Disclaimer: Paramount owns all.
Rating: Um, G.
Spoilers: None
Older
You asked me once, not even a year into this God-forsaken voyage, if we should consider the possibility of the crew having children. Seventy years was a long time, after all, and we couldn't very well run the ship forever. And I told you that we would deal with it when the time came.
But that was when I was still hopeful that a short-cut would be presented to us and that I would be home in time to start a family with Mark, and both of our crews could find their loved ones they'd left behind. Now I realize that, try as Starfleet may, this trip is up to us and if we want to get home, we will have to make decisions.
And now I stand with a PADD in my hand, ready to transmit the go-ahead: the crew, using their best judgement, is to try and repopulate the ship for training. It was the most tactful way I could tell the crew to go screw their brains out with reckless abandon, damning all the consequences to whatever hell they believe in.
And secretly, I envy almost every woman on this ship. I'm not old, but I'm not young either. Before I made this decision, I had talked to the Doctor about how many women were safely of childbearing age. He'd given me a list; I wasn't on it. He'd apologized, of course, and assured me it wasn't just because I was the captain but that I wasn't "in my prime" any more.
You'd been surprisingly good about it, when you saw the list of women. You didn't even mention that I wasn't there. We had both chuckled at seeing Seven's name on there; we knew she would find reproducing "irrelevant." But it was also extremely logical; the Doctor might be able to talk her into it.
"Kathryn?"
I look up and smile. It's you. Who else would it be though?
"Yes, Commander?"
"Have you transmitted the list yet?" you ask me and I shake my head.
"No, why? Do you want to look at it again?"
You nod and I give you the PADD. You seem to scrutinize every name very carefully this time, making small humming noises. I know this means that you are committing names to memory. Are you trying to decide on a candidate? My heart drops at the thought.
"Thank you, Kathryn. I just needed to check a few things out."
You leave my quarters then, which is just as well, because I might have asked you if you'd found the person to mother your children.
I transmit the list, along with my note, explaining the situation, and telling the crew that I understood how awkward this was. I expected a few objections, mainly from B'Elanna and Seven, but I knew the crew would eventually take my blessing and use it.
The door chimes and, at first, I don't want to answer it. It has only been a week, but I know the crew is doing everything within its power to fulfill my command. I smile at how many complaints I've received from Tom and B'Elanna's neighbors.
Again, the door chimes and I know that it is either you, or Seven.
"Come in."
I look up and see that it is you, followed by Samantha Wildman. I must have a terribly confused look on my face because you chuckle to yourself and Samantha smiles nervously.
"Is something wrong, Ensign?" I ask, trying to mask the confusion in my voice.
Samantha shakes her head and then turns to you. This time, you look nervous, and at the same time excited, and my confusion grows. Could you have possibly picked Samantha? That though hurts me beyond belief and in the next moment I wonder how Naomi will take the news.
"Samantha and Ihave a surprise for you," you say to me, grinning.
"What is that?"
This time, you cough first. "Well, I did notice that you weren't on the Doctor's list, and I knew that must have upset you"
I shake my head, trying to deny what you're saying. "No, of course not. I'm the captain; I can't very well be hiding in my quarters for nine months."
You smile lightly and I concede a small smile as well. "Well, Samantha and I have talked this out, and we decided that, if you'd like, she would carry a child for you."
I look at you, both eyebrows raised, jaw slightly dropped.
"I couldn't think of having another child if it wasn't my husband's, Captain," Samantha says, and I force myself to look away from you. "But when the Commander mentioned this to me, I knew I could do my part to help the ship."
"That isvery thoughtful of you, Ensign. I'll come talk to you later about this. Dismissed."
Samantha leaves hurriedly, and now I turn to look at you again.
"Commander, this is very thoughtful"
"But what, Kathryn? You don't want to put her through it? You don't want to explain your one selfish act to the crew? You don't know who to ask to be the father?"
"All of those," I answer, smiling at how well you know me.
You shake your head and kneel down next to me. "Kathryn, Samantha wants to do this. As for the crew, I think they'll understand. As for the father" Your voice trails off as you start to draw small circles with your fingers on my thigh. "While the Doctor could give you a list of candidates, I was thinking that maybe" Again, your voice trails off and this time you look up at me. "Maybe you and I could find out if my 23 chromosomes match up with your 23 chromosomes."
I find myself chuckling despite the seriousness of the situation. Leave it to you to turn making a baby into a math equation.
Then I look down at you and see that you are serious, more serious now than you have ever been since I've known you. And I feel like I want to cry. But as I am the captain, I will not cry. Instead, I squeeze your hand.
"You want Samantha to have our child?" I ask finally.
You nod slowly. "I don't think she'd have it any other way."