A/N: After billions of tries and threats, I have finally done it. Lance Storm has a crush. It's a cute little crush. Read to find out who (for once, I won't tell ya, but trust me, it's good.) I own no one, and nothing. Ivory, Lance, Lita, Trish, and the Divas Undressed Magazine is not mine. Though I would like a pair of underloos like Dawn Marie has, with all those pretty butterflies! Unfortunately, to wear something like that, I would need to -have- Dawn Marie's body.... Anyhoo, I said I own nothing, right? I'm using pretty bad words (for you small children out there....*snorts* What the fuck are you doing watching rasslin' and reading fics, then?) because Ivory is a pretty cool person, and would probably say things, exactly like how I say them, and how it's written here. Uhhh, that's aboot it! Rock on!
Ideal Woman
It was Ivory's first day back to an actual wrestling television show. She was on RAW for the first time in months. Filming Tough Enough drained her, and she took a couple extra weeks off before coming back.
She was walking around alone backstage looking for Trish or Lita. She was extremely proud of both girls. She originally thought both, well mostly Trish, were going to become the normal wrestling diva. All looks, no brains, and couldn't care less about the business. When Ivory came back from the show, she was pleasantly surprised to see Trish looking more improved then ever. She was making friends, and seemingly keeping her friends in the Dudley clan. Ivory had seen Trish when she was at her lowest. With Test and Albert and then again with Mr. MacMahon. She was glad too see Trish had become a better person, then she was when she first came to the WWF.
And Lita. What could Ivory say about Lita, that hadn't already been said by millions of fans, people, and wrestlers? The girl had started her professional wrestling career in ECW and she seemed to still have it in her. Give all you have, until it hurts. And then come back for more with a smile on your face. Lita had her neck broken during a now canceled television show. And even though she was in tremendous amounts of pain, she never gave up. And because of that, she was able to still have a job with the WWF as an announcer, first on Velocity, and now on Heat. And she was almost attacked by the Three Minute Warning, or whatever those dingbats called themselves, yet she stood her ground. Sure, to Ivory who was watching in the safety of her house, it looked like she was scared shitless, but she didn't back down.
"Well, well.... Look whom we have here!" an annoyingly aristocratic British accent piped up from behind Ivory.
She swung around and came face to face with the uptight looking William Regal and the as per usual, stoic expression of Lance Storm. "What do you want, Regal?" she said annoyed as she glared at him.
William Regal was known backstage as a person who would bother the divas relentlessly and try to use force to make them go out with him. At least until the divas boyfriends put a stop to it. That's why Edge had, had such a long feud with him, because Regal had been hitting on Lita after Matt Hardy dumped her. Unfortunately for Ivory, she was currently boyfriend-less, and unfortunately for Regal, she was not easily scared.
Regal glared at her; "Listen sunshine, I haven't done anything to you --yet-- I just wanted to know if a lovely and -alone- gentlewoman like yourself was currently interested in, perhaps joining Lance and I in getting rid of those dirty, disgusting Americans?"
Ivory snorted a very un-lady like snort and rolled her eyes; "Listen, England. I was born in California, you don't get that much more American then me! My only guess of why you'd bother with me, is because you two are obviously lacking in the looks department after since that delightful hottie Christian, left your little group. Sorry, toots, but I don't associate with repulsively vile idiots like you. Now get out of my face, before I have to forcefully push you out of it."
She went to turn around and leave when Regal's slimy hands reached out and grabbed her. "Now you listen here, young lady! You do -not- say such horrible things about a fine gentleman like myself!" Regal's face was growing redder and redder as he spoke.
She tried to twist her arm away, but only ended up hurting herself more. "Get off me! That hurts!" she said clawing at his arm.
Lance Storm got involved. He grabbed onto Regals arm and squeezed; "Listen, William, let go. You're hurting her. You don't want to degrade yourself to a filthy American standards. Let... Go..."
Regal seemed to consider this, and he did let go. But, not before he straighten himself up, and said haughtily; "You are correct, as usual, Lance. But, you, my dear had better watch out. People can't go around bad mouthing me, you know." And he walked away.
Ivory glared at his retreating back and slowly rubbed her throbbing arm to get some feeling back into it. "Are you all right?"
She turned to glare at Lance. "Yeah. No thanks to your fellow Un-Intelligent, but yeah, I'm fine."
She looked up to see him looking down at his feet and rubbing his arm. "I'm sorry about that, Ivory."
She gave him a small smile, and put her arm around his shoulder. "You don't need to apologize. Somedays my mouth gets me in trouble. It's all right, I'm used to it."
He nodded and then looked up at her, "Is it true what you said before?"
She rolled her eyes, "What did I say? I said a -lot- of things"
"About Christian. Is that true?"
She thought back to what he was talking about. "Yeah. But, you definitely got yourself some brownie points in my little black book today, Mr. Storm. Consider yourself lucky, because few men ever do make it into that book."
He smiled, a real, honest to goodness smile at her, and she beamed at him. "Well," he said. "Christian isn't excatly the kind of person I would want if I was a woman."
"Why not?" Ivory argued, "He's blond. He has very nice assets, and he's almost as lanky as his brother."
Lance shrugged, "Besides the fact that I have -no- interest in Christian... That's just not my type of person. I don't look for women by those standards."
Ivory was interested now, "What kind of standards do you look for then?"
He blushed and then said; "Look on pages 50-57 in the Divas Undressed magazine. That's my type of woman. She's beautiful in every way imaginable, but few people see it." He looked around, "I should go and find Regal. Got to make sure he's not bothering anyone else. I'll see you soon, Ivory?"
She smiled and waved; "Sure! See you Stormy!" and then laughed at the nickname she had made. He smiled, again, at her, and then walked away.
She was interested now. If he didn't like the kind of woman who was blonde, pretty, and had a good ass, who did he like? She didn't realize it, not until right now, but she wanted to find out more about this new Lance Storm. Not the boring, quiet guy from her Alliance days, but the one she could have a conversation with, and she actually felt good when she made him smile. It made her feel wanted.
She walked over to where Test was leaning on the wall, checking out most of the woman as they walked by. She and Test had, a long time ago, an unspoken agreement to watch out for each other. She tried to stop divas or their boyfriends from killing him, and he tried to keep the creepy guys away from her in return.
"Test, my man! How are those 'Testicles' of yours hanging?" she said laughing when he blushed and groaned.
"Shut up. Just shut up, Ivory. Like I don't get that everywhere that I go! The things I do for Stacy!" he said taking off his sunglasses to look at her.
"Sounds like someone's in -looooove-" she sing-sang, "Out of curiosity, mostly because I know you have one, do you have a Divas Undressed magazine with you?"
He raised his pierced eyebrow up at her, "So, my dreams have finally come true, and you're finally willing to experiment?"
"You're dreams, my nightmare." she said rolling her eyes. "No, dip-shit! I'm just looking for something."
"And I'm just looking for some--" Test began, motioning suggestively, until Ivory punched his shoulder. "Ow! That hurt! Yeah, here I keep a spare in my back pocket." he said as he took the magazine out.
It was Ivorys turn to raise her eyebrow, "Spare? You mean to tell me, you finally find a girlfriend that is as sex-driven as yourself, yet you still need a -couple- of these magazines to get it up? Pfft. You are so pathetic, Test."
She shook her head as she grabbed the magazine. She opened it and turned the pages, until she found the pages Lance said he liked. The pages he more or less said was his ideal woman. And she when she saw it she exclaimed, "Me?! These are of me?!"
The End
Ideal Woman
It was Ivory's first day back to an actual wrestling television show. She was on RAW for the first time in months. Filming Tough Enough drained her, and she took a couple extra weeks off before coming back.
She was walking around alone backstage looking for Trish or Lita. She was extremely proud of both girls. She originally thought both, well mostly Trish, were going to become the normal wrestling diva. All looks, no brains, and couldn't care less about the business. When Ivory came back from the show, she was pleasantly surprised to see Trish looking more improved then ever. She was making friends, and seemingly keeping her friends in the Dudley clan. Ivory had seen Trish when she was at her lowest. With Test and Albert and then again with Mr. MacMahon. She was glad too see Trish had become a better person, then she was when she first came to the WWF.
And Lita. What could Ivory say about Lita, that hadn't already been said by millions of fans, people, and wrestlers? The girl had started her professional wrestling career in ECW and she seemed to still have it in her. Give all you have, until it hurts. And then come back for more with a smile on your face. Lita had her neck broken during a now canceled television show. And even though she was in tremendous amounts of pain, she never gave up. And because of that, she was able to still have a job with the WWF as an announcer, first on Velocity, and now on Heat. And she was almost attacked by the Three Minute Warning, or whatever those dingbats called themselves, yet she stood her ground. Sure, to Ivory who was watching in the safety of her house, it looked like she was scared shitless, but she didn't back down.
"Well, well.... Look whom we have here!" an annoyingly aristocratic British accent piped up from behind Ivory.
She swung around and came face to face with the uptight looking William Regal and the as per usual, stoic expression of Lance Storm. "What do you want, Regal?" she said annoyed as she glared at him.
William Regal was known backstage as a person who would bother the divas relentlessly and try to use force to make them go out with him. At least until the divas boyfriends put a stop to it. That's why Edge had, had such a long feud with him, because Regal had been hitting on Lita after Matt Hardy dumped her. Unfortunately for Ivory, she was currently boyfriend-less, and unfortunately for Regal, she was not easily scared.
Regal glared at her; "Listen sunshine, I haven't done anything to you --yet-- I just wanted to know if a lovely and -alone- gentlewoman like yourself was currently interested in, perhaps joining Lance and I in getting rid of those dirty, disgusting Americans?"
Ivory snorted a very un-lady like snort and rolled her eyes; "Listen, England. I was born in California, you don't get that much more American then me! My only guess of why you'd bother with me, is because you two are obviously lacking in the looks department after since that delightful hottie Christian, left your little group. Sorry, toots, but I don't associate with repulsively vile idiots like you. Now get out of my face, before I have to forcefully push you out of it."
She went to turn around and leave when Regal's slimy hands reached out and grabbed her. "Now you listen here, young lady! You do -not- say such horrible things about a fine gentleman like myself!" Regal's face was growing redder and redder as he spoke.
She tried to twist her arm away, but only ended up hurting herself more. "Get off me! That hurts!" she said clawing at his arm.
Lance Storm got involved. He grabbed onto Regals arm and squeezed; "Listen, William, let go. You're hurting her. You don't want to degrade yourself to a filthy American standards. Let... Go..."
Regal seemed to consider this, and he did let go. But, not before he straighten himself up, and said haughtily; "You are correct, as usual, Lance. But, you, my dear had better watch out. People can't go around bad mouthing me, you know." And he walked away.
Ivory glared at his retreating back and slowly rubbed her throbbing arm to get some feeling back into it. "Are you all right?"
She turned to glare at Lance. "Yeah. No thanks to your fellow Un-Intelligent, but yeah, I'm fine."
She looked up to see him looking down at his feet and rubbing his arm. "I'm sorry about that, Ivory."
She gave him a small smile, and put her arm around his shoulder. "You don't need to apologize. Somedays my mouth gets me in trouble. It's all right, I'm used to it."
He nodded and then looked up at her, "Is it true what you said before?"
She rolled her eyes, "What did I say? I said a -lot- of things"
"About Christian. Is that true?"
She thought back to what he was talking about. "Yeah. But, you definitely got yourself some brownie points in my little black book today, Mr. Storm. Consider yourself lucky, because few men ever do make it into that book."
He smiled, a real, honest to goodness smile at her, and she beamed at him. "Well," he said. "Christian isn't excatly the kind of person I would want if I was a woman."
"Why not?" Ivory argued, "He's blond. He has very nice assets, and he's almost as lanky as his brother."
Lance shrugged, "Besides the fact that I have -no- interest in Christian... That's just not my type of person. I don't look for women by those standards."
Ivory was interested now, "What kind of standards do you look for then?"
He blushed and then said; "Look on pages 50-57 in the Divas Undressed magazine. That's my type of woman. She's beautiful in every way imaginable, but few people see it." He looked around, "I should go and find Regal. Got to make sure he's not bothering anyone else. I'll see you soon, Ivory?"
She smiled and waved; "Sure! See you Stormy!" and then laughed at the nickname she had made. He smiled, again, at her, and then walked away.
She was interested now. If he didn't like the kind of woman who was blonde, pretty, and had a good ass, who did he like? She didn't realize it, not until right now, but she wanted to find out more about this new Lance Storm. Not the boring, quiet guy from her Alliance days, but the one she could have a conversation with, and she actually felt good when she made him smile. It made her feel wanted.
She walked over to where Test was leaning on the wall, checking out most of the woman as they walked by. She and Test had, a long time ago, an unspoken agreement to watch out for each other. She tried to stop divas or their boyfriends from killing him, and he tried to keep the creepy guys away from her in return.
"Test, my man! How are those 'Testicles' of yours hanging?" she said laughing when he blushed and groaned.
"Shut up. Just shut up, Ivory. Like I don't get that everywhere that I go! The things I do for Stacy!" he said taking off his sunglasses to look at her.
"Sounds like someone's in -looooove-" she sing-sang, "Out of curiosity, mostly because I know you have one, do you have a Divas Undressed magazine with you?"
He raised his pierced eyebrow up at her, "So, my dreams have finally come true, and you're finally willing to experiment?"
"You're dreams, my nightmare." she said rolling her eyes. "No, dip-shit! I'm just looking for something."
"And I'm just looking for some--" Test began, motioning suggestively, until Ivory punched his shoulder. "Ow! That hurt! Yeah, here I keep a spare in my back pocket." he said as he took the magazine out.
It was Ivorys turn to raise her eyebrow, "Spare? You mean to tell me, you finally find a girlfriend that is as sex-driven as yourself, yet you still need a -couple- of these magazines to get it up? Pfft. You are so pathetic, Test."
She shook her head as she grabbed the magazine. She opened it and turned the pages, until she found the pages Lance said he liked. The pages he more or less said was his ideal woman. And she when she saw it she exclaimed, "Me?! These are of me?!"
The End