed and gripped Edd's hands with his.
"We're gonna help you change and then go to the hospital, okay? You're at risk of a heart attack or some sort of organ failing. We're gonna get you help, too." He squeezed Edd's hands. "All Tom and I want is for you to get better."
Edd nodded slowly as a few tears dropped onto his lap. "Okay…"
"Do you think you can…?" Edd shook his head sadly, and Matt nodded, getting up to get him a new shirt and sweatpants. He helped his friend, whose hands were shaking, take off his hoodie while Tom got the car started. Edd looked shyly at the ground when his hoodie was off, and Matt took it all in. Edd was unhealthily skinny, with ribs and hipbones jutting out and covered in a thin layer of pale flesh. Worse yet, he had etches in his skin, scattered across his arms. Matt frowned sadly and handed Edd a short sleeved black shirt that hung loosely over his malnourished frame and slid off his shoulder.
The man then slid off his sweatpants and Matt bit his lip, seeing the scars on his thin legs. He helped Edd into the sweatpants and led him out to the car. The sun was setting on the horizon and it washed everything in a sheer pink color. Tom stood by their car with some fruit snacks and a water bottle.
They helped Edd into the car while Matt took the wheel, looking back to make sure Tom and Edd were buckled in. He pulled out of the driveway and they drove in silence, Edd drinking the water slowly and staring at his feet. After about five minutes, Tom spoke up and tried to quietly get Edd to eat some fruit snacks. After a bit of adamantly refusing, he saw the pleading look in Matt's eyes from the mirror and nodded, taking the tiny packet in his hands.
Shakily he opened it and took a little cherry out. He put it in his mouth and chewed slowly, his stomach making a little growl. Swallowing, he looked at Tom with a pained half smile. Tom just nodded and encouraged him to eat more.
Matt pulled into the emergency drop-off and got out of the car to help Edd. Tom took the car to go park it while the two friends went inside. The freckled man talked to the receptionist while Edd leaned on him, shaking from the cold. Matt put his hand on the other's shoulder as Tom walked back in holding the water.
Matt rubbed Edd's arm sadly. "Don't worry buddy, you're gonna be okay." Tom and Matt made eye contact, and the two of them hugged Edd, sighing.
Edd put his hands on Tom's shoulders and buried his face in his neck, tears trickling down his face. Matt rubbed his back. "I sure hope so…" He mumbled.
A/N: WHEW! That was… and experience. Yknow this whole thing reminds me of something my LA teacher said once about The Outsiders. "Authors will always write about what worries them or scares them, even if they don't mean too." And heck she's right! AnYwAYS I hope you liked it… if you can even like this sad thing. I know this isn't very good but whatever. Maybe I'll make another chapter once I'm done writing Coffee and CH two of Matt is gay for PaRappa a lot? Who knows? Not me! Review with your thoughts and feelings I guess? Byee!