What Rika Said

by Notorious P.A.T

Rika's been in a huge car accident, and Takato's going through what we all would under the circumstances. Will she die? Will she live? What was left unsaid? What needs to be said? My first song fic to the tunes of Death Cab for Cutie's What Sarah Said

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A/N: My first song-fic, so don't crucify me. I'm gonna try my best for a song that's so sad. Normally, I make vids to songs, but I quickly realized that I couldn't make a vid to this song, and that I'd probably make a better story to it. By the way, it's What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie. Love and be loved. Read… and review. Peace!
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What Rika Said

And it came to me then
That every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes
In the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409

They say that, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' But who can see beauty in something so corrupted? Who could possibly see the beauty in something that was, indeed, once beautiful… but now is destroyed? What monstrosity could find anything to be grateful for when you're waiting for the noise that precedes news that is new to you… that horrible annunciation of 'update?'

I stare at my feet like my whole world is encircling them. They're ugly shoes… dirt stains all over them, with other signs that they have been worn out. However, I don't put a lot of thought into them, because right now is about something else… someone else.

I'm sitting in a metal chair that forces my spine to straighten itself, and I hate it for this. I want badly to go into the room… to see what's happening… to know why everything's so wrong. To see what catastrophe has happened… what horror has been brought against my friend… against my… girl…my… Rika.

And I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak
On the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me...

I feel a warm hand fall upon my shoulder… but I don't turn around. I know who it is, and it doesn't surprise me. She tries to comfort me… to 'be there' for me… but right now, no one can 'be there' for me. I'm alone right now, because right now, I only have one thing on my mind… and one image in my head.

I suddenly can't control my self and a let out a rasped breath, as if I was prepared to cry. But I had to be strong! I couldn't allow for myself to become over-come with grief, because that would only give into the pain, and allow for the self-hatred to sink in. How could I allow for this to happen? How could I have ever permitted for this to come upon her? Why couldn't I stop it? Why wasn't I with her?

These questions and so many more flood my mind so quickly I simply hear them passing and then feel the pain of knowing what weight each question carries. I realize that I could have never done anything to prevent it, even if I had been with her… yet I still feel as if I could have done something… anything to help her.

I bury my face in my hands and want so badly to be rid this pain… to be rid this onerous feeling… this lonely journey. Then I take into consideration the fight she's putting up in the next room… simply to stay alive.

I feel a hot, stinging sensation come upon my eyes, but I won't allow for it. I cannot allow for myself to give up so easily…
"Takato…" the mother says to me.
"Don't." I respond, almost instinctively.
"Takato, we have to be prepared for-"
"I said, don't." I interrupted Mrs. Nonaka once again.

She obliges by taking her hands away and walking across the room to sit in chair away from me. I can't stand it anymore…

I stand up and walk away… anywhere must be better then this… this… this place! The tv is on… the hospital is busy… the intensive care unit… is hell.

Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It's done like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds

I stand before a vending machine with food that I neither care for, nor have any desire for. I place my head up against the glass case and see the magazines rack on the left and see the magazines they carry… noticing the first a magazine from clear over a year ago. 'Typical' I think to myself.

I also feel a lump in my pocket, but ignore it… for it is worthless now.

I think back to all that we've done together… all that we've accomplished together… all that we had together. I love her, I truly do. Why I was never able to tell her how I felt… I may, now, never know. I love her for her fire hair, and her violet eyes. I love her for her tough girl act, and for her loving stare. I love her for her warm smile, and for her joyous laugh.

Memories flash before me of everything that we shared together… from our first meeting in the park… to our incidents in that tunnel…to our first date… our first kiss… our first… everything.

I stare back at the tile floor and hate it more for offering nothing to help save the girl for whom I care so deeply about. I realize Mrs. Nonaka is correct though… even if she was never going to say what was implied. I must be prepared to face the hard…

No! We've been through so much, why would this be any different? What's the difference between what we've been through before, against what we're going through right now?

'The difference is that she's doing it alone this time.' Speaks a solemn voice.

I want to refuse it… and I know the easiest thing to do is just ignore it… but… I somehow can't pull myself to take the easy way out.
I hate myself more for not just denying the truth, and embracing the lies, and the deception. But there's no way around it. I am wrong… I am right.

And I knew that you were truth
I would rather lose
Than to have never laid beside it all
Then I looked around
At all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

Memories of tonight's events penetrate my thought process as the words hit my eardrums. I stare up at the tv as the news anchor rattles off the top stories of the night, 'and a local girl is in critical condition after spinning out of control in mass car crash. We'll have updates, and the rest… on the twelve-o'clock news.'

I stare with intense hatred… 'a local girl.' How could they generalize her so easily? How could they label the most important person in my life? How could they leave it out there, so blandly? So easily? So evilly!

I hated them so, but I was distracted. How could I become so preoccupied with such a trivial thing? I look around the room, so fittingly named 'the waiting room' and only see one person. The same women who had tried to outreach to me earlier sits alone, staring at the ground with despair and misery about her. It slowly dawns upon me that I'm not the lone person hurt by this horrible atrocity.

Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous spaces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their head
And I'm thinking of what Sarah said

I walk around the metal seats until I am next to Mrs. Nonaka. I take a seat next to her, and take my place with her as I too stare at the ground. I place my hand on hers, because I know now, she needs just as much comfort as I do. "What did they… err, say?"

She takes in a deep breath, as if engulfing the air might bring her daughter back. "She's on her own for now… they've done all they can."

"I sincerely doubt that… but I trust that they'll do everything in their power to help her." I said, first offering my opinion. But I knew this wasn't what she needed to hear right now, and thus; I offered some words of comfort.

"Do you think that-"
"Excuse me…" someone interrupted me.
We both picked our heads up to look at a woman… a nurse. "Mrs. Nonaka, you can see her again. And, who are you?" she asked me.
I opened my mouth, but no words came. Before I could tell her who I was, I knew that the truth would only destroy any chance of seeing Rika. "He's her fiancé."

I didn't bother looking towards Mrs. Nonaka. If I gave her a look of shocked surprise, surly then the nurse would know the truth. The woman simply shook her head, and gestured for us to follow her.

We walked behind her for only a few seconds before she left us alone in a room with Rika. She looked so… so…
So lifeless... so gone... so tainted… so… jaded.

Mrs. Nonaka began to cry, but instead of taking a seat next to Rika, left the room… headed back for the waiting room I'd suppose. So that I was left alone with the one girl I'd always loved… but never told… and may never be able to tell now.

I turned my neck and looked behind me, tracing my path back to the waiting room, and considered going to comfort Mrs. Nonaka again.

'What is love, Takato?' said a soft voice in my head, as a memory shared between me and Rika flashed before me, and I took my seat next to Rika's bed.

But love is watching someone die...

I stared at Rika from my seat, just barely seeing over the bed. I could see her rosy cheeks, and the side of her face that was facing me. She had a bandage just above her eye, another that was covering a gash along the side of her 'rosy cheeks.' The final parts that I could see, her lips, were cut… at least what I saw.

I feared for how the rest of her body was ripped, or cut, or bleeding, and I quickly shook the thought from my mind, as it disturbed me more then any other. I stared at that sad face a moment longer, before tearing my eyes away, and looking at the stupid tile floor again.

I began to think of what I could possibly say. What could I try and convey to the Rika that I still had left, that I would not be able to in a few short minutes? I began to confess all that came to my mind, as I knew it was worthless, but it did not matter anymore… this was all that I had, "Rika… I want you to know… and I know you can't hear me, but I still have to say it, because I have to get it to you before your gone… before your… dead."

"Rika… I know you already knew this, because how could you not? You've probably always known… but just wanted to mess with my head… play with me… tease me, until I finally told you myself. Then you could laugh and say you always knew. Rika… I love you. I always have. I can't believe your going to leave me like this… I can't believe it has to end this way… I can't believe…" hot tears exploded from the dry ducts which had held them, as my voice became raspy, and I was breaking down.

So who's gonna watch you die?

I looked up at the LCD machine through my tears and saw as the line slowly made its way up… and down… up… and down. I hated it, but I knew it was trying to tell me I only had so much time left. "Rika… that's not all! I don't know about you… and I probably never will now… but I've always felt like we connected in so many ways… so many different things just clicked between us. You made me realize… that I could be more… that I was… that I was worth more then nothing. That I could make something of myself. Rika! Rika, you made everything worth it! You made me strong…" I said, yet the tears engulfed my face, and I lost my voice for the moment, as I realized irony that the person who had made me strong… was now on her deathbed because she just wasn't… strong enough.

So who's gonna watch you die?

I felt the lump for the second time tonight, and I thrust my hand in my pocket to dig it out. I pulled out the black velvet box, and clutched it close to my heart… knowing full well what its purpose was. I slowly placed beside Rika, and was over taken with grief and utter depression. I chocked out as many tears as I could, yet kept my eyes to the floor as I spoke. "Rika… I was going to… I was, and I know your laughing at me for this, but… I was going to ask you to marry me! I really was. It wasn't going to be tonight… or tomorrow… but I was going to do it. But now… now I'll never ever get that chance. I can't express to you how much you meant to me…"

Again… Tears over took me.

So who's gonna watch you die?

I stared down at the floor, hysterically crying… listening only to the sound of the machine… giving its ever-casual 'beep.' I pulled my head up and looked at the plugs that connected from the machine to Rika's chest. I want so badly to be where she is… to take her place… I would die for her… without a second's hesitation. I bent over her and kissed her on her cut lips lightly… and pulled away. I stared at her for a moment longer… praying that she would show some sign of life. The tears came harder, yet slower, as I began to realize the worst had come to happen… the worst possible thing to happen to me… had. My reason for living had been taken away. I turned from her bed, and slowly limped to the door. The tears came still, and I felt as if they may never stop.

I heard a shift of movement from the bed… but I knew… my mind was playing with me again. Giving me the false hopes I so desperately wanted. I stopped at the doorway, and put my hand on it. I slouched over and felt the tears come faster then ever before. I wanted nothing more then to die on this very spot. I tuned my ears to the machine again… and heard the sound of death. The synchronized 'beep' was gone… replaced with the continues sound of 'flat line.'

I caught my breath and tried to stand tall… but my stomach would not allow for it. I stood in the doorway… prepared to leave… prepared for… prepared for that which you can't prepare for… prepared for the unexpected… prepared…

"Takato…?"

I spun around immediately and saw an angel risen from the grave… I stared quickly at the flat line, then to the spot where the cords had been not a minute ago… and they were gone. She had taken the cords off, and was laying on her side facing me… she stared at me with squinted eyes, barely seeing… but knowing fully.

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A/N: I asked you to not crucify me for this. I still think it would have been better then any video I could have done. If you've ever heard the song itself, then you know it ends sadly. My own personal view on the song is that it ends with whoever (the lead singer person or whoever he's suppose to be) watching someone he/she truly love die in the ICU. I found the song to be both incredibly good, and incredibly touching. However, like I said, I believe that it ends with them watching the person they love die. I spent a whole week lobbying over how to end this one. End it happily, or end it just as the song has it? Obviously, I choose the happy… but I'm not happy with it. On the other hand, I'd kill myself before I ended a story with Rika's death. I'll let you people decide how it was. This was, by the way, the first work I did when I had been on leave... I was really shy about posting it, because I wasn't sure how it would be precieved. Appreciate it. Thanks. Okay, peace.

Love Always. Rukato Forever.

"Gentlemen it's time to spread the word, and the word is… Panic!"
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