Disclaimer: Don't own a thing, not even the title. It's from Kenny Wayne Sheppard's Blue on Black. It's a great song, check it out.

Whisper on a scream

I've made sure not to let this slip, but once upon a time, Dean Winchester, you shaped my existence.

We were, what? Eighteen? Nineteen? and I was cynical as hell, and you didn't give a damn about anything, but all of a sudden, we crashed into something that made us both change what we were

(into imperfection)

into people who could deal. But in spite of that, you were my wind, my stars, my sun that shined no matter what. Dammit, Dean, you were my fucking everything. And it sure looked like you cared.

But even those days, I had a feeling, you know? (We're alright, we're always alright) Even before I saw your little brother, I had this instinct, this half-formed realization that we didn't have a snowball's chance.

But you can't accuse me of giving up. Oh, no. I fought for you, tooth and nail, even when I was dead certain I would lose. And I did, eventually.

You have this near-impenetrable façade of arrogance and cockiness that protects you from the dangerous
(scary)
things in the world like caring, but it breaks clean into two whenever you see your brother.

You and Sam, at first glance, seemed to be on the opposite ends of the world. Yet as time went on and I began to know you better, you two became more strangely alike
(like two people having the same nightmare)
no; more than that: you looked like two parts of the whole.

And then I knew. At least, I thought I did. I knew that whatever happened, you would stand by your little brother, would die for the little midget. He worshipped the ground you walked on, but that wasn't the same. That's loyalty, Dean. What you had was stubborn, unbending devotion.

But it doesn't mean that it didn't hurt when you walked away. Over the years, I've told myself that it would have been better if you'd just lied and told me you didn't care. But you didn't. You just turned around
(Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing, it don't bring you back)
and left. And since then, everything I've told myself about you was nothing but a wish for a simpler life; a fantasy, a fairy tale.

It's not easy, losing your soul mate to his brother. (Sam always wins)

Even so, I can't help looking at you with Ben and imagining a place where your eyes aren't clouded with grief and your bother hasn't taken your spirit with him wherever the hell he went.

I like Sam. I do. But if the only thing keeping you by my side is his absence, I won't hesitate to say I hope he damn well stays away.

(Hush, Lis, don't-)

Don't get me wrong. It's a beautiful thing to see, you and your brother when the going is smooth. But as soon as you hit a bump, you're testing that elastic thread that attaches the two of you together, test it and test it until you're broken and bleeding.

(Mostly broken. But bleeding more)

It's like a tragedy, sometimes (most of the time). And up until now, there wasn't a single fucking thing I could do about it because you never let go
(because he's your brother)
but kept pulling and pulling. But now he's not here anymore. And I am.

So guess what I'm going to do.

He's taken everything from you and you're close to collapse, but I swear to God, I am pulling you through this.

It's on nights like these you're too drunk to finish your sentences and I'm watching you sleep fitfully that I know that I'll stand by you until you leave.

(Sam always wins)

Ever since you were a kid, you burned bright. You tried to hide it, but you were fucking special, Dean. And I'm thinking, maybe I'll fetch it back. That flame that made you burn and burn when there was nothing but darkness all around you.

You're right on the brink of giving way and agony weighs down your being, but you and me and Ben, we'll see this through.

A/N: Not my best work, I'll admit. Feedback would be comforting.