Hi haven't posted in a while but this is my first Dwarf or Young Ones fanfic, and because it's a 3 way crossover I'm just going to post it in each category sorry. I'm not sure if I'll finish writing this, it depends on the review, so please share your thoughts, thanks!:)

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING

Rick was sleeping peacefully, an annoying grin on his face as he dreamt about drinking tea with Cliff Richard while discussing politics. Just as Rick started a duet with his hero, he was rudely awoken by Vyvian smashing his head through the bottom of Rick's bed, making a massive crashing noise. The punk scrunched his face up, clearly confused at Rick as if it was his fault that his head was there.
"What are you doing in my bed, you pervert," shouted Vyvian indignantly, half-attempting to headbutt Rick, except he couldn't really move.
"Um, no Vyvian, you're the pervert, you're in my bed, so you better leave before I ... before I hit you over the head!," Rick threatened unconvincingly, gesticulating uselessly at the punk.
"No, I was here first," came the defiant reply, totally ignoring the threat.
Rick went to hit Vyv - then suddenly remembered the last time he had hit him. It had started a four hour long fight, which ended up with a very big explosion, which resulted in the untimely death of six pigeons. Instead of starting anything like that again, Rick decided to exact revengeupon him later, through some sneaky, silly plot.

"Oh whatever Vyvian, you're sooo immature. I don't even care because I'm going downstairs to get some tea anyway," Rick nodded exaggeratedly as he swung his legs over the side of his bed, promptly falling into a heap on the floor, which was further away than usual.
Vyvian dislodged his head after some difficulty, and stood over Rick's crumpled body, scrutinising the bunk beds they had both just been sleeping in.
"It appears we have just been sleeping in a bunk bed," Vyv said matter of factly, and to no-one in particular, then stomped out of the room, down unfamiliar grey corridors, in search of Neil to make him some food. When the punk's noisy footsteps echoed into silence, Rick jumped to his feet, straight into a tense fighting stance, his eyes bugging almost out of his skull.
He spun around slowly, surveying his alien surroundings. A grey steel bunk bed, a mirror over a cluttered desk of old food, a cupboard with a poster of Marilyn Monroe (which provoked an eyebrow waggling from the completely-not-sexist-just-appreciating-the-human-body student) and a counter with a small toaster on. After Rick was satisfied that he was in no danger, he stuck his hands on his hips.
"Oh yes, very funny, ha ha, good one guys, I bet this was you Vyvian," Rick shouted at the empty room, confident that this was another one of the punk's practical jokes, although he didn't really understand the humour behind this one. Where was the pain?
"Would you like some toast?"
"Yes," Rick replied, not surprised by the fact that the toaster talked, but by the facts that someone was actually offering him food.
"Really!? Oh boy! Put some bread in me, I'll make you the best toast you've ever had," the toaster boasted.
"Ooooh," Rick elongated the word unnecassarily and started to waggle his finger at the toaster, "no, you can't ever offer someone food without asking for their money first, can you? Food, a simple necessity of life, why is it so hard to give a brother some food. What has Thatcher brought this country to? FASCIST!" Rick yelled, and left.
The toaster sighed dejectedly.

Mike was wandering around the ship, wondering why he was there. He wasn't phased though, Mike the cool person always kept his cool. He entered a room with a big table in the centre and decided this would be the room for a house meeting. He sat down at the head of the table and called "House meeting in three seconds."
In one second, Vyvian stomped in.
In two seconds, Neil came in, dripping wet.
In three seconds, Rick stalked in.
They all took their seats.
"Rick, you're late."
"Sorry Michael."
"Neil, why are you sopping wet?"
"Well, ok guys I have something reeeally interesting to tell you alright? While I was looking around for you guys, I like, fell in this massive vat of water, and at first I was all like, 'heavy man now I'm all cold and wet. Why do bad things always happen to me' right? But in there I found this massive sea creature, it called itself the despair squid ok, and he did try to attack me right, but then he realised my life was already filled with so much despair so like, instead we just talked about suicide."
"Neil, you are the most boring person in the whole world and everyone would be better off if you drowned," Rick responded wittily.
Neil considered this then fell unconscious after Vyvian hit him hard in the face with a frying pan.
Mike went on, pretending he'd never asked Neil why he was so sopping wet. "So boys, where are we?"
"On the mining ship Red Dwarf," a blonde woman said, appearing on a black computer screen.