A/N: Updated 4/14 (published 4/13)- just fixed some grammar and phrasing, as well as capitals and spellchecks. No biggie.

Summary: ((Modern-day Cresswell Best Friend AU)) We all know about Cress' height :) prompt is at the bottom of the story ;) FLUFF but it comes with the price of some angst.

Cress remembered exactly when he'd started doing it.

In high school, they used to go to these raging concerts in this park in a neighboring city. They would be snaking their way through the mass of people that filled the lawn in front of the amphitheater where they held the concerts, Thorne pushing through the crowd and Cress trailing behind him with neck craned so she could keep her eyes trained to the back of his head. She often found herself absentmindedly massaging the side of her neck, a side affect of her shortness.

Every few minutes, he would turn his head back and look over his shoulder to make sure she was still behind him, smiling slightly every time he saw her still there. Her long blonde hair draped around her shoulders and danced around her waist in the slight breeze. Then at one concert at the end of sophomore year, he had looked back and she had vanished, the crowd seeping between them dragging them farther and farther apart. He had started panicking, and began searching frantically to find her.

When she'd realized that she couldn't see his head anymore, she had seized up with panic, before steering herself out of the crowd and to one of the benches that lined the yard of the amphitheater. She'd pulled her legs to her chest and immediately searched for her phone, clicking the button, but nothing changed on the dark screen of the phone. Dead. She felt the tears coming to her eyes as her fears got the best of her. She had come from an abusive home, where she would often be left alone, locked in her room for hours, occasionally days, at a time. Now that she was out of that situation, she was constantly afraid that the people she cared about were going to leave her. Her deepest phobia was being left alone. And the intense fear often led to horrible panic attacks, leaving her sobbing and shivering for chunks of time.

He had been pushing his way through the crowd, at the same time dialing Cress' phone. It went went straight to voicemail and he cursed. He made it to the back of the crowd and looked around for her. Short. Long blonde hair. Her knee high socks embroidered at the top with tiny, yellow, crescent-shaped scallops. The white lace of her dress. He didn't see her. He moved to the side of the mass of bodies, thinking he could see into the crowd better if he stood on one of the park benches that were placed there. He was walking down the side, trying to find an empty bench when he saw her. She was sitting with her knees tucked to her chest, staring in the ground. He immediately knew she was on the edge of a panic attack, and he surged forward to get to her.

She sat there, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, trying desperately to keep down the panic that was yearning to claw its way out of her. She breathed deeply in and out. She had to calm down. He would find her. He would never leave her. Never.

And then he was there, sitting on the bench next to her, pulling her into his arms. Whispering comfort in her ears. Reaffirming what she knew, what she had been muttering to herself for the past 10 minutes. He had found her. He would never leave her. He was right here. She felt the tears dribble down her cheeks, but the panic that would have followed them had been suppressed.

He had grasped her hand that night and pulled her off the bench. Both of them had lost all interest in the scheduled performers. He pulled her gently along next to him, not releasing her hand until they reached his car. Then he opened the passenger door for her, and went around to the driver's side. As soon as he pulled out of the spot, his right hand had found her left again, clutching it just tightly enough to tell her that he was here. They had driven in silence until they reached their street.

Cress' foster family had moved into the house next door to Thorne's family when she was 7. They had met the first day of second grade, when they found themselves waiting at the same bus stop. 8 year old Carswell had felt a strange protectiveness over his tiny blonde neighbor, and by the time the two came home from school that day, the two had become nearly inseparable.

He had walked her to her doorstep, still holding her hand, and she had pulled him into a tight hug. He had whispered in her ear how sorry he was, and that he would never lose her again. She had smiled slightly in an attempt to make him feel better and told him that she was okay now. She walked up the steps and he finally let go of her hand, keeping his arm outstretched until the last second so that her retreating fingers were forced to graze his palm as she walked away. She had turned over her shoulder and smiled at him telling him gently that she would see him tomorrow, before going inside her house and closing her front door behind her. He had walked the short way back to his house, mentally kicking himself for losing track of her.

Since that night, any time they were in a crowded space, he would grab her hand and hold it tightly so they couldn't lose each other. First it was just in large crowds, like the giant parties their friend Iko would drag them to, or the concerts they kept going to, even after that night. Then gradually over the years, he had started doing it in smaller settings. The mall, the traveling fairs and carnivals that came into town every year, then the sidewalks and little shops of downtown. Now, in their sophomore year of college, she found him doing it even in small settings. When he invited their group of friends to his dorm to study and hang out, he would subconsciously intertwine his fingers with hers when he thought no one was looking, but Cress knew that they were. She in no way missed Cinder and Scarlet's questioning looks. But she always ignored them, and they never said anything, so the topic of her and Thorne's confusing relationship was generally avoided.

Then one day he did it when they were alone. They were studying for finals in her dorm, her roommate, none other than their crazy high school party girl friend Iko, was out doing God knows what with God knows who. They were laying next to each other on their stomachs on Cress' bed, eyes focused on Cress' laptop, re-watching a lecture given for biotechnology, one of the two classes they shared now that their majors took them on different courses. Their professor, Mr. Dwyer, was narrating the lecture video, trying to make it more engaging by adding strange transitions and animations of explosions, but it didn't do much considering the lecture was on the allele variations of wolves and dogs. His voice was just narrating the definition of genome when she felt Thorne's hand slip into hers, gently caressing her smooth fingers with his own larger ones. She let him hold it for a minute as she tried to refocus on Mr. Dwyer, but she had no more interest in K9 genetics. She pulled her hand out of his grasp and used it to press the spacebar, pausing the video on her screen and leaving Mr. Dwyer's face frozen in a funny expression. Thorne looked at her curiously, like a confused puppy and she sighed and sat up. Crossing her legs, she rested her elbows on her knees and pressed the heels of her palms lightly onto her eyes. He sat up as well, leaving his legs outstretched and leaning back onto his arms.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked, having removed her hands from her eyes and started fiddling with the split ends of her long braid. He blushed slightly and ran one of his hands through his own hair.

"What?" he responded, feigning innocence. He knew what she was referring too.

Cress sighed once more and looked up at him. "The hand-holding, Carswell! I know you know what I meant. I used to understand it, when we were in big crowds and loud places, and I appreciate it, but now I'm just confused. You do it even when we're just hanging out with our friends. And 9 people isn't exactly an overwhelming number. And just now! We're alone. There is no logical way for us to get separated right now, but you still held my hand." She stopped her rant to take a breath and she saw his his features tinged with a faint sadness. Her tone softened. "It's not that I don't appreciate it, and everything you've done for me, and you have no idea how much you've done for me…" She trailed off, distracted slightly by haunting memories of the past. She shook herself out of it. "I just don't understand anymore. I mean, are you not happy with being my friend?" It had come out sort of wrong, but she saw Thorne start to speak anyway.

"God no, Cress, it's just…" he paused and ran his hand through his hair once again, biting his lip as he did so. "It's just that I… I have feelings for you. Like, beyond friendship. I mean obviously I love you, after all we've been through together, how could I not, but I think," he paused and then muttered, "God this is hard." He sat up and tentatively grabbed her hand, and she let him take it. In truth she had never minded the actual handholding, just the social confusion of it. He blew a puff of air out the front of his mouth, amplifying the rustling sound of the breath, and then he started again. "Cress I'm in love with you. I've known that since high school. Hell, as soon as I saw you that first day of 2nd grade, I knew I had to be your friend. And when I saw you that night at the amphitheater, crying on the bench after we got separated? I swear something went off in me and I knew that I needed to protect you." He stopped and inhaled sharply eyes closed, not wanting to see her reaction until he finished his confession. "And that's why I started holding your hand in the first place, because you were so small and beautiful and perfect and I could never live if I lost you. And I've known that I wanted to be more than your best friend for so long, but I was a wimp and so I just held your hand more and pretended that it was real. And I want it to be real so badly." He let out a sad chuckle before continuing, "But I understand if that's not how you feel. I'll just have to learn to back off and let someone else protec-"

He was cut off by Cress pressing her lips to his, her hands planted firmly on his shoulders. He was shocked at first, but after realizing what this meant he smiled into the kiss and kissed back. He wrapped his arm around her tiny waist and pulled her flush to him, almost knocking her laptop off the bed as her feet dragged across the comforter. Her hands moved up into his hair and she ran her fingers through it. He slowly pulled back and looked into her eyes.

"So does that mean…" he started with a small smirk and Cress rolled her eyes.

"Yes you idiot. I-I love you too. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You are everything to me," she said meaningfully. He smiled and brushed her chin gently with his thumb. The end of her braid hung down in front of him and he started fiddling with it. She lifted his chin up lightly with a touch of her fingers and kissed him again. "I love you," she said, more firmly this time.

He smiled, kissed her, and reached to hold her hand.

A/N: WHAT THE HECK.

I swear this was supposed to be a cute fluffy oneshot! Idk how it turned so angsty. Urgh.

Prompt:

"You're afraid that you'll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there's only, like, five people around and I'm getting very suspicious"

-'promptsfordays' on tumblr, (Height Difference AUs)

So I will be writing more oneshots for Cresswell based on prompts (mostly AUs because I love them) and I'll be adding them on to this document as new chapters, so follow the story if you want more. Review and give your thoughts please :)

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