This is my first time writing for THE FOSTERS, let me know what you think.
I KNOW THIS TYPE OF STORY HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE BUT ITS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE AND I HAD TO WRITE IT. ITS ALSO PERSONAL FOR ME AND I HAD TO WRITE ABOUT IT.
It could turn into a full story in the future but for now it will remain a one shot.
WARNING: CONTAINS SELF HARM, READERS BEWARE
Callie had to get out of the room and fast. The shock and anger on Lena and Stefs face was too much for her to handle. Telling Brandon was some what of a relief and made her feel a little better but letting Foster Parents know was so much different. It was the reason she hadn't said anything in the first place.
Callie couldn't bear any more and so she excused herself to the bathroom, she needed space. Yes she could have gone outside for fresh air but what Callie wanted was not fresh air.
Heading upstairs to the bathroom and closing the doors behind her, Callie sat on the closed toilet seat and put her head in her hands and sighed. The tears had a mind of their own as they fell down her cheeks. Callie stood after a few moments and went to the mirror and looked at herself.
The girl in the mirror wasn't the strong and brave teenager that she had been portraying. The girl looking back at her looked weak and weak was bad.
"I will not be weak." Callie whispered out as she marched to her toiletry bag and pulled out her old friend before returning to her seat on the closed toilet.
The blade in her hand felt heavy, even though it was extremely light. Maybe because she knew what would happen if she used it and the foster parents found out. She would be shipped off to another family within an hour of them finding out, it wouldn't be the first time she had been sent away because of it
Maybe this family would be different and not send her off because she was broken. Maybe they would keep her even if she was broken and maybe even help her, it could happen.
Callie internally laughed at that thought, nothing ever went her way. Nothing ever went good for Jude and herself and it usually was herself that screwed everything up for them both.
The blade in her hand was becoming more and more heavy. It was begging her to use it. She could hear the voices in her head urging her on to use it.
"You need this."
"Take the pain away."
"Forget everything for a second."
"Feel the rush."
Her brain was like a record repeating everything over and over again until she would eventually snap and cave in to what the voices are telling her to do.
"No, I have to be strong." Callie stood up and paced, the blade still in her grip. She ran her free hand through her hair and scrubbed her hand down her face a few times.
"Callie, are you alright?" Callie stopped in a panic at the sound of Lena at the door.
"Im fine." Callies voice didn't sound fine, it wavered a bit. Callie was praying that Lena didn't notice and would leave her alone.
"If you are sure. Mom and I will be in our room if you want to talk. We are here for you Callie." Lenas voice was pure and genuine. The blade in her hand was making it harder to not cut.
"I know, thanks Lena." Callies voice was still not her usual tone. Hearing Lenas footsteps leave from the door, Callie sighed and stopped pacing.
Opening her hand with the blade in it she noticed that she had been clutching the blade so tight that it had nicked her skin enough to let a faint line of blood start to form.
Callies eyes remained on the blood. She was mesmerised. It didn't hurt or sting, it was numb. Numb was what she wanted, not what she needed.
Rolling up her sleeve Callie brought the blade up the her arm. Numerous scars of different ages lined her skin. Scars of her past, every memory lined her skin.
Looking up from where the blade rested on her arm, still in place ready to cut, Callies eyes locked onto the bathtub. The bathtub where the sticker of skippy was stuck, instantly Callies mind flashed to Jude and she let a tear fall down her cheek.
What would Jude say? What would Jude think of her if she did cut again? Callie didn't know what to do, she was torn between Jude and the voices in her head and there could only be one winner.
The face of Jude that went over and over in her mind then morphed into various foster parents or foster siblings she had been living with over the years.
All telling her that she was useless, broken, not wanted, unloved. After so many times you start to believe what has been drilled into your head. Jude face couldn't save her this time, no matter how hard she tried.
Slowly letting the blade glide over her arm all the emotions just left her body, only leaving her numb. She didn't feel scared, she didn't feel lost, she didn't feel happy, she felt nothing. Out of every emotion under the sun, Callie felt nothing.
Watching as the blood made its way to the surface of her skin and running down and dripping onto the floor had Callie mesmerised, like nothing could be better or feel better then this emotion.
"Callie are you almost done in there? I need to shower." Jesus's voice seeped in through the door he was behind. Callie then remembered that she had not locked the bathroom doors and she just prayed that no one would walk in, especially one of the moms.
Looking at the mess of blood on the floor Callie started to panic, she had cut to deep and she didn't know if it would stop or not, but she had to try. She dropped the blood covered blade onto the floor and quickly grabbed toilet paper to wipe the blood up while answering her foster brother.
"Be out soon Jesus." She was panicking. She needed to remove any evidence of what she had done and fast.
She scrubbed the floor of blood, well as much as she could, the blood was drying and was leaving a pinkish stain/mark on the tiles. Getting as much as she could off, Callie then threw out the blood stained toilet paper and then started to rinse off the blood on her wrist.
"Cals come o..." Jesus stood in the doorway, pale faced at the sight of his foster sister covered in blood. Taking a step back he yells.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOMS!" Callies face paled and she hurried to get cleaned up, yes Jesus had seen her blood covered hands but she didn't want the foster parents to see them as that would mean a new home for her and Jude and she just couldn't do that to her brother, she had failed him so many times before.
Footsteps could be heard in the hallway and then sure enough both mothers were standing in the door looking around in panic. Looking at Jesus to see his paled face the moms looked towards his line of sight and they too both paled at the sight.
"Callie!" Stef was in action mode as she hurried over to her foster daughter as Lena ushered Jesus out and locked both doors before slowly walking over and picking up the blood covered blade and exiting the bathroom to get rid of it.
When she returned Callie and Stef were still in the same spot. Callie at the sink scrubbing her wrists and Stef inching closer and closer, trying not to startle the girl.
"Callie." Stef was being weary as she closed the gap between herself and the teenager. Callie tensed and looked from her bloodied wrists to Stef, she took a step back and faced her foster mother. Blood mixed with water trailed down the teenagers hand and pooled onto the floor, both mothers desperately wanting to check the teenagers wrist but didn't want to frighten her.
"Please don't send Jude away. Please Keep him, ill go but make sure he is alright." Callie was desperate, this was her mistake and she was done with bringing her brother down with her. She had to protect him from her mistakes and this was one of them.
"Callie, as I told you before, you are not worthless, your not disposable. You deserve a chance aswel. Please let us check your wrists." Stef was being as calm as possible, looking from the teenagers wrists to her eyes and back again.
"I need you to make sure Jude stays with you, your safe." Callie begged, she wanted an answer and she wasn't doing anything till she got one from the two women before her.
"We promise to make sure you and Jude are safe, we aren't sending you away Callie." This time it was Lena who spoke. Lena moved towards her wife and foster daughter as she spoke, she wanted to make sure Callie knew that they, the family, wanted to have the two Jacobs children in their house. To be their safe house, safe stop for now.
"Y..you want me to stay, you're not sending me away?" Callie hiccupped. She wasn't feeling so good from the blood loss. Both moms nodded and Callie nodded aswell.
"We want you to stay, we want this to be your safe stop. Your safe home Callie, for both you and Jude." Stef answered, her and Lena now had tears falling down their faces aswell as Callie.
"Now can Lena and I see your wrists?" Stef was not patient, she needed to fix Callies wrists and make sure they would not become infected.
When Callie nodded, both moms got into action. Lena grabbed the first aid kit and some towels while Stef gathered Callie into her arms and led her to the sofa and kneeling infront of her.
Checking Callies wrist, Stef had to hold in a gasp at the amount of old scars that lined the young girls arms. Some looked very old and some looked like a few weeks old, but the new ones looked very deep and once she cleaned them Stef hoped they weren't as deep as they looked with the blood.
When Lena entered the bathroom again they set about cleaning the young teenagers wrists.
"Callie, why did you do this?" Lena asked as she rubbed the girls back as Stef cleaned the cuts.
"I needed everything to leave me, I needed to feel numb. I can't think with so many emotions running through my brain." Callie was still sniffling, her voice wasn't strong and confident that the two women were use to. The sound coming out of the girls mouth was heartbreaking, filled with so much need that it hurt to hear her talk.
"Callie this is not the answer, I can see that this has been going on for a while but I can tell you now, nothing is that bad that you have to resort to hurting yourself. Please let us in." Stef had just finished wiping the last of the dry blood off of the girls wrists. They weren't deep enough that they required stitches but they would nee to be wrapped up and cleaned properly to prevent infection.
"It helps me cope with life, if I don't have this then I kick and scream and lash out a people, this helps me cope. Please don't make me stop." Callie was full on crying again. Both moms could see the desperation on the girls face. They could see tha Callie had relied on hurting herself for so long that she couldn't go without it.
"I know sweetie, I know but you really can't do this any more. Think of Jude, what would happen if he saw you doing this, it would break his heart. You don't want that do you? It breaks our heart that you have to resort to this." Lena tried to use Jude as a scare tactic, she knew Callies weak spot was her brother and she was going to use it to her advantage in this circumstance.
"Callie please, for me, for Lena, and especially Jude. We love you Callie, we want you in our lives and we dont ike seeing the people we love especially out children hurt." Callie looked up and stared deeply into Stefs eyes. She was looking for the lie in the eyes but all she she could see was honesty and love.
"I...Ill try." Callie whispered very quietly. Stef smiled a small smile as she continued to clean the cuts. Lena leant over and kissed Callie on her forehead.
"Thats all we can ask for Callie, is that you try for us." Callie nodded slowly. Lena kissed her temple and then grabbed a wet cloth and wiped Callies face of tears.
'I will try, for you, for Lena and especially Jude. I will do anything for him. I want to get better for him, I want to be the best sister I can be for him." Lena and Stef smiled at that and nodded.
"We do too. We will help you get better, we will get the help you need, we will be there for you Callie." Callie smiled a small smile and nodded.
"Thankyou." Callie whispered looking down and fiddling with her hands.
"For what sweets?" Stef said as she lifted Callies chin to look at her.
"For being here for me and not sending me away because im difficult." To say both women were shocked was an understatement. The teenager neede help and because she needed help they would send her away because that would be difficult.
One look between the mothers said so many things. They would not be sending her away just because she needed help. That would be so wrong in their mind. They would get this girl help, the help she needs, the help she deserves.
"No need to thank us honey. Family sticks together, and yes we consider you family." Lena leant over and hugged Callie, a hug that Callie felt relaxed in for once.
"There." Stef said closing the first aid kit and then kissing each bandage covered wrist before pulling Callies jumper sleeves down and joining in on the hug.
"Now I don't know about you but I could really go for some ice cream, how about you guys?" Stef asked wiggling her eyebrows, receiving laughs from the two other occupants of the bathroom.
"Really Stef?" Stef nodded and Lena rolled her eyes, Callies laugh filled the background. Both moms happy to hear that sound.
"Yep, Ice cream is good all the time, right kiddo?" Callie raised her eyebrows.
"Don't bring me into it, but If you are, im totally in for ice cream as long as there is chocolate sauce."
"Ha, two against one, Ice cream and chocolate sauce it is. Race you to the kitchen." Callie and Stef both flew out of the bathroom, their laughs filled the house while Lena shook her head.
"I feel like a mother of 6 sometimes." Lena chuckled as she began to clean the floor properly, she really didn't want to scare the other kids. Speaking of kids...
"Jesus." Lena sighed out. She had to go speak to him and discuss what he saw, he last thing they need is for Jude to worry and become upset over his sister.
For now cleaning the bathroom and then joining her laughing wife and foster daughter down in the kitchen seemed like a good way to end the day.
AN:
Cutting is not the answer, self harm is not the answer, suicide is not the answer. There are a lot of people that care about you enough that if you decide to take your life, you are really hurting them as well, not just yourself.
I should know, Im a recovering self harmer. I have been cutting since I was 10 years old and I am nearly 22. Ive only recently started getting help because I spoke out and now I have the support to get better. Its a gruelling process but you will recover, it just takes time.
I didn't think about the consequences to my actions, yes it felt good at the time to cut , to get rid of the pain and feel numb but in the long run it wasn't worth it. I didn't want my young family members to see my scars and think that it was alright to do, that they should do it to. I didn't want that and so they are my very source of strength to not break whenever I feel like I need to cut.
Think about the people you love if you ended your life. You may think there aren't people who love you but you would be surprised at how many there really are.
There is always help available, you were put on this earth for a reason, you were given a chance in life for a reason. Dont give up on it.
DARKHIPPIE XXXXX :)