Written for the 2014 VAMB Secret Santa Exchange for quantumsilver. Her request: "Someone has to make a hard decision in the middle of a dangerous situation. It doesn't have to have been the correct decision in hindsight, or it can be. Up to you. Points for humor, darkness, R rating, and humanity unveiled alike." Much affection to QS and thanks for the inspiration, although I'm not sure I've done her request justice. And many thanks to mizvoy for the editing.

CHOICES

By KJaneway 115

Kathryn Janeway stared at the view screen in shock, still unable to fully grasp what had just happened. There had been so many false alarms over the past seven years that she genuinely expected to wake up and find it had all been a dream. She blinked several times and clenched her fist hard, her nails biting into the skin of her hand. The scene before her didn't change. It wasn't a dream.

The fleet of Federation ships on the view screen was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. She turned and walked towards her chair as her first officer took the helm. She crossed her legs and said the words she had spoken many times over the past seven years, words that now took on an entirely new meaning. "Set a course for home."

Chakotay, seated at the helm, was trying to control his whirling thoughts as his fingers piloted the ship automatically. He hadn't truly believed they would make it; he realized that now. For all his protestations to Seven about remaining in transporter range of her, and all his professions of confidence in Janeway, he had never truly believed they would make it home. But now they were here, and suddenly the reality of his situation came crashing down on him. He would have to make good on an agreement he had hoped would never come to fruition. And he had only a few minutes left. How could he explain it to Kathryn? To Seven? To B'Elanna and Tom and their brand new baby? To Harry, who had looked up to him for so many years? Even to Tuvok, who had become a trusted colleague, if not a friend? He turned in his chair, ready to ask the captain if he could see her in her ready room, but then Harry spoke and it was too late.

"Captain, we're being hailed."

"On screen."

No! he wanted to scream. I need more time. But he could say nothing.

Admiral William Ross appeared on the view screen. "Captain Janeway. Welcome home."

"Thank you, Admiral. What can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry to inform you, Captain, that there is a member of your crew that I am taking into custody, effective immediately."

Janeway was out of her chair in an instant. "On what charge?"

"Treason," the admiral replied. "Commander Chakotay, prepare to beam aboard."

Chakotay stood, but Janeway held out a hand. "Admiral, I demand an explanation for this. Commander Chakotay is a Starfleet officer. You can't just take him into custody."

"I certainly can. He's been charged with treason."

"What treason charge?"

"Treason against the Federation, crimes the commander committed as a Maquis."

"I will not allow you to take a member of my crew."

"The choice is not yours to make, Captain."

"Raise shields." Janeway's voice came back as hard as steel.

Chakotay lifted his hand and spoke softly, as if only she could hear him, even though his words echoed through the silence of the entire bridge. "Kathryn, don't."

"Chakotay." She stepped towards him, lowering her voice. "What do you mean, don't? This isn't fair. It isn't right."

"It will be all right."

"No. I won't let them take you. If I have to take the ship back to the Delta Quadrant, I won't let them do this."

"You have to."

"What do you mean?" She felt the tears stinging her eyes again, but this time she didn't care.

"If I don't do this, it will make things a lot worse for everyone."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I have to go."

"No! We can fight this, Chakotay. You don't have to do this. Please. If you care for me, if you care for our crew, don't do this!"

He turned to the view screen. "I'm ready, Admiral."

On the screen, Admiral Ross turned to an ensign behind him. "Energize."

As Chakotay dematerialized, he looked straight at Janeway. "I love you," he said as he disappeared from Voyager's bridge.

No one spoke. Janeway stared at the spot where Chakotay had stood only moments earlier, barely aware of the admiral's ship going to warp in front of her. Tuvok stood at his station, stoic as usual. Harry Kim's jaw remained agape. Gripping the console in front of her, Seven of Nine felt a rush of emotions that she could not process or explain. When she reached up to touch her cheeks, she realized they were wet.

Finally, Janeway turned to face her crew, the mask of command descending over her features. "Tuvok, you have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room, trying to figure out what the hell is going on."

...

She braced her hands against the desk and drew in a shuddering breath. Her mind was whirling, and her heart was racing. She took deep breaths, trying to slow her thoughts and her heartbeat, replaying the last five minutes in her head. One moment rose above the haze of her swirling emotions, Chakotay's dark eyes looking earnestly into hers as he told her he loved her. What on earth had possessed him to say such a thing? She had suspected, long ago, that he might harbor some feelings for her that transcended simple friendship, but surely, he had moved on by now. After all, hadn't the admiral told her he would marry Seven? Hadn't they already begun a romantic relationship? Her face flushed. Oh god. Seven. She had heard Chakotay's confession of love along with the rest of the bridge crew. Kathryn dropped her face into her hands. What the hell was she going to do?

She thought about Chakotay, sitting in a prison cell right now, probably asking himself the same question. A prison sentence was the last thing he deserved, and she felt a wave of anger flow through her, rising above her other emotions. What was Starfleet thinking? How could they imprison someone who should be coming home a decorated hero? She needed counsel. She raised her hand to her comm badge to hail Tuvok and ask him to report to the ready room, but before she could touch her badge, the door chimed. She took a deep breath, shaking off the onslaught of emotions that still hovered just beneath the surface. "Come in."

It was Seven. And she was crying. Janeway had never seen the former drone exhibit such an open display of emotion. "Seven!" She quickly went over to the young woman and put an arm around her, leading her to the couch. They sat down together, and Janeway pulled Seven towards her, letting the young woman cry on her shoulder. "It's okay," she said softly. "It's going to be okay."

"I don't understand," Seven managed between sobs. "I don't understand why he would say that."

Janeway hugged her tightly, pushing her own emotions aside. "It's all right," she murmured softly, as if to her own daughter. "Just let yourself cry."

After several moments, Seven's sobs subsided and she extricated herself from Janeway's arms. "Why would Chakotay do this? Why would he let himself go without a fight?"

"I don't know. I don't understand it any better than you do." Janeway reached out and brushed Seven's hair out of her face.

"And why would he say that?" Seven's lip began to quiver again. "Why would he say that he loves you? He's in a relationship with me."

Janeway breathed a heavy sigh. "I really don't know, Seven. Sometimes, in stressful situations, people make snap decisions, and they aren't always the right ones."

"But, did he mean it?"

"Chakotay and I are close; we have been for many years." Janeway's gaze drifted away from Seven, and she seemed to be seeing something long ago and far away. "Maybe not as much recently, but we've always cared for each other very deeply... as friends."

Seven shook her head. "I don't think that's how he meant it just now." She started to cry again, and looked up at Janeway with red eyes. "Is this what it feels like to love someone? If so, I cannot understand why anyone would desire to feel so... so awful."

"Oh, Seven." Janeway wrapped her arm around the younger woman again. "Loving someone comes with its share of heartaches. You can't care deeply for someone without risking a terrible hurt." She paused, realization settling over her. "I've never seen you this emotional before. Has something more than Chakotay's arrest upset you?"

Seven pulled away from Janeway and buried her head in her hands. "I think I've made a terrible mistake."

Janeway rubbed her back and sighed. "Being with Chakotay isn't a mistake, Seven."

"No, that's not what I mean."

"What, then?"

Seven sat up and looked at Janeway with red eyes. "I had the Doctor remove my emotional fail-safe."

Momentarily at a loss for words, Janeway's hand stopped its circular motion on Seven's back. When she found her voice, she asked quietly, "When did this happen?"

"Three days ago, just before the admiral's arrival."

"I see."

"Perhaps I made that decision too hastily."

"Maybe." Janeway paused. "But you can't undo it now. I won't lie to you, Seven. I wish you'd consulted me before making such a major decision, both as your friend and as your captain."

"I'm sorry, I..."

Janeway held up a hand. "What's done is done, and I can't say that I blame you for wanting to experience the full range of human emotions. In fact, I'm proud of you for making that choice."

"You are?"

Janeway nodded. "From now on, I want you to come to me whenever you are having difficulty dealing with your emotions. It's going to be a period of adjustment for you, and you don't have Chakotay to rely on right now. You're going to need guidance and support. If you don't feel comfortable coming to me, talk to the Doctor."

"Thank you, Captain. I will."

"Whatever Chakotay said or meant, we'll have to figure it out later. What's important right now is that we understand what's happening and why he was arrested. We have to find out exactly where these charges are coming from and how we can counter them. We have to get him the best representation we can, because there will be a trial, and when that happens, I intend to be there, and I expect you to be there as well. Chakotay needs both of us to help him right now. Can you do that?"

Seven nodded. "Yes."

"Good. I want you to start by researching the Federation legal database. Find out as much as you can about Chakotay's case. Get Tuvok to help you if you have trouble navigating the system."

"I will not have trouble."

"All right. I'm going to contact Admiral Paris and see what he can tell me about this mess. We're going to get to the bottom of this, Seven. Don't worry."

Seven nodded and for the first time since she had entered the ready room, managed a weak smile. Unexpectedly, she threw her arms around Janeway. "Thank you, Captain."

Janeway patted the young woman on the back. "You're welcome, Seven." They disengaged and stood up. "Now, let's do this."

...

"Admiral, thank you for agreeing to see me." Janeway stepped into Admiral Paris' office.

When the door closed behind her, he stepped around his desk and enfolded her in a warm hug. "Katie, it's so good to have you home."

"It's good to be home," she replied. Paris had been a friend of her father's and a mentor to her at the Academy; he was far more than a superior officer. She broke away from the embrace. "But one of my crew is being held on charges of treason."

"I know," Paris replied. "I didn't know about these charges until after the fact, I swear."

"I know. Were you able to find out the answers to any of my questions?"

"None of the other former Maquis on your crew will face the same charges. That should come as a relief."

"It's some comfort, I suppose. But why Chakotay?"

"That, I haven't been able to find out. I can tell you that certain Starfleet officers, especially those who served on the front lines during the war like Admiral Ross, hold a grudge against the Maquis. I'm not surprised that there are those wanting to prosecute the former Maquis on your crew. I am surprised that only Chakotay is being charged."

"Do you know where he's being held?"

"At the New Zealand correctional facility. There hasn't been a trial date set yet."

"And what about representation?"

"I spoke to Admiral Luvois, as you asked me to. She has agreed to your proposal, but I have real misgivings about it, Kathryn."

"Why is that? You don't think I'm capable?"

Paris shook his head. "I don't think you can be objective."

"Chakotay doesn't need someone to be objective. He needs someone who's going to do whatever it takes to ensure his release."

"And if you can't?"

"Not an option."

Paris sighed. "All right. I see there's no dissuading you."

"Nope."

"No need to get defensive, Katie. I'm on your side."

"I'm sorry. The past few days have just been… difficult."

"I know. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I've read the reports you sent from Voyager. I know that Chakotay has saved your life many times over, as well as my son's and his wife's. I know from his reports and yours that he's a good man and a good officer."

"I only hope the court sees it that way."

"So do I. As I said, just let me know what I can do."

"Thank you, Admiral. I will."

As Janeway left Paris' office, she continued to think about what the admiral had said. The one thing that bothered her the most was why only Chakotay had been charged and imprisoned. Her mind replayed the strange scene on the bridge, when Ross had hailed them. The way Chakotay had stood up so calmly, turned to her and told her not to interfere, it was almost as if... She stopped mid-stride. It was almost as if he had known what was coming. She tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

"Seven here, Captain."

"Can you talk, Seven?"

They had agreed to keep their investigation private, confined to the senior staff only, unsure of who they could trust. They would only speak over a secure comm link. Janeway waited while Seven secured the comm. "Yes, Captain. I'm available."

"I want you to take a fine tooth comb to the communications logs from the last several months, going back to when we began communicating with the Alpha Quadrant. Look for any erroneous messages, any evidence that Chakotay may have communicated with someone in Starfleet without my knowledge, any proof that he may have been coerced, bribed or threatened in any way."

"Understood, Captain. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go see Chakotay."

...

Chakotay had never been held in a Federation prison before. It was certainly nicer than the Cardassian equivalent, he mused as he stood up and sat down again on the bunk in his cell. But that didn't change the fact that he was in prison and likely to be there for a very long time. He dropped his head into his hands. What had he been thinking?

His mind went back to his last few moments on Voyager's bridge and the look of utter betrayal in Kathryn's eyes when he had stood and prepared to beam over to Ross' ship. If you care for me, if you care for our crew, don't do this! Why hadn't he been able to just let it go at that? No, instead he'd had to rebut her accusation. His mind had been screaming the response, and as he felt the transporter beam beginning to take hold, he simply hadn't been able to stop himself. Of course I care for you. I love you, Kathryn. Only later had it dawned on him that Seven would have heard the same statement and probably felt terribly hurt and confused. What had he done?

Had he made a mistake from the very beginning? Should he have fought the treason charge? No, he knew, that would have just been selfish. So many others would have suffered as a result. But aren't they suffering now? He shook his head, arguing with himself. Not as much as they would be had I not accepted my situation for what it is. They'll get over it. Seven has many people who love and care for her. She'll forget about me. Kathryn will be the celebrated captain who brought Voyager home from the Delta Quadrant. She won't even have time to think of me being in prison. She'll move on with her life. They all will. This is the life I chose, and now I have to pay the price.

There was a beep, and the prison communications network activated the terminal in his cell. "Commander Chakotay." It was one of the young lieutenants who worked security at the correctional facility. Chakotay had met him on his way in. His name was Butsky, or something like that. Chakotay had to keep himself from chuckling at the appropriateness of the name; the lieutenant was a real pain in the ass.

"Yes."

"You have a guest here to see you."

"Who is it?"

"Captain Janeway."

Chakotay felt his heart sink. He couldn't face Kathryn, not now. "Please tell the captain I'm sorry, I can't see her."

Butsky disappeared from the screen for a moment, and then came back. "The captain has asked that you reconsider, Commander."

"No. Please tell her I'm sorry."

The lieutenant disappeared from the screen again, and Chakotay could vaguely hear angry voices in the background. He recognized one of them as Kathryn's, and he felt even worse than he had a few minutes earlier. He just didn't know how it could help to see her now; he was certain that it would only make things worse than they already were. And things were already pretty bad.

Yep, old man, he thought to himself as he looked around the blank walls of his cell, you've really done it this time.

...

"He refused to see you?" B'Elanna blurted out, unable to disguise her anger.

Janeway nodded.

"That doesn't sound like Chakotay," Tom said as he handed the captain a steaming cup of coffee.

"The whole thing seems off to me, somehow," she replied. "There's something that we're missing."

"He didn't say anything to me about... any of it," B'Elanna said as she rocked the sleeping baby Miral. "Not to Mike Ayala either, and we were his oldest friends on Voyager."

"But did he say anything to you about dating Seven?" Tom asked pointedly.

"Well, no, but that's different. Something like this, something that involved the Maquis... I just can't imagine that he wouldn't say anything to me if he had known something about it." Janeway had told Tom and B'Elanna her suspicions about Chakotay's foreknowledge of the arrest, and it had launched the three of them into an animated discussion.

"Maybe he thought that the possibility of it really happening was so remote that he didn't need to say anything," Tom suggested.

Janeway sighed. "I still think we're missing something."

"Seven of Nine to the captain."

She tapped her comm badge. "Janeway here."

"I have something, Captain."

"Come to Tom and B'Elanna's quarters, Seven. I'm sure we'd all like to hear what you have to say."

"On my way."

They sat in silence for a moment, and Janeway noticed Tom and B'Elanna eyeing each other uncomfortably. She put down her coffee cup on the table and sat back against the couch with an exasperated sigh. "All right, spit it out."

"What?" Tom asked, feigning innocence.

"Whatever it is you don't want to say."

After another long moment of silence, B'Elanna said, "I don't think we know what to say, Captain. We heard about what happened on the bridge."

Janeway closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto the couch. "Who hasn't?"

"Please don't feel embarrassed," Paris said quietly. "No one is talking about it that way. No one thinks any less of you."

Janeway lifted her head. "Thanks."

The silence stretched between them for a moment until Tom asked, "How's Seven doing?"

"She's all right. Having this project to work on has helped her a lot; she needed that."

"And how are you?" asked B'Elanna.

Janeway closed her eyes. "I'm..."

The door chimed. "Come in," Paris called.

Seven of Nine entered the room, a look of urgency on her face that alarmed Janeway. "I believe you were right, Captain. Chakotay did know that he was going to be arrested should Voyager return to the Alpha Quadrant."

"Calm down, Seven. Tell us what you found."

"I reviewed all of Voyager's communication logs with the Alpha Quadrant. I found two sets of communications hidden in the logs on separate carrier waves. They both included covert correspondence with someone at Starfleet Command."

Janeway didn't know what to say. Someone on her crew had been communicating with Starfleet behind her back. Who would do such a thing and why? Her heart started to pound.

"Two sets?" Tom asked, jumping in when it became apparent that the captain had lost the faculty of speech.

"Yes. One set was between Commander Chakotay and someone at Starfleet. I don't know who he was talking to and haven't been able to reconstruct the other side of the conversation."

Janeway finally found her voice. "But you have been able to reconstruct Chakotay's transmissions?"

"For the most part," Seven replied, handing Janeway a PADD. The communiques were written, not recorded, and Janeway stared at the words, her face pale.

The PADD read, "I do not know who has ... you with this information, but it is false. I will not ... for my beliefs, and I will not willingly give up ... or my crew because of false information."

The next transmission had been sent two weeks later: "Is there no alternative? Commander ... suggested that we might be able to broker a deal, one that would at the very least protect Captain Janeway and the rest of the crew from any charges or criminal proceedings. If you can assure me of their safety, I will do what you ask."

And finally: "Thank you, Admiral ... . I have deleted all records of our conversation from Voyager's computer. I will never speak of this, and I appreciate your promise that Captain ... and our crew will never ... what I have done. I regret saying this, but you have made me wish, for my sake, that Voyager never returns home. For ... sake, I will keep trying my best to ensure that we do, as soon as possible. And should that ... , have no fear; I will be true to my word."

As Janeway read his words, she could sense the torment Chakotay must have felt in writing them. She felt tears pricking the backs of her eyelids as she realized that he had sacrificed himself for all of them. It was up to her to make things right. Blinking back the tears, she looked up at Seven. "Is there any way to find out who he was writing to?"

Seven shook her head. "I've traced the transmission back to an office at Starfleet Command, but there are three admirals in that office: Paris, Ross and Blackwell."

"Ross," Janeway said. "He's the one who arrested Chakotay."

Seven nodded and then took a deep breath. "There's something else you need to know."

Janeway nodded. "The second set of communications."

"Yes," Seven agreed, and then hesitated.

"Who was it?" Janeway asked, the rancor growing in her voice. "Who else on my ship was communicating with Starfleet behind my back? Who was informing on us?"

Seven's expression grew even darker. "Captain, I have checked my work four times to ensure that I was not mistaken in my conclusion. Whoever sent the other set of transmissions was extremely careful, but using a Borg decryption algorithm, I was able to follow his tracks. The transmissions themselves are lost, but the pathways could not be permanently deleted from the computer."

"His?" Janeway asked. "Who is it, Seven?" Without answering, Seven handed the captain another PADD, one which listed the other set of transmissions and tracked them back to one crew member. Janeway drew in a sharp breath. "Tuvok?"

"Tuvok?" Tom and B'Elanna echoed.

"I searched and searched, hoping to find that I was wrong, that someone else was trying to frame him, but I was able to arrive only at this conclusion. Commander Tuvok informed on Chakotay to Starfleet."

As Tom and B'Elanna continued to voice their disbelief, Janeway's mind was whirling. She had been going to call Tuvok into her office right after Chakotay had been taken, but then Seven had come in in tears, she'd had to report to Admiral Paris, and she had forgotten about it altogether. Tuvok had left for Vulcan soon after to seek treatment for his illness. His illness. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

"I just don't understand why Tuvok would do this to Chakotay," B'Elanna was saying. "I know they didn't always get along, but this?"

"I think we need to keep this to ourselves for the time being," the captain said in a quiet but firm tone.

"But Captain," Paris started.

Janeway held up a hand to cut him off. "For the time being, Mr. Paris. That's an order. Thank you, Seven, for bringing this to my attention." Janeway stood and stepped towards the exit.

"Captain, may I ask what you are going to do with this information?" Seven asked.

"I'm going to see the Doctor," Janeway replied. With that, she exited the room, leaving three very confused crew members behind her.

...

"Doctor, is it possible that Tuvok's illness was far more advanced than either you or I suspected?"

"Captain, I am programmed with the medical knowledge of thousands of medical professionals, including Vulcan doctors. Are you suggesting that I don't know how to examine my own patients?"

"Doctor, I know you are more than capable, and you know I trust you with my life. But I need to know, is it possible?"

The Doctor regarded her for a moment. She was clearly worked up about something. "Why do you ask?"

"Please, just answer the question."

"I suppose it is possible. Neural degeneration affects every patient differently. There's no way to know exactly how fast Tuvok's condition had progressed or how the disease was affecting him." Janeway slumped against the nearest biobed, and the Doctor reached out a hand to support her. "Why? What is it?"

She told him what Seven had found. When she finished, the Doctor looked as horrified as she felt. "Is it possible that I truly missed this?" the hologram asked himself.

"Tuvok wanted you to miss it," Janeway said tiredly. "He was hiding it from all of us."

"Perhaps he was hiding most of all from himself," the Doctor suggested. "He told me recently that his logic had not yet been impaired, but I suppose that the incident with Icheb and the kal-toh game should have alerted me to the fact that this was more than a simple lapse in concentration. Kal-toh is a game of logic; the fact that Tuvok lost should have warned me his sense of logic was more impaired than he was willing to admit to himself." He paused. "Think about it, Captain. What's more terrifying for a Vulcan than losing his sense of logic?"

She let the Doctor's words sink in before replying. "You're right. That would have been hard for him to admit to himself, much less any of us. He may not have known how sick he was."

"Commander Tuvok is already on Vulcan undergoing treatment."

"How long will his treatment take, Doctor?"

"I don't know. I would have to contact his doctors on Vulcan."

"Do it. But keep it quiet."

The Doctor nodded. "I will."