Trust has to be built again on both sides. You have to learn if - if we're even the same people we were. If you can fit in each other's lives. –Tara Maclay

What am I doing?

I can feel the warmth of her breath against my lips. We're so close.

She pulls away. "This is crazy. Once I start feeding I can't stop!"

"Yes you can." I reply. "You just have to start believing it. You're ready Bo."

"Maybe some other time." She says before she gets up and begins to walk away. I look at her as she walks away.

I trust her. So why won't she trust herself?

I watch as she glances down at the necklace in her hand, her fist clenched around it before she looks back up at me, her eyes burning, alight with fiery anger, as well as shinning with tears of betrayal. I open my mouth; try to find the words to reason with her, anything I can say that will disarm her, that will stop her from rushing head long into battle, only to get herself killed.

Will cause me to lose her… I stop myself from finishing the thought, blinking as I watch her lift up the necklace, as she throws it at me.

"Don't forget your dog-collar." She spits back at me, her voice full of stinging venom.

I watch her, frozen in place as she walks out of the doorway and towards certain death.

I blink, my eyes moving rapidly as I try to speak, to yell out after her, but my voice is caught in my throat, a lump having risen up chocking me, chocking back my words as I tried to call out after her.

I curse myself, my actions, my stupid thoughtless actions, as well as the emotions rising up within me.

The pressure at the back of my throat and behind my eyes.

I want to cry.

And I want to laugh.

Now of all times I am allowing myself to feel this pain, this heartbreak.

I want to laugh at the absurdity of it all, that it took a succubus of all people to make me feel again, to breathe life back into me, to break the cold barrier I had set about between myself and the world.

I had fallen in love with a succubus… no I have fallen in love with Bo, with a gorgeous, funny, amazing woman, whose only been good to me.

I look down at the necklace lying innocuously on the floor, the one that she had thrown back at me in a moment of hurt, of betrayal

I had broken the fragile trust between us. I had tried to protect her in one of the few ways that I could, but I had only ended up hurting her (hurting myself in the process).

I smile, laughing bitterly at wet tears fall down my cheeks, but as quickly as they start I close my eyes and wipe the tears away with my finger. Slowly I make my way over to where my clothes were piled together in a heap on the floor.

I may have hurt her, I may have betrayed her, I may have broken her trust in me but there are still things that I can do to stop this, to stop her from dying because she overestimates her strength and underestimates her opponents.

She won't listen to me but she will listen to him.

"I need to know that is isn't about you getting over Dyson." I murmur as I pull back, my hand resting against the smooth, soft, skin of her neck.

Bo pulls back, and smiles a brilliant, beautiful smile, one that I've missed seeing on her lips. It is one that makes me want to smile at her in turn.

"No." She replies with conviction. "This is about us."

And that's all I need to let myself get closer to her, to press that first firm kiss to her lips as her hands travel to my waist, holding me in place as she begins to press kiss after kiss to my lips.

This time proceeds much more quickly then the first, weeks of tension that had built between us exploding in an all consuming passion as we reunited, exploring each other and becoming reacquainted with bodies, lusted after and desired, the subject of fantasies and dreams, our first encounter on repeat within our memories.

She has finally taken the last step to forgiving me, and as we settle, her arm around my waist, my back to her front I can't help but marvel at how well we fit together, at how right her arms feel wrapped around me.

That time I fall asleep with a smile on my lips, and for the first time in years a joyous tune in my heart.

But as always I know the illusion will be shattered when I awaken.

She places a box in front of me, the one that may contain the secret to freeing Nadia.

And I finally tell her the truth, trusting her to understand why I am with the Light, the reason that I have sacrificed everything (my life, my family, my career).

She decides she wants to help me.

And I don't have the heart to tell her that even if Nadia is freed there is no guarantee that I will be freed in the way that she wants me to be (The very thing that I've become to afraid to try and grasp, despite the keys to my freedom being in my hand.)

Blue-eyes.

Blue chi from all over the room.

She's more then anything I could have ever guessed she was.

My heart pounds as I watch her break the collar, my eyes wide, but I can also feel the first hints of adrenaline appear in my blood.

I think for the first time I'm actually afraid of her.

The person you are now I absolutely love!

I wish she would trust herself the way that I trust her. I wish she could see herself through my eyes.

I wish she could love herself, but then again who am I to talk when I still hate myself even after everything I've done to try and atone.

"Bo!" The both of us cry out as she falls to the ground, the darkness within her having lost the battle.

But it may not have lost the war.

What is she becoming? Can we even stop her?

Disbelief.

Disbelief and overwhelming happiness.

"Really?" I whisper, wondering. My voice cracking at the overwhelming mixture of emotions surging through me. I smile up at her, wondering if this was a joke that she was playing.

"I wanna give this a real shot. Be together. Life is too short" She replies, her voice the same as it always is when she makes a decisions (finally, finally!). It's firm. This is her choice, her destiny, this is the path she chooses in spit of everything that says this should be impossible, that she shouldn't want me, the fragile human lover.

I don't hesitate anymore, I reach up and grab her by the back of her neck as I crash her lips against mine, revealing in the feeling of kissing my girlfriend.

This was all I wanted. This was all that I have wanted.

I celibate with the press of her mouth against mine, ignoring the voice in the back of my mind telling me that this isn't a good idea.

I don't know if it is or if it isn't, but I don't care anymore because I trust Bo, and I love her, and right now nothing else matters.

Please say something.

I lean over and press my lips to hers.

It's the only thing I can do.

"If this is you angry then I need to tell you about the time I borrowed your favourite earnings and then lost one of them." She replies, trying desperately to deflect, to break the tension that surrounds us.

"Ahh..." Escapes me, as I breath, trying to control the tears in my eyes and the lump in the back of my throat, the painful beat of my heart under my breast as it slowly breaks at the breaking of the dam of denial that I had set up between myself and the knowledge.

I'm not enough for her.

I'll never be enough for her.

My heart aches, it feels as if it's breaking into a thousand pieces, but I can't let myself break down. This isn't her fault. It's mine. I should have known this would happen. I should have known that I wouldn't be enough to sustain a succubus.

I say the only thing I can. "I love you."

She smiles, a beautiful, brilliant smile, one that I would normally love so much, but right now it only makes my heart ache even more, and replies. "I love you too."

She holds me as we fall asleep that night, but after she drifts off I roll away, pulling on a robe as I get out of bed.

I close the door behind me and make my way down to the main floor, calmly, quietly so that if she wakes up I can tell her that I'm only getting a glass of water, that she can go back to sleep, it's okay I'll be up in a minute.

After a minute, after I'm sure she hasn't woken up and followed me I finally allow the tears to fall, the suppressed sob to escape from my lips.

Waiting...

Always waiting...

Always left behind.

I continue to talk with the man in front of me about free-radicals.

I... there's something that I can't quite put a name on. What is it?

Appreciated... I feel appreciated again.

I blink backs tears as for the millionth time my mind wanders. Where are you Bo? You're the one whose supposed to be here, not this man.

I blink again with that thought. She's changed.

She really has changed.

And I'm beginning to wonder who she is. Do I even know my girlfriend anymore?

I blink, my mind blank as I watch her caress his cheek, the look of pure relief in her eyes as she stares back at me.

I close my eyes and swallow as I try not to feel my heart being slowly shredded apart by the knowledge of what I'm seeing.

If I don't let myself search, if I don't let myself see it then maybe I can be lost in the illusion that she still loves me, and wants to be with me, and only me for a few seconds longer.

I'm loosing faith in her. I want to be with her, but it's so hard.

It hurts so much.

But I can't…

Thwack!

The sound replays in my mind over and over.

It felt good.

It felt so good to do that to her.

Because I don't want to believe her, I don't want to think about Bo kissing someone else for any reason, I can accept that she needs to feed.

But...

All I can do is focus on my breathing, on holding back the pressure forming in the back of my throat as I fight back tears.

She betrayed me again.

I can't do this anymore. It hurts so much.

It's all too much...

Her warmth around me, holding me close to her.

The only thing I've wanted through all of this.

But it's to late. I can't do this anymore.

I'm so tired. I'm just so tired.

I want to go back, to the first time I fell asleep in her arms, when it felt so good, it was so much simpler.

Back when I could believe in her, believe in a future for us.

Now all I can think about is how broken I feel.

I love her. I will always love her.

But that isn't enough anymore.

I close my eyes and bury my face in her shoulder, holding back the tears that want to escape, reveling in the feeling of her body against mine because I'm going to give this up soon.

The door closes behind her, and the tears that I've held back escape, a sob leaving my mouth as I hunch over, my body wracked with pain as I begin to cry.

Why...?

He carried me home that night.

Maybe he isn't so bad after all...

But I wish it was Bo whose chest I was curled up against, not Dyson's...

But I can't trust myself to be alone with her. I can't trust her.

I look down at the drawer, the one that I placed the necklace in, hesitating, knowing that if I pull it out I will stop, I will stay, I will let myself be used and abused (broken), again.

I breathe closing my eyes as I try to regain control over my ragging emotions, over the overwhelming feelings.

I take a breath and steel myself, walking over to the entrance.

This is my chance to start over, away from everything.

Away from an aching heart, and shattered trust.

I know you and I love you!

No you don't. I've kept so much from you. When you find out who I am, you're going to hate me again, turn away from me.

It will be the Vex incident all over again.

Just another lie, just like all the others that have broken everything in between us.

It's time to set my plan in motion. It's my turn to save the world.

I can only hope that she will forgive me for hurting her, for betraying her again.

Maybe when all of this is over, we can settle down, we can talk, and maybe finally everything can be repaired.

I want to reach out, I want to call her back.

But I can't.

I have to do this.

Nothing's changed. I still feel the same way I did about her now and I did then.

But I still don't know what I can tell her and what I can't.

True love's kiss.

Who would have thought?

She brought me back.

Maybe there is still something there... maybe there is still a chance.

She wore it. That's all I need to see.

"No Bo. I'm yours." I tell her, a smile on my lips as I bid her farewell. I give her something to come back to, an incentive to survive when she may otherwise give up. It's a grand gesture, but one that is filled with truth.

I am hers. I will always be hers.

I love her unconditionally and irrevocably in a way that I have never loved another and never will love another. I am hers for as long as she will have me. I owe her so much, for teaching me how to be free, for reminding me of the person I once was, and for helping me along the way to the person that I've become.

It has a lot to do with her and her influence.

I am loyal to her, I will follow her anywhere and I will do whatever it takes to protect her and ensure that she lives to see another day, and to fight another battle, even if it means betraying her again and again, hurting her to keep her alive.

"I'm going to stay behind." I say. "Evony's stable but you know Hippocratic Oath and all that."

"Shit you're serious." She replies, in a voice that I can't tell if it's disbelief, disappointment, or perhaps a tone that I haven't heard from her in a long time, understanding. But there's still a question in her eyes that I want to answer.

"Well she's all vulnerable and human… and I'm kinda the one who did this to her so…" I trail off, trying to find more words to explain to her the reason that I'm staying behind.

But something happens, an expression that I haven't seen in nearly a year. A genuine smile, an understanding smile, as she replies. "The craziest thing is that I get that."

I don't know what's provoked the sudden change in behaviour, but all I can do is smile in return at the old Bo's reappearance, and the woman I love beginning to reassert herself. There's only one thing left to do now, set her free. "Go on succubus, get out of here, destiny's calling."

She audibly inhales, hesitating for only a moment before she turns around and begins to walk away. I can't help but watch her, a proud smile on my lips. This is the woman I love, the woman I recognize, the human and the Fae come together.

And I will wait for her to return to me, and maybe when this is all over there will be a chance for us to finally have that talk.

Bo suddenly stops for a moment, hesitating before she turns around, and dashes back to me, her hands my cheeks before she smashes our lips together in a kiss full of meaning, of words unspoken, meanings and emotions that jumble together in a tangle that makes meaning ambiguous and emotions unintelligible.

She pulls back, her fingers brushing against my chin momentarily before she retreats completely, turning her back to me once again, and walking away from me and towards her destiny.

Now all I can do is wait and keep myself calm as emotions surge through me. Love, hope, sadness, want, happiness, and worry, the biggest one right now is probably worry.

I want her to come back to me, and I can't help but feel my feeling of worry that this isn't going to turn out well, and that when the dust settles nothing will be the same for any of us.

For know all I can do is wait here, safe and away from the battle, putting up with the newly human Morrigan.

All I can do is wait for her to return.

If you love someone set them free, and if they come back they're yours.

Bo knows that I'm hers, but the question know is will she ever be mine? And even if we can, even if it's possible for us to repair our relationship, can I trust her again?

I can hear an indignant squawk coming from inside the shack, pulling me out of my trance.

And even as I make my way back towards the place to try and get Evony out of whatever trouble she had managed to get herself into I can't help but listen to the echo of my heart inside my mind. The part of me that already knows the answer to the question that I've posed.

Whether I like it or not I trust Bo, because somehow we skipped the repair stage, and now we're back in our holding pattern.

The ball is in her court now, but I will also no longer wait in the wings.

Thank-you so much for reading, reviewing, following and favouriting this fic. Thank-you so much for taking the time to read this as well as the reviews that everyone has left, they are always welcome and appreciated as well as constructive criticism and ways by which to improve.