Author's Note: It's me Luce again! I'm kinda back:L I discontinued my syot, Into The Light, unfortunately as I don't have enough time to complete it. But I want to carry on writing, so I decided that whenever I have free time I will use it to write short oneshots. These oneshots will range from any tv shows and books. I have no idea how many I will do, so we'll see. This is the first time I actually wrote a story in like nine months. I'm not even kidding. So don't expect it to be amazing or anything.
Anyways, this oneshot is just something that came to my head when I was listening to 'With Ears to See And Eyes to Hear' by Sleeping With Sirens. This oneshot is several years after the ending of Mockingjay, and it takes place where Katniss either has to forgive Gale or not. Enjoy, and I would love to see a review :D
Forgiveness Is Not Easy
Forgiveness - this taste all but poisons my mouth
-"With Ears To See And Eyes To Hear"
The last of the setting sun rakes through the long stalks of the meadow, casting a honey-like orange hue onto the dry grass, sweet to the naked eye. Above the blossoming trees, the sky is dipped in a mixture of vivid colours: yellow, orange, red, pink, and greying blue. As the soft hum of the wind ripples throughout the trees and onto the warm ground of the meadow, Katniss Mellark's (previously Everdeen) hair is tousled around, free and loose from its usual braid. Her grey eyes staring off into the distance, in the direction of the horizon on the hills draped in trees.
Katniss had a busy day, waking her children up early in the morning, feeding them and clothing them and dragging them to school, talking to one of the teachers about her son's progress, coming back home to help Peeta bake, and discuss with the customers about what they would like in Peeta's shop. It was a typical but nice day for her, but what completely ruined her mood is over-hearing that Gale is back in town.
She was straightening her slender bow, the surface gleaming under the dull lighting, behind the counter, using up her free time on her precious little piece. And there were two local women in the shop, Marielle Miller and Lianna Effin, talking very loudly that Katniss couldn't help but eavesdrop due to curiosity.
"Did you hear that Gina and Fred split up yesterday?" Lianna quipped, tossing her lank blond hair off her shoulder.
"Oh no!" Marielle exclaimed, a pale hand over her mouth to express her dismay. "They were going to marry in October. And it's only August!"
"Yeah, it's a shame. I was looking forward to wearing my dress to their wedding," Lianna said miserably. Katniss rolled her eyes, how typical of Lianna being selfish and thinking only of herself. Katniss could remember Lianna from school when she was much younger, and she was always like this.
Marielle made sympathetic sounds as she admired over a cake with pale pink icing atop. "Why did they split up anyway?"
"No one knows yet," Lianna replied, clearly frustrated, raising her arched eyebrows. Sighing, as if bored of the conversation, Lianna opened her purse and plucks out a mirror and checks her hair. "Oh! Have you heard about Gale?"
At the name, Katniss dropped the bow. It hit the stone floor with a loud clatter. The sound rang through the small shop. Katniss leaned down to try and conceal herself behind the counter, so the women wouldn't see her. Too late.
"Oh, Katniss! I didn't see you there!" Lianna exclaimed delightfully. She and Marielle fluttered over to the counter, peering down at Katniss.
Humiliated, a burning sensation spread across Katniss' cheeks. There's no way out for her now. She'd have to attempt showing no trace of interest in the topic of Gale, and that was very hard considering he killed her younger sister, Primrose.
It happened years ago, but it still felt like it was just yesterday when she watched little Primrose being lit on fire, the flames eating away at her scorched flesh and bones, her screams echoing in her ears. The screams, the screams, the screams of pure agony. Primrose's beautiful blond hair burned away, leaving her head bald and naked. Katniss was supposed to protect her. To keep her away from danger. To watch her live and grow up and have a family.
But instead, Gale's bombs dropped and ended Prim's life.
It was the worse day Katniss ever, ever, ever experienced. Almost every night, she'll wake up screaming and sweating, having seen Prim burning like a matchstick in her nightmares. And the fury she felt towards Gale hasn't stopped after all of those years.
"Sorry for being nosey," Lianna interjected curiously, her watchful eyes on me, "but are you still friends with Gale?"
Katniss jerked as if someone kicked her in the stomach. She pursed her lips, hesitating before she carefully uttered the words, "Why do you want to know?"
"Lianna is just being her usual, nosey self, ignore her." Katniss liked Marielle a lot more than Lianna, but Lianna was still not relenting.
Reaching out, Lianna grabbed Katniss' hand. "Haven't you heard? Gale was spotted in the town's square this morning. He's returned from District Two, and oh my does he looks even manlier than he ever did. You have to see him, he has changed a lot."
Katniss sharply yanked her hand out of Lianna's, glaring at the other woman with stormy grey eyes. "Thank you very much, but I don't think I will."
And with that, Katniss Mellark picked up her bow and marched out of the shop through the little side-door into the house.
After that, she ran all the way to the meadow, running away from all of the thoughts that constantly battled in her head. Fear tangled itself in her pumping blood, making her feel cold and forcing the hairs to raise. The meadow is a peaceful and idyllic place to be. A serene place to think clearly without any interruptions. A quiet place to vent anger.
Raising her head and allowing her long locks to hang, she screams into the silent air. She screams, yells, shouts, screeches, and cries until she falls to her knees. Her knees hit the ground with a hard thud, her bones clattering all the way up at the impact.
Silence relapses. The only sound is the trees whispering. She listened to the soothing sound of the trees whispering as the breeze gushed through the leaves. The trees are talking to her, they heard her pain, and they're now there for her. A rare smile creeps onto Katniss' trembling lips.
At that precise moment, she remembers the days when Prim was there by her side. She remembers calling her sister 'duck', because of her white shirt tucking out. She remembers Prim's joy when she brought home Buttercup, a stray and very annoying cat. She remembers Prim's hugs and sobs and laughter.
Katniss feels the most calm she had in years now that she's here in the meadow, remembering happy memories of Prim.
But it all sharply gets disconnected, throwing Katniss back into the reality face-to-face.
"Catnip."
Katniss would recognise that familiar, coarse voice from anywhere, no matter how far away or how long ago she heard it since. It's the same voice, the same accent, the same breathing, as her childhood friend.
But how dare he call her by the nickname. After everything he did to her, he thinks he gets the right to call her 'Catnip'. He's the one who betrayed her, hurt her and then abandoned her. He escaped to District Two from her the first chance he got. And now he's back, thinking that everything is back to normal. That they're the same people from twelve years ago, before the Hunger Games turned everything upside down. How dare he do that to her. He should know better, he should know not to come back to District Twelve, not whilst Katniss was still recovering from all the grief he caused her. Doesn't he understand the pain he caused, the painful combination of anger, hatred, hurt, sorrow and nostalgic fighting inside Katniss. He might as well brought back the memories even more prominent and stronger.
How dare he do that.
Already, Katniss knows that this is not the same Gale she used to know, as the old Gale, before the Hunger Games, would approach her slowly and not wait for a reply if she's upset. But right now, he's expecting a reply.
"Gale." The name is like bitter, sour poison on her tongue.
Forcing herself to push off the ground, she stands up straight and cranes her neck high. She can't bear to turn around though. She can't bear to see his face. She can't bear to see those familiar but warm eyes.
A rustling sound of grass makes Katniss inhale sharply, as Gale slowly walks around and halts directly in front of her. All she sees is a body dressed in army clothes, the short sleeves exposing tan, muscular arms. She refuses to look up into his eyes, oh those familiar eyes with the long lashes framing them. If she does look, she'll lose herself and would sob endlessly, pounding her fists into his body.
"I've…missed you, Katniss," he murmurs quietly, hesitant.
That was it.
Her hand curls into a fist and flies. Heading straight into his jaw. Satisfaction at the thought of harming him curdles in the pit of her stomach.
Gale is a lot quicker. Before Katniss could harm, his hand flies up and grasps Katniss' smaller hand, the knuckles white from the tension of the situation. Screeching in fury, Katniss withdraws and tries again and again and again. Every time she's close to hurting him, Gale effortlessly blocks the attack.
"Katniss! Can you please just stop! Just stop and listen to me. You're going insane!"
"Of course I'm going INSANE! How dare you just saunter back in life! After what you did to Prim and then running off to District Two, that's so selfish of you! You really think I would be over the moon to see you, to smile and say 'welcome back home'. You really thought that I would say that?! You thought that everything would be back to normal and that we'd ride pink unicorn on the rainbows? How can it possibly go back to normal after everything that happened? After all the hell we went through, our own battles? Your little friend, Catnip is now gone. She's no longer here as there's new me, the one that the Hunger Games and the rebellion created. And this Katniss will never forgive you for what you did. She still hasn't recovered or even finished grieving, and you just strolled in, thinking I'll be the same Catnip. I will never be Catnip ever again. She's dead. She's dead to me and everybody. She's never coming back." The gushing flood of angry words left Katniss exhausted after all the shouting. Finally Katniss looks up and glares into Gale's chocolate brown eyes. They look the same to her. No, don't think of him as the same. He's changed as much as you are, she thinks.
Silence fills the empty air between them as Gale stares at Katniss with such pain and sorrow etched into the tired lines of his face.
"I'm so so so sorry, Katniss. I knew you wouldn't forgive me that easily. And I understand because what I did with the bombs was unacceptable, but it's not really my fault, because I didn't have any idea that she would be in there," Gale whispers slowly, a fragile look in his eyes as if he has a flashback to the rebellion days.
"It was your fault, Gale. You sided with Coin, trusted her when you shouldn't have, you went against me. You knew me more than Coin, and still you teamed with her. I think I can forgive you for that. But for Prim's death, no."
"I know I made a huge mistake siding with Coin, but remember, I was doing anything possible to get what I wanted. And what I wanted was to overthrow the Capitol and President Snow, and she enabled that. I'm sorry for that, and I will keep saying sorry for Prim every day until you eventually look at me without any contempt. I think of Prim every day since her death, that means I haven't forgotten and I learnt from my mistakes, Katniss."
Katniss Mellark stares at the grown man, frowning. His words sounded very real, like he's not faking it or exaggerating. For a long while, Katniss looks at Gale, notices the exhausted lines around the warm eyes, the lips pulled taut, the hair long and dishevelled. There's a look in his eyes. In the deepest of the brown, there's a sense of agony and self-resentment and remorse, a constant battle inside him.
The sun has disappeared behind the hills of trees, casting one last glow onto the gold band around Katniss' finger, polished and glistening. Gale's eyes fall on it. "Are you married?" he asks in surprise.
Swallowing the foul bitterness on her tongue, Katniss clears her throat and nods. "I'm married to Peeta Mellark. We have two kids."
"Wow, I have missed a lot." He chuckles nervously. It's evident that he doesn't know what to do or say, worrying that he would say the wrong thing. "Katniss Mellark. It does sound good."
Katniss chuckles shortly, shaking her head and letting her brown strands fly across her face. "I…" she doesn't know how to say it. But she has actually missed Gale. She knows it because she can now feel it. The familiarity she feels around him, the humour shared between them. She missed her best friend. There is still a bit of the old Gale she remembers in this grown man in army clothing. And it's prominent that he still cares for her, but only in a friend-like-wise way. It's too early to admit that, though.
"Gale, why are you here?"
Gale sighs, glancing around at the meadow. The sky has gone dark, the moonlight shining down onto the ground below, making the trees look silver like cobwebs. "I've missed it here. I've been away for far too long and now I think I want to rest. And I want to rest here. I knew that it wouldn't be easy coming back here to see all the same people from years ago, but to see many missing, and to see you. I came back because it's my home, no matter how long I have been away for."
"It is your home." Katniss inhales and exhales, knowing that this is difficult but she has to do it now. The forgiveness is on the tip of her tongue, and it hurts. It hurts so much. But it hurts even more to have Gale away, so she needs him by her side for the recovery to be quicker. She already has Peeta and the kids, who she loves more than anything else on the face of earth, but she needs the sturdy support of her best friend no matter what he did.
She has to let it out, or it'll hurt even more on her tongue, it would cut away at her inside.
"Okay, Gale, I forgive you. I don't entirely forgive you for everything yet, but I do forgive you for siding with Coin and leaving me. It will take time for me to fully forgive you, so please just don't go anywhere. Stay here. Be my best friend again." She abruptly stops talking. It hurts even saying those words.
It's like poison on her tongue, but it's finally releasing her. The grieve is finally releasing her.