Well well, what have we here? You're a motley bunch if ever I saw one. Is this the best audience that I can hope for?
...
Apparently so.
I suppose you are marginally more intelligent than the average goblin. Then again, goblins are vastly underestimated creatures.
No doubt you are curious. It's only to be expected after all, there are plenty of rumours about the King of the Goblins. And as with all stories, each one should be taken with a grain of salt. Tales become warped by the teller, situations become greatly exaggerated. Nonetheless, the truth may be found, if you search hard enough.
Alternatively, you could simply ask me.
If I am in a generous mood, I might even give you an answer.
Enough of this. Silence! I have a story to weave for you.
Once upon a time...
What? You're surprised? You think that the Goblin King has better things to do than entertain mortals?
Well, yes. You are quite right. I do have better things to do, however, I have chosen to do this now. "Why?" I hear you ask. What can I hope to gain? Ah, that is the real question, is it not? What is in it for me? For you all know that I never do anything without suitable motivation – you believe all of those aforementioned rumours. More fool you.
I don't believe I shall tell you just yet. If you listen to my story, my motivation should become clear enough. Now settle down.
Once upon a... oh for pity's sake, Sneek, what have I told you about interrupting me while I am scrying?
Well, what is it?
There's a what in the great hall?
A fight.
Why does this not surprise me. Who is it this time?
I see.
Why are they fighting? They are what?
They are drunk.
...I despair, I really do. I turn my back for five minutes, and chaos erupts. Why you cannot sort out your differences without my intervention, I will never know.
And who was foolish enough to leave alcohol where they could get at it?
Ah.
Bol...