Rick had almost finished making his rounds for the night, moving around the house that felt entirely too big for just the four of them. Domestication was a luxury in this world and it was one he and his group had not been afforded, one they'd believed to be outdated. Even back at the prison they hadn't had it nearly as good as they did now and he could still feel the part of him that had worked tirelessly to survive in the wasteland beyond these walls protesting. What once had come as effortlessly as breathing was now the most difficult thing in the world.
Michonne had told him before they stepped foot into the community that he needed to let go of the fight but he knew that letting go of it was never, and would never be, an option for him. He was the decisions he'd made out there, he was what this world had crafted him into, he was a fighter through and through. And no amount of housebreaking would change that. He wasn't ashamed or horrified at what he'd become or what he'd done out there because every ruthless decision, every time he'd been forced to the moral precipice, he was reminded of why he did it all.
He came to a halt outside of Michonne's bedroom door and watched her for a moment, leaning against the doorjamb. He did it all for her, for Carl, for Judith, for all of them. Every act of life altering aggression that challenged who he was and called for him to recognize the monster that lurked just beneath the surface, to utilize that darkness inside of himself, was for his family. It felt like he lost so much of who he was in those moments and in the same breath was coming to terms with who he had to be. But he'd lose himself time and time again, would lay waste to entire communities, and would without a doubt kill anyone to protect those he loved. And in so many words he'd warned Deanna of that much.
However, those thoughts were forced to the back of his mind as he regarded Michonne in her uniform. Her back was to him and she still hadn't peeped the fact that she wasn't alone as she grumbled to no one in particular. The whispered words of agitation caused the corner of his lip to upturn, a hint of a grin ghosting his lips. Rick didn't have to see what she was doing to grasp why it was she was frustrated, he was willing to bet every last ration in their newly stocked pantry she was struggling with the tie and he gave two short knocks on the door's frame to alert her of his presence.
"Hey."
She didn't jump visibly and to anyone else she might've seemed perfectly unaffected but Rick didn't miss the way her body tensed up at the invasion of privacy before relaxing at the sound of his voice. He ventured further into the room taking it all in as though hers might differ from his in some sense. But it wasn't different, wasn't better, wasn't any more special than his or Carl's. What it all really boiled down to was that this was where she laid her head at night and it was probably a little too far away for his comfort. It was just that despite wanting the absolute best for her he'd miss having her just an arm's length away.
"Already letting your guard down?" It was a joke, naturally, but it held some truth. He knew she liked it here, could see the way her eyes still lit up as she regarded the safe zone. And he knew she was well on her way to trusting the place. While there was no reason to distrust Alexandria and the people within it just yet he was remaining vigil.
The sound of her quiet laughter was like music to his ears and he relished it for a second because he'd earned it. It wasn't often he pulled one out of her by way of actual humor, more often than not it was her laughing at his expense but lately they hadn't had much to laugh about anyway.
"Didn't think I needed to be on guard in my own home."
She still hadn't turned to look at him but the words brought him to another standstill. The idea that this place was their home hadn't registered properly until he'd heard it fall from her lips so easily. And just like that he was left feeling rigid, spine straight as an arrow, out of place. It felt like she'd accidentally dropped an anvil in his lap; he was constantly being reminded of just how readily the truth could crush you if you weren't paying attention. Because after all it was true to some degree, they'd accepted the houses and the jobs. They'd accepted the roles they were going to play in the safe zone yet somehow that truth had evaded him until this moment.
Michonne turned to face him slowly fingers still fidgeting with the tie at her neck until she deemed it a complete lost cause, arms falling down to her sides in her state of exasperation. Her eyes found his perfectly knotted tie and she opened her mouth to make some snide comment but the words died on the tip of her tongue as she observed him. She'd seen that look before, it'd been so prominent back at the prison when he'd taken a step back from a position of leadership, it was insecurity. He seemed so lost standing before her, lost in a sea of his own uncertainty and fear, and she wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and put his tired mind at rest.
"Hey, what's up?"
Is this place really our home? Do we even belong here? Do I belong here? Am I going to be able to do this? He wanted to cave, wanted her to reassure him like she'd done so many times before, but he wasn't sure anything she said could make him believe this was where he belonged. It'd be good for Carl, good for Judith, but this wasn't his world anymore. It just wasn't, it couldn't be. This wasn't how things were any longer and accepting this place wholly would be saying exactly that.
"Just coming to grips with the fact that this is our home. Still trying to wrap my head around that concept." And what a strange one it was. The words felt foreign on his tongue, dishonest, but to sell them he feigned something of a smile.
"Rick––"
Before she could get a word in edgewise he'd taken a step closer, invading her personal space, eyes downcast and taking in the state of her tie. Even after all this time having him in such close proximity still made her mouth run dry and her insides squirm something fierce. One cursory glance up at him and he didn't even seem to realize the affect he had on her, and she didn't know whether to be thankful or amused at how oblivious he was. He could read a person like no other, was without a doubt one of the most vigilant of the group, and yet he couldn't even see how flustered she became at something so simple. It made coming down from that unexpected rush of emotions somewhat easier.
That is until he reached for the tie and found her eyes, arctic blue meeting warm brown. "I'm fine, 'Chonne," Or he would be, but that was beside the point. "This tie on the other hand is not." The fixing of her tie was serving as more of a distraction for him as opposed to her, but if it'd keep her from trying to dig any deeper for the time being he was fine with that.
"Now pay attention because I'm only doing this once."
The command earned him a cheeky grin and he had to chuckle at it himself. Truth was he'd do it as many times as she needed him to but the ordered had sounded good in his head and it brought some much needed lightness back into their conversation.
"Is that so?"
She was challenging him and he couldn't properly put into words why he loved it as much as he did. Maybe it was because no one really did it anymore. Or maybe it was just that when she did it he got the distinct sense that it was either to make him smile or because she genuinely cared about him. The current situation was the former but the decision to come to Alexandria, when she'd made it clear as crystal that they were going, he'd known then it was the latter whether he cared for the idea or not.
"Yes, ma'am."
He was forcing his lips into a hard line but the corners of his lips twitched upward as the smile he was suppressing threatened to bleed through. She didn't counter his response just looked up at him with her big brown eyes full of expectance and a twinge of defiance.
"Eyes on the tie."
"Yes, Officer Grimes."
He hadn't been referred to as officer in what felt like a lifetime. Before it hadn't done anything for him, it was just a title, the position he held. Officer Grimes, Sheriff Grimes, didn't matter which the people used. But there was just something about the way her sultry voice wrapped around each syllable. It felt different. She was teasing him but he loved the way it sounded falling from her lips. A part of him wanted to ask her to say it again but the part of him that was painfully aware of their relationship and the horribly wrong turn it could take after the request wouldn't allow him to. Because he knew if she said it again, said it just for him, upon request, there was no way he wouldn't tear down the barrier that was separating them from shifting into something more.
The way he saw it with one move he could either win her over or ruin everything they'd built up. As it stood he wasn't ready to lose her, now or ever, so the desire that would well up inside of his chest every now and again was combatted with thoughts of losing the one person on this Earth he felt the closest to in practically every way. And if nothing else sobered him up and kept him in line thoughts of losing Michonne always did.
"Alright, what you're gonna do first is grab the wider of the two pieces and," Rick tugged the thicker under of the tie down the front of Michonne's shirt a few inches. "Move it down like that. You never want them to be matched up. The narrow end should be somewhere between the second and third button."
She watched with thinly veiled amusement as Rick began to teach her in earnest how to do this. Originally she'd thought he was joking, trying to distract her and keep her from but asking him about the hiccup he'd had earlier. And whether or not that was the true intent behind her current lesson she was still incredibly amused that he was doing this. Her eyes moved from his face down to follow his hands and she nodded at the first set of instructions. "Pull the wider piece down, make sure the narrow piece is somewhere between button two and three. Got it."
"Good. Now you cross the wide end over the narrow end, then you turn the wide end back underneath it," As he performed the act he glanced up at her to make sure she was actually following along and he was pleasantly surprised to see her eyebrows knit in concentration. "After that you bring the wider end back over in front of the narrower end and you have a complete loop."
"Right, cross the two, wide over narrow?" She looked up at him for confirmation and Rick nodded once in affirmation. "Turn the wide underneath the narrow and bring it back in front making a complete loop." She was sure that the last direction was correct and she got her answer when his eyes fell back down to the tie in hand.
"This is where it gets interesting," He dangled the wide end in her face for a second before pulling it up through the loop at her neck. And she laughed at his usage of the word interesting as well as him dangling the fabric in her face as though she weren't paying close enough attention. The man could be incredibly adorable when he wasn't trying and that was a feat in itself. "You have to bring the wide end up through the loop at your neck, and you see that little knot forming in the front there?"
"Yeah," Whenever he'd steal a quick look he found Michonne's eyes were glued to the process not wanting to miss a beat and oddly enough her genuine intrigue was completely and utterly endearing. He hadn't expected her to as seriously as she was and he was probably enjoying the attention far more than he'd ever let on. "I see it."
"What I'm gonna do now is hold the knot loosely with my index finger and bring the wide end down through it," His fingers moved with perfect precision as though he hadn't gone nearly two years without engaging in an act so mundane. "Then you remove your finger and place a steady hand over the narrow piece in the back and another over the newly formed knot and slide that knot up until it reaches the shirts collar. And you're set."
Michonne stared at the seamlessly assembled tie for a minute before bringing her gaze up to meet his, her fingers reaching out and grazing over his matching tie. "Undo it." There was a resolute gleam in her expressive eyes but he mistook the command for something it wasn't and his heart, as if on cue, seemed to skip a beat.
"Excuse me?" The reply was lame but it was all he could think to say. He still wasn't sure he'd heard her right but his fingers were dying to undo the tie and the shirt would go as well and then…
"Practice makes perfect. Undo it so I can see if I've got the hang of this."
Rick almost laughed at how quickly his thoughts had strayed and when the smile broke out across his face, followed by a faint snort at his own slip up, Michonne responded with a look of unbidden confusion. She didn't understand what was amusing about the request but she knew she wanted to.
"You mind letting me in on the joke, Grimes?"
"There's no joke. I just–" He wanted to tell her and see if she'd think it was even half as funny as he did the risk was too great. "You're right. Practice makes perfect. I don't know why I didn't think of that." As Rick reached for his tie he'd managed to sober up some, his eyes moving down and away from Michonne's as a blanketed silence settled over them.
He allowed himself for the first time, really, to drink in the way she looked in her nearly identical uniform. The way the uniformed dress shirt curved around the swell of her breasts and the way the pants hugged her strong thighs. He could only imagine how perfectly pert and impossibly round her ass looked in them and he kicked himself mentally for not taking the time to assess the situation when she'd had her back turned to him.
"What I wouldn't give to know what you're thinking even half the time."
Her voice cut through his mental perversion and he could've laughed at that as well. She probably wouldn't have wanted to know what he was thinking just then. "You're in my head about 95% of the time. I think you'll live without the other 5%." He finished undoing the tie and brought his eyes back up to meet hers, flashing her a quick boyish grin.
"You know what I think? I think one of these days I'll know what you're thinking 100% of the time and then you won't be able to keep little jokes from me and strangers won't get punched in face for no good reason."
This time he did laugh outright but it was mostly at her sly dig about Aaron. He still couldn't find it in himself to regret it and he had yet to apologize for it, genuinely or otherwise. "I really thought we were on the same page."
Michonne shook her head at the memory and smiled despite herself as she reached for the tie. "I didn't think we lied to each other, Rick."
"We don't."
"Then why are you lying to me? You knew what that look was!"
So he had but he had been taking precautionary measures. It was them before anyone and he hadn't trusted Aaron as far as he could throw him. He still didn't, really. But he wasn't about to let Michonne win so he redirected.
"We're losing sight of what's really important here," The expression on his face was that of feigned solemnity and the minute the look on her face changed to match his own he continued, leaning in just the tiniest bit. "My tie."
She could've smacked him. He was within perfect range but she couldn't bring herself to. It'd been too long since they'd had a conversation as light as the one they were having now and it reminded her of how they'd been back at the prison. It was nice to see some of stress melt away, to peel back the layers he normally wore like a second skin, and see him carefree even if only for the moment. She was glad she could pull it out of him.
Michonne didn't bother herself with responding; she chose instead to begin working on the tie in her hands. Rick watched her nimble fingers move; it was almost mesmerizing watching how quickly she moved about. A minute hadn't even passed, he was sure, before she was done and he had to admit he was thoroughly impressed by her ability to catch on.
"Not half bad. Figured it'd take you longer than that to get it."
Her hand was still wrapped securely around his tie and that tidbit hadn't escaped him. It felt as though they'd both moved impossibly close during the reassembling of his tie, he could practically feel the heat rolling off of her body in waves and it made his heart thud precariously against his chest. The whole time he'd avoided looking at her directly but somewhere between noticing how close they'd gotten and that she had an ironclad grip on his tie he'd forgotten that he wasn't supposed to stare into her lovely dark eyes.
He wondered if she was feeling even a fraction of what he was but studying her face made him believe otherwise. She was always so calm and collected, like nothing fazed her. Or maybe it was just that he didn't faze her, maybe there wasn't a mutual attraction.
"You're a fast learner." The words were more breathed out into the air around them than actually spoken and he sucked in a large intake of air as he looked down at her.
"I had a good teacher."
She smiled at him, small and sweet, and he could've sworn her eyes flicked down to gaze at his lips for all of two seconds. He could kiss her right now. He could play into all the signs she was clearly sending him. He could close the distance between them, could act on his desire for her. For once in his miserable life he could allow himself just a shred of happiness but he didn't dare move.
The truth was he couldn't.
And he didn't have to because before he could register what was happening he felt her lips press to his, soft yet firm and incredibly full. For a moment his entire body seemed to go stiff again, wave upon wave of disbelief crashing over him and rendering him motionless. In his state of catatonic shock he didn't even seem notice she'd pulled away until their eyes met again. There was something swimming in her communicative gaze and he could pinpoint exactly what it was from a mile away, it was regret and it was a look he knew all too well. But she didn't have to regret what had just happened between them, he didn't he'd just been too jolted to engage in the act, and he'd let her know it wasn't a mistake.
The second Rick saw Michonne's lips part, an excuse ready to fall from them, he brought his hands up to cradle her face and leaned in to claim her lips with a confidence he'd been lacking moments ago. He could feel her hands come up to rest at his sides, fingers digging into the material of his shirt. That was all the confirmation he needed to let him know she still wanted this as much as he did. And he threw himself into the act wholeheartedly with the validation, the tip of his tongue tracing an invisible outline of her bottom lip, silently asking for permission.
Michonne granted him entrance, sucking on his tongue lightly before allowing him to go further. He took advantage of the opportunity, tongue moving to explore her mouth and savoring the faint taste of mint from the toothpaste she'd used earlier. With the invite and exploration the kiss took on an intensity the likes of which neither had known, their mouths seeming to move in perfect time as though they'd done it all before, as though they were made for one another. And he didn't ever want it to come to an end, if he could stay just like this with her forever he would, but his lungs burned and begged for reprieve successfully bringing the kiss to a cessation.
Rick's hands fell from her face to her shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze, breathing heavy and mind reeling with the excitement. Their lips had parted but his forehead rested against hers faintly as he waited for her to open her eyes and key him in on how it'd been for her. He was rewarded with a slow smile and when Michonne opened her eyes he had a similar smile awaiting her. He wanted to let her know how nice it'd been for him but so much was said between them in the things that remained unsaid and in the moment their smiles spoke volumes. They'd both enjoyed it that much was glaringly obvious.
"I'd better go." The words lacked complete conviction but tomorrow would be their first day on the job and though he doubted Alexandria would require their full attention he still wanted to be alert. Even if that meant having to part ways with her when it was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Yeah, we have a big day ahead of us." Her smile didn't waiver as she agreed, in fact it seemed to grow the slightest bit at the realization of what tomorrow signified for them. Despite his own inability to be as eager as she was he held onto what had just transpired between them and that kept his smile in place.
At that he finally gathered up the strength to pull away from her completely and she followed him to the door. Rick spun on his heel once he'd made it out of the room, ready for the final goodbye; he found her leaning against the door's frame just as he had been earlier and he placed a hand above her head on the wooden frame before leaning in slightly, "I'll see you tomorrow."
She had private smile gracing her lips as she nodded and as her own form of goodnight, she leaned forward for the second time that night and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "See you tomorrow."
With that Michonne eased back into her room and shut the door with a soft click. When the door was closed and she was out of view she pressed her back against it, eyes falling shut and the wide smile that had taken over her lips after he'd kissed her coming back full force.
On the other side of the door Rick had posted up against the wall outside of her room in a similar fashion, eyes closed as well and his fingertips brushing against his tingling lips.