On the Inside

Do you ever have those times you just break down, want it to end, but it won't? What is there to live for? Nobody will miss you. Nobody at all.
That's life for Raivis Galante. He puts up a facade for everyone, though it was useless. Everyone knew he was hurting. Nobody cared. Not his family, not his peers... He had no one. No one to turn to for help. Yet everyone seemed to turn to him when they needed it. He acted like he was okay with it. He helped them with their troubles, held them close when it would help. Why did no one do that for him?
It would all be over at the pull of the trigger. The cold metal chilled him as it was pressed to the underside of his chin, angled precisely, ever so precisely. Guaranteed to hit its mark. Violet eyes fluttered shut as he thought about it. A weak smile formed on his lips. It seemed almost too easy, ending it this way. He wondered how long it would be before someone noticed he was gone. Days? Weeks? Months, even? An almost silent chuckle founds its way into the air surrounding him. At the pull of this trigger, he would be over with, left for someone to find. As he moved his finger to switch the safety of the rifle off, he was tackled back onto his bed.
"Raivis, no!" He opened his eyes to see a familiar, freckle-faced redhead sitting on his stomach. Ardan, his closest friend. "Raivis, don't do it! Please!" His Irish accent rang clear in his choked out words. It seemed he was crying.
"Why not?" Raivis inquired, almost silently. "Nobody will miss me. Nobody cares enough to," There was silence for around four seconds, maybe five. Then he heard it, barely a whisper. "I'll miss you. I care. Please don't do it, Raivis... Please..."
Ardan took the gun from Raivis's shaking, ivory coloured hand and placed it on the wooden bedside table. Once he was sure it wouldn't be grabbed for, he pulled his Latvian friend into a tight embrace.
"I love you, Raivis. You're my best friend. Why do you want to do it? What's your reason for wanting to die?" He murmured into the blond teen's chest.
"... I'm always the one giving help. I never get help. Do you know how hard that is, being a support without getting support? It's like a tree growing in loose, crumbling soil. It may look strong, it may be there for you to use, but eventually it will break. It won't be able to take it anymore. Even something you take for granted needs something secure, or it will topple, and everything will be lost."
By now, Raivis was crying. His breath came in shallow gasps, and he allowed himself to be moved to his pillow. Ardan wiped the tears from the boy's cheeks and touched his lips to the cheek softly. A small, barely-there display of affection. Just that calmed Raivis down a large amount, now breathing deeper and quieter.
"I don't know how it feels, but I can imagine it. It seems so painful," Ardan climbed into bed next to him and covered them both up with the blankets. "So very painful. But you need to tell someone when you hurt. I'll be here for you. Always have been, and always will. Come to me when you're in a time of trouble. I'd give you my very soul, if it would make you happy."
Raivis couldn't find the words to say. He opted instead to rest his head on Ardan's chest and close his eyes. Ardan was so warm against him. Such a contrast from the bone-chilling metal he'd felt before. It was a comfort to him. He'd never known warmth in his life. It was always so frigid. Raivis found a yawn escape his lips as he slowly drifted to sleep.
Ardan watched his friend as he lie. He took in his true beauty. The shimmering blond hair that he knew never cooperated, the pale, enchanting skin mostly hidden under the maroon uniform he was so intent on wearing. He was gorgeous. But most of all, he gazed at his face. His perfect nose, his long, delicate, light eyelashes. His pink, plush lips, now upturned in a slight smile. As Ardan admired the gorgeous flawlessness of his friend, he couldn't help but wonder; would he still be so charming if Ardan couldn't help him? Would he still be beautiful if he did end up taking his own last breath?