A/N: I'm only going to say this once: I don't care at all about timelines. They make everything so much more complicated than they have to be. Just be warned that these one shots will take place at different times throughout the show/book series. And if you comment about the inaccurate timelines or something along those lines, I will know you did not read this. Ha!

For anyone waiting for the next "Where's the Wal-Mart?" chapter...um, sorry? It's on the way. I promise. In the meantime, enjoy this! It's rated purely for language because...Supernatural. I don't think there's much in this one, but in the later ones...yeah.

Real quick, this takes place sometime in seasons 1-3 and is set after the Giant War.

READ AND REVIEW!

I.

Pie at Minnie's

Percy's POV

I glanced up at the worn-out painted sign, making sure I was in the right place. Once, I was so distracted, I walked into a Starbucks and started ordering like I was at McDonalds. Yeah. That was embarrassing.

But this time, I was in the right place. I was pretty sure the sign said "Minnie's". The font and color used on it were always messing with me because of my dyslexia, but I had found ways around that.

I opened the glass door and walked in, the pleasant jingling of a bell signaling my arrival. The place wasn't very crowded at the moment, since it was kind of late in the afternoon, far past lunchtime. It was mostly teenagers eating with friends and a few seniors enjoying a cup of coffee or something. I smiled as the waitress, Dianne, came up to take my order.

I'm a regular there. In fact, quite a few demigods are. Minnie's is owned by a son of Athena, hence the name, which was short for Minerva. Dianne, along with a few other members of the staff, were also half-bloods. Monsters rarely came in. There were normally so many demigods around that they were spotted and taken care of almost immediately. And if they weren't, there were Celestial bronze and Imperial gold weapons stashed behind the counter.

Dianne was a rather pretty daughter of Hermes who was close to my age, maybe a year older. Like most of her siblings, she had dark mischievous eyes that sparkled whenever she was pulling a prank or picking a lock. Take your pick. She was also pretty powerful. I had seen her open insanely complicated locks in under two seconds. Dianne was also a great pickpocket, even better than the Stolls. Probably because she was far more subtle than they were. We had become good friends thanks to the sheer amount of food I consume on a daily basis.

"Let me guess," Dianne smirked as she walked up. "Pie?"

"Yep," I answered, drawing the word out. "I promised Annabeth I'd bring some back to camp."

Dianne inhaled sharply, a teasing smile on her face. "Unfortunately, there's only one piece left."

I paused for a moment, weighing my options. "She'll never know," I finally decided.

Dianne chuckled. "Yeah she will."

"Yeah, she will," I agreed. "But the pie is totally worth the certain death that is sure to come."

Dianne shook her head and started cleaning off the counter with a wet rag, pulling a small Celestial bronze dagger out of her way as she did. "Speaking of Annabeth, I would've thought she'd be here with you, you know? Making sure you bought two pieces of pie and not the entire thing."

"She couldn't make it," I explained, drumming my fingers absently on the counter. "She's teaching a class at camp this afternoon that shouldn't end for at least another two hours."

"Which one?"

"Hand-to-hand."

"Mm." Dianne moved a stack of dishes off the counter and put them next to another, bigger stack. "You didn't want to help?"

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed. "I always end up being her dummy. Or she has us actually fight and beats me every time. I can get her more reliably if we're using weapons and hand-to-hand."

Dianne looked up from wiping the counter briefly. "Don't worry about it. You two are the best in the camp anyways."

She put the rag down and zipped around, carrying food to customers and refilling drinks. Having made sure everyone was satisfied, she came back gave me my pie.

As soon as it was on the table, I grabbed my fork and took a huge bite of the cherry pie, closing my eyes in sheer bliss.

"I love this place," I said, mouth still full.

Dianne rolled her eyes. "You might wanna slow down."

"You know, you guys should think about selling more than one kind of pie."

Dianne nodded. "Well, we tried, but the only other kind of pie the chef will even consider making is some kind of meat pie. We had to shut that down because Tammi, the new girl, saw her putting cow eyes into it."

"Who the Hades is your chef?" I demanded.

"Well, she says her name's Bella, but I'm ninety-five percent sure that she's a Fury."

I peered at the chef around Dianne, but the bell jingled again and Dianne and I turned to look. Two guys walked in the door. They were both tall, but the second one to come in was insanely, unfairly tall, like a moose man. The moose man had longer, darker hair than his companion. They were dressed nearly identically in black suits and ties, like professionals. They seemed uncomfortable in their attire, though, like they weren't used to dressing that way. Both looked to be in their mid-twenties, about two to five years older than me.

Now, I don't normally look at random strangers so closely, but it was their stances that had caught my eye.

Both men were on high-alert, although if I had to guess, I would say that was their natural state. The shorter guy was definitely tenser than the moose and also stood slightly in front; a protective gesture I recognized from my own time with Annabeth. Whenever we were in a strange environment, I'd find myself just an inch or two in front of her, so I could get in between her and whatever came at us.

They came to sit down at the counter and I wondered if they could be demigods. I knew they hadn't been to Camp Half-Blood and was fairly certain they hadn't been to Camp Jupiter. They wore long sleeves, so I didn't know for sure, but their postures were too relaxed. Legionnaires stood up straight at all times, me being one of the rare exceptions because of my background at Camp Half-Blood. If they were half-bloods, they were probably loners. And making it to their age as a loner? Almost impossible if you were even remotely powerful.

I turned away from my observations and glanced at Dianne, who had no doubt noticed the same things. I shrugged almost imperceptibly and she mimicked the gesture.

Dianne walked over to where the two guys were seated at the counter and smiled, pulling out a pad of paper and a pen. "Hi, what can I get you?" she asked brightly.

The shorter of the two smiled back charmingly. "We would love some of that specialty pie of yours." The moose rolled his eyes, presumably at the other guy's behavior.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Dianne apologized, "but Water Boy over there just ordered the last piece."

I could've sworn he heard the little guy swear. Over pie. How mature. Not that I wouldn't do the same, but still.

"Ha ha, Huntress," I fired back in Dianne's direction. Not my best nickname, I'll admit, but it was one that always got on her nerves. The new campers always thought she was a daughter of Artemis because of her name. She always ended up having to explain that Artemis was a virgin goddess.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the pie guy glaring at me. Probably still mad about not getting his pie.

She sighed. "Cabin twelve, Percy. Twelve. Not eight." She turned back to her customers. "Is there something else I can get you?"

The moose finally spoke up. "Could you give us a minute to think about it?" Dianne nodded. "Thanks." He turned back to hs companion. "Dean, you can't just freak out every time a place runs out of pie."

"Yeah?" Dean growled. "Watch me." The moose rolled his eyes again. "Alright, what're we doing here, Sam?"

"So, get this." Sam pulled a laptop out of nowhere. "There's this one area not that far from here where weird stuff has been happening for a long time. We're talking fifty or sixty years of kids disappearing, mysterious explosions, and delivery guys getting turned around."

I tuned out of their conversation and resumed eating my pie. Weird stuff, huh? Like they would actually get anywhere with that.

Judging by the two guys' flippant use of technology, I guessed they weren't demigods after all. Probably just some yahoos who liked tracking down areas where weird things were happening and attempting to "solve" them. All of a sudden, I froze.

They were using technology. Next to me. Outside of camp.

I tried to keep eating my pie normally and not pull out Riptide and scream, "Alright, where are you, you worms?"

Generally, people didn't use much technology in Minnie's. For the most part, they were too busy stuffing their faces with food, but it was also implied in the atmosphere of the place that using phones or computers was discouraged. It was supposed to be like a family dinner table where you're being forced to sit and talk to Grandpa Grumpy Pants, whose greatest joy in life is to tell you about the time he almost pitched you into the fireplace when you were a baby.

Dianne glanced over at me. I could tell she was just as nervous about the laptop as I was, but she couldn't exactly race over there and slam the computer shut.

Her hand tightened on the dagger I knew she carried around her waist. I kept eating. I wasn't gonna let this pile of deliciousness on my plate go to waste, especially if I was gonna have to deal with a bunch of uglies pretty soon.

As I chewed, still on high alert, a voice spoke from behind me. "Perseus Jackson."

I rested my forehead on the counter, which I will admit was probably not the most sanitary decision I've ever made in my life. I vaguely noticed the two guys' - what was it, Sam and Dean? - heads swiveling in my direction at my name. "Seriously!" I exclaimed as I raised my head. "It has been thirty seconds. I am trying to eat my pie. Please, back off." I finally turned to face the speaker, pie in hand, and was met with a familiar sight.

"I don't think so," Tammi the empousa said, a sarcastic smile on her face. She had managed to infiltrate the wait staff somehow, as she now wore a standard Minnie's uniform.

"Great." I took a bite of my pie. "It's you again. Been a while, hasn't it? Five or six years, right? It's horrible to see you again."

"I wish I could say the same," Tammi smiled, "but knowing that I'm finally gonna get to kill you makes this meeting so great."

"Careful, we have an audience." I inclined my head in the direction of Sam and Dean, who immediately pretended they weren't listening. "But you kill me? Darling, it's adorable that you think you can."

"I'm not alone," she smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "'Course not. Look, Tammi, I'll make you a deal. Let me finish my pie and then I'll come out and deal with you and your little friends."

"No, now," she growled.

I stared at her for a moment. "Listen, Tammi. I am eating pie right now. You do not want to interrupt me while I'm eating pie, or I will kill you where you stand."

Tammi laughed. "I heard about your new ability. Also heard that you won't use it. Too scared, is that it?" She laughed again. "Fine, I'll give you fifteen minutes. But then we're coming in here." She turned and walked out the door, no doubt to have a little powwow with her little vampire friends.

I was going to take my sweet time finishing my pie, but almost as soon as Tammi left those two guys approached me.

"Perseus Jackson?" the moose man asked.

I groaned. "Gods, not you too." They frowned, like they were confused, but I kept talking. "Let me guess...Cyclopes? Gotta admit, never thought I'd see a couple of you guys in suits. Look, I told your boss, give me a chance to finish my pie."

Moose man frowned again. "No, I'm Agent Pace, this is my partner, Agent Johnson." Simultaneously, they pulled out badges. "We're with the FBI."

I looked them up and down suspiciously, examining their ID closely. "FBI, huh?" They definitely weren't FBI. In fact, I knew for a fact the badge the moose man had was a fake. It had a real agent's name on it, sure, but the picture had been replaced.

"Yeah." Dean laughed a little. "Real lucky, us running into you. We were actually going to head to your house after this."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why's that?"

"We just wanted to speak to you about the times you disappeared a few years ago," Sam said.

I nodded. "Right. Why?"

They exchanged glances before Dean spoke up. "Well, we never caught the guy who did it-"

"And you never will," I muttered.

"-and we suspect they may have taken someone else."

I blinked at them tiredly. "That's highly unlikely, I can assure you."

Sam cocked his head. "What makes you so sure?"

I smiled sarcastically. "Call it a gut feeling."

Dean sat on the stool next to me so that he was staring right into my eyes. "Listen, kid-"

I sighed. "There it is."

"-we're the ones they send in when things get...weird. Well, things have gotten weird, and there are kids missing from their homes. Now, tell us where they are." Aw, a mortal trying to be intimidating.

I sighed again. "Well, I don't know who sent you, but they should really back off. Your messing with things you can't even hope to understand."

They exchanged quick, panicked glances, but quickly recovered their composure. Hah. Too late, suckers.

"What do you mean? We're from the FBI," Sam frowned.

"You're badges are fakes," I answered flatly.

"No, they're not," Dean denied. For some reason, he drew the last word out, until it was more like naaaaaaaaawt.

"Okay, first off, I heard you call each other Sam and Dean over there, which is definitely not the names signed on your badges. Secondly, I know Agent Malcolm Pace personally, which is the badge you're using." I nodded in Sam's direction. This time they did nothing to hide their freaked out glances. "I recognize his signature. He's a genius twenty-year-old forensic accountant. He's also blonde. And five foot ten."

I glanced at my watch. My fifteen minutes was definitely up. I shoved the rest of my pie in my mouth and started to walk out the door. "Look, if you really want to know, those kids are safe."

"Where are they?" Sam demanded.

I smiled. "I'm sure you've already found out the general area, but you won't be able to get in. There in one of the two places they'll ever really be safe. So long, whatever-your-names-are." I waved to the fake agents and stepped outside.

Behind me, I heard Dean say, "Okay, that kid is definitely not human." The door shut behind me and cut off the rest of their conversation.

Outside, I was greeted by three empousai waiting for me. Tammi was in the lead, and all were grinning maniacally.

"So, Perseus," Tammi said. "How about a do-over?"

"Sounds great."

I pulled Riptide out of my right-hand pocket and uncapped it. The sword sprang to full size in a matter of nanoseconds.

The empousai and I circled each other, sizing each other up. I noticed that the two flanking Tammi weren't quite as mobile. That would make them easier to take out.

"I've waited for this for a long time," Tammi said as she limped along on her mismatched legs. "You sent me back to that pit. It took me years to reform. Then I finally do and you close the Doors of Death behind you. I was in group Double Red. I was going to get to come back! But no, you had to mess everything up!"

"Touchy, touchy," I taunted. "It's not my fault you have such a bad sense of direction."

Evidently, the other empousai were also less experienced and less patient than Tammi was. As soon as I finished speaking, the one on Tammi's right laughed herself at me, mouth wide open and eyes glinting. With one swipe from Riptide, she disintegrated into golden dust.

Tammi growled in anger over having lost one of her sisters. The other empousa seemed to withdraw slightly, sensing that I was experienced and she was not.

But she finally tired of circling and lunged towards me, swiping her claws at my head. I ducked, and when I stood, Riptide came up with me. The empousa stared at me with wide eyes until she too turned to dust.

Tammi howled in rage and threw herself at me. I dodged, letting her barrel past me. Her momentum nearly carried her into the wall of the next building over, but she stopped herself just in time, metal leg digging into the concrete.

She lunged towards me again, and I caught her claws with the flat of my blade. I threw her back and she landed hard on her stomach.

As I stalked towards her, her mood suddenly changed. She went from nasty little vampire-goat-metal thing to sobbing girl in point two seconds.

"No, please," she cried, throwing her clawed hands up.

"Come on," I laughed. "What's with the crocodile tears? There's no one watching."

"Please, you've already killed my sisters," she fake cried.

"Alright, enough. I won this one. Have fun in hell, Tammi."

I raised my sword for the final blow, but at the last second, she slashed her claws across the front of my leg. Then things got worse, as usual.

BANG!

The sound came from behind me, and then I was thrown forward from the force of what I assumed had been a shotgun.

I heard Dean and Sam yelling at Tammi to go, to run and heard her clopping, irregular footsteps as she fled the scene. But I doubted she'd stay gone for long. She'd just come back, kill the mortals and then try to finish me off.

Surprise! I wasn't dead.

Fortunately, Tammi hadn't connected with my leg as well as she had hoped. The scratches were really pretty shallow, but they still didn't feel so great. "Ah, Styx." I put a hand to the small of my back, which stung from the shotgun. A few years ago, something like that might've done me in. When I moved my hand away, it had something white and granulated on it. Well, I mean there was blood too, but eh. Minor details. Anyways, I slowly put a hand to my mouth and tasted the white stuff gingerly.

"Salt?!" I exclaimed. "You shot me with salt?! I'm not a giant, living french fry, you son of a fish!" Sam pulled a flask out of his coat pocket, unscrewed it, and threw the contents at me. It was water. I felt it wrap around to my back and start healing the abrasions from the salt and then move on to the cuts on my leg. "Is this how you always fight? All your weapons are useless."

"And yours aren't?" Dean retorted. "This is the twenty-first century, not the tenth."

"At least my weapons actually kill something."

"What the hell are you?" Dean demanded.

I gave them a sideways grin. "That's privileged information. What I can tell you is that salt and water won't kill me. A better question is what are you?"

"Ha ha, very funny," Sam answered. "You know what we are."

"Put the sword down, before we take it from you," Dean chimed in.

"Just because I'm not the best at hand-to-hand doesn't mean I'm incompetent. Honestly. You really think I would just let you take my sword?" I paused. "Wait, so… You could see the sword but you couldn't see the goat leg?"

"What?" they asked in unison.

"Unbelievable." I sighed. "You just let an empousa go. It's gonna take months for her to resurface now that she's been beaten. You know what? Maybe I'll just let you two handle this. I mean, it's your fault she's gone anyways. Just wait for the string of deaths that seem to have been caused by a vampire."

Dean frowned and looked to Sam like he was waiting for an explanation, but Sam didn't look like he had any. They seemed to be having a silent conversation. At one point Dean shrugged like, I don't know just freaking do it and if it works, great! Finally, Sam spoke up.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica."

"Um, okay?" I said.

We just stood there for a moment until I heard the sound of a gun being cocked and swiveled to face Dean, putting Riptide in front of me just in time.

The Celestial bronze had sliced the bullet in half, so I picked the halves up and examined them. "Is that silver? These feeble attempts to kill me are starting to get annoying, you know. Yeah, I'll just leave. My girlfriend's already gonna kill me for not bringing back pie. It'll be even worse if I'm late."

"We're not just gonna let you walk away," Sam asserted.

I rolled my eyes and did my best taxicab whistle. In an instant, Mrs. O'Leary was there.

I grabbed her collar and swung up onto her back as Dean yelled, "Hellhound!"

They started shooting Mrs. O'Leary with salt, but it just went right through her.

"Well, at least you know something," I called.

Then we ran straight at the nearest dark spot and shadow-travelled away.