Slateface
"I can't take it any more. I have to leave." Gasps surround me, and I know I'm making a huge scene.
"Slateface, you do realize that you promised to stay here forever?" I shrank a little at Yellowstar's rebuke, but I knew that I had to go. I couldn't stand Clan life anymore.
Clan life had so much pressure. Of course, outside life would be stressful too but it shouldn't be as bad. I just couldn't stand Clan life. I had to patrol every day, and when I forgot I didn't get to eat. I had to hunt every day, if I forgot I didn't get to eat. One time I didn't eat for a whole week because I kept forgetting. I understand punishment, but no food is pretty harsh.
Then there was wars. I found it hard to go on war when I was younger, but now that I had a mate the terror was multiplied a hundred-fold. I loved my mate, of course, and the thought of losing her was awful. I knew that I would be leaving her if I left the Clan, but it seemed worth it. Barely, but worth it.
"Also, Slateface, you will no longer be welcome here. If you leave now, be prepared to have a long life of harshness ahead of you. If you try to come back you will be fought off as an invader."
"I know, Yellowstar. And I'm sorry that I have to leave. I just can't take it! There's so much stress and responsibility! I can't do it right. I'd be a fool to stay." More gasps surrounded me, and I saw my mate coming up. I felt sorrow for Bristlenose. She didn't deserve my leaving her, but I would have to.
"Slateface, I won't be joining you. I'll still love you, but I can't leave the Clan."
She was trying to be civil, I could tell. She was trying to make sure the rest of the Clan didn't feel awkward. The way she stressed her "I" made it clear that she wasn't worried about hurting my feelings. "I know! I'm sorry. But I have to! I don't always eat here! I always feel like I'm messing up. I can never do everything I'm supposed to do, and I'm a failure. I'm a failure to you and a failure to our kits."
Bristlenose softened up a little when I mentioned the kits, but she was still obviously angry at me, and understandably so. "Slateface, don't worry about being a failure. Worry about being a father. Think about our kits. Our beautiful, lovely kits. They look up to you so much!"
"Bristlenose, my love! I wish I could, but I can't! I can't stay! I've been training to leave. It's impossible. I'll just accidentally hurt the Clan, or make a mistake and kill the kits. Or maybe-" I led her away to where we wouldn't be heard. "Maybe Yellowstar would decide punishing me for my mistakes wouldn't be enough. Maybe she would threaten the kits!"
Bristlenose pulled back as if I had swatted her. "YELLOWSTAR- Yellowstar, would never do that. She's fair and knows that your occasional slip-up isn't the kits' fault."
I recoiled as well. Bristlenose had never yelled at me like that before. I considered staying, for her sake and for the kits, but I knew it wouldn't work out. Even if I tried I would be guilt-ridden from this. And I had been telling the truth about training. I had been working on lone hunting a lot, and on making shelters. I even knew places where cobwebs were usually found, and some healing herbs and berries. The medicine cat didn't like me, so she had been plenty happy to help me learn enough to leave the Clan. "Bristlenose, I have to. I'm just pulling down the Clan."
Yellowstar found our hiding spot and chided me. "Of course you don't have to, you fool!" She was shrieking. She never shrieked, and I was scared. "Or you wouldn't! Now, you should. A cat who considers playing traitor shouldn't be here."
I knew she was right. I was leaving because I was dead weight and considering leaving made me even worse. I left the Clan, tail down, and walked to the old barn where Barley and Ravenpaw lived. Or, where I hoped they lived. I had heard a little about them. I cringed a little as cats hurled horrid names at me, but I knew I had to leave. As I reached the end of the territory I whispered good-bye. Goodbye to my friends, goodbye to my family. Good-bye to the world I knew.