Regina was one of those mothers that understood the importance of a tradition. She and Henry had all of those little things they would do together for the holidays, for her days off, even for when one of them came down with the flu (which, thankfully, wasn't that often). Regina always forgot about these things once Emma Swan came into the picture. She had never gotten into any of the things mother & son did. Sometimes she never understood them, but most of the time, she was just lonely that she was excluded from everything. Though, Emma couldn't blame the mayor. They hadn't been dating for that long, anyway. She understood that it was going to take a bit for her to be accepted into all of their plans and thoughts.
On this night, though, Emma had a rather nasty chip on her shoulder after she tried to get into Regina & Henry's bedtime reading routine, but was pushed away by the brunette, the door slammed in her face. She felt rather alone in this relationship that was meant for three. Emma thought the whole point of family was to do things together or have some semblance of satire to show for it, but this family established all of it before she entered it. It was in stone, and she was like a threatening disease.
She had kept all of her emotions in, until Regina had come out of that room. "He's all tucked in," the older woman said, shuffling her way down the grand staircase. She had a hitch of happiness in her voice. Henry had wanted one of her favourite stories to be read to him, so she had no trouble getting really into it. Regina spotted her girlfriend in the living room, staring into the fire that was blazing at the farthest wall. Her stance made her look like she was a statue.
Without turning to face the woman coming into the room, Emma let out a loud exhale. "Am I ever going to be included in anything in this house, Regina?" She tried to make the words sound hurtful, but they only came out in a whining fashion. The mayor merely laughed in reply.
"Emma, dear, Henry & I were together longer than you & I. We have things that we do together that I'd like to keep just between us. He is my son, after all. I feel like you are over-dramatizing this whole thing. This is what families do, you know," Regina crossed her arms over her chest, staying between the threshold of the living room and the foyer, not understand why Ms. Swan was so angry over nothing she found even a bit upsetting.
"No, I don't know. If you recall, I never had a family. And do not pull that bullshit. He's my son, too. He's more mine that yours. At least he's of my blood," Emma had finally turned, pushing her eyebrows together a little more to show that she was rather irate over this whole ordeal, but that didn't stop Regina from rolling her eyes in that ill-mannered fashion she always had. Emma continued anyway; "I just feel like I'm always the third wheel in this relationship. We should try to be a family and do family things for Henry. Not have you take him out for ice cream and you read to him and night & not me, too. Doesn't he feel any sadness over this? Or is this just your way of manipulating him into not loving me."
"You think I'm brainwashing him? For God sakes, Emma!" Regina threw her arms up like she was trying to throw something heavy in the blonde's direction, as if by magic. "That's just your Foster Care Blame Game acting up once again. We seem to have these types of arguments a lot. What you need to understand is: Henry and I had all we needed before you came along. I'm sorry you feel excluded, but that's just the way it is right now. Maybe if you were home more instead of at that damn station all the time, he'd want to let you in on some of the things we share." She hissed those words out like they were a personal attack. She hated that Emma cared more for her job than for her girlfriend and their son. Regina just wished she could burn that fucking station to the ground.
The sheriff laughed, not out of humor, but of annoyance, "I have people to arrest and forms that need worked on and missing children & pets to find! Not all of us have the luxury of working from home just like you. I want time with him, too."
"And you get it, dear." Regina was using that condescending tone. The tone that Emma loathed.
"Not like you. Not with you. It feels like we're not actually together. It's more like we're just living together and he splits his time between both of us. Though you get most of it. I get stuck sitting here watching TV all by myself because you need your precious bonding time with him. You've had him for eleven fucking years, Regina. When do I get my turn?" Emma tried to soften the volume of her voice so she didn't wake the boy, but it was a little too hard. She was so angry at this whole ordeal, it was getting absolutely ridiculous.
"Maybe this is like it is because you just don't play well with others. There must be a reason why all of those families gave you back. It's not always the parent's fault when they send the child back into the system. I'm sure you were no saint. You've never belonged anywhere long enough to have any kind of traditions. No one's ever wanted you long enough to make any." Her words felt like a sword cutting through the blonde's chest. Regina had regretted them the moment they crossed her lips, but she dare not take them back. She didn't want to seem vulnerable to an even worse attack.
"Fuck you," was all Emma could mutter, slamming her shoulder against Regina's as she left the room, going upstairs and into their bedroom, shutting the door loud enough that the mayor swore she could feel the house vibrate. This must mean that she had to sleep on the couch in her own house. She huffed at the thought.
Regina looked at the clock that hung on the wall above the fireplace. Three hours of tossing and turning landed her at two o'clock in the morning. She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. She couldn't forget that thing she said to the woman she claimed to love. It was heat of the moment; Regina never liked to be yelled at. Not after all she had to go through to get out of those exact behaviors from her mother and her "King". Her past. She couldn't say she didn't deserve it though. Nasty things were said. She didn't mean any of it, but she wasn't quick enough to apologize in the time that it happened. The hurt in Emma's eyes, the defeat, was all she could see when she closed her own.
She struggled internally with the thought of staying on the uncomfortable leather or trudging back upstairs to at least try the doorknob. Maybe Emma hadn't locked it. She had decided on the latter, pulling the hem of her night gown down from it's position on the upper half of her thigh. Regina climbed the stairs, slowly, careful not the wake Henry at least. She was hoping Emma would be up as well as she was.
She reached the landing, shivering a bit at the change of temperature on the second floor of her home. Regina waited a second or two before wrapping her hand around the silver knob on the dark wooden door, turning it and sighed happily that it was, indeed, unlocked. Once she had gotten in and closed the door behind her, she padded carefully to her side of the bed, which was still made. The brunette pulled the comforter and sheets back, sliding into the space that was hers. It felt a helluva lot better than that shitty couch.
Regina had snuggled in as best as she could, getting warmer by the second. The irregularity of the breathing beside her made her realize that, yes, Emma Swan was up, she just wasn't making that presence known.
"I'm sorry." Were the first words that were said after the silence had droned on for more than five minutes. Regina had spoken them, her voice soft; she had moved her body so that she faced Emma's back. Her hands moved delicately over the blonde's spine, over her brown tank top. She was surprised when the younger woman's frame didn't move away from her touch. "I know," she whispered as she continued, not really knowing if Emma was paying any attention or not, "I know that.. you had a bad childhood. I'm sorry for bringing that up. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't be so defensive and possessive over everything.." She was only acknowledged with a rather loud exhale. "Please, Emma.. please say something."
The blonde had waited, thinking over what words she wanted to say, and how she wanted to say them. She kind of felt like an actor, rehearsing her lines for a very important part, but she seemed to have forgotten most of the words. Regina apologizing was all she wanted, she had wanted something that was sincere and thoughtful. She hated how Regina had played to that spot. The spot of no one ever keeping her as a child. Even when she did all of the right things, stayed out of trouble, never spoke up against the hands that came down on her soft pale skin, she was never good enough. Even as an adult, she still felt that way. She felt like everything in her life was one big joke, but then she met Henry & he brought her to Regina, everything seemed to set into place. It kind of made her sad that they were always fighting despite all of the 'I love you's that were thrown around when they were in bed together. Emma opened her mouth, inhaling just a bit of clean air before raising her voice a bit so Regina could hear:
"That was such a rotten thing to say to me. You know how fucked up my childhood was. You know that's the whole reason why I'm distant to you and you never seem to understand why I get that way again every time you bring it up. You make me feel like you don't even wantme. It makes me feel like I'm a worthless piece of shit. I've felt that way my entire life, Regina. That's all I'm meant to be, I guess. I can't even make the woman I adore and hold dear ever happy with me."
This had pained Regina to the point where she wrapped her arms tightly around Emma's waist, pulling her so close that her nose was nuzzled against the back of the sheriff's neck. "I know I promise never to hit below the belt," she started, feeling a lot more relaxed when she felt Emma's hands graze her own, "I'll try to be better for you. You really don't deserve any of this. I don't even know why you decided to be with me in the first place; not after all I've done to you." She absentmindedly tightened her grip on the other woman, feeling like this was the first time they were embracing all over again.
"Because I love you. I think you are so beautiful and.. I know you're a handful sometimes - don't deny it - but I put up with that and all in between because I just care so much for you. I know things never worked out that much before when you were younger, with love. I just want to try my best to be good for you. I'm sorry, too," Emma laced her fingers with Regina's slowly, squeezing her hands ever so lightly, like they were made of glass and they could shatter any minute, "I shouldn't get so mad over things I can't control. You had him longer than me. It's only natural you have things with him you want to protect."
Regina kissed the smooth skin of Emma's neck, smiling against it,"I love you, too. We can both try to be better. We will get past all of this, just you wait and see. Henry will be proud of the both of us."
Morning had come throughout Storybrooke, the sun's rays shining through the open blinds and onto the mayor's face. She flinched with first contact at the light, stretching her arm out to caress the body beside her, but she opened her eyes when she felt no body, only cold sheets. Regina thought over what had happened last night; even with the making up, could Emma still be mad at her? I'd be mad at myself too.
She had showered and gotten dressed before making her way downstairs. There were some dishes in the sink, and a note on the counter. Regina figured that wherever Emma went, she decided to take Henry to school and leave her with dishes to do. Though Regina just considered that a small slice of punishment for her harsh words the night before. She walked over to the small slip of paper, moving it with her fingertips to read the messy, sprawled out words that she knew where Emma's:
Regina: I'm sorry I'm going so early. I forgot I had just a small amount of paperwork to do that was due in an hour, plus duty. I'll be home at my usual time, then maybe we could all do something together as a family. Maybe we could take a nice hike through the woods? I hear the weather is supposed to be pleasant this afternoon. Love, Emma.
The brunette smiled and picked up the note, holding it to her chest for just a brief second before sticking it on the fridge, under a magnet in the shape of a heart. She laughed at how oddly romantic this whole thing was. Though she had to wait until Emma got off work, they were going to spend time together, actual time as a family without Regina getting angry or Emma getting heartbroken. Things were looking up after all and she was so glad that they did. She didn't know how much more of this she could have taken.
Regina had went about her way how she always did normally. She had cleaned the rooms of the mayoral mansion, did the laundry, and tidied up the cabinets in the kitchen. She had expected Henry to be home a few minutes ago, as he always burst through that door around the exact same time everyday. Maybe he was just walking a bit slower today and maybe he was finally making some friends. The whole idea of Henry having friends made Regina grin from ear to ear. She always wanted him to be happy, but, more importantly, she just wanted him to be with kids his own age and not slumping around with his mothers; sometimes Regina & Emma wanted time alone as well, which was always so hard to come by. That might be why all of these arguments had started.
As she was scrubbing the last and final step of her grand staircase, the front door had opened. A rather excited little boy flew into the house, quick enough that he had forgotten to close the door. Regina looked up when she felt the cooling breeze on her calves. "Henry. The door."
"Oh," the child chuckled a little, "Sorry, Ma." He went over and closed it quickly, still smiling in that way that reminded Regina so much of his biological mother. Him and Emma had the same teeth. The same shape of the lips. The same quirky look to a such simple act. She was staring and Henry waved his hand in front of her face, "Did you get her note?" Regina jumped a little at his voice.
"Emma's? Yes, I did," Regina grinned down at the boy, reaching out and shoving a brown stray strand of hair behind his ear.
"She forgot to put on the note that she said she'd be home early, then we can go out and have family time!" Henry seemed so enthusiastic as he ran up the stairs. Regina had missed that so much in him. Good thing the only thing he didn't get from Emma, was her pessimism; she feels like that would've been overkill.
It was going on five, way past the time Emma should have been home. The brunette was trying to call her girlfriend's phone, but all she got was the voice-mail. Maybe she had just gotten caught up in whatever she was doing. Maybe she was helping a poor little cat out of a tree or helping some old lady with her gardening. She knew Emma wasn't the type to be so generous to people, but this town had changed her. She said it herself.
There was a knock at the door, taking her out of her reverie. Her mind was going through who it could be behind the thick wood, but she wasn't all that shocked to see the long-haired waitress. Ruby had always come over to see Emma. "She's not here," Regina said before the other girl opened her mouth. It was only then that she noticed the tears that were forming in Ruby's eyes.
"Regina." The pain in Ruby's voice when she said the older woman's name made Regina rather curious. What thing could turn the waitress she knew who was never let down in any way into a blubbering mess like this? She didn't have to ask, for she got her answer rather quickly. "Something happened to Emma. She.. she's not coming home.."
It took a minute to sink in. The thought of Emma being gone permanently from her life was not something she ever wanted to think about. Was this really true? Is this how it was all supposed to happen? She felt like all of those months of gaining her true love were a waste. Regina leaned against the door frame; it felt like her legs were going to give out any second.. maybe they already had. Her eyes searched the ground below Ruby's feet, letting the water brim the bottom of them. She didn't want to cry here. Not in front of Ruby, nor the boy that was sailing down the stairs just a few seconds after. He didn't understand why everyone was so upset, not when good things were finally starting to happen for his family. Henry was stopped at the foot of the stairs, watching the silent tears stream down the younger woman's face and the ever so elegant bob of his mother's shoulders.
"What happened?" The softness in his voice made Regina hiccup louder. She didn't know what to tell him, she didn't know how to put this in a gentle way. She just wished that it wasn't now that this had happened. Why couldn't it have been a time when the boy was out, frolicking and being a kid, not having to deal with the tears that were now pouring down her face, or the thought that he was, again, going to grow up without Emma in his life. Though, most of all, she just wished she had more time with the blonde. Even one year felt like it was never enough. No matter what the time, it was nevergoing to be enough for Regina.
"Sweetheart," she wiped her eyes quickly before walking over to him, leaving Ruby in the doorway by herself as she knelt down in front of her son. Her and Emma's son. Emma's blood. She placed her hands on his arms, holding them tight as if he would float away the very instant her grip would loosen, "Let's go on that hike, okay?" She squeezed his arms gently, before letting them go.
"Without Mom?" She heard the worry. Maybe he knew what was coming. He must have known the answer considering he flinched as soon as Regina had opened her mouth:
"Yes.. without Mom."