Author: Saifai
Summary: When Spike's heart gets broke, he finds comfort in the arms of his best friend.
Pairing: A/S to begin with, but eventually X/S. Mentions B/S and S/Dru
Notes: I'm sticking by the original idea that Angel was Spike's Sire, not Drusilla. In my world, nothing changed from canon as far as their family dynamics, except that Angel and Spike had been on again off again lovers throughout their brief time together. This story takes place during Season 7 of BtVS, but it really takes off into AU from sometime between "Beneath You" and "Selfless." Xander was the one who first found Spike. Xander never tries to get back together with Anya. The boys will have enough to worry about without having the problems of the past season to worry about, so there is no First Evil haunting them for the time being.

Chapter One, Part A

Spike's POV

It was hard to believe that after more than a century they had finally reconciled their differences. For both him and Angel, their problems had ironically risen from the same place: fear of rejection. Angel's fear was two-fold, in that he both feared that his William wouldn't accept him back into the family ensouled, and also that his family's way of life would be too much for his soul to bear.

For him, he had always feared that Angel would never love him the way that he felt he deserved. He had always battled jealousy and loathing, in equal parts, of his Sire's lovers. They were the ones that proved to him repeatedly that he would never be enough. He felt nothing but rage for him for over a century because of the relationships his own lovers had had with his Sire. He couldn't ever really place claim on anyone as his own. In one way or another, Angel would always prevent him from ever feeling secure and content in his relationships.

It wasn't until after he'd gotten his own soul that they finally were able to sit down and hold a serious conversation, something that they'd never been able to do in all their years together. Sans soul, he honestly didn't have the patience to deal with his own pain. It's amazing what 150 years of guilt will do to one's ability to deal with emotional trauma.

Oddly enough, Xander had become his rock in the months immediately following his return from Africa. He had found him in the school's basement during one of his shifts working construction at the new high school. Xander bundled his meager belongings up and took him to his home.

Xander helped him through his initial emotional crisis spurred on by his return to the real world. He ensured he fed properly. He held him at night when he would sob almost uncontrollably after waking from his nightmares. Most importantly, he was his only support when the rest of the gang all found out about his reappearance.

Xander was initially the one to encourage him to seek out Angel to work through their issues. They would have long talks with each other during the evenings alone, either watching movies on the couch or cuddling in his bed. They would discuss their lives. They would reveal their hopes, dreams, and fears. Then one night, after a lengthy argument and plenty of self-loathing, Xander felt it was time for him to face his problems.

He smiled at the memory of being dragged out to Xander's car and stuffed in the passenger seat as he drove him out to Los Angeles. Xander had not actually stayed in the room with them when they finally sat down for the long talk, but he'd been there still. He wanted to be sure that "Deadboy" didn't cause him any more pain than he was already in.

It was a long road, with many more similar meetings, but he and Angel eventually came to an understanding. After a few rough starts, he was finally able to seek Angel out on his own, often coming up to L.A. to help with any tough situations.

It was a slow process, but they became friends again, and eventually more intimate. That had come as a surprise to even him. He never expected he would ever return to his Angel's bed after all the years of pain he'd endured. How could he ever trust him again? Talking through their problems didn't ensure he wouldn't get hurt again. It only enabled him to move on from their painful past. It pushed them into a friendship, and a close one at that. Renewing his relationship with Angel after all this time though was new territory, especially considering the distinct lack of interfering significant others.

After several months of the exhausting commutes between their respective homes, Angel eventually asked him to move in the hotel with him. Much to his dismay, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was unable to separate himself from Xander. As much as he loved spending time with Angel, Xander is the one that made him feel safe. He adored the young man, and couldn't bear it if he wasn't around.

Despite the fact that while Xander was the one to encourage him to seek out Angel to hash out their problems, he was far from supportive over them resuming a romantic relationship. In fact, he was dead set against it. His relationship with Angel was the subject of many arguments. No matter how much Spike insisted that the boy didn't understand the relationship dynamics of vampire families, Xander would not let up. It warmed his long dead heart to hear Xander's vehement complaints, though he'd never tell him that.

Despite knowing that Xander cared enough to fight him over it, he ignored him. Xander warned him against it from the beginning. Spike did value his opinion, as a friend. After all, he'd been the very person to lead him back to sanity, and well on his way down the road of redemption. Nevertheless, he just couldn't resist giving his Sire another chance. He really thought that they'd both changed for the good this time.

His sire requested his presence in L.A. They'd been planning to spend time together to celebrate their one-year anniversary. Xander brought him up with the excuse that he was long overdue to visit Cordy anyway. He didn't believe the young man, but didn't argue with him. He appreciated the real reason that he was there, knowing that he'd only come along because he was sure that Angel would fuck up some how. He on the other hand had a distinct feeling that Angel had some big surprise planned for him.

It was unusually quiet in the hotel upon his arrival. Nobody was working in the office, and that honestly wasn't very unusual. He assumed Angel would have asked his staff to take the night off so that he could have time alone with his lover. He carefully made his way up the staircase, following his blood connection with Angel to track him. As he reached the first floor landing, his sensitive hearing picked up soft moans coming from down the hall. With dread, he silently stalked down the hallway to Angel's room.

The door was just barely ajar, but enough for him to find the source of the noises he'd been hearing. He pushed the door open a bit further, and froze. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. There standing at the far side the room was his lover passionately kissing the blonde Slayer. He stood their with his mouth agape as he watched them grope each other, tugging at each other's clothes.

His shock quickly turned to rage, but he tamped down hard on his instincts. He masked his face with insolent amusement, crossing his arms across his chest. He finally made his presence known by kicking the door open the rest of the way. The surprised expression on their faces as the door slammed into the adjacent wall was almost enough to make him laugh. Almost.

He really didn't trust himself to make a sound, so afraid that his rage would surface. He didn't think it would please the Powers if he ripped the heads off their precious champions. He quirked an eyebrow and waited for the fireworks to start.