The first time Dean fed, he hadn't intended for it to be Cas.

He'd snagged a girl at a local bar, her hair smelled like strawberries but she otherwise reeked of alcohol and some kind of drug.

Her laugh was really fucking annoying too.

But that's not the point.

Dean had to keep reminding himself of this as he led her into a back alley, promising no harm to her halfheartedly, though she didn't seem to care either way.

He was glad her pulse drowned out her voice for the most part, it made it easier to ignore the god awful laugh.

He could feel his fangs aching madly in his jaw, those pearly bastards were just dying for a taste of life.

Dean kept his eyes cast down, the bright lights from the street kept giving him migraines and he had to force himself not to jump her before they were safely hidden away.

She laughed and said something again.

Dean only heard the way her pulsed skipped lazily through her veins.

Unaware. So fucking unaware. Didn't she realize she was being led away by a monster? A blood sucking bastard?

These thoughts kept drifting through Dean's mind, but suddenly he blinked and she was against the wall, and he was holding her.

And she was laughing.

The dumb bitch was CACKLING.

Cackling at her own helplessness, her own vulnerability.

Dean wanted to throw up.

But he blinked again and he was buried in that strawberry hair and everything was spinning, because he could HEAR every single one of her blood cells passing through her artery.

She quieted as he hissed in distress, without even realizing he'd done so, and she made a comment about a snake and started giggling again.

God why wouldn't she just shut UP!?

Dean lowered his mouth to her throat, torn between ripping himself away and severing her wind pipe in his quest for nourishment.

That's when he felt a hand roughly grip his hair and yank him away from his strawberry-haired meal.

there was a shift of wind and the girl was gone, a shadowy figure in her place.

But Dean recognized him immediately.

Cas.

Dean hadn't realized he'd hissed it again until he heard the responding "Hello Dean" rumble through his pounding head.

"You were going to drink her blood, Dean?" and Dean feels his personal space shatter as the angel gets in his face, furious. Dean can hear the blood pumping in a rage.

"Cas.. I didn't want-... I can't-..." but Dean's head ache is getting worse and he feels weak and his resolve is breaking. 'Just like in Hell' Dean thinks, and he clenches his fists in shame.

Cas understands though, the bastard ALWAYS understands.

"Dean we can help you. You'll get through this. You don't have to suffer alone."

Dean leans back against the opposing wall of the alley and sinks down to the ground. He can hear the heart beat of rats as they dig through the trash beside him. They sound so appetizing.

Dean squints open the eyes he didn't know he'd closed, to see Castiel kneeling in front of him, still talking though Dean doesn't know what about.

He's so hungry, everything hurts, it's too loud 'TOO LOUD TOO BRIGHT WHY IS IT SO BRIGHT?'

Dean feels a hand on his shoulder and his reflexes react accordingly.

He snatches the wrist so fast he hears bones snap, it sounds like a clap of thunder.

Cas leans in and Dean can see the blue, the ever present blue, but a quick glance down reveals a tanned neck with a vibrant artery and suddenly Dean's not so interested in the eyes.

Cas takes notice.

"Dean?"

*pant* "Casssssss..." *gasp*

"Dean, we WILL fix you, but until then, you need to feed."

Dean shook his head and pressed further into the wall.

"No Cassss. I- Can't do tha- too you" *wheeze*

But Dean's hair is being gripped again and suddenly he can taste sweat and he can FEEL the blood pumping just past the skin his lips are pressed to.

He gasps in surprise and his instincts take over before he can stop himself.

Cas feels a vice like grip wrap around his shoulders and abdomen, locking him in place.

He hadn't had any intention of leaving though, not when Dean needed to be helped.

He kept one hand in Dean's hair while the other, already healed, supported him against the wall, just above Dean's head.

Dean was so warm, Cas thought drowsily, so warm against him, and Cas was so cold in comparison.

Cas made a move to shift and Dean growled against his neck, sending shivers through Cas' borrowed body.

Dean pulled away and flipped them around, so that it was Cas who was sitting against the wall, with Dean crowding him completely.

Dean latched on again and Cas could feel him shaking, could hear his mind wailing in anguish.

Dean felt Cas wrap his arms around his back and rub soothing circles along his spine, gently whispering "It's alright Dean. It's okay. We can fix this. You are fine Dean. It's okay."

Dean, only after he finally let Cas disappear, realized that he'd started crying, the tears leaving clean tracks through the blood around his mouth.

Dean stood up shakily and looked up at the stars.

He was a monster.

The second time he fed, he was alone in a motel room, nursing a glass of scotch and an all too familiar ache in his head.

There was a gust of wind and he turned to see Cas there, looking at him with such sympathy.

Dean wanted to punch the shit out of him for caring so much.

But he didn't.

Instead he grabbed two handfuls of trench coat and pulled him close.

Cas had had the decency to remove his tie this time.

Dean murmured something about it before leaning in and letting his teeth graze the angel's skin.

He wasn't as famished this time, he wanted to be gentler, he didn't want Cas to have to suffer more as the victim of their situation.

His mind swirled with the same thought.

'You are a monster Dean, a bastard, a creature that needs to die, why don't you just go die Dean? stop making everyone else suffer.'

Cas had his head leaning against Dean's shoulder as he was used.

"...you aren't the things you think you are..."

Dean pulled away enough to speak whispered words against red skin.

"Yeah I fucking am Cas! Look at what I'm doing to you! I am a monster, a weak, horrible monster."

Cas turned his head towards Dean, still leaning, "I don't mind helping you through this Dean, if you don't mind feeding off of a failure."

Dean growled out a compliment and sank his teeth back in.

He alternated between feeding and praising, while Cas dosed on his shoulder, mumbling assurances and compliments back.

"You are the Righteous Man Dean. You saved the world. I was supposed to protect you and I failed you completely. you are a vampire because of my failure as your protector. Do not blame yourself for my folly Dean. Please, Don't."

For the second time as a vampire, Dean cried.

The third time Dean fed, he didn't even initiate it.

Dean was in a motel parking lot, rubbing a smudge off the impala's wind shield, when he heard a flutter and felt hands snatch the back of his jacket.

He felt the world drop away, and when his eyes opened again he was in an abandoned ware house.

"Wha-?"

"Dean, Please."

Dean turned to see Cas, bloody and broken and in obvious pain, "Dean please... please bite me... please... it hurts and the poison... please Dean."

Perhaps it was the fact that he was a vampire, or Cas' weak state, that let Dean see the shredded wings jutting sharply from Cas' back.

Cas panted again and drew Dean closer, incoherently murmuring and looking on with a glazed expression.

Dean didn't need to be asked twice.

He pushed Cas back into a dusty chair, noticing sadly at the way his wings draped across the ground, black feathers ragged.

"Dean..." Cas panted again and Dean leaned down , grabbing Cas' hair to keep his head steady.

Dean licked Cas neck slowly, leaving a hot trail that had Cas quivering again.

They'd researched more after the initial feed.

They'd found that vampire's possessed a kind of poison that could be used to numb or arouse (Dean had blushed at that part) their victims. The poison was transferred through saliva, much like a Siren's, and it's effects were immediate.

Cas weakly snagged Dean's shirt and pulled him down further with surprising force.

"Dean... It still hurts..."

Dean sighed against Cas' neck with guilty resignation. He was surprised he was even able to hold out this long.

He bit slowly into Cas' neck, the smoky metallic flavor mixed with something specifically Cas had become familiar to him by now.

(Not like you could forget a flavor like that)

Cas gave a low moan of relief, and Dean licked him again.

He remembered vaguely, the glassy look in 2014!Cas' eyes as he lived his days in a drugged squalor. A panic rose in his chest at the thought that he himself could've been the gateway drug.

Cas moaned again as Dean pulled away, and he moved his wings in protest. They made a wet slapping sound as they flapped weakly against the pavement.

Something in Cas' eyes must've registered the fear on Dean's face as disgust, because in the next moment he was pulling his wings into himself slowly, trying to hide them.

They cracked and popped in retaliation, leaving Cas gasping and curling in on himself as a fresh wave of pain over took him.

Dean frantically tried to push him back against the chair, to keep his wings from moving anymore.

"Cas! You gotta keep still, man! Don't make it worse!" but Cas was practically boneless as the pain flared.

Dean decided he needed to keep feeding, keep numbing his feathered friend.

Swallowing his nerves, he sat down on Cas' lap, letting him fall against his chest breathlessly.

Dean took Cas' head in his hand as he bit down, the original wound hadn't even begun to heal yet.

Cas' shallow breathing hitched and Dean wrapped his free hand around him, pressing it into the small of Cas' back to keep from touching his broken wings.

"Dean..."

Cas weakly gripped Dean's hips and Dean flushed in what he hoped was embarrassment.

Dean heard a sliding sound and saw Cas drag his useless wings along the floor until he'd pretty much encircled them, as if he were protecting them.

Dean felt the heat rush back to his face at the thought of Cas still trying to protect him, even in his current state.

Cas remained boneless, open wounds healing slowly.

It was only after Cas'd fully healed, that Dean realized he'd left the bite scars on his neck.

When Dean asked, he disappeared.

Dean told himself he didn't see the blush that'd dusted the angel's cheeks.

Or the blush that dusted his own.

I don't think there are enough Vampire!Dean and Feeder!Cas fics... I really really really wish I could write smut for you all, because that's exactly what this story kind of needs. but oh well. If ya'll know of any good fics like this, please tell me about them, I'm just dying to read 'em! And if any of you suddenly want to take this and run with it, be my guest! (Just ask me first so I can read it!)