Notes: Yahoo! Emily pulled her head out of her ass and wrote a sequel! And now:

The Morning After

"Hey"

"…"

"Hey"

"…"

"Psst, hey Charlie."

"For the love of God Averman, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Is it morning yet?"

Charlie rolled over and looked at the digital clock on the VCR. It read 8:30. He dropped his head on his pillow in disbelief. His head hurt really badly.

"No Averman, it is not."

"But the sun is up."

"No it isn't. You're seeing things."

"Really? Am I imagining all of this?"

"Yes. Actually, this is all a dream. Now go back to sleep."

"Okay."

And he did. For about five minutes.

"Wait, how can I go to sleep if this is a dream?"

"I don't know, but if anyone could manage it, you could. Why don't you ask Luis?"

"I can't! He's asleep!"

"…So was I, and that didn't stop you."

"Well, he looks so cute when he's asleep. And I also wanted to tell you that you've been drooling."

The little goon was right, thought Charlie. His pillow was kind of wet on one side.

"Averman, I can't do this right now. I'm exhausted, can't you wake someone else?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Well, only a couple of other people are down here, and Jesse wouldn't wake up," said Averman in a matter-of-fact tone. "Not even when I poked him in the eye."

"What do you mean no one's down here?"

"I mean exactly what I said. No one else is down here. Well, Julie and Portman are, but I didn't want to disturb him. I roomed with his last year; he's big and scary when he's tired."

Once again Averman was right. (This couldn't be a good sign, thought Charlie) With the exception of Jesse on the coffee table, Himself, Averman and Luis on the floor, and Julie and Portman on the couch, the basement was empty. Though Charlie could have sworn everyone else had fallen asleep on the floor, half his teammates were M.I.A.

"What the hell? Where'd everyone go?"

"Home?" suggested Averman.

"Yeah right, only complete fools are up at this time of the morning."

"Haha, you called yourself a fool!"

Charlie just rolled his eyes and walked sleepily up the stairs. After walking through the kitchen he found Adam on the recliner chair and Russ on the couch in the living room.

"Those jerks," he muttered.

Deciding that what he really needed was more sleep, and in order to accomplish that, to get away from Averman. So Charlie walked upstairs to his bedroom. He was not expecting, however, to find Connie, Guy and Fulton all snuggled in his bed. The sight of Fulton half-cuddling Guy would have been funnier if he wasn't so angry about them stealing his bed.

Charlie sighed in resignation and proceeded to his mother's room, hoping to get some shut-eye. Though he probably shouldn't have been, he was surprised to see Goldberg and Dwayne sleeping in Casey's bed. Charlie knew he wouldn't achieve any sleeping there, for Dwayne and Goldberg were snoring in two-part harmony.

Charlie left the room unable to believe the nerve of his friends. This was his house damnit! Where do they get off thinking they could just steal his bed?

Accepting the fact that he would not be getting any more sleep, Charlie went downstairs, retrieved the pan from the basement, and began making himself some bacon and eggs. The aroma of bacon tickled his nostrils and he knew his bed-snatching friends would regret their… err... bed-snatching when they woke up and got a whiff of what was cooking.

Charlie set his plate down on the counter and turned to pour himself some orange juice. When he turned back however, his plate and fork had vanished.

"OH HELL NO! I know someone did not just steal my breakfast!"

"What the hell are you yelling about?" asked Fulton sleepily, rubbing his eyes and coming down the stairs.

"Someone stole my breakfast."

"Were you making breakfast for all of us?"

"Are you kidding? You jerks stole my bed! And every other suitable sleeping space!"

"Hey, I didn't know about the others, I just followed the happy couple upstairs so they wouldn't make babies in your bed."

"Okay, I do appreciate that. You can have some breakfast."

"Sweet."

"Do me a favor and find my first plate."

They didn't have to look very far, Russ sat in the living room eating and watching The Price is Right.

"$1600! For an armoire? I say $1450, tops."

"And what the hell do you think you're doing?" asked Charlie, grabbing the fork.

"Don't you know better then to stand between a black man and his breakfast?"

Charlie considered this, then handed the fork back.

"That's right; now go get me some ketchup boy."

"Don't push it."

"Do I smell eggs?" asked Adam sleepily.

"Not for you buddy."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not the chef around here."

"Russ got bacon and eggs!"

"Russ STOLE bacon and eggs."

"Please?"

"No, no eggs for you."

"I'll give you ten dollars."

"Would you like some ketchup with that?

"Yes."

"Charlie?"

"What?"

"Where's the peanut butter?"

"Averman, give me ten minutes, I promise I will make you that sandwich."

"You better, or I'll sic Cole on you."

"…right."

"Don't doubt him. He'll find a way to do it."

"Good point. Oh yea, Fulton, please go drag Connie and Guy out of my bed. I don't want them there alone."

"You should probably make Connie a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, she wanted one too."

"What if she doesn't?"

"Then I'll eat hers."

"Fine, just remember, you gave me permission to strangle you."

"Yes, I know. After I've finished eating though."

Minutes later Guy came downstairs with a very grumpy Connie.

"Morning Connie!" said Averman cheerfully.

"Morning Averman," mumbled Connie, taking a seat next to Russ.

"Did you really have to wake her Charlie? She's going to be sick to her stomach now," whispered Guy.

"Okay, you can put her back to bed, but if she pukes on my sheets you are washing them. And don't do anything unnatural in my bed."

"Actually, doing it IS natural-"

"EW!"

"Shut up."

"What? That's gross!"

"You know, I don't know why we are still talking about it."

"That makes two of us."

"You brought it up!!

"Oh shut up and go comfort your girlfriend."

"I'm going."

"There's Advil in the upstairs bathroom cupboard, if she needs it."

"Thanks Charlie."

"No problem."

"Charlie?"

"Hold on Averman."

"Yeah Averman, I paid for my breakfast and I haven't seen it yet."

"It's right here Adam, now quit your whining."

"Hey! This is pretty good!"

"What did I tell you, I'm amazing?"

"CHARLIE!"

"OKAY AVERMAN! Hand me the God damn peanut butter!"

"I was just gonna say there's a fly on your eggs, but here ya go."

Charlie rolled his eyes. Only 45 minutes, one hour tops, and he could wrap his hands around Averman's neck and throttle him. With this thought to pacify him, he made Averman a peanut butter and bacon sandwich.

"Thanks Charlie! Hey, where's Connie's?"

"Connie's puking, she doesn't want a sandwich."

"Oh, well I'll have hers then."

"No, you won't, seeing as how there is no "hers" to be had."

"Please Charliieeeee! I'm REALLY hungry!"

"Yeah? Well I'm feeling murderous."

"I'll make him another one."

"Thank you Luis. I would hug you, but then the little rodent over there would probably think I was making a move, pounce me, and then I would have rabies, or whatever other unnatural disease affects his brain.

"There's nothing wrong with his brain, he's just a little eccentric."

"Yeah, well someone said that about Loretta Bobbit, and look how that turned out."

"Averman would never cut anyone's penis off."

"You don't know that."

"Whatever."

"Someone make me some bacon immediately."

"Good morning Portman, why yes, I did have a lovely sleep. Thank you for asking."

"Yeah yeah yeah, Where's the food?"

"Sorry mate, we're fresh out of bacon."

"What!?"

"Hey, take it up withy the little loony one, the last of it's about to go to a bacon and peanut butter sandwich."

"Ew."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Surrender that bacon Averman!"

"NEVER!"

"I mean, bacon dipped in powdered sugar is one thing, but with peanut butter?"

"It's quite good covered in carmel too."

"…"

"God, you guys realty know how to besmirch the good name of bacon."

"Are you joking? Bacon goes with everything. It's basically the flesh of God himself!"

"Yeah, just like how Hooters chicken is the flesh of Jesus Christ and the cheese they give you with the fries are the blood. They are meant to be eaten together."

"Fair enough."

"Chicken and cheese?"

"Ew."

"I'm never eating with you guys again, why are we friends?"

"Hey, you don't know what you're missing. Don't knock it until you've tried it."

"Hypocrite!"

"Excuse me Averman?"

"You've been knocking PBB sandwiches all over the place, and you've never tried one!"

Portman looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded and said, "Alright, lets give it a go then."

"You can't be serious."

"You should know me by now Babe, I'm a man of my words."

"Her name is Julie, not 'Babe.'"

"Thank you, Adam. And now I'm sure there's going to be vomit coming out of where those words of his usually do."

"Just you wait."

"Hey Portman, you know all that money we bet on you puking last night?"

"Oh yeah! Pay up!"

"Thanks a lot Guy."

"Yeah, why did you remind him?"

"Hold on. Portman, double or nothing says you can't finish that without throwing up."

"Deal," said Portman smiling widely. "You're going to make me a rich man Germaine."

"Yeah Guy, why didn't we have any say in this? These are our wallets you are emptying."

"We'll see."

"Oh yes you will."

Luis handed Portman the PBB sandwich and everyone present watched as Portman took one bite and chewed slowly, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"So, what do you think?" asked Averman.

"Hm, not bad. Not as good as bacon with maple syrup and powdered sugar…"

"That is quite a good combination…"

"…but it would be better with some crunchy peanut butter…"

"…that's what I said too…"

"…and perhaps with some chocolate syrup."

"Wow! Great idea!"

While the rest of the Ducks were dumbstruck by this horrifying recipe exchange between Portman and Averman, Guy was watching the Bash Brother closely for signs of weakness. Sure enough, he began to slow down after the first couple of bites, and showed signs of struggle towards the end.

"Can't hack it Portman?" taunted Guy.

"Shut up Germ-"

But alas, before he could finish he made a mad dash for the bathroom, nearly bowling over Connie on her way to the kitchen.

"Shit Portman you stepped on my foot. What happened to him."

"A PBB sandwich, that's what."

"Nuh-uh! He was enjoying that sandwich!"

"Yeah, now he's enjoying it again," said Goldberg, snickering.

"Gross."

"I knew he would puke. There's nothing in his stomach but whiskey. No way could he keep that down."

A still queasy-looking Portman made his reappearance.

"How ya feelin'?" asked Guy cheerfully.

"Murderous, you're gonna get it next practice Pumpkin."

"Hahaha!"

"Shut up."

"Pumpkin? You told people about that?"

"No, YOU told people about that."

"Oh, whoops."

"You also told us about how Guy's been getting lucky."

"Why didn't you shut me up?"

"I tried!"

"We enjoyed listening to you Connie."

"Come on, I can't have been the only one who embarrassed myself."

"You embarrassed Guy too."

"Shut up Averman."

"No, Luis embarrassed himself much worse."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you willingly put your lips on Averman's."

"Hey! I'll have you know I can be quite the smooth operator."

"I did not need to hear that."

"Yeah, that was an over share."

"Luis made out with Averman?"

"Oh yeah! Guy missed it too."

"Yeah, that was when Connie and Guy were banging on the washing machine, remember?"

"Oh come on guys, I'm a very visual person!"

"We were NOT banging on the washing machine."

"Haha, wouldn't it be fun if the washing machine was running while you were?"

"…"

"Well, now we know what Banksie gets up to on his spare time."

"Haha! Get's "up" to!"

"I do not! I was just making an observation!"

"Haha! It's a pun, get it?"

"We got it Averman, don't worry."

"You don't worry either Adam, we weren't actually questioning your virginity."

"What makes you think I'm a virgin?"

"Because I don't know any better, and I don't want to. I'm already sacred enough from mental images of Connie and Guy."

"Could you please no picture me having sex, it's creepy."

"You think I'm trying to!"

"Well, I'll have you know-"

"No Adam, you don't let us know."

"ANYWAYS, to make a long story short, Luis and Averman pulled a Connie and Guy and disappeared behind the couch."

"Aw, good for you guys."

Luis blushed and took Averman's hand.

"But Luis, won't the ladies be disappointed?"

"What about them?"

"Wow, he's a changed man."

"Well, this may be the real thing," said Luis, smiling. Averman blushed deep red, clashing horribly with his hair.

"Aww!"

"That was SO cute!"

"I feel nauseous."

"That was quite possibly the mushiest thing that has ever been said under this roof."

"Somebody please do something manly."

Just then Julie let out the loudest burp ever, and covered her mouth with shock.

"Dang."

"That was hot."

"Hahaha."

"Not bad actually."

"That's my woman!"

"Excuse me? Woman? Who said I was your woman?"

"Played him bogus," whispered Russ.

"…aren't you?"

"Not yet."

"What?"

"You asked me on a date, you didn't ask me to be your girlfriend, or "woman" as you so eloquently put it."

"Tricky little wench isn't she?"

"So you're saying that even though we're going out next weekend, I could still hook up with Connie right now if I wanted to?"

"No, you can NOT hook up with Connie EVER."

"Relax Guy it was an example."

"Well it wasn't a very good one," retorted Guy.

"Yes Dean, I suppose you could, but it would hurt your chances if you were to ask me to be your girlfriend."

"Sha-bam!"

"They're not even dating yet and she's already messing with his mind!"

"He'll be worse then Guy in no time."

"Hey, just because the only kiss you've gotten has been from your mother-"

"I have kissed PLENTY of girls Guy."

"Right, like who?"

"Well, Linda…"

"Hahaha!"

"Shut up Averman."

"Hey! That was Fulton!"

"Sorry, "shut up Averman" rolls off the tongue better then "shut up Fulton."

"Hmph."

"Actually, wasn't Adam the last person Charlie kissed?"

"Yeah! Haha! From the last time we played Truth or Dare!"

"Thanks guys, I've been trying to repress that memory."

"Psh, you liked it Charlie."

"Yeah, if Linda is your only other option, Adam probably was your best kiss."

"Woah there."

"Better keep an eye on your "almost woman" there Portman, before she lets Banksie put the moves on her."

"Please, because Banks is a threat to me."

Everyone's jaws dropped at how bogus that was, but Adam had his own back. He walked over to Julie, grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. It was now Portman's jaw dropping and when they parted a breathless Julie said, "He is now."

The End! For now…

(By the way, M.I.A. means "missing in action.")