Gravitation.
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine. All I own is the novel and the soundtracks.
A/N Just a little thing that kept me from sleep last night :)
"Fiyero?!"
Elphaba bit her lip, both in an attempt to shut herself up and in annoyance. Oh Oz. Why had she done that? And now she couldn't take it back. Maybe he hadn't heard her. That would be for the best. She didn't even know why she'd called after him. What was she going to say? What did she expect to happen?
She didn't get much more of a chance to think about it, because suddenly he was back in her line of sight. The cage still in one hand as he made his way back towards her. He looked slightly unsure, as though he was wondering if she had indeed called his name or that he'd made it up.
"Elphaba?"
She stared back at him without moving a muscle. A deer caught in the headlights.
He took a few more steps.
"Did you call me or am I going insane?"
She shook her head. That helped. She made a helpless gesture with her hands and smiled apologetically.
"I just...I wanted to say thank you. For this. For helping me." She found herself staring at the earth beneath her feet and forced herself to look back up.
"I...I don't know why I do that. I don't know how it happens exactly. It's just that...I get angry and...it wasn't fair...and..."
He thought for a moment that she'd start a rant again, but she caught herself.
"...Never mind...just...thank you."
He was the first one to be nice to her, aside from his girlfriend. He knew that.
"You're welcome."
He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
"I better go now."
She nodded quickly, hurrying to let him go. She felt ridiculous.
"Yes, of course. I just wanted to say thanks. Contrary to popular belief I was actually raised by humans and I have manners."
"You just don't show them very often."
It was a lame joke, meant to ease the awkward tension a bit but she stared at him, frowning, as if wondering if he was right, then at the ground.
"I'm joking, Elphaba. And you're welcome."
She nodded but didn't say anything and the moment grew awkward again.
"I'll go and take this little guy somewhere safe then."
Another nod, but also...a hint of regret? But it was gone before he could stop to think about it and her face was neutral again. He wondered if she was this silent simply because she wasn't used to conversation. Sure, she talked a lot. In class, to the class, to the professor. But no one really talked to her except for Nessa and Galinda so small talk would not be her strong suit.
"Okay."
He turned back around.
"Elphaba."
She looked up, her face apprehensive, though he could not think of a reason why.
"You want to come?
Her eyes widened.
She was...shy. Huh.
"Oh. Well...erm...Yes. Please. If you don't mind."
He couldn't help but feel pity as she fidgeted, her hands fluttering.
"Of course I don't mind or I wouldn't have asked."
He held out his free hand.
"Come on."
She stared at it,then back at him. Then around them. Peering.
As if she wasn't sure.
He didn't know what he was looking for exactly, so he just held out his hand and let her decide.
Then, very carefully, she lifted her hand and let it slide into his.
He thought he caught a fleeting smile but she kept her head down.
He was holding her hand. Fiyero Tiggular was holding her hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
The most normal.
But no one had held her hand before except for Nessa and her father, when she'd been a child.
She tended to forget how little interaction with others she'd had in her life. It had never really changed and she'd stopped trying so long ago, that even she couldn't remember the last time she'd initiated any physical contact with anyone but Nessa. But then Galinda had declared them best friends and Galinda was comfortable touching other people. And she touched Elphaba all the time. She grabbed her hands, brushed her hands, grabbed her chin as she forced lip gloss onto her. She'd grab her room mate's arms and start jumping up and down when she was excited. She gave little slaps that tickled when she was offended. She touched people all the time and it took the green girl time to adjust. She still hadn't. Maybe she never would. And now here was Fiyero, Prince Fiyero Tiggular, the most popular, handsome and coveted boy in school, holding her hand as he led the way through the forest.
She tried to shake her befuddling thoughts, tried to focus on walking faster to keep up with his long strides, but she stumbled and it pulled him to a halt. She let go of his hand to regain her balance and motioned at him to keep going but he set the cage down quickly and leaned forward to help her; His hand wrapped around her elbow while the other was suddenly on her shoulder. His body now almost as close as it had been in the clearing. His face so close to hers their cheeks nearly touched. She could feel the warmth of his hands leave her as she steadied and she felt a stab of regret. She couldn't figure out why she was embarrassed by her near-fall, why it bugged her that it had slowed him down. She could feel the blood rush to her cheeks.
"Sorry."
She mumbled more than spoke the words and she didn't look at him.
"For what?"
Yes, for what exactly? What was she going to say now? Admitting her embarrassment would be even worse.
"If ….if maybe I've hurt you. I was...your hand...I didn't mean to..."
"Elphaba. Relax. There was a rock. You tripped. No big deal."
But it was because she never tripped. She never tripped because she usually had her eyes trained on her feet as she walked. It wasn't so much because she didn't want to face the world, but the world didn't want to face her and looking at the ground made it easier to ignore the stares and the pointed fingers. It was just easier. And the upside was that she never tripped.
Except now, her eyes had kept sliding over to their joined hands. Stupid. It was obviously not a big deal to him.
"You alright now?"
She didn't want to talk any more so she just nodded.
"You sure?"
Another nod. Maybe she should have stayed behind.
"Good. Okay. Let's go."
She expected him to walk away then, to leave her to follow him, but he just grabbed her hand again and started moving, next to her this time.
"I'll stay close to you, shall I? Protect you from evil rocks."
The twinkle in his eye made her stomach jump a little.
Oz, what was happening to her?
She wanted to say something witty. She just wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come.
"Elphaba? You in there somewhere?"
He kept walking but he did slow down considerably and looked at her, his head cocked to the side, a worried look on his face.
"You haven't said anything. At all. Would you prefer me to go? I can do this alone..."
She shook her head and found her voice.
"No. I mean...you can, if you prefer. If you want me to go, I don't mind..."
He shook his head, a somewhat bemused but also conflicted look on his face.
"No. I just thought that since you were so quiet, maybe you've just had enough of me for today."
This too was said with a mischievous look but there was a genuine question somewhere in the middle.
"No. I mean...I just..."
What was wrong with her?
"I mean..."
Seriously.
She came to halt amidst the trees, pulling back her hand because she needed to collect herself and steeled herself before looking up at him.
"I wasn't expecting you to ask me along. I...I'm just..." Oh for Oz' sake.
She straightened her shoulders, ignored the blush that was working its way to her cheeks and opted to tell the truth for once, or part of it at least, because it was better than this, "I'm not used to spending a lot of time with people."
It wasn't much of an explanation and she didn't like giving one but she needed him to know she wasn't always like this, that she did have a brain if nothing else. It seemed to be enough for him though, because he set down the Lion Cub and stood in front of her, a look she couldn't decipher in his eyes.
"Yeah, I figured something like that."
He smiled at her then, a slightly uncomfortable smile, but a real one.
"Why is that, by the way?"
She raised her eyebrows by means of an answer.
"The green can't be the only reason."
"It's more than enough for most people."
He shook his head.
"I refuse to believe that."
He grinned then and saved her from having to come up with a response.
"You're a bit of a know-it-all. I think that doesn't help."
She opened her mouth to protest, indignation flaring up, but he silenced her.
"And you have quite a temper. Also a problem."
That temper was getting the better of her.
"I do not! And it's not my fault most people in that classroom are idiots."
"Are you trying to prove my point or yours?"
"Well, they are! What's the point in sugar coating the truth? And you're no better, Mr dancing-through-life! What kind of philosophy is that? And..."
"Ah. There you are."
He smiled triumphantly. She fell silent.
What?
"I'm glad to see you're back. That quiet you was starting to unnerve me a little."
She was at a loss for words.
"But..."
The grin that adorned his face was insufferable.
"But what?"
She wanted to smack it off his face. Oz, he was annoying!
"But if I'm a know-it-all and have too much of a temper..."
He shook his head calmly, with a feigned sad expression.
"You're not a great listener either."
He grinned as her eyebrows shot up.
"I didn't say you have too much of a temper. I said you have quite a temper. Which you do. I didn't say I minded. I don't."
The grin faded into a smile.
"I like it, actually."
She lost her voice again at that and settled for staring at him.
"Have I lost you again now? Is this where the silent thing comes from?"
She opened her mouth but no sound came out. It was mortifying but she needed a moment to get her bearings. He turned her inside out.
"It is, isn't it? You're all fire but someone says something remotely nice to you and there's no sound whatsoever."
His smile had faded now because he'd said it jokingly but he realized the truth of his words and all it implied and it made him physically hurt to know how little people must care for her.
He sighed, a sigh of resignation and heavy-hearted acceptance. He usually steered clear of situations like this, moments that held too much meaning, but he was in this one already and he might as well make it count.
He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek. He watched her eyes widen and heard her breath stop.
Yeah. People cared too little.
It made him sad to realize that something as simple as a kind word or the invitation to come along could stun her into silence like this.
It also made him wonder...
He was pretty sure she'd never been kissed. If she had been, a finger on her face or a hand around hers wouldn't throw her off this much.
The cub made a whining noise then and she stepped back. Her eyes were still wide and her breath came in gasps.
This was the moment to walk away. His mind should not be on the things it was on. This was where he should pick up that cage and lead the way to wherever they were going. This was it.
But he stood there as she turned to the side, ready to focus on the cub and it did something to him. It awoke something he couldn't name. She chose others over herself. But had any one ever chosen her over anything else?
Maybe he'd never know, but if no one ever had, then there was a first time for everything.
He grabbed her arm as she moved to walk past him and pulled her back to where she had been before. She looked confused and opened her mouth to undoubtedly ask him what he was doing, what was wrong, but he didn't give her the chance.
His one hand still on her arm, he moved the other to cup her cheek, let his fingers slide into her hair, and without any more thinking pressed his lips to hers. She made a little sound, of surprise? Delight? Disgust? and lost her balance again but the hand on her arm steadied her and moved to her shoulder blade to pull her closer. Her body pressed up to his and his hand sank lower to rest on the small of her back.
He was about to pull away, because he did have a girlfriend and he was not supposed to be doing this and he wasn't so sure he wasn't about to get slapped, when he felt her lips move to let his tongue slip through and her hands very carefully made their way to his upper arms, clinging to his shirt, nails digging into the flesh of his arm through the fabric.
He was aware of the fact that he should have pulled back by now. This wasn't an act of kindness any more. It probably never had been. This was a full-blown kiss. More of a kiss than he usually shared with Galinda. Especially because he didn't want to stop.
One moment, she was searching frantically for her voice, telling it to hurry up and come back and the next, he was running a finger down her cheek in the gentlest way possible. She doesn't want her breath to catch over something so silly, so small, but it does.
It's the first time she's been this alone with a boy, a man. That she's been this close to one. That she's been this close to one that touched her willingly. A man like this.
She wants to turn and run but she can't. She can't pull away. There's a voice in the back of her head, deep down, that tells her to stay because she might never have a moment like this again.
But then the cub makes his presence known and with regret, too much regret for it to be healthy, she steps back and turns to walk past him to head for the cub.
She doesn't get too far though because suddenly his hand yanks her back to her previous spot and before she registers his hand on her face, his fingers spread in her hair, his thumb stroking her cheek, his face is closer than it's ever, ever, been and his lips are on hers.
She staggers and stumbles again because this came out of nowhere and she has no clue what to do, but his hand steadies her, moves to her shoulder, then her back and his hands are so warm and the feeling of his thumb rubbing softly up and down her temple is too much to take in. And it's too nice.
It's just so nice.
And she'd never thought it would be like this. And she really had never thought she'd get to experience it.
She knows that she should stop this, she just can't remember why and as she feels he is about to pull back, she instinctively presses her lips against his with a bit more pressure. His tongue licks at her bottom lip then, slips into her mouth and she just doesn't know what to do with herself. This might be the nicest, most wonderful thing on earth. Her head swims with it.
She's suddenly incredibly aware that it's Fiyero Tiggular that's kissing her. That she's kissing him back.
Fiyero Tiggular. The campus catch and boyfriend of her room mate. Of her only friend.
Oh no.
He knows it's over the moment her lips leave his. He tries to catch his breath as she takes a few shaking steps back and looks at him.
He doesn't know what she had planned on saying but there's a look on her face all of a sudden, that he knows is one of fear.
And vulnerability.
It flits through his mind that he was right. A kiss would render her speechless.
He doesn't enjoy it. He sincerely regrets it. This was her first kiss and it was given to her by a boy with a girlfriend, in the middle of a forest. No one would know, she didn't have anyone to tell it to, and no one would believe her if she did. He has the power here, he knows. He could walk away now and leave her here to wonder and never talk about it again.
"I'm sorry."
Hurt flickers in her eyes but only briefly and she manages a smile before rushing her words.
"That's okay. I don't...I mean. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have..."
He doesn't understand what she's apologizing for, but then he understands that she's not actually apologizing. He knows then that if he walked away now, and never spoke about it again, she wouldn't either. She's giving him an out.
He feels bad because he remembers his first kiss, he knows everyone remembers their first kiss, and he doesn't want her memory of that to be of being left behind in a forest, having it never mentioned again.
There's a sense of responsibility that he feels now, though he has no idea where that came from, to make sure she's not so alone any more all the time. To make sure she knows her feelings are real too, and they count for something.
He shakes himself out of his reverie and focuses on the girl in front of him. She's staring at the ground, her arms wrapped around her waist, her boot scuffing the mossy ground. As if she can feel him watching her, she looks back up.
"Really, Fiyero. Galinda...and I know you never meant to...and well...I...no one saw...so you're okay."
It breaks his heart a little, even as the guilt over Galinda and the relief over not being seen are there too.
"I meant to."
She blinks, really fast, and her eyes are huge. She was not expecting that, that's obvious.
"What?"
"I kissed you because I wanted to. I didn't fall and land on your lips or anything. I know what I did. And I don't regret it."
"But...you just said...and Galinda..."
"Yeah. That's the part I'm sorry about. I shouldn't have done that because of Galinda, but if it hadn't been for Galinda...I'd have no regrets."
More blinking and she looks away from him for a moment. She shivers and he wants to know if it's because she's cold or because of this, because of him.
"Oh..."
She falters and fights with herself but in the end her curiosity wins.
"But...why would you..?"
"Why would I what?"
"You know exactly what I mean."
He enjoys this side of her. The exasperation and frustration in her eyes makes them sparkle. He's noticed that before.
"I do. I just want you to say it. I kissed you. Say it."
"No."
"And you kissed me back."
"Fiyero."
It's not just because he's uncomfortable that he tries to insert some lightness into the seriousness of the moment. Part of him wishes she would have said it, acknowledged it out loud because that would mean she knows and believes that it did happen. She's still protecting herself now. She doesn't trust him.
"Fine, fine. Look. Elphaba. I don't know exactly why that happened. I didn't get up this morning with a plan to kiss you. I just did. Because I wanted to. I shouldn't have, I know that. It's not fair to Galinda and it's not fair to you, but I don't regret it."
She's pleased, he thinks. Even if she doesn't want to be.
"Really?"
He smiles. She's quite endearing, really, this strange green girl.
"Yeah. How could I? That...was...a hell of a kiss."
She actually blushes then.
He can't resist. He leans in and lets his lips brush hers one more time.
She doesn't pull back this time and she doesn't look as scared. He nods in affirmation.
"Definitely a hell of a kiss."
She smiles a little, her cheeks somewhere between red and purple, then frowns.
"But Galinda..."
"I know. I'm sorry."
Another frown.
"It's not all your fault. I was there too."
"Yes, but I bear the brunt of the responsibility here, I'm afraid. For many reasons."
She frowns again but doesn't ask.
"I was there too, Fiyero. I could have walked away. I didn't."
"No, you didn't. That must mean you wanted to kiss me too."
Another attempt to lighten the mood, but he keeps forgetting that that doesn't work on her. She's used to heavy moods. Used to tension. She's the cause of it, more often than not.
"Well..I...No...I mean..."
"Relax Elphaba. I was only kidding."
He knows he has to go. They need to set free the cub before anyone can find them with it and he needs to think. And talk to Galinda.
He needs to figure out how deep this attraction to Elphaba is. Because he is attracted to her. He sees no point in denying that. He helped her and could have stopped there, but he enjoys her company and he invited her along and he kissed her. No point at all in denying that he is at least interested in the school outcast.
And he needs to face facts and accept that his attraction to Galinda is proving to be short-lived. She's lovely, and the most beautiful girl in school, but no more than that. Not to him. He's not in love with her and never will be and he's pretty sure that it's a two-way street, this lack of love. He likes how she looks and she likes how they look together and that's the foundation of their relationship.
Maybe he's selling her short. They have fun together, a lot of fun, but he has fun all the time, with nearly everyone he meets. He doesn't have much fun with Elphaba, he's not having a particularly good time now, yet he can't make himself move. He wants to stay.
He wants to take her out for coffee, to one of the quiet places off campus and ask her million questions about her life and tell her all about his.
It's not like him at all. That's what proves his theory.
He smiles at her.
"You should go. I'll go and get this done." He gestures to the cage that holds the Lion Cub and moves to pick it up.
"Unless you want to come?"
She does but she shouldn't. Any moment now, he'd come back to his senses. Any moment now, the guilt over Galinda and what a terrible friend she is would launch its attack. Things can only get worse from here on out.
"No. No. I better go."
He nods and starts to move. So does she but she fights not to look back.
"Elphaba."
She stops and turns back. He hasn't moved far yet, standing between the trees.
He smiles again, hoping she'll understand everything he can't put into words. Everything that there aren't words for. Yet.
She smiles back, tentatively at first, but as his grows wider, hers does too.
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
She nods then, tucks a strand of her behind her ear and turns around again.
"Elphaba."
She turns again before she's had a chance to move. A curious and amused look on her face but there is something else there. Something he can't read. Something he doesn't like.
"No regrets."
The something he doesn't like fades away then and she smiles again, a lovely smile. A smile that the world should see more often.
She nods and turns but he knows that smile is still on her lips. He hopes when he sees her tomorrow, it will still be there.
I know it's not nice of Fiyero to do all that when he still has a girlfriend. I considered having him break up with Galinda first to do it "the right way." But, honestly, I liked this timing, I didn't want to break them up first. Also, most importantly, life is not always pretty.
That said; please review. It would make my day.
And for the wonderful people that are still following Skin Deep. That chapter is on my laptop at home and will be posted in a few hours!