"Rachel, eat it. It's calling your name. 'Rachel. Raaaaachelllll. Eat me. I am made of deliciousness.'"
The brunette whimpered and held a hand over her mouth. "Kurt, I can't. That stuff is just wrong. It had a face Kurt! It was a baby once!"
Kurt and Rachel were sitting in a cafe in New York having brunch on a Sunday morning. She thankfully felt a little better today, as her nausea from her pregnancy had decided to give her a little relief for the moment. But what had not, however was the undying need for the amazing smells coming from her best friend's plate.
"And your baby wants bacon." He waved the piece under her nose. "You've been eyeing it for ten minutes now. I know that look."
"But I don't eat meat!"
"You can give your child one piece of pig. It won't hurt you or end your life."
"Kurt…"
"Rachel, I will cancel your Barbra fan club membership."
"Now you're just being cruel," she whimpered. She rubbed her flat stomach. It didn't take but just a second for her to grab the piece of Kurt's hand and bite it in half. She practically moaned out loud at the taste, savoring the fried cured pork. When she realized what she had done, she grabbed for Kurt's orange juice and gulped it down quickly.
"You're too late. I have photographic evidence," smirked Kurt as he put away his phone.
"I don't care. Bacon tastes amazing," Rachel said as she finished off the piece. Kurt handed her the rest of it from his plate. She gave him an evil look as she picked up a second piece.
"Go on, I'm relishing the experience of watching the hypocrite Rachel Berry enjoying eating parts of a pig she's never tasted before."
"This from the man who eats fried sandwiches of ham and cheese topped with a fried egg."
"They're delicious. You should try it sometime... Right after I take you to have that three meat and cheese pizza."
"Oh for the love of—" groaned Rachel. "Are you trying to give me cravings?"
Kurt took back his orange juice. "Yes. You can go back to being a veggie loving, free love hippie self in about nine months." The heavy sarcasm was not lost on the brunette as she frowned.
"It's the free love that got me to this point."
Kurt wrinkled up his face, pouting his lip. "Maybe I should have tried harder to—"
"Kurt, it's not your fault. I should have listened to you. I knew this one was bad, but I really didn't care. I just felt like I needed someone."
"I can sympathize with that feeling," sighed Kurt, laying down a tip. "But in the meantime for all the entertainment you have provided me with over brunch, let's go buy you a baby book while you lay out for me your options for that growing spawn in your belly."
"Aww, you're the best," said Rachel, wrapping her arms around her best friend. "Thanks for letting me eat and drink your food."
"You can thank me after we stop by the butcher and buy you more bacon."
"Kurt Hummel! You are not bringing that into my apartment."
"I'm not bringing anything. You are."
"I will go buy tofu bacon."
"Facon? Your poor child. Fried tofu is not the same as savory sausage and luscious loin."
"Luscious loin? Have you been reading romance novels again?"
"...It's my guilty pleasure, okay?"
Rachel smirked and took his arm as they walked down a side street. "Genevieve's thighs quivered as she took the whole of Sasha's manhood in her—"
"Rachel!"
"Payback's always a bitch Kurt."
He turned around and looked at her with a smirk, stopping in the street.
"Roast beef, lamb stew, shrimp scampi, grilled tilapia. Salmon croquettes, grilled pepper steak..."
"Kurt stop!" laughed Rachel.
He grinned and took her arm again.
"I'm going to enjoy this till you decide what you're going to do."
Rachel muttered under her breath.