im trying a new style of writing. dont know if i like it or not...do you?
"Now I'll relay this little bit
It happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night, she knocks on my door
She's drunk again and, looking to score
Now I know, I should say no, but
It's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem
When she's saying, oh that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying, oh that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess, I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah!" –Offspring, Self Esteem
It hurts. It always does and it always will. Yet you keep on doing the same damn thing, day in and day out. You're stupid, you know. You bring this upon yourself. There's no one else to blame but you. But, as she sits there in your bed, shivering under your touch, you think that maybe, just maybe, it's all worth it.
Truthfully? It's really not. But it's ok. Just keep telling yourself its ok.
And maybe it will be.
"Rei-chan."
You cringe. The sound of her voice is like wind chimes in a summer breeze. It nearly brings you to your knees, makes you choke on the spot.
"Rei-chan, are you alright?"
Ha, alright? What kind of question is that?! Its questions like these that make you think the blonde really has seeped into her brain. You glance up through slick bangs of black, eyes barely a slit.
Her face is flushed, lips swollen from your previous activities, hair askew. Her breath comes in ragged, uneven pants as she slowly comes down from the high you, just moments ago, threw her in. But her eyes…those beautiful, fathomless cerulean eyes hold such concern and worry that it makes your heart ache and you suddenly forget to breathe.
You fight the whimper in your throat, swallow hard, because you know, despite the love and tenderness in those eyes there's something else. It's barely noticeable but your years of being inseparable have trained you well. She may be able to hide it from the others, but not you. No. She can't hide from you. She has to know that, right?
Right.
Then why play dumb?
"Rei-chan, say—"
"Mina…" It comes out as a whisper but you know she hears it. You close your eyes once more and gently lay your forehead against hers.
For a moment there is silence. Her breathing has slowed and for a second you think that maybe she has fallen asleep. Then you remember you're talking about Minako, who won't rest until she has what she wants.
You hear a slight intake of breath and you open your eyes to see her licking her lips as she pulls back, eyes trained on you. She's going to ask again. God, please, don't have her ask again…
"Reiko please. You're scaring me." She's being serious now.
Reiko.
The name tears your heart open and you bite your tongue to keep from crying out in frustration and pain.
She's so beautiful, so proud, so incredibly wounded.
"Rei…I love you…please…"
She wants that perfect love but she thinks that she isn't deserving of it.
You look up at her once more, eyes glazed with unshed tears. You won't cry. Not in front of her.
She's a blessing and a curse.
You slip from under the sheets, from under her gaze, and slowly start to gather the clothes that were littered only hours before. She remains silent as you dress but you can feel the heat from her stare burning into your back. You slip your keys and cell phone into your pocket, wincing at the whimper from behind you.
"Mina." Your voice cracks.
"Rei..?"
"…tell Setsuna hello."
Your knuckles are white as you pull open the door and swallow back the bile rising in your throat. And it's only when you close the apartment door, listening to the blonde's cries do you finally break down yourself, collapsing into a pile of self-loathing.
I'm so sorry…
mina/sets seems to be as popular as rei/mina.
im a sad pup..