The air was heavy and thick clinging to the bodies walking down the street as a sticky cloak. It was hot. The heat of the night was unbearable. It was even worse in shadow hunter garb with two seraph blades holstered to her waist. The curls at the nape of her neck were breaking free from their prison of braids she'd rustled them into neatly before heading out that night. She did not have a mission and she did not have someone around to help her. It wasn't all that bad though. She thought she could do this. She needed to track a specific warlocks trail. There was something she had paid for that he had, A tidbit of information that to her, was very important. Her footsteps were soft on the damp earth falling like an angel's breath over the grass and mud. She was glamoured to ensure that mundanes wouldn't interrupt her path as she cut through the park towards Magnus Bane's loft apartment. She knew of course that she should not have gone to him. She knew that he was tied to the clave and to the Lightwood's directly but it was imperative that she have an answer to the question posed to her most recently by Valentine before his death.
She cut a sharp turn past the institute hiding in the shadows as she passed making sure she would not be seen by any of the shadow hunters inside. She felt a sense of guilt coming by their home when she knew what she was about to find out. None of them would care of course if she were out. Shadow hunters were out and about all the time and she was part of a lesser household institute further out in the country of New York. However, it would be peculiar that she was heading towards Magnus's home. The last thing she needed was his little boyfriend Alec Lightwood to show up, or rather ex, at his home while she was there on this night. A stray curl brushed against her cheek and she stubbornly shoved it back with the sweat on her hand from nerves. She grunted somewhat annoyed that this had her so worked up. It was rare that she ever got worked up. It was something she was normally praised for, her calmness during a battle. If only they saw her now and how worried she'd become. She darted through a few trashed alleys, past slithering things in the shadows, and finally she came to the lofts. She slowed her pace looking up at the window she knew Magnus so often looked down from to gaze upon those who called to visit him. Her breathing was pitched and her chest was rising with her heartbeat in a small fluttering manner. Nerves. She sighed closing her eyes briefly and paused in a shadow across the road under a building before forcing herself to come forward. The moment she did a wave of nausea thrashed within her stomach, this was all too surreal. She had waited her entire life for this answer but never had she thought it would be the sad one she was already expecting.
Her hand fell hard on the door when she knocked. It was loud. It resonated throughout the entire building she thought and wondered how Magnus could stand that. Sirens wailed in the distance while cars drove by on different streets and people drifted in and out of apartments throughout the city. She didn't like the sound of the city. She wanted to be back at her home in the country institute in the forest with covers pulled high above her head instead of facing head on what would be the start or end of her life. Magnus appeared swiftly at the door opening it a fourth of the way staring down at her. His slatted cat eyes gazed over her soundly as if there was something there he saw that reminded him of someone else.
"You know…I really think you already know the answer to this." He said to her crossing his arms over his chest using his foot to nudge the door all the way open. She took that as her invitation inside and watched him from the corner of her eyes.
"It doesn't matter what I think, I have to have proof. I have to know for sure." She whispered meeting his eyes. "And I know you're curious too." He leaned back against the wall of the flat watching her raising an eyebrow.
Tonight the home was decorated in rich dark velvets and throws of animal furs. Thick smudged black candles were lit on just about every orifice of the room casting heavy lines of light at every angle but it wasn't much light at all. It was the kind of musky light that barely lit a room and gave it a special glow. There was a lovely ottoman nestled by a fireplace that was blazing in the hearth much too brightly for her mood. Magnus watched her as she walked around the room lacing her arms over her chest as if to hold everything inside he thought. She looked a mixture of pale and sick. Her eyes were a little too wide the pupils a bit to unfocused and large. Her forehead was shaded with sweat and her movements were forced. She was too jerky and nervous like a flighty animal when it was cornered. He was almost afraid to give her the answer seeing how she was feverishly reacting already. He sighed and flopped himself down on the ottoman by the fire patting the arm of it. Over their past few meetings Magnus had grown accustomed to having her sitting lightly beside him or behind him peeking over his shoulder. She was a curious little creature equivalent to the likes of a cat; always there but never really paying you much attention or excitement. She was a hoverer. She glanced at him her bright vibrant green eyes held fear and determination. He looked up at her exhausted. She was incisive. It was dealing with a child that never slept and always asked the question "why".
"Look, you really have to be ready for what I'm about to tell you ok?" he said in a softer tone than he thought he would have managed. Something in that thin innocent face of hers he saw a rare spackle of honesty and he felt she deserved the same back.
"Magnus I have never been more scared and terrified in my life. I have never been so upset. My heart is racing faster than in a fight. I have to know…" her voice cracked like a thin sheet of ice in winter. He cringed at her desperation and let out a low sigh propping himself up on his elbows touching her arm.
"Then you should steady yourself on this couch instead of the seat…" he whispered. She nodded briefly and swung her legs around the edge shifting down the back landing on his legs. He eyed her annoyed; she was an incessant child.
"Really?" she grinned nervously before biting her lip and wringing her hands in her lap as he shifted his legs out from under her and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees staring at the floor.
"Who am I Magnus?" she asked in a hollow barren voice devoid of life. He heard in that one shallow moment how very much this news would devastate her world. He almost wanted to lie to her but she had begged and paid him unnecessarily too much money for this information. He'd given most of it back assuring her he would help without so much money.
"You are the daughter of Robert Lightwood." She sucked in a hard breath before shooting to her feet.
"Did he know?" Magnus raised his eyes to meet hers tenderly. He reached forward but knew instantly that she would take a step back angrily, of course not at him, but with Robert.
"Yes…he knew that you had been born with his mistress." She made a string of fowl mouthed words and turned her hands balled into fists at her sides shaking. He saw the tips of her ears turning red and he knew that she was seconds away from slamming her fist into something very close to her…which happened to be his dressing table and he was rather fond of it.
"Avarhia." He said softly getting up coming to stand behind her. He touched her arms curling his fingers around her wrists. "I know that it is hard to hear but you asked for the truth." Her shoulders fell forward and he felt her chest shudder in a tiny breath. She was forcing back the anguish.
"Tell me….tell me then..." she whispered as he guided her by the shoulders to the couch.
"Well…your mother…you know who she is…even Robert wants nothing to do with her now, she put you in an orphanage the moment after she showed you to Robert. She didn't tell him about the pregnancy so when she showed up to his home while Mayrse was away on a meeting…you can guess it was a heated argument. He already had one baby at home and he did not want another." She flinched when he said that and he felt bad squeezing her hand he continued.
"He turned her away and said that he didn't want anything to do with you. So she took you to the orphanage, originally to Hodge Starkwather, but he said he was not able to take you in at the time. So you went to the London Institute for a while as you will well remember. You mother and father both know who you are." She stiffened.
"They know who I am now…Robert knew who I was when I went to the last council meeting?" she asked in a hushed tone astonished.
"Yes. I'm afraid to tell you he is quiet aware of who you are." He told her meeting her eyes. "That would be why I'm assuming he asked you to leave and to stay in matters at your own institute." She held her breath and moment. She couldn't stand it. Two wet hot lines slid down her cheeks slowly causing Magnus to stiffen awkwardly.
"Oh now…don't do that…" he grabbed for a handkerchief from his glittered black blazer. "Please don't cry." He whispered.
"I'm trying not too…it's just…it's just…" she stiffened wiping at her eyes. Shadow hunters did not cry. She would not cry.
"It's just…?" he asked hesitantly.
"I have never belonged to anyone or anything…and now I know that the people I belong too never wanted me to begin with…" she sighed staring out the window at the moon and stars.