How to Write a Bad, I Mean Good Fan Fiction by the Rookie 12

AN: The bad spelling, grammar, and punctuation in Naruto's part is intended. This takes place before the Wave arc. I don't own Naruto.

Chapter 1: Team 7

"Alright everyone, Hokage-sama has commissioned us to write a fanfiction to tell people how to properly write one since most of the ones on the site, are, well, lets not get into it. Naruto, I want you to write on how to fix their grammer. Sakura you write about how to avoid making a character a Mary Sue. Sasuke you write either about bad plot or the Flames no jutsu. I'll write about late updates since I know all about being late. Now we can either make this a one-shot or write it in multiple chapters. What do you guys think," Kakashi asked.

"Make it a one-shot. After all I have to train to be Hokage and I don't have time to be writing fanfiction," Naruto said.

"I vote for whatever Sasuke-kun wants," Sakura said.

"Now there's a shocker," Kakashi thought sarcastically.

"Hn," Sasuke said in Uchiha language.

"Was that a 'Lets just get this over with' hn, or was it a 'If it helps me kill Itachi, I don't care how long it takes', hn?" Kakashi asked.

"Make it a one shot. And don't say his name," Sasuke translated.

"Alright, let's get to work."

Three hours later they finally got their parts done. After they made their account they posted it on fanfiction where everyone could see them. Should you choose to follow this advice is up to you. But you can probably guess what my opinion is.

SPELLING AND GRAMMAR by Naruto Uzumaki

This is Naruto Uzumaki. You no, the future Hokage and the most powerful genin in Konoha. Now there has been a LOT of good fan fiction out there and a LOT of bad ones. I'm going two tell you how you should right see, yu don't need to get rid of those red squiggly lines under those words. Why would you hit the spell check button when they provide a bit of color to the page. O, and all the names of the jutsu and characters. Wel you cee, the First Hokage created a website which is called Narutopedia. Google it to find the real Link. Now why go this page to verify if youve spelled the names and terms correctly. After all, yu dont need to make sure you wrote the names, jutsu, places, etc... it's fan fiction so noone really cares about that stuff. As for punctuation, well you should always remember to put the commas, apostrophes questionmarks quotation mardksand periods in, the write places but youdon't half too. Im sure people will understand and make no comments aboutthosemistakes. Anyway, I just remembered Irichiraku has a sale goingon. All ramen,half off. See u next time dattebayo.

THE MARY SUE by Sakura Haruno

I'm here to tell you about a very important type of character you should put in your stories. She is called Mary Sue. Now Mary Sue is supposed to be the perfect girl. Her looks, her attitude, what she can do, is so perfect that every man around her falls for her. How could they not? I wish Sasuke would fall for me. I mean, everyone knows I'm better that Ino-pig. Ahem. Got a little off track. Now according to the first definition on urbandictionary there are several types of them. The first is called victim!Sue.

Now she is supposed to be whiny, annoying, pathetic, who can't do anything right and always has to be saved by her romantic interest. There is no way I'm like that. Right? I know I only know the Clone, Substitution, and Henge jutsu, suck at taijutsu, have no genjutsu, am the biggest fan girl of Sasuke-kun, spend more time trying to get a date with him then I do on my training. But there is no way I can be one. Yes, there's no way I'm a victim sue.

As for the others... well look it up, I've got a hair appointment in half an hour. After all didn't you know Sasuke-kun likes long hair? Oh and remember you can't redeem your fanfiction if you kill her off. I mean she is the Mary Sue. Killing off characters like that isn't what you want to do. It's like hating Twilight which is the greatest love story ever written. Of course it will be second greatest once someone writes a story about the relationship that Sasuke-kun and I have. To those thinking I'm delusional obviously don't know Sasuke-kun as well as I do. He just has a hard time expressing his feelings. But I know what he really thinks of me.

PAIRINGS by Sasuke Uchiha.

I'm not going to tell you how to write one since I'm too busy brooding and plotting on how to get revenge on my brother. I mean, it's not like he's going to die of some unknown disease, and just drop dead. Instead, I'm here to give you a warning. There will be some fans you just can't please. And it's not because you wrote a bad fanfiction. No, it's because who you chose to pair the characters up with. If you don't pair them up with their favorite pairing, then they won't read it, and/or use the Flames no Jutsu.

The most popular pairings, and I don't know why, Naruto and Hinata (NaruxHina) or Naruto and Sakura (NaruxSaku). Naruto's oblivious to Hinata's feelings and Hinata won't act on them. Instead she just stalks him, and faints every time he so much as looks at here. As for Sakura, that's an even more hopeless situation. Every time Naruto asks her out on a date, or even talks to her, she hits him. Why he would want to go out with someone who hits you a lot is beyond me. Unless he's a masochist. And then there are the crazy yaoi fangirls who pair me up with Naruto. Just because of one accidental kiss, people think that is grounds for being a pairing. They're crazy I tell you. Crazy. Just... don't write those, unless you want to experience my Fireball Jutsu. To a lesser extent I'm paired up with Hinata and Sakura, even though I've never talked to Hinata before, and Sakura's just annoying. At least Hinata isn't one of my fan girls. She's Naruto's. Anyway, those are the top pairings where you're most likely to get views, good reviews, but also bad reviews.

Another reason for getting bad reviews is that you have a bad plot, like me not getting revenge on my brother, which would be a very bad thing. But I won't get into that. I have better things to do.

Now you might be able to avoid the war and getting burned by not pairing either Naruto or me up with either his stalker or the annoying fangirl. But then you might get burned because you didn't do either of those. I mean people pair him up with just about everyone, including people he's never even met or are way too old for him. I wouldn't be surprised if people put a yaoi fan fic of Naruto and the Hokage, but I won't go into detail because I don't need those images in my head, and neither do you.

Good luck. Now I have to go back to brooding and plot how to kill my brother. Did I mention I do that a lot?

LATE UPDATES by Kakashi Hatake.

Remember that you should give update times when you're going to post the next chapter. However, if you're late that's OK. Just tell them you just got lost on the road of life and it took you a few months to a couple years to update. It IS a very long road after all. Or you could tell them a black cat jumped on your keyboard, so you had to buy a new computer. Just email me at ichaichafan_ konoha._com (remove the underlines), and I'll give you all the excuses- I mean reasons on why you were late.

If you're always late with your updates it just makes them more surprised and happy that you updated instead of being on time. After all, if I was ever on time for something, people would either think I was sick or someone else in a henge. It is said that I would be late to my own funeral. So late updates are the way to go. Now, there's a 50% off sale on Icha Icha Paradise, so I've got to go now. Ja ne.

After the Hokage read it, his face turned red, and he decided their punishment. After the Chuunin Exams he would have them do D-rank missions for a year. And Kakashi would not only have his Icha Icha collection burned, he would be banned from reading Icha Icha for 10 years. Hopefully the next team he chose would do better. Little did he know that it was only going to get worse.

A/N Well, what did you all think of my first chapter.