Feeling free means swimming, floating in the water, feeling carried without doing something, just beeing in the water...feeling free.
Haruka opened his closed eyes and blinked against the bright light in the bathroom. He wasn´t swimming, he was in his small bathroom, sitting in the bath tube in the now nearly cold water. He was not swimming, he was not feeling weightless and free.
He clenched his fists and looked down in the water. He was not floating, he was holding tight in fear to drown- drown in his own feelings that kept him from feeling free.
He tried to relax his hands, moved them slowly in the water, while the thoughts splahed upon him like a wave. Why? Why could he not feel free anymore? He thought about it although he knew the answer. It was him! He held his heart in his hand and wouldn´t let it free.
When the red haired young man came back from Australia, Haruka felt different from the first moment he met him. Since then, Haruka did not float free anymore, he felt a force pulling him out of his self madeprotection, his own believe that water is all he could care for, all he needed.
When Rin came back, all of it changed. Haru did not feel neutral anymore, he felt like he was swimming in rough water. Of course he cared for his friends although he played his role of the one who did not care, and believed it himself.
But now he knew how emotions could make him feel heavy, even too heavy to float in the blue water he loved.
Cause his love now belonged to Rin, and just him. For the first time Haru started to fight, he wanted to be friends with rin again to be part of his life. And when it happened, he felt happy and relieved, like there was a chance for a future together.
But then Sousuke came and turned everything upside down. He had the self-confidence to accept the challenge, to fight Haru and take Rin away. And when Haru saw, that he was about to lose the fight, he took his chance and confessed to Rin.
And Rin made his decision, he choose Sousuke, with tears, but for him, Haru was his best friend, who he loved, but not his lover. He wasn´t able to hold him like he was trying to catch water in his hands. The more he tried to keep him, the more he lost.
Why did he always want what he couldn´t have? Beeing in the water forever, following his feelings for Rin? It wasn´t fair.
ButHaru tried to accept it, played as if everything was ok, but he felt so heavy, so lonely, so captured, even in the water. Who was there for him? Who could understand? And who deserved his love?
Harus dark thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the door of the bathroom which opened wide. Even more light fell in to the room and in the bright light a person was standing, like an living answer to his quertion.
"Makoto?",Haruka asked in Makoto, the friend who was there for him from the beginning, just smiled and reached out for his hand.