Dr. Blaine Anderson was the name branded on his name tag now as he walked down the busy cluttered hallways of New York Medical Center. Being an ER doc, Blaine was accustomed to chaos and emergent cases. It was what he did. It was what he loved to do. Yes, he did miss the bright lights of the stage, but he had found out very early on in his nine years of training that the lights of the operating room were just as bright and far more rewarding.
Over the years, Blaine had practically seen everything a person possibly could working in a ER, gunshot wounds, burns, organ failure, heart arrest. You name it and Blaine probably dealt with it at one point or another and most likely handled like a pro. Even when he was an intern, medicine came very easily to him. The other interns envied him and weren't very kind, but Blaine didn't care. He was an attending now while his once jealous colleagues didn't even make it through their residencies. The only thing that seemed to shake Blaine anymore was kids in the ER, not the kids who came in with tummy aches and broken ankles, but the serious cases. Kayla was one of those cases. It all started on a seemingly normal night. The ER was quiet, but of course no one could actually say that. Saying that the ER was quiet was just asking for a major trauma. Blaine was sitting, actually sitting, at the front desk in the ER as he waited for a case. His friend, Amanda, a pediatric surgeon, wheeled over to him with her sneakers with wheels in them.
"Why do you wear those things?" He laughed as she plowed into the desk.
"Because their fun!" She retorted. "I work with kids. I have to keep it interesting!"
"If you say so…" Blaine muttered. Amanda sent him a glare and looked around the ER.
"It's quiet tonight." She commented. Blaine through his hands up in exasperation.
"What are you doing Mandy? Yow know what happens when you say stuff like that!" Blaine roared.
"What are you talking about? There is no magic karma ER saying." Amanda replied with a simple roll of her eyes. Suddenly the phone rang and Blaine rolled over on his chair to answer it.
"Hello, New York Medical Center Emergency Room?" Blaine answered. His eyes fell and he sighed. "We'll be ready." he said before hanging up. Blaine glared at Mandy before standing up to make his announcement. "Listen up people, just got a call, huge fire in an apartment building, they already have dozens hurt. Let's get ready." he announced before turning to Amanda. "See what you do?" he said before rushing off to meet the ambulances. The first ambulance arrived and Blaine was the first to claim his patient. "What do we got?" he asked.
"Kayla Beacon, age 4 with visible second degree burns over her left forearm." the paramedic replied as they rushed Kayla in on a stretcher. They wheeled Kayla into a trauma room and moved her from the stretcher onto the trauma bed with the help of the two paramedics and his resident, Jillian Adams. Kayla was looking around frantically as tears poured from her eyes.
"Kayla, I'm Dr. Anderson and we're going to take good care of you sweetheart." he said.
"Where's my mommy?" She cried.
"We'll find your mommy. I promise." Blaine said. Seeing this little girl was just pulling on his heartstrings. She looked exactly like his and Kurt's little girl, Lila. She had the same spiral blonde curls, bright blue eyes, and crazy huge dimples.
"Am I going to die?" She whimpered quietly.
"No honey, you're not going to die. Me and my friend, Dr. Adams are just going to make your arm feel better and then we'll find your mommy and you'll be all set." Blaine said softly. The girl nodded and Blaine sat down next to start debriding her arm. She winced everytime he picked off a piece of burned skin, but she didn't cry. "You're a brave girl, Kayla. I haven't seen one tear since I started. I swear I burnt my finger on a pan and I was probably more of baby." Blaine joked with her.
"My mommy says I'm a big girl." Kayla replied. "I get to be her helper. We play doctor all the time."
"Oh really, do you want to be a doctor one day?" Blaine asked.
"Yes! I want to be a surgeon in the army just like my daddy." She replied.
"That's really amazing Kayla." Blaine said as he finished bandaging her arm. "And you're all set. I'm just going to go and find your mommy and then we'll get you out of here. Dr. Adams is going to stay with you until I get back." Blaine told her. Kayla smiled and waved goodbye with her non-bandaged hand. Just as he got out of the trauma room, he heard his name being called. He turned around and the paramedics that had brought Kayla in were back.
"Round two?" he asked.
"Yup, Lindsey Beacon, currently in cardiac arrest." the paramedic replied.
"Shit." Blaine muttered as they lifted her off the stretched and onto a bed. "Charge the paddles." he yelled. "Clear!" Blaine pressed the paddles hard onto Lindsey's chest, but still nothing. "Charge again! Clear!" Once again he pressed the paddles to her chest, but nothing. "Come on Lindsey!" Blaine yelled. "You have a little girl who needs you! Charge again! Clear!" Blaine put the paddles on her chest and finally a little blip went across the screen and she started to stabilize. Blaine looked down her throat and could see black dust in there. She had smoke inhalation. Luckily they had caught it early. "Start her on bronchodilator, give her oxygen and monitor her closely." Blaine told one of the residents. Just then Lindsey started to wake up and she looked around nervously.
"My...daughter…" She wheezed. Blaine grabbed the oxygen and placed it over her mouth.
"Just calm down and breathe. I just worked on your daughter. She has a few burns on her arm, but other than that she is completely fine." Blaine said softly. "You just rest. I'll go get her." Blaine was walking back down the hall when he heard the code blue alarm going off. He just couldn't win today. Then, he realized the code blue alarm was coming from Kayla's room. He ran at full speed and saw blood splattered across the sheets.
"She-she was coughing up blood and I tried to help her, but then she flatlined." JIllian told him quickly. Blaine pushed her out of the way as he raced to help Kayla. The paddles were brought in and a nurse started compressions while he charged the paddles. "Clear!" he yelled as he placed the paddles on her tiny chest. Then he yelled it again and again, but not even one green blip went across the screen. The nurse doing the compressions pulled her hands back and Blaine looked at her like she was crazy.
"What are you doing? Resume compressions!" He commanded, but the nurse didn't move. Blaine glared at her and jumped in and started compressions himself. Jillian seeing how bad this was left the room and went and got the chief of surgery. He lightly placed his hand on Blaine's arms.
"Dr. Anderson, she's gone. Stop compressions now." he ordered, but in a nice tone. Blaine still didn't stop. "Dr. Anderson. Stop now." the chief repeated. Slowly Blaine's hands slowed and finally came to a stop.
"Time of Death - 8:14 pm." Blaine said as he walked out of the room. He knew what he had to do now. He walked over to where Lindsey's bed was. She was more alert and awake. He went over and Lindsey smiled at him.
"Where's Kayla?" she asked. Blaine took her hand in his.
"Due to unforeseen complications, Kayla's heart stopped beating tonight and she died in the ER at 8:15." Blaine said. "I am so sorry." Lindsey's face crumpled and she started to sob. Blaine pulled her into a hug and let the woman sob on his shoulder for a good ten minutes. After that he finally had to pull himself away from her grasp. He just felt numb and exhausted so he walked to the on-call room. Inside was Jillian sitting on the bed crying. Blaine walked in and took a seat next to her.
"How do you do this everyday?" She asked through her sobs.
"It's rough at first, but overtime you just become numb to these sort of things." Blaine said.
"I don't want to be numb. I don't want to do this anymore." Jillian cried.
"Jillian look at me." Blaine commanded. The blue eyed girl looked up at him. "You are one of the brightest doctors in your class. Do not give up. You remind a lot of myself and I know that some of the other interns aren't nice to you, but just remember one day you'll be an attending, while their not even here anymore. And, for every dozen bad moments, there's always a good moment to make it feel like everything is okay. I work for those moments." Blaine told her. "Take a minute and then get back out there and be the doctor I know you can be." She smiled and wiped her tears.
"Thank you." she replied as she left the room. Blaine couldn't handle being there anymore. He took a deep breath, went to his locker and gathered his stuff. His shift was over hours ago anyway. He took the subway home and finally made it back to their apartment. Blaine opened the door and lifelessly walked into their home and went down the hallway to Lila's bedroom.
"Blaine?" Kurt called. "Blaine, is that you?" When Kurt went down the hallway he found Blaine standing outside of Lila's bedroom just staring at her with this look on his face. Kurt knew that something was definitely wrong. "Honey,what's wrong?" he asked.
"I lost a patient." Blaine replied quietly. Kurt took his hand and lead him into their bedroom and sat down on the bed together.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asked.
"There was an apartment fire." Blaine said. "Kayla Beacon. She was four."
"Oh honey," Kurt cooed sympathetically.
'I- I thought she was fine. They brought her in first. She just had some burns on her arm, but she was talking and smiling. I assumed that she was fine." Blaine said his eyes filling with tears. Kurt could see the anger rising in Blaine's chest. Then, Blaine took his fist and slammed it hard into the bed.
"Nine fucking years in the ER! I should know never to assume." Blaine cried. "It was smoke inhalation. I didn't even check her throat. I'm so stupid!"
"No, honey, it was a mistake." Kurt said. "People make mistakes."
"Mistakes that kill four year old little girls!" Blaine roared. "What if that was Lila, Kurt? What if it was our daughter? Would you want so stupid doctor like me working on our daughter?"
"You are not stupid." Kurt told him firmly. "Absolutely I would let you work on our daughter because you are a damn good doctor." This was when Blaine fell to pieces and bent over himself with his head in his hands.
"There's going to fire me." Blaine cried.
"No their not. You were doing your best." Kurt replied.
"I'm never going to be able to get those eyes out of my head. They were just like Lila's." Blaine sobbed. "She told me she wanted to be a surgeon in the army just like her dad. She was the toughest little girl I had ever seen come through that ER."
"It's okay honey." Kurt said as he motioned for Blaine to lie next to him on the bed. Blaine nestled his face into Kurt's side and just sobbed for hours. The pain that he felt was agonizing, but he would move on. For every dozen tragedies, there's always a miracle to put things into perspective. Blaine just needed to wait for his next miracle.