Babysitting
1: how do you solve a problem like…Mystique?
I'm rewriting this, I'm not changing anything that happened, I'm just correcting spelling (or at least I'm trying to).
I own nothing, anyone who tells you otherwise is lying!
I had the idea for this, like all good ideas while half asleep, please review and enjoy!
The sound of the front door slamming woke Wanda up from her dream.
"Pietro," she moaned, leaning over and shaking him "wake up!" She knew this wouldn't work however, as she went through the same ritual every morning and knew there was only one way to wake her twin.
"Tro, you're hair's messed up"
"What, when, how, who, why?" screamed her brother as he sat bolt upright and wide awake, hands flying to his head. "Oh, morning sis."
"Father went out just before." Wanda sighed.
Pietro looked down in disappointment, so they weren't going to be see their father today either. He shouldn't be surprised; father hadn't spent a day at home since their mother had died. Seeing how upset his sister was he went and put a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Don't worry Wands, we'll get him to stay with us, I wonder who we've got today?"
As Erik Lehnsherr aka Magneto, was so busy planning on world domination for mutants, he spent hardly any time at home. So he employed people to look after his six year old children. However they never lasted more than a day, why he could not fathom, but the fact still remained that his name was on the top of every babysitting services wall of 'hopeless cases' in the state, a thing they had to invent just for him. So the time had come when Magneto had no other choice but to use his employees as temporary babysitters, until he could find some little service that had never heard his name.
That is how Mystique found herself sitting in her boss's kitchen, reading the morning paper and looking forwards to a nice day of relaxation, I mean, how bad can two six year old children be?
Raven took a sip of coffee, turned a page of the newspaper and looked for her coffee again.
She almost fell off her chair in fright; in front of her were two children; about the same height, one with hair as black as the night, the others as white as snow. They had somehow snuck in without her even noticing.
She stared at them. They stared back. She narrowed her eyes. They didn't move a muscle. Mystique started shifting uncomfortably in her seat; they were starting to unnerve her.
"I'm Wanda and this is Pietro." said the girl after about two minutes of uncomfortable silence.
"Who are you?" asked Pietro
"My name is Mystique and your father asked me to look after you today."
"OK" they answered together.
All of a sudden they cracked into delighted child grins, happily bounced over to the table and sat on a chair each. This, if anything, scared Mystique even more.
"What's for breakfast?" asked Pietro happily.
"What do you usually have?"
"Co-co pops." They both said.
"Alright"
Mystique hunted through the cupboards and brought out two bowls, Co-co pops and a bottle of milk and placed them on the table. "There!" she stated triumphantly.
The twins just stared at her like she was an idiot.
"What?"
"You have to pour it for us." said Wanda as if she were stating the blatantly obvious.
"Why, can't you pour your own?"
"Lady we're six, we don't even know how babies are made. If we pour our own cereal who knows what'll happen?" said Pietro.
"Alright then." sighed mystique choosing to ignore the 'lady' thing, after all they were Magneto's children, if she killed them he might get a little annoyed.
She poured cereal into both the bowls, then proceeded to pour milk into Pietro's.
"Just say when"
"Little more, little more, little more, a bit more, little more."
Mystique started to growl.
"A bit more, just a smidge more. Too much, take it away"
"What?"
"You put too much milk on, I hate soggy cereal."
"Fine," growled mystique, "Your sister can have it."
"I don't have milk."
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
XXXXXXX
After breakfast Mystique had ordered the children to play in another room while she watched television.
Half way through Blackadder the boy with hair like his fathers' came in and sat on the couch next to her.
"What's this?"
"Blackadder."
"Oh, is that a disease?"
"No, obviously it's a TV show."
"Oh, why do they speak funny?"
"Because it's a British show."
"Oh," pointing at the screen at a character Pietro laughed. "He looks ugly!"
"That's Baldrick, he's supposed to look ugly."
He pulled a face. "Well he needs his hair dying, new clothes and a hairbrush, honestly hasn't he ever herd of a thing called fashion!"
Mystique gave him a funny look.
"What?"
"I wouldn't say that kind of stuff out in public if I were you." replied Mystique.
"Why not?"
"Because it sounds gay."
"Oh, what's gay?"
"Well it's…" started Mystique but then stopped, thinking what Magneto would say if she explained to his only son that it was alright and perfectly natural to be gay.
"It's something you'll learn about when you get older." she finished lamely.
Pietro sighed. "Everyone says that!" he complained.
They sat in silence for another moment, watching Baldrick recite his 'The German Guns' poem when Pietro suddenly started pointing excitedly at the screen.
"That's Mr. Bean, that's Mr. Bean!"
"Listen," snapped Mystique. "Couldn't we just watch this quietly?"
Pietro shrunk back into the couch looking hurt.
She tried to ignore him but he was giving her the puppy dog eyes.
This is why I didn't keep my children thought Mystique I knew there was a reason!
"Do you want to watch a film or something?" she sighed exasperated.
Pietro's face lit up.
"Wanda, Wanda, come here; we're going to watch a film!"
Suddenly his twin came rushing into the room.
"OK what are we going to watch?" asked Mystique.
"Spiderman!"
"Barbie!"
"Spiderman!"
"Barbie!"
"Spiderman!"
"Barbie!"
"Spiderman!"
"Barbie!"
Mystique was listening to this argument for a few minutes before she realized that it was Wanda who wanted to watch Spiderman and Pietro who wanted Barbie. As soon as this information hit her she decided that they really needed Magneto around; he would never let Pietro even mention the word Barbie let alone watch a film about it.
"I get to choose the fucking film!" Mystique snapped.
Both children gasped.
"You said a swear word." said Wanda in awe.
"Well, so what?"
"That's not what a mother should say."
"Well I…wait, who told you that I was a mother?"
"Well, it's obvious isn't it." said Wanda. "You're here to be our mother."
"No," replied Mystique forcefully. "I'm just here to look after you for today."
"But you love our dad don't you?" replied Wanda.
"No!"
"But you work for him." said Pietro, catching on.
"Yes but that doesn't mean that…"
"And you laugh at his jokes." said Wanda.
"Yes, but…!"
"And you fight with him." said Pietro.
"YES, BUT…!"
"And you've had sex with him." said Wanda.
"Yes, but…no…wait…what?"
"You've had sex with him." She repeated slowly as if talking to someone mentally challenged.
"We…well I…how dare…do you even know what sex is?" she finished lamely.
"Oh yes," said Pietro. "It's when a man and a woman get undressed and then they start hurting each other."
"What?" said Mystique, slightly worried that the children had seen rape or abuse, surely Magnus wouldn't, but then again, you could never know with that man.
"Uh hu," nodded Wanda in ascension. "The woman starts to scream while the man yells at her."
Now Mystique was seriously worried. "Have you ever seen this before?"
"Oh yeah," they both said in unison. "Loads of times."
"Where?"
"On TV of course." replied Pietro.
"Oh whew." Sighed Mystique in relief, she had thought for a moment her boss was a sadistic rapist.
"But we've herd daddy doing it a few times." added Wanda.
"I'm back!" Came a voice from down the hall and Magneto came into the room in his full battle gear.
Mystique stared at him in horror for a second, turned very pale and ran screaming out of the house, yelling that her employer would attack her.
"What was that about?" asked a completely confused Magneto turning to his children.
"Nothing," chorused the two children who ran up and hugged him. "We're glad you're back daddy."
Yay, my first comedy, well it made me laugh. Please tell me what you think.
Oh and I'm a huge Blackadder fan, if you haven't watched it watch it, or at least search in Baldrick's poem on youtube I'm sure it will come up.
If you can spot any spelling mistakes, now is the time to tell me.