Disclaimer: I'm not filthy rich and I don't own Naruto or any other characters in the anime. Though, if I did, I'd be living in paradise...

Warning: This is a YAOI fanfic, hence the kakairu pairing, so if you're not into those kinds of stuff, well, it's not my fault anymore if you read on.
One other thing, this is my first fic I had the courage to post on the net, since there is noticeably few kakairu fics out there. Any comments, suggestions, or violent reactions are very much appreciated.
By the way, I tend to write long chapters since in my experience as an avid fanfic fan, I absolutely despise having to wait for the page to load and then suddenly seeing only about ten lines per chapter. If you're the type who likes to read only notoriously short chapters, well, you're just going to have to endure this- or not at all.
For those who still want to read despite all the unnecessary warnings, well, enjoy. :)

NOVEMBER 5, 2009: Important Author's Note: Hi... I'll post the next chapter within the next couple of days. This next chapter, however, is NC-17, which could lead to the suspension of my account if ever the powers that be get wind of it. Hence, I've started posting a REVISED version of this fiction on my lj page, renka-sd DOT livejournal DOT com ( just replace DOT with .). Or navigate to my profile page and just click the link there (which might be easier to do):p. Feel free to just go there and read the REVISED and edited version (now made more reader-friendly with less! grammatical errors). As of now, only the revised chapters upto CH7 have been posted there. I'll post the rest within the next couple of days, along with CH11.

Leave a comment on my lj if you want. I'll post a proper explanation and sort of apology letter for my absence these past YEARS! on my lj as well, so please go there if you're one of those who used to read this fic but since I didn't update for so long, felt cheated, and now need at least some sort of explanation to ease your curiosity/anger.

Again, I'll continue posting future chapters here, but I'll only post the REVISED chapters on my lj, renka-sd DOT livejournal DOTcom , so if you want the better versions, you can go there. Nothing much changed in the story, I just made some details clearer and corrected some errors here and there. If however, you don't mind reading through this, then please, do go on.

Lots of love, SD.

Trapped Dolphin
by Somnambulist Dreams

Chapter 1: Blood Lust

He watched with intent fascination as the blood trickled from his wrist. He took his kunai and made another wound on his wrist. It stung a little, but he reveled in that familiar feeling. It seems that for these past few months, he had been slashing his flesh more frequently, and more ferociously. He would slash his left wrist several times over, and shift the kunai to his left hand and slash his right hand even as the blood flowed from his left wrist.

Maybe he was just bored. Maybe he needed something to enjoy. Maybe he needed something to negate all the numbness he felt inside of him. Maybe he just needed to feel some kind of warmth, even if it was his blood flowing in rivers down his arms. Maybe… he just needed to feel alive.

He watched with equal enthrallment as his blood swirled and mixed with the bathwater in the tub. Sometimes, he would make himself bleed up to the point where he was lying in a pool of blood and water. Maybe someday, he thought grimly, this will all be my blood.

He turned the shower on and watched the blood and water drain. When he got out of the tub, the slashes on both his wrists had stopped bleeding. He dressed up, and slowly and carefully wrapped his arms in bandages. Thankfully his uniform concealed the bandages perfectly. Tomorrow, he would wake up, take a quick shower, dress up in his spotless and well-ironed uniform, tie his hair back into a neat ponytail, wear the symbol of his country on his forehead, report for work an hour before time, smile and exchange little pleasantries with the other ninjas, and be the person everyone expects him to be: helpful, cheery, and good-natured Umino Iruka.

But for now… he would just curl under the sheets and revel in the frigid atmosphere of his room.

"Ohayo, Asuma-sensei," Iruka greeted the chain-smoking teacher.

Asuma puffed smoke out of his mouth before turning to the cheery ninja. "Iruka-sensei," he acknowledged.

"You're here early."

"Kurenai told me to meet here," he snorted.

"Aa," Iruka just said. He knew there was something going on between Asuma and Kurenai, though they tried to hide it. He found it rather amusing, but he really didn't want to pry.

He went inside the mission room, and arranged the papers and scrolls lying around. He heard a knock on the door, and when he turned around, Kakashi head peeked in the room.

Iruka blinked. "Why, good morning Kakashi sensei. Isn't it out of character for you to be here so early?" Iruka asked with a small smile.

"Actually, Tsunade-sama called us in about an hour an a half ago."

Before Iruka could say anything else, the door flew wide open and Naruto came bouncing in. "Oi, Iruka-sensei!" he shouted.

"Naruto!" Iruka said in surprise. He ruffled the boy's hair just as the two other gennins came inside.

"We're going out on a mission today!" Naruto reported enthusiastically.

"Really, you are? Why wasn't I informed of this?" Iruka asked.

"It was a last minute thing, is what I heard," Naruto explained.

"Naruto come on now, or Tsunade would throw a fit if we're late," Kakashi said.

"It's your darn fault! You were the one who was so late!" Naruto scolded his teacher as he walked back to his group. "See you around, Iruka-sensei."

"Do your best, Naruto. When you return from your mission, how about I treat you to some ramen again?"

At this, the boy's face brightened. "You bet!" he said as he walked out of the room.

Iruka watched as Naruto walked away from him. Somehow, the gesture was one he'd seen so many times before. His parents' figures as they walked away to fight the kyuubi, and the countless other ninjas who received their missions from him, and never returned. He didn't want Naruto to share the same fate as them. If there were things he cared about more than his life, it would be his students, most especially Naruto. That was why he chose to stay as a Chuunin, he wanted to remain as a teacher, and devote his time to teaching students more than just controlling chakra or changing forms, but things that could really help them in life. Things he wish he knew back when he was small. Things he now knows would help them never to turn out like he did.

He felt the familiar emptiness as he sat himself back down on his seat. He felt the wounds on his wrists itch. He gripped his left wrist tightly, trying to quell the urge to slash himself again. Somehow, he feels a sliver of happiness whenever he sees Naruto. It makes him feel like he actually accomplished something good in his life. However, the loneliness that came whenever Naruto left was almost too hard to bear. He found his right hand slowly reaching for a kunai from his holder, he gripped the cold metal of the weapon in his hand and as he drew it out, the door opened and several ninjas walked in. He placed the kunai back and closed his holder. He covered his face with his hand as he chuckled lightly. "Maybe I need a new hobby," he said in amusement.

"You called, Tsunade-sama?" Iruka asked later that day as he entered the hokage's room.

"Here are some more missions to hand out," Tsunade said, pointing to him a pile of scrolls beside her desk.

"Uh, if you don't mind me asking, Tsunade-sama, what was the nature of the mission you gave to Kakashi-sensei's group?"

Tsunade looked up from the piles of books and papers in front of her. "Worried about Naruto again?"

Iruka chuckled.

"Well, I wouldn't worry much if I were you. It's just a B class mission. Nothing they can't handle. Besides, Kakashi's with them."

"Ah, yes. Of course, Kakashi-sensei is a very reliable jounin," he said in his usual pleasant tone. Kakashi, he thought grimly, of course. Wouldn't want to disrespect the genius' talent. "Well, sorry to disturb you, hokage-sama," he said as he turned to the door.

"Wait a sec, Iruka," Tsunade called out.

Iruka turned around.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"Why, yes. I feel just fine. Why do you ask, Tsunade-sama?"

"You just look a little pale that's all."

"Oh," Iruka said, fearing that the medical nin had found him out. "It's probably because I haven't had any breakfast yet," he reasoned out.

"Breakfast? Iruka, it's two in the afternoon. You haven't eaten anything yet?" Tsunade asked.

Iruka smiled sheepishly, "Well, I suppose I just lost track of time."

"Ah! You're being such a workaholic again. I wouldn't have any of my ninjas starve to death. Go ahead and take a break. I'm sure someone else can fill in for you. Besides, your students will miss their favorite teacher if you get sick."

Iruka nodded. He knew there was no arguing with Tsunade. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama," he said.

When Iruka had stepped out of the room, Tsunade looked intently at the door. She knew something must be wrong with the mild-mannered Chuunin. She has been noticing it since the first time she met him. The warm smile, the kind gestures, even the gentleness he exudes, all of them seemed different. Like it's all a big mask to hide something deeper. Something totally unexpected. It didn't help that everyday she sees him, he'd grow paler and paler, and every time she'd inquire about it, he hides it with a smile. Yes. Something was definitely wrong. She wasn't a medical nin for nothing. And she's certainly not a hokage for nothing either.

Iruka stepped out of the mission room to get a quick snack, but found himself walking to the direction of Ichiraku Ramen. He smiled. This was his favorite place to eat. It brought back so many fond memories, mostly about him and Naruto. He suddenly wondered how the feisty boy was doing. Knowing him, he was probably causing a lot of ruckus in his mission.

He pushed the flaps aside and was about to sit down when he noticed a familiar figure sitting at the edge of the bench. "Kakashi-sensei!" he gasped.

Kakashi turned to him, and smiled sheepishly under his mask, evidenced only by his eye that arched playfully. "Hey, Iruka-sensei," he greeted back.

Iruka was dumbstruck. "Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be in a mission with Naruto and the others?"

"Well… I figured they can handle the mission themselves," he said.

Iruka's face registered an indignant expression. "H-how could you let them go out on a mission by themselves? They could get seriously hurt!" Iruka protested. He was even more dumbstruck when the copy-nin just burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Iruka asked angrily.

"You," Kakashi answered. "You looked like the end of the world is near. Relax, Iruka-sensei. Tsunade-sama arranged a mission for the three kids only. I wasn't even asked to tag along."

"But… Tsunade-sama told me---"

"That I was with them? She just didn't want you to worry, knowing how fidgety you get when Naruto could be in any potential danger."

"So why did you come to meet Tsunade-sama then?" Iruka asked.

"Hey, you're going to eat, right? Well, sit down, sit down," Kakashi insisted.

Iruka remained standing. "Are you purposely trying to avoid my question, Kakashi-sensei?" he asked.

"No, why would I do that? Well, if we're going to have this little chat then you might as well sit down, am a right?" Kakashi reasoned out.

Iruka sighed and sat himself down. The server came to him, and he ordered ramen and some water. "So? Do you have a mission as well?" he asked, although not sure why it would matter to him if he did have a mission.

"Actually, I do have a mission. But I'm not just about to reveal it to a lowly school teacher like you," Kakashi said.

"I knew that was coming," Iruka just mumbled. He has become used to Kakashi's frequent insults and puns against him being a low level chuunin and a schoolteacher. In fact, he'd be surprised if Kakashi suddenly forgets to insult him. However, it didn't mean that he got used to it that he had to like it. Iruka resented Kakashi for that. Resented him for being able to deliver wisecrack after wisecrack and degrading his already non-existent self-esteem. Resented him more for being the one person to replace him in Naruto's heart. As far as Iruka is concerned, Naruto only thinks of him as a person of the past. No future.

He felt himself plunge into that frigid darkness he usually felt when he was alone. Well, he smiled inwardly, I'm always alone. The wounds on his arms began to itch again, and he was feeling the urge to see that bl---

"He-ey, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka snapped out of his daydream to stare directly into Kakashi's eye, uncharacteristically wide with curiosity. "What is it?"

"You looked like you were in a whole different world. Worrying about your little baby Naruto again?"

Iruka tightened his fists on the table, and Kakashi watched with great amusement as his knuckles grew white. "Naruto is not a baby!" he protested.

Kakashi was taken aback by what he said. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I know that kid's not a wussy. I meant he's your baby, you could've very well been his mother the way you treat him," Kakashi explained, only to realized he had just made the situation worse if what Iruka's enraged expression showed anything at all.

Iruka stood up and turned to the counter, "Can I have that for take-out instead?" he called out, rather loudly.

"What, no angry retort, Iruka-sensei? I bet you just want to punch me now, am I right?" Kakashi said smugly.

Oh yes, Iruka wanted to beat the man up so badly. Yet he knew if he very well as tried to lay a finger on him, he'd be the one who is going to end up black and blue. Besides, Kakashi'd just love that. It'd give him a chance to belittle him again. Iruka just stood there silent, hands into tight little balls at his sides, as he waited for his food. When the server arrived, he took the plastic bags and paid for his bill. "It was nice seeing you again, Kakashi-sensei. Good day," he said with a very fake polite tone of voice.

Kakashi just laughed, and called out to him as he walked away, "If you don't release that anger, Iruka-sensei, you're going to explode one of these days!"

Iruka tried to ignore him as he walked swiftly away. Yes, one of these days, he might just explode. Why the jounin always tormented him and bullied him was beyond Iruka. Was he just like that? Did he get his kicks from making everyone else feel miserable? Oh wait, scratch that. For making Iruka miserable? It was bad enough that he insulted his skills, even made fun of his personality, what he couldn't take was Kakashi insulting his relationship with Naruto. It was just too much.

Kakashi turned back to his food and scratched his head as he forced a sheepish smile on his face. It seems like every time he talks to the chuunin, all that come out are cheap jokes and insults. Why he couldn't just have a normal conversation with the guy is beyond him. "Way to go, Kakashi. You've really done it this time," he said.

The lights almost seemed blinding in the darkness of the night, and Iruka found himself alone again in the mission room, cleaning up after the ninjas who were all too eager to leave. He was fine with doing the heavy-duty chores anyway since he had nothing else to do…except probably wallow in self-pity again. Then, suddenly, the door to the mission room flew open and Naruto came bouncing in.

"Naruto!" Iruka gasped.

"Iruka-sensei!" he yelled quite enthusiastically.

"You're back from your mission so early? I take it went well?" Iruka asked.

"You bet! Although that bastard Sasuke had to show off again," he complained. "But, anyway, let's go. You promised me ramen, Iruka-sensei," he reminded him.

Iruka looked at the watch and noticed it was already half past eleven. "Naruto, it's way too late for ramen. Ichiraku's closed already."

Naruto pouted, and Iruka felt like somebody had just crushed his heart, if it wasn't already crushed. Maybe he was spoiling Naruto too much.

"We'll do it, tomorrow at lunch time. I promise," he said.

Naruto's face brightened. "Okay then," he agreed. "By the way, I saw Kakashi-sensei before I came here, and he said something about comforting my mommy? What did he mean by that?" Naruto asked.

If it weren't for the look of pure innocence and curiosity on Naruto's face, Iruka would have already burst into violent fits. "It's nothing, Naruto. It was just a cruel joke. Shouldn't you be sleeping already? It's really late, Naruto," Iruka said, changing the subject.

Naruto stared at his teacher's face for a moment. Iruka's face looked like a mixture of vexation, fatigue, and anger. "Something wrong, Iruka-sensei?" he asked.

"No. Naruto. Just tired, that's all," he told the boy.

"You sure? You'd tell me if there's anything wrong, right?" Naruto asked.

Iruka couldn't help but smile. Naruto had always been a very considerate person, which was often misread by people as being nosy. "Sure, I would," Iruka replied. He would've hated to lie to his favorite student, wait, ex-student. But he just couldn't tell him, yes everything is wrong. I'm sick of my fucking life. I just want to bleed to death one of these days, but I just couldn't do it. To the very end, I am what Kakashi always said I was. A weakling. And I end up hating myself even more.

Naruto grinned widely. "Alright. I'll go home now. Tomorrow, at lunch, right?" he confirmed.

"Yeah."

Naruto ran down the darkened hallways of the headquarters, and when he was a good measure away from the mission room, he stopped and a puff of smoke engulfed him. When the smoke subsided, Kakashi appeared in Naruto's place and was standing in the hallway, his visible eye lost in deep contemplation. He was quite rattled, and intrigued at the same time. He sensed Iruka's heartbeat grow rapid when he asked if there was anything wrong. Meaning there was something going on. And from the looks of it, it was something so serious that Iruka would even lie about it to Naruto. "Something is definitely wrong," Kakashi said to himself.

TBC

AN:
Well, here ends chapter 1. Again, any comments, suggestions or violent reactions are very much appreciated.

By the way, since the local TV channel here has this irritating habit of showing reruns of Naruto instead of the more recent episodes, I am sadly, and frustratingly, inadequately informed. They've probably only shown upto episode 106 or somewhere close to that. So, in line with my trying to make my fic a bit more believable, here are a few questions I'd appreciate a lot if answered.

1. Exactly what time DOES Ichiraku close during the night? Do they even close at all?
2. I know Iruka teaches at the Ninja Academy but he also has a job working in the mission room. So then when does he teach and when does he work in the mission room (does he teach only on weekdays and work during weekends and after school hours)?
3. How do they determine when a ninja will become a jounin? Do they have a test or something like that?
4. I heard a nasty rumor that Kakashi will die towards the end of the series, is that true?

Also any errors in my story (typographical, grammatical, or simply illogical)? Please, do tell me.

Thanks.
somnambulist dreams