A/N: Hey! This is my first DPS fic and it is a one-shot. The song that was used as the title would be an excellent aid once you get to around the twenty-second paragraph (aka when the deejay stops speaking). If you don't want to listen to it - it's cool, but I really love the song and think it's perfect :) It's called "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" by Paul Anka. Enjoy.
Todd scuffled across the dorm room as quietly as possible, trying to gather up his things and not wake Neil at the same time. It was past lights out, but he felt like doing something. He was restless all day and the night was no different. The cesspool inside him had finally been slightly stirred and now it wouldn't settle back down. Energy was buzzing inside him and he had to move- he had to get it out somehow. Silently, he roamed his hands over his desk before going over to Neil's and searching it as well. Groping in the dark, he stumbled upon the object he was looking for and smiled. He fingered the cord attached to the headphones and pulled it closer, grasping the make-do radio securely with one hand, trapping it against his chest. The metal was chilling against his chest and he knew this would be his answer. This radio would be his outlet.
Todd smiled to himself and looked over towards the boy sleeping nearly three feet away. His eyes were sealed and he looked to be off in a restful slumber. Todd stared at the half-naked boy's open chest, his comforter slightly rolling off, as he decided whether or not he should ask Neil to accompany him. He looked like he was having a decent dream and there would be no use in waking him at this point. Yet, Todd wanted more than anything for Neil to join him. They were best friends and in his mind best friends were supposed to do everything daring together. And sneaking out past lights out at Hellton was about as daring as it got. So he tucked the radio closer under his arm and moved to the head of Neil's bed. He nudged the boy with his free hand a couple of times awaiting for him to wake.
After the fourth time he pushed against Neil's shoulder his eyes fluttered open. The brown eyes peered at him, clouded by sleep and wonderment. He blinked a couple times while his upper body squirmed, rustling the dull comforter. "Todd, what are you doing?"
"We are going to go on an adventure," Todd replied quietly, buzzing.
"Good God," Neil remarked, wiping his hands over his face, "It's almost midnight. What on earth are you doing?"
"I'm going to the roof. You're coming too... Please?" Todd added quickly at the end, hoping politeness would get his friend to join him. He didn't really want to go outside all alone and nothing truly great happened without Neil around. Neil motivated and made him do more and now he was going to return the favor. Todd was going to possibly get them in trouble. He shifted the radio from under his left arm and moved it into Neil's vision. "I really want to listen to the radio."
"Can't you do that from here tomorrow?" Neil asked pointedly, obviously wanting to go back to sleep.
"You know the reception here is lousy and the signals will fade if we leave too late. Please Neil? Come seize the day with me," Todd gave him a smile and once Neil returned it he knew he had hooked him.
"All right fine," Neil gave in without too much thought, "but just this once."
The pointed look returned to his face, but Todd knew he was only trying to be authoritative. Neil was wild and full of spirit and there was no way he would turn down an opportunity to seize the day. Carpe diem was the motto and they all lived by it.
"Yes!" Todd exclaimed with a whisper, gripping onto the boy's left shoulder with his right hand before releasing again. Their smiles were infectious and neither one could stop smiling as they stared at each others' faces. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!"
Neil got out of his bed and made his way to his dresser. Todd side stepped and remained by his bedside table as he waited anxiously for Neil to prepare for the windy night air. He himself had thrown on a pair of slacks and his red, soccer sweater. The white W stood out against his chest, but was slightly covered by his blue windbreaker that he threw over top of it. He was bundled and was contemplating taking off a layer, it was getting kinda hot in their room with his nerves flying all over the place. But then he saw Neil put on a couple of light jackets of his own and he figured it would be all right. He wouldn't be the only ridiculous-looking one.
Neil zipped up his green jacket about up to his sternum and turned to Todd, cocking his head to the side. He let loose one of his inviting, crooked smiles and extended a, "You ready to go?"
"Yeah, let's get going," Todd responded, a small grin reappearing on his face.
Todd led the way out of their room and Neil shut the door silently behind them. They had gotten used to this routine as more and more Dead Poet Society meetings ensued; Todd would walk into the hallway first, making sure the guys were out there and no teachers were lurking for whatever reason, and Neil would use his magical, fairy powers to close the wooden door without emitting a single creak or squeak. They were both useful in their own regard and were quick to leave the corridor once each task was completed – no need to be found lurking around by some teacher or worse, Mr. Nolan. So they scampered down the hall without giggling overly too much as they stumbled over nothing or accidentally bumped into each other. They were still boys at heart and acted like it most of the time. Once Todd had pointed ahead to where they were to turn to go outside Neil immediately started off at a sprint, leaving Todd to chase after him. It was far enough that their harsh breathing and pounding footsteps would be misjudged as something else entirely and ignored completely. They had nothing to be worried about except for stumbling upon a wandering person or being seen through a window.
Todd managed to sprint ahead of Neil, carefully keeping the radio pressed against his body during the journey. He stood on the pathway between a few towers, keeping closer to the one farther from the building. Todd set up the radio on the stone railing that kept on the perimeter of the walkway, attempting to move the antennae in such a way to receive the best radio waves. It swirled like a tornado and was hard to follow so it wasn't hard to imagine he was still settling it by the time Neil walked all the way over. He had given up running once he saw he wasn't going to beat Todd about fifty feet back and decided to take his sweet time getting there. His breath was mostly caught as he slumped against the railing, his lower half connecting with the rough stones.
"Well, we made it all right," Neil said with a laugh. His breath poured slowly out of his mouth like transparent milk in the night sky. His eyes followed the swirling patterns until they blended in with the glowing stars and pounding darkness. It only took a couple seconds for them to decompose in the raw nighttime, but it was one of the singular things that Neil liked about it being so late. He liked watching their breaths mix and mingle on their way back from meetings and he liked watching Todd pout out frustrated spindles of air as he worked on the radio. The headphones were pressed closely upon his head, ruffling his hair slightly as it went against the grain. His eyes were concentrated solely on the mechanism and Neil just watched him silently as he worked. For a few minutes longer Todd continuously moved the machine slowly- carefully until his hands froze and a smile blossomed across the lower half of his face. By George, he had done it.
He moved his head to face his friend and Neil was already scampering to his feet. He wanted to hear what Todd had wanted to show him. He wanted to hear what he had dragged him out here for. Whatever it may be, he knew Todd wouldn't disappoint. Even if it was some lame show that broadcasted at night for movie enthusiasts he would put up with it – for Todd. And probably for Charlie or Pitts or any of the other Poets if it were them, but right now it was Todd giving him a joyful smile out in the open night. So Todd it would be.
Todd rocked back on his feet, putting most of the movement into his knees and ankles. He bounced up and down awkwardly to the beat of the song flowing through the headphones. He smiled goofily at Neil as he flapped his arms by his sides like a chicken, moving his head back and forth. Neil laughed at him and was pleasantly surprised when Todd grabbed one of his hands and forced him to dance along. He pulled him in before dancing his way back out. Neil laughed along, and tried to dance along to whatever Todd had going in his head. He moved his hips back and forth, rotating his feet in a similar spastic pattern that Todd was doing. When Todd pulled his friend close again Neil lifted his head towards Todd, capturing some of the words that flitted through the airway.
Just before the angels come to carry me / I want it down in writin' how they'll bury me / A' wearin' tan shoes–
"Seriously Todd? That's such a girl's song!" Neil quipped, loud enough that Todd could barely hear him over the poppy song.
Todd shrugged in response, uncaring in what Neil thought about the song selection. He enjoyed it to the point of dancing and the fact that he got Neil to dance along was priceless all by itself. So he kept a hold of his friend as they jumped along to the beat as Dodie Stevens crooned about her love interest's eccentric clothing. A polka dot vest, indeed. Todd laughed to himself as the song came to a close yet their dancing kept on. Neil pushed him around, getting into the invisible noise. He closed his eyes, humming what he could remember of the song to himself. He dipped his upper body down before violently jolting back upright. His movements were fluid by no means, but Todd was enticed by them any how. He kicked around with his best friend as the DJ at the station led a monologue.
"That lovely song that you just heard was Dodie Stevens' "Pink Shoe Laces." A favorite of my daughter and her friends. Now, since we all know it's that time of night where the children are far off asleep, I'll spin a record for all you young lovers out there crooning to the waning moon. Feel the sensuality."
With that the air went dead for a moment and so did Todd's motions. The static filled his ears for what seemed like minutes. He listened keenly to the opening notes, a slow romantic rhythm pulsed and a few females gracefully sang their oohs. Neil stopped thrashing about momentarily to stare at Todd's stiff face. He knew something was either very wrong or someone was highly confused. So he just looked on his friend with concern as he figured out whatever was going on in his head.
Put your head on my shoulder / Hold me in your arms baby / Squeeze me oh so tight / Show me
Todd took a minute to glance at his hand in Neil's and just how real this was. So he listened to the lyrics, unfathomed by Neil's bewildered expression. He gripped Neil's left hand without restraint and sidled closer to the other body attached to his own.
Show me that you love me too /
He pressed himself slightly upon his roommate, semi-timid about spooking him off. He looked into Neil's wondering brown eyes unwavered as he firmed his grip on Neil's hand. Todd didn't want Neil to freak out because he wanted Neil to want this too. Todd wanted the feelings in his gut to be reciprocated by each singular tip of each butterfly wing. Todd hoped Neil wouldn't push him– push them away. All these thoughts and fears flitted away with most of the butterflies as Neil Perry seemed to openly accept his friend into his arms. Unjudging and stoic, he began a slow swaying from side to side as one normally does in a slow dance. His eyes ran over Todd's face and they said nothing in return.
Put your lips next to mine, dear / Won't you kiss me once, baby? / Just a kiss goodnight / Maybe
Todd lowered his covered head onto Neil's right shoulder, putting his nose mere centimeters from the veiny neck. Their intertwined hands were in his direct line of sight and he inhaled contently. There was nothing like swaying on one of the highest points of the school with the most important person in your life, just listening to the lyrics of a romantic song and the crickets from the far off woods. Crickets infiltrated the cave year round, finding solace in the unnatural warmth it had. You always needed a few layers for the walk, but never inside the cave. The Poets always felt cozy in their cave. It was practically their second home.
Maybe you and I will fall in love /
Now that Todd's head was resting on Neil's shoulder he was able to listen to what song was playing. An unfamiliar song to the thespian, but a comfortable song nonetheless. As Todd relaxed his muscles against him, Neil stared off into the distance. At the rate they were slowly spinning he was able to gaze out upon the river that traced some of Welton's finer points. The spread body looked eerily enchanting as it battled off the darkness. It shined up at him in the moonlight and seemed to be glittering for him; a special nod from nature that everything was going to be all right for once.
People say that love's a game / A game you just can't win / If there's a way, I'll find it someday / And then this fool will rush in /
So Neil took his right arm and wrapped it around the middle of Todd's back, almost as though they were sharing a long hug. As the lyrics continued and their eyelids drifted closer together the 'hug' seemed anything but platonic. Neil's arm sank casually each measure until he was holding him by the waist, riding his hand softly on the lower half of his back. They conformed together, getting close enough that Todd could feel every layer that padded Neil against him. Their shoes brushed against each other in a never ending game of footsie as their circles decreased in speed; a mere shuffle combined with the thoughtful swaying of two roommates. A chorus that was sure to be repeated.
Put your head on my shoulder / Whisper in my ear-
"Baby," Todd sang softly into Neil's neck. Neil's eyes tightened as the feelings crept up on him. He wasn't expecting Todd to know the words or the effect that the word baby had on him. It was much more profound than he ever thought it would be.
Words I want to hear-
"Tell me," Todd sang once again. The thin hairs along his neck tickled his skin as they stood up against the cool air. His grip on Todd strengthened as he continued with the lyrics. "Tell me that you love me too."
Todd shifted his head so it was physically touching the triangle that formed between his neck and collarbone. He pressed the bridge of his nose against the base of his neck and dutifully sang the remainder of the lyrics with the recording artist. Neil left his eyes closed though, unable to watch the spindles of breath appear from under his chin. He was too captivated by the emotions of the moment to even consider physically watching what was going on. He had seen the river and heard the crickets, but now he was ready to feel the love Todd had awaiting him. He was ready to experience the love that had always been there, anticipating this very moment. The moment that their desire and mutual understanding would finally become concrete; eternal.
Put your head on my shoulder / Whisper in my ear-
"Baby."
Words I want to hear-
"Baby."
"Put your head on my shoulder," Todd sang passionately, quietly in the still night. After a few more chords the song was over and Todd slipped off the headphones. He was in no need to listen to the DJ's next song that would surely ruin their mood. Neil continued on though, he swayed along to the once again invisible beat and hummed along to the new found lyrics in his head. The ¾ time was hot on his breath as it floated down and settled over Todd Anderson. Then as the song began to regress from Neil's immediate memory his foot shuffles became a thing of the past. They concluded and the two were left standing on a pathway in a tight embrace with no reasonable cause.
Todd became frightened by their new state. He didn't want to give up the bliss that was slow dancing with Neil Perry. He didn't want to face anything but Neil's snug jawline. He had no desire to know what Neil's next move would be. He was fearful that Neil would reject him and that he would be left crushed more so than ever. Getting a deskset twice was hard enough, but Neil was the only thing that made it better and Todd couldn't imagine if Neil wasn't there to make his future better– happier.
As Neil opened his eyes he noticed the boy in his arms was rigid with fear. He rubbed his right hand up and down Todd's back soothingly in order to relax the boy's anxieties. It was a big leap for both of them and Neil was determined to take it together. So he brought his roaming hand up into Todd's hair, caressing his golden locks. He wanted Todd to be comfortable with him, but more so he wanted him to be content with this decision.
"I won't do anything you won't want to," Neil whispered into the dark. His stomach felt tangled and forever twisting as something dared to jump out. It hammered along with his heart as he awaited Todd's reaction. When Todd gave no sign of resistance Neil took a deep, last-chance-before-I-swan-dive-into-this-bitch breath. The electricity filled his airways and he knew he could do this. He could confront his feelings head on and worry about repercussions later. Right now it was about him and Todd and how they were taking a step forward together. No regrets.
He shifted himself so Todd was no longer resting on his shoulder and was forced to face him. His light eyes pierced the dense air between them as Neil observed the apparent terror that seemed to permeate every layer of his being. He was a skeleton paralyzed by fear that was unable to penetrate the surface, but Neil didn't let Todd's social agony cause him to quit the club and he sure as hell wasn't going to let it cause him to miss out on anything else. So Neil used the hand he had propped behind Todd's head to pull the nervous boy's face closer to his own. Their lips were a movement apart, dancing dangerously close to the point of no return. Neil was focused on Todd's expression, making sure this was the correct move to make.
Spooked by his own insecurities, Todd turned to move his head away, but ended up brushing Neil's lips in the process. Quick to act, Neil tightened the grip on his hair and pursed his lips against Todd's. He could feel they were warm and inviting, he just needed confirmation. He moved his lips again upon Todd's in a quiet desperation. He needed him to kiss him back so bad it physically ached. His muscles contracted with reckless abandon and he knew the only release would be provided by Todd. Todd and his warm lips.
Then, just before Neil was about to back away, Todd applied pressure. He responded adequately to the kiss and nothing made them happier. Neil untangled his left hand from the lock it had practically been in the past ten minutes and applied it to the surface of Todd's cheek, cupping the fluffy parcel in his palm. Everything about Todd felt warm as Neil worked his lips over the other set. They began slow, just testing out what the other had to offer and becoming accustomed to it. Neil fingered and ran his hands all over Todd's hair and their lips began a dance all of their own. It moved rhythmically and kept its tempo well. Always on beat, always in time.
Todd poked his tongue out during one of their later rounds of kissing, pressing it against Neil's lips as a form of asking for entrance. It was readily granted without a moment of hesitation and they suddenly had a whole new domain to explore. He glided his tongue over the teeth that had glimmered at him so frequently before darting in the central part of the mouth. He scooted his tongue along the outside wall, feeling his fleshy cheeks from the inside. Neil's tongue traced along the back half of Todd's, lapping it until they made their way due west until there was no more cheek and only tongue on tongue. His breath was warm against Todd's tongue and he enjoyed roving over his sticky sweet taste. Todd could spend all day feeling Neil's tongue on his.
They took a quick breath, only giving them a few seconds break before Neil plummeted his tongue back into Todd's mouth. Todd staggered from the sudden intensity as Neil poured himself against the other boy. Neil pushed his body weight onto Todd, causing him to back up until he hit the railing in the middle of his back. The stone dug into his skin, but he didn't care because Neil's kisses were making his head spin. They kissed feverishly as they each removed a jacket; Neil a total of two. They were left in one soccer sweatshirt and a third jacket.
Neil broke the kiss to peer down at the boy he was making out with. His eyes were dilated and clearly clouded with anything other than innocence. His cheeks puffed in and out as he grasped to catch his breath. His lips were beginning to turn red and swell slightly. Neil beamed proudly at his roommate, ecstatic it was him who could alter his appearance so. "God, you look so perfect, Todd."
Todd reached up to pull Neil's angular face upon his own. Neil lowered himself upon Todd as they both leaned against the stone structure for support. His hands roamed the red sweater Todd was sporting, attempting to feel the fleshy contents underneath. Unsatisfied with the quality of his findings, Neil shoved his hands towards the bottom of the sweater and pushed it upwards, towards Todd's face. As it got closer Todd instinctively swatted his arms outward, making contact with a very solid object. They froze at they heard the sound of a tumbling object with the eventual crunch of metal, Neil's hands right around Todd's pectorals and Todd looking like a very surprised half starfish. They both parted and looked over the edge of the railing, Todd straining much more than Neil. As they realized what object had fallen a grave look appeared on Neil's face. He knew Meeks and Pittsie would not be happy to hear about this.
"I guess that radio really wanted to fly," Todd commented while gazing upon the scattered mess on the ground.
Neil gave a little snort, the look on his face contorting into that of humor. His crooked smirk looked effortless on his face before he broke all together and started laughing. It bounced off the nearby tower and encompassed the two of them. Todd laughed along before continuing a minute later, "Don't worry. I'm sure Meeks and Pitts will make another one next year." before sending Neil off into another round of laughter.
They stood there for a long while, just tangled in each other, laughing; soaking up each others' presence. Todd's sides were beginning to ache alongside his cheeks – he had never found a day quite as enjoyable as this. He had no reason to laugh so much before, but now he had something other than Dead Poets Society to keep him going. He had Neil on a completely different level than anybody else. No one else could make that claim.
As their laughter died down and they unraveled themselves Neil tossed Todd his windbreaker and spoke with a very confidential tone, "We'll tell the guys tomorrow. Until then, it'll be our little secret."
Todd smiled at him, flaring up the discomfort in his cheeks as Neil sent a wink his way. Maybe being Neil Perry's boyfriend wasn't so terrifying after all.
A/N: So I stayed up till about two o'clock this morning finishing up writing this. I hope you all enjoyed the fic and music. The music I used in this fic is authentic and from 1959 so it's totally within continuity parameters. Let me know what you think with a little review (anon or not, I don't bite!) This is my first slash after all and I would love to hear what you think :)