Disclaimers, notes, and junk: Not mine. Not making money off it. Actually the inspiration for this story cost me a small fortune, so if the owners of Warehouse 13 like it, feel free to pick up the tab for the co-pays. Spoilers for the first half of season two, or so. If you don't know about Artie's appendix, I'm gonna ruin that one for you, totally. To my readers, I sincerely apologize for the existence of this story. I just yesterday got pronounced as recovered from strep and pneumonia both, and I honestly don't even know what was in those little vials the nurses kept bringing me, but I had some really vivid chats with my muse for the past week and a half. This story came from those chats... I think, anyway. I'm not entirely sure on that one. I was going to send this to beta first, but I'm leaving town at the ungodly hour of sometime-before-noon tomorrow, so I didn't want to wait. So if anything's horribly wrong, let me know and I'll fix it.
Artie descended the stairs in a hurry, not breaking his gaze from Pete's likeness on the tiny screen in his hand, nor the nonstop stream of information he was sharing with the younger agents as he made his way across the room. Even when he finally noticed the empty chair in front of the computer, he merely hitched up slightly, turning his focus back to the mission at hand when he caught sight of a little movement in the overstuffed armchair across the room. Without a second thought, he grasped the mouse and continued scanning what little information Claudia had brought up on the screen. He frowned in frustration; this wasn't one of her better attempts at research.
"Claudia, why did you... Wikipedia has more information on Napoleon than this!" he groused in annoyance, finally turning to look squarely at his young assistant, curled up on the chair and half asleep already. "What's wrong?"
"Girl stuff," the redhead responded quietly, flapping one hand dismissively at her boss. She didn't have to open her eyes to know Artie had gotten even more flustered, flushing slightly as he turned his focus back to flooding poor Pete with more random information than one brain had any business containing. Claudia knew she should listen, interject... be useful somehow. But she just didn't care, she realized, unable to force her eyes to open or her brain to engage. She let Artie's soothing, if a little hyperactive, cadence wash over her as he did the job that he had become accustomed to doing with a companion. She couldn't see him glancing worriedly at her several times as he worked, but she wasn't surprised when Pete asked what was wrong.
"Nothing, Pete, Claudia's just... you know, I've got to call you back," Artie muttered, distracted, closing his farnsworth without another glance at his agents. He stood quietly for a moment and peered at the young woman. Girl stuff, hah. He wasn't sure what was wrong, but he knew that was a lie. The only thing he didn't know was how to approach her. For a second, his antisocial tendency kicked in and he turned back to the computer, but concern overwhelmed him, for the girl he'd come to look at as a daughter. Sucking up his nerve, he crossed the room in three steps and reached out to lay a hand on Claudia's cheek. Almost before his nerves registered anything, he jerked his hand back with a gasp. Claudia moaned her dislike as she turned to snuggle more fully into the chair cushions, while Artie stared at his hand. He could still feel the warmth of her skin, as if he'd gotten burned.
"You're sick," Artie said with a small degree of indignation at having discovered this information the hard way. Claudia merely grunted in response. Anything else would take too much effort. Artie raised one eyebrow, then grabbed the telephone to request a doctor visit for his young assistant. Privately, Claudia snickered to herself, wondering if he'd been just waiting for an opportunity to call Vanessa Calder for a visit. But if she were to be completely honest with herself, she felt immense relief just to know Artie had noticed her distress and called for help; this really did warrant Dr. Calder's expertise. She turned and pried one eye open a microscopic amount, just enough to smile gratefully toward Artie's blurry form, getting a worried sigh in response.
"Do you want to go lay on the couch upstairs, or just stay here?" he asked quietly. Claudia shook her head and gripped the chair with one hand. "Okay, stay... yeah. She'll be here in a few hours, she's trying to hurry." Artie cringed in empathy when Claudia whimpered. He knew the thought of a few hours' wait didn't please her, but at least he wasn't hauling her to the urgent care clinic in town to spend a few hours waiting in their miserable chairs and overly-chilled building. He turned back to his work, quickly losing all sense of time as he set aside his concern for the girl curled up in the corner, and focused on meeting Pete and Myka's needs. Claudia allowed the familiar sounds of Artie working soothe her to sleep, hoping against all reason that she would wake up feeling miraculously all better.
Claudia jolted awake when something grasped her wrist firmly, making her feel threatened and trapped. Her eyes flew open and she jerked back with a gasp, escaping her attacker's grip before bothering to evaluate the situation. When the room came into focus, she found herself nearly face to face with one Vanessa Calder, who was crouching in front of the chair.
"Sorry, Claudia, I didn't mean to startle you," the older woman said quietly, her gentle tone setting the teen at ease. Claudia nodded, giving her permission to go on. She glanced around until her eyes found Artie, watching from across the room as he pretended to work, looking prepared to morph instantly into a mother bear and tear the doctor to shreds if she even thought of harming his young apprentice. Knowing she was safe, that he wasn't allowing his affections for the pretty lady to interfere with the task of protecting Claudia, she let her eyes drift lazily back to the fingers that had again slid around her wrist to seek her pulse point.
Artie, for his part, stood quietly and held some papers in his hands as a prop, to pretend to be reading if the good doctor turned around to look at him. In reality, he was observing every detail of the way Vanessa interacted with Claudia, from the experienced hand feeling for swollen lymph nodes to the tender fingers brushing through a mop of red hair as the two talked. She would make a good mother for the young woman, he mused, then turned his eyes awkwardly to the file in his hand, wondering where on earth that thought had come from. Somewhere inside, of course, he knew that Claudia had become a non-negotiable part of his life, and that anybody else he allowed into his heart had to be acceptable to her, as well... and, in that same deep, dark somewhere, he knew that sort of permanence was what he sought in relationships, and the lack thereof in most marriages was a big part of why he'd thrown himself into his work and kept at bay everybody he ever might have loved. And, also in the mysterious depths, he'd known for years that this Vanessa might be worth letting go of that habit, just this once But Artie, entirely unprepared for the idea that he might allow a lady friend to become a permanent fixture in his life, shoved that right back to the depths from which it came.
"Sweetheart, does it hurt here?" he heard Vanessa ask, glancing up to see her prod gently at Claudia's cheeks and browbones, causing her young patient to wince in pain. Immediately, the papers were flung in the general direction of the table and Artie had crossed the room, only stopping when he was in striking distance. Vanessa, unable to miss his obvious distress, gave him a gentle smile. "Hey whoa, easy there, Dad, I'm done now, I just had to touch to be sure before I start prescribing."
"What's wrong with her?" he asked, his agitation somewhat reduced.
"Claudia had a cold, but instead of going away on its own as viruses tend to do, this one made a mess of her sinus cavities and allowed a bacterial infection to settle in. Antibiotics, steam vaporizer, and warm drinks, and she should be feeling better in the next day, maybe two at most, and back to her usual self in 3-4 days. Do you want me to stay with her while you run this prescription to the pharmacy?" She tried to hand the paper to Artie, who was too busy frowning in intense thought to notice.
"You had a cold?" he asked. "And you didn't tell me?" His young apprentice shrugged in reply.
"It's a cold, Artie," she grumbled. "I took a vitamin and a decongestant and went to bed early a couple nights."
"She did all the right things," Vanessa pitched in helpfully. "They just sometimes do this, especially with all the crud in the air as you've come into autumn around here. And she did just recently fly to Hartford and back... the altitude change may have aggravated her sinuses a little, at an already-vulnerable time."
"You had a cold, and you didn't tell me?" Artie repeated, raising one bushy eyebrow as he peered at Claudia. His irritation melted into a small smile when he heard her muttered apology. "Next time, tell me. I would have told you to go home and sleep it off for a day. Maybe it wouldn't have helped this, but... but I would have tried." Claudia nodded her acceptance of his request.
"You want to run to the pharmacy?" Vanessa tried again, and this time Artie noticed the paper in her hand. He took it gently, muttering as he grabbed his coat, before he lurched to a stop.
"You'll be okay with Va... with Dr. Calder, while I'm gone?" Claudia smiled slightly and nodded weakly. "You want... you should go upstairs. I'll... hang on," Artie muttered as he slipped back out of his coat and tossed it on the table. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around Claudia and pulled her up from the armchair, causing her to gasp in surprise and throw her arms around his neck. Once she was sure he wasn't going to drop her, though, her eyes drifted back closed, never noticing the way the doctor's eyes misted over as she watched the uncharacteristically tender way Artie handled his teenage employee. She'd called him "dad" earlier just to yank his chain, but clearly she'd been more accurate than she'd realized at the moment. And she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit there was something just a little attractive about a guy who had no problem arresting, bronzing, even shooting people, and yet could easily shift gears when faced with one sick, and no doubt very miserable, Claudia.
Vanessa followed, keeping a small distance behind as she knew Artie wasn't giving the slightest consideration to keeping Claudia's feet from bumping into her as they ascended the stairs and made their way to the sitting area. Once they got upstairs, she hurried ahead to grab the pillow she saw laying on a shelf and toss it on the sofa, doubling back to fetch the blanket that had been folded nearby so she could lay it over her patient once Artie got her settled into the cushions. She took a seat in the chair nearby and settled in for the expected hour or two that it would take him to get into town and fill the prescription.
"Do you need anything else while I'm in town?" Artie asked softly. "Ice cream, maybe?""
"Pop... stickles?" Claudia asked, frowning in confusion but clearly unable to figure out what had gone wrong, phonetically, with her answer. Artie laughed gently.
"Popsicles, I think I can manage that," he answered, supplying the word that escaped her mind at the moment. His hand drifted gently over the top of her head before he turned and left without another word, leaving Vanessa bemused by his odd blend of tenderness and complete social ineptitude.
The pair sat in relative silence as they waited, Vanessa curled up with a medical journal she'd been meaning to get to, while she glanced over at her sleeping charge every few minutes. No wonder Artie was worried. Claudia was practically the embodiment of hyperactivity. She'd never seen the girl so still. After about twenty minutes, she couldn't take the unnerving silence any longer. Vanessa put her magazine down and tipped out of her chair, easing herself onto her knees in front of the sofa.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" she asked softly. "What can I do for you?"
"Hurts," Claudia moaned quietly. "Kept waking me up all night, too." Vanessa sighed and sat back more fully onto her shins, thinking for a moment before she reached for her farnsworth. In short order, she had Artie's full attention... well, mostly full, since he was also trying to park the car, figure out what pocket he'd put the prescription paper into, and get untangled from his seatbelt.
"What's wrong?" he snapped, worry coming across as extreme irritation.
"We're fine," she answered just as quickly. "She's in a lot of pain, though, Artie. I didn't realize it's keeping her up nights. No wonder she's not getting better; a body needs rest. I'm going to call in a painkiller to go with that antibiotic, and go ahead and give her something right now, from my bag, is that all right?"
"Yeah, yeah... whatever you... go call them, so I can get out of here faster... people all over the place today." Without another word, the screen went dark, provoking a chuckle from the woman. She rummaged through her bag and handed a pill to Claudia, watching to be sure it got swallowed and not lost in the couch cushions before she made her way downstairs to send the second prescription in electronically.
It was getting on towards an hour and a half since Artie had left, and a good hour since Claudia had taken the painkiller she'd been given, when the younger woman rolled over on the sofa to make eye contact. Vanessa chuckled gently as she took in the girl's glassy-eyed, calm expression.
"Feeling a little less pain, are we?" she asked. Claudia nodded.
"Thank you," she said simply. Vanessa nodded in response, folding the page in her magazine and setting the closed periodical on her lap. "Are you gonna marry Artie?" Claudia suddenly asked, getting a surprised blink in response.
"Marry..? Well, he certainly hasn't asked," Vanessa answered timidly. Illness apparently did odd things to the warehouse's first junior agent, she mused.
"He should. Or you should. You can do that these days, you know."
"And why do you think I should ask?" Vanessa said, amused now, and curious as to what was going on in the girl's head.
"He likes you. You like him. You'd make a good mom. You already know about the artifacts. And then he wouldn't have to regrow his appendix and scare the hell out of us just to have an excuse to see you."
"Regrow his..." Vanessa was too shocked to even finish the question that she was dying to ask. Claudia simply nodded in response.
"P. T. Barnum's top. Regrows appendages, or... you know... whatever. You didn't know that's what he was up to?"
"I didn't know there was an artifact that regrows body parts," Vanessa answered truthfully. "And if it's in the warehouse, I'm betting it's too hazardous to, say, let the medical establishment use on amputees, so... I'm a little concerned that he's been using it at all." Claudia shook her head at that.
"It's mostly safe. Just has some... skeletons in its closet." Claudia fell quiet for a few moments, and Vanessa thought about opening her magazine again, but the girl seemed like she was thinking, so she waited patiently. "You could at least go to dinner with him tonight, you know... or have Leena make something. Tell him you want to stick around and be sure I'm doing all right, if you want. Lord knows Artie doesn't have the guts to do it... appendix regrowing... honestly, who's he think he's fooling with that one." Claudia shook her head with a chuckle. "I want you to stay for dinner," she finally said simply, before turning back over to snuggle into her pillow. Vanessa picked up her magazine again, but she didn't find it very intriguing any longer, for some reason, instead choosing to study the girl who was already drifting off to sleep. Suddenly she caught sight of the top, on the uppermost bookshelf in the corner. A slow grin spread across her face as she formulated a plan. She got up and retrieved the artifact from the shelf, setting it on the endtable next to her.
When she heard the door open downstairs, and Artie's footsteps on the stairwell, Vanessa set her magazine aside and picked up the top, in its container. She'd meant to do this with a straight face, but she couldn't help the smile that played across her lips as she watched Artie ascend into the room, then turned her gaze to the clear display case she was turning over and over in her hands. Artie watched silently, wondering why he suddenly felt as if he'd walked into the lions' den.
"You should really be careful with that," he finally said, breaking the silence. "It's an artifact."
"You should probably be careful with it, too," Vanessa replied, "since it tends to grow back internal organs without regard to the fact that the previous editions were removed for having a tendency to endanger your life." Artie shuffled in his place, then crossed the room to put down the pharmacy bag. Damn that child, he thought. He'd spent hours today, worrying about her well-being, torturing himself by tolerating the insanity in town, and she'd repaid him how? By telling Vanessa all of his secrets, apparently.
"And what else have you and Claudia been talking about?" he asked, not sure he wanted the answer, but it might as well all be out in the open now.
"Oh, not a lot. She came to a while back, but between the infection and the painkiller I gave her, I doubt she was thinking clearly."
"What did she talk about?" Artie repeated, more firmly this time even though he still couldn't quite bring himself to make eye contact with the good doctor.
"She informed me that it's acceptable, in these modern times, for a woman to propose marriage to a man," Vanessa began, laughing gently at the way Artie flushed and sputtered in shock at that. "And that it's completely reasonable for the woman to do the asking-out on a date."
"Oh, really?" Artie asked, his even tone being thwarted by the deepening flush spreading across his face and into his ears. Vanessa nodded with a mischievous grin. Tormenting her longtime colleague and friend was turning out to be more fun than she'd hoped.
"On a more serious note," she said, sensing the need to shift the conversation back to the practical, "there are some herbs I want her to be taking, that will help speed her recovery, and I'd like to head over to Leena's and make them into some soup, and a tea, that she can be given twice a day." The awkward conversation from a moment ago almost forgotten, Artie immediately began to mutter his agreement as he shoved Claudia's medications back into his jacket pocket, and leaned over to gather her up off the sofa. Leading the way downstairs, he loaded his passengers into the car and took them home.