One time there was a vampire, whose name was William Beckett. Although he could seduce virtually everyone he wanted to into a dark room or corner, he preferred not to drink human blood, and instead preyed on... cats. The cats he liked to suck were not regular cats, however, but were ZODIAC CATS, therefore making this story Fruits Basket related.
One particular night when William was mysteriously in Japan, Tohru happened to trip over her own feet and fall on Kyo at the exact moment William was two feet away from them.
"OH NOEZZZ!" Tohru yelled, picking up kitty cat Kyou and trying to shield him from William, "YOU SAW NOTHING!" she screamed at the singer. It took William a moment to realize that Tohru was lying; he HAD seen something! Gasp!
"Wasn't that orange haired boy just a person?" William asked, scratching his head and trying to ignore the bloodthirsty bloodthirst that was growing in his teeth.
"No, this is just my kitty, PETE," said Tohru.
William didn't believe her, however, and placed his hands on his hips, tapping his foot and whining "BUT... PETE IS NOT A KITTY NAME! PETE IS A BASSIST NAME!"
"I can play bass!" Kyo pointed out.
William let out a haute couture little gasp, "THAT KITTY JUST TALKED!" he screeched at Tohru. "He's a talking bassist," Tohru told him.
William scratched his head again--it was his anxious habit, "...Can I hold your kitty?" he asked, planning to eat it with some gravy. But Kyo chose that particular moment to turn back into Kyo again, right as Tohru was handing him to William!
"EHHH!" William screeched. Despite what Tohru may have thought, William showed no interest in the naked boy on the ground; he was just angry at being cheated out of a meal!
"TURN BACK INTO A KITTY," he demanded of Kyo, "I'M HUNGRY."
"NO!" Kyo said, and started running naked in the opposite direction and traumatizing small children all across Japan. William decided to follow Kyo across Japan, but got tired in the town of Osaka, so Kyo could escape since he ran all the way to the magical land of BAKABOTO. Kyo was so tired he forgot why he was standing naked in the middle of a magical fantasy world.
"HEYAHHH THERE!" a magical person named Elfy the Elfish Elf (Triple E for short) said to naked Kyo.
"WTF," Kyo responded.
"I'M TRIPLE E!" Triple E hollered again, "I OWN THE STRIP CLUB!"
"YOUR MOM OWNS THE STRIP CLUB," Kyo screamed before turning and attempting to run back to Japan.
"NOT SO FAST," A police officer AKA Rin yelled, jumping out from behind the doors of the strip club and pointing a water gun at dear Kyo, "YOU'RE NAKED! YOU BELONG HERE!"
Kyon froze with fear at the thought of being squirted to death by a stripping horse, but managed to say: "I'm not Kyo! I'm Pete, the bassist!"
Rin lowered her water gun, staring at naked Kyo with wide eyes: "Pete... Wentz?" she whispered.
"Yes!" Kyo said in his Wentziest voice. "Now can I please go back to Japan?"
Rin stared at him for a sec before walking back into the 'club and shouting "OMG PETE WENTZ IS NAKED ON TEH STREET!"
"PETE WENTZ IS NAKED ON TEH INTERNET TOO," someone pointed out, only to be squirted to death by Rin and her super squirt gun.
"OMG PETE WENTZ I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU" a random BAKABOTO-ian fan girl screamed, running up and hugging naked Kyo while William Beckett simultaneously caught up.
William looked everywhere, but all he could see was some Pete Wentz wannabe being mauled by a random fangirl.
"Hey Pete!" he called to his old buddy, when suddenly, the Pete Wentz wannabe turned into... A CAT!
"GASP!" William screeched. "WHEN DID PETE BECOME A CAT?" Kyo tried to sneak away in cat form, but since he was so small it made it harder for him to escape. William's eyes filled with tears as he stood over the wannabe Wentz and simultaneously remembered all his good memories with his buddy Pete and peeled onions.
William stood there and remembered the time that he and Pete had gone to see the movie Snakes on a Plane. He remembered all the good times they had getting drunk and doing idiotic things together. Well... Pete would be drunk, but William was ALWAYS stuck as the designated driver and therefore didn't get to have as much fun as Pete and the strippers did, but he had fun waiting in the car.
"I'LL SAVE YOU, PETE!" William yelled, diving into the crowd of Fall Out Boy fangirls and wrestling the cat from the ground into his arms. Luckily for Kyo, William was girly enough for him to remain a cat as long as he was holding him. William did some Matrix moves and eventually escape the crowd of horny fans, screaming "BACK OFF! HE'S MINEEEE!" He carried Kyo all the way back to Japan, where Tohru was waiting and smiling absently as if nothing had happened.
"I SAVED HIM!! I SAVED PETE!!" William hollered in Tohru's blank face, fighting back tears of pride. But the second he dropped Kyo on the ground, he turned back into a naked teenage not-Pete boy! "GASP!" William shrieked.
"...YOU SAW NOTHING!" Tohru shrieked, stepping in front of Kyo to shield his nakedness, infuriating Willy.
"I DID TOO SEE SOMETHING!" Willy Wonka screeched, jumping over Tohru with his mad ninja skillz and ending up sitting on Kyo's face.
"EWWWWWW!" Kyo screeched, not liking having the candy maker's ass on his face. Willy-am stood up delicately only to trip over his own feet and fall back on Kyo, who turned into a cat again because Willy-am is just that girly.
"CATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT," Willy-am and his bloodthirsty-ness hollered, picking up Kyou. "MINE!! ALL MINE!!" His teeth were inching slowly towards Kyo's neck when SUDDENLY...
"Hey guys," Pete Wentz--THE REAL ONE--said, randomly appearing out of nowhere. LE GASP!
"PETE!" William said is his most HAWT KA-CHURRR voice. "WHY AREN'T YOU A CAT?"
"...Why would I be a cat?" Pete smiled at his buddy, who was looking rather retarded, holding that cat to his mouth and whatnot. William was pissed! They had lied to him! Pete wasn't a cat, after all!
"I'M GONNA EATCHA!" he screamed at the kitty he was holding, his mouth touching the orange fur. Kyo closed his eyes, already planning how he was going to spend the rest of his life as a vampire.
"WAIT!!!!" Pete Wentz screamed, snatching Kyo out of William's hands, "WILLIAM! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CANNABALISM?"
"...You've never told me anything about cannibalism," William pointed out.
"You've never told me anything about cannibalism," Pete said in a mocking voice under his breath before looking back up at William. "Eating cats is wrong, Willy!"
"But if I don't, I have to suck on humans," William said, and Pete giggled like a little girl at the accidental sexual innuendo.
"As long as you don't suck their blood, that's just fine! Just not poor little kitties. Just remember what mama always said," Pete gazed off into a distance, remembering his mama.
"I've never met yo momma," William said, gazing off into the distance at his mama, who was waving at him from on top of a telephone pole.
"Yes you have! Remember, she's a crazy cat lady. Owns like, 30," Pete tried to refresh his memory.
"Is this one of yo' momma's cats?" William asked, holding Kyo above his head.
Pete Wentz shrugged because his mama had so many cats that he just didn't know anymore. "I think so," he lied.
William looked sadly at Kyo and said, "Well, maybe you should give him back to her. He's not mine to suck on."
"Good boy, Willy," Pete smiled and nodded, patting Willy's head as he took the cat. "Cats are friends. Not food."
William LOL'd at the Finding Nemo reference, then cried emo tears because he didn't have any cats to suck on anymore.
Then Kyo cried emo tears and joined the Pete Wentz fan cult because PETE WENTZ SAVED HIS LIFE!