Witch Weekly Special Edition: Weird Sisters, a harry potter fanfic

The Weird Sisters: They've rocked their way to the top of the wizarding charts and we all love them for it. We've danced and sung along at their concerts and we've used Permanent Sticking Charms to put their posters on our bedroom walls. But isn't it time we found out who the guys really are behind the Rock 'n' Roll image?

Witch Weekly's intrepid reporter Alocin Feazel (lucky thing!) recently met up with everyone's favourite band, as they took time out in Hogsmeade.

I'm here at a top secret location and I can't believe I am finally getting to meet the biggest (not to mention most pleasing to the eye!) wizarding band of all time. I can't believe I am actually interviewing such icons; but the guys are cool as a , unbelievablycharming, andnot at all shy when it comes to answering my questions!

The Music

You played a concert in Hogsmeade on Halloween, but before that we hadn't heard much from you in a while. What made you decide to play the Halloween gig, especially in the middle of the war?

Myron: Ah… that was Donaghan's idea… it's a Muggle thing, apparently…
Donaghan: Yeah… my grandad was telling me about this huge Muggle war – back in Grindelwald's time – he never shuts up about it in fact! Anyway, he got onto telling me about how there used to be a lot of musicians in the war who would go and play concerts to soldiers or perform on special wireless shows to boost morale. I suggested it to the guys and they agreed it was a great idea – You-Know-Who's return has been so depressing for so many people and we thought that if we have the gift of being able to cheer people up we should use it.
Orsino: Yeah, we're like a great big cheering charm – or that's how we like to see ourselves anyway. Listen out for us on the WWN too, we're getting our own show soon, and hopefully there'll be some more concerts in the New Year.

Well, you'd certainly boost my morale! A noble sentiment, guys.
So, tell me, how did you guys get together in the first place and start making sweet music?

Heathcote: Well, Herman and I had detention one evening at Hogwarts - please don't ask what for- and we ended up having a root around Filch's office while he went to find some more trophies for us to polish.There was nothing much of interest...untiltucked away in a drawer, we found some Muggle... what do you call them Donaghan? grammaphone records? Yes, that's it. Anyway, they were by this band called the Billywigs or something...
Herman: The Beatles...
Heathcote: Oh yeah, the Beatles.
Herman: So we, erm... 'pinched' them and took them away and worked out how to play them...
Heathcote: Filch wouldn't have even noticed they were gone...
Herman: And we fell in love with the music and knew it was what we wanted to do.
Kirley: I was their prefect...
Herman: And he wanted to confiscate the records! Give them back to Filch!
Heathcote: Not once he'd heard them, he didn't!
Kirley: Yeah, I kind of got hooked too. To this day I don't know why, but I let them talk me into joining their band.
Myron: Kirley got me involved - he and I have been friends since childhood - my mum looked after him whenever Catriona was off on a Quidditch Tour, so we spent a lot of time together.
Kirley: Yeah, he was the obvious choice for our fourth band member.
Myron: We held auditions in a wonderful room in Hogwarts, which we found ready supplied with instruments, soundproofing spells, and everything else we could possibly need for band practice - Merlin knows how we came across that room, 'cos I certainly don't know how we found it! We were pacing the corridors getting fed up and muttering about how badly we needed somewhere secret to rehearse... and we just stumbled upon it!
Donaghan: Gideon and I were the successful recruits following the audition sessions...
Gideon: But although we had a good sound, we lacked any kind of rhythm.
Heathcote: It was the beat of those old records that first made an impression on us - we needed our own percussion section.
Myron: By this time, I had left Hogwarts and was living in my own flat. Across the hallway lived this really strange guy... Ouch!

Orsino has just jabbed Myron with his wand, a devilish grin playing upon his face...

Myron: As I was saying... this guy brewed weird potions day and night - there were always strange noises and smells emitting from his room. Then one day, there was a colossal banging sound. Something had gone wrong - there was an explosion - and now he was attempting to hammer a cauldron back into shape.
Orsino: It was shaped more like a house-elf's earthan a cauldron!
Myron: I went over there to tell him to shut up or I'd hex him to the other side of the planet... but not before I'd noticed what rhythmic flair he had - he was banging those cauldrons like Ringo Moon!
Donaghan: Ringo Starr. The Beatles' drummer.
Myron: Whatever. So we brought him on board, despite his being a little... erm, termperamental...
Gideon: And Merton here is our newest member. The baby of the group.

So how would you define the Weird Sisters' distinctive sound? Is it rock? Pop? Blues? Folk?

Orsino: Boring question – next!
Myron: Hey, come on Orsi, we have to try to answer her questions! But the truth is, Ms Feazel, we really don't like to classify our music into any one genre – no matter how many managers, record labels and journalists try to persuade us to due so! The fact is, we know what exactly kind of music we like to play, and our fans like to hear, and we refuse to be gnome-holed into one genre or another.

The phenomenon

Ah yes, the fans. So who gets the most groupies then?

Kirley: Hmm… (sarcastically) Let me think… that would have to be Donaghan.
Merton: Yeah, but you have to admit they've gone off him a bit since he got married.
Kirley: True, it seems there were a lot of inconsolably broken-hearted young witches in England on the 10th August, when he finally got hitched.
Myron: Hmm… it would seem a good deal of them have since turned their attentions to young Gideon here, though – he appears to have inherited the "Sexgod" crown…
Gideon: (head down, muffled) Shut up!
Merton: Hey, you didn't seem to mind when they turned up outside the stage-door last night, Gids… in fact you seemed only too happy to get to know them better…

Quite the heartthrob, aren't you Gideon? And I can see why!
So, Donaghan, how's married life treating you? Do the rest of the band treat you differently being the only married member?

Orsino: No – it's him who treats us differently – he's turned into a right boring old flobberworm, haven't you?

The interview is interrupted by stunned silence as Donaghan draws his wand ready to curse Orsino. I watch in awe, with baited breath, waiting for Orsino's reaction, but it is something of an anticlimax when he simply laughs at Donaghan, and I realise they were joking.

Donaghan: It's all going really smoothly - but my private life isn't really something I want to discuss. Let's just sayshe's a wonderful girl and we are very happy.

The rest of the band make gagging noises at this response, but once again it is clear they are joking. So let's find out what else they think of their fans.

Are there any memorable incidents involving your following that spring to mind? What's the strangest thing a Weird Sisters fan has ever done?

Heathcote: Well, there wasone time whenametamorphmagus tried to get into the dressing room – she'd transfigured herself to look like one of the roadies – unfortunately for her, she didn't make it past the security spells on the door…
Gideon: Yeah, it was hilarious watching this huge, muscly bloke reach the hidden transfigiration-detectors and suddenly turn into a young girl, whothen got thrown onto the floor by the spell's reverberations!
Kirley: Then there was the guy who brought a dragon to a concert – now that was interesting!
Herman: Merlin knows how he got it in there unless he possessed the world's largest invisibility cloak, but let's just say we didn't need any pyromagical effects that night!

The showmanship

Oh yes, the firework displays. You definitely seem to have a fondness for the dramatic and you are renowned for your inventiveness with pyromagic…

Myron: Well, you know, we like to put on a good show. We really do think it's important for the audience to have the best experience possible at one of our gigs.
Gideon: Yeah, I mean we could just stand on stage and play, but it's so much more fun if we use fireworks and fairies and microphones and stuff.

What's with the microphones, anyway? Wizards don't need mics! What's wrong with a good old amplification spell?

Gideon: That was another of Donaghan'sMuggle-fangledideas. But you have to admit they're coooooool! And they do make us stand out from other bands.

I see. Donaghan, you're a big Quidditch fan. What do you think of the Kenmare Kestrels' performance so far this season?

Donaghan: Well, we've had a shaky start, but I'm confident we can climb back to win the league by the end of the season.
Merton: (smirking) Yeah, right! Puddlemere United are going to win by a mile! Especially now we've signed that great young goalie, Oliver Wood!
Donaghan: We still have a chance – wait and see – the Kestrels are famed for last-minute comebacks! They won't win, Donaghan. And don't even try to argue – you know my mum's a seer! I already know the result!

So, who is in line for a victory then, Orsino?

Orsino: Well, erm, I couldn't tell you that. It would have an irrevocably negative effect on my 100 galleon bet with Otto Bagman.

Ah. I see.

Kirley: Personally, I'm favouring the Pride of Portree this season. That's who my mum's placing her money on anyway!
Donaghan: (exasperated) But your mum used to play for the team. Your sister is the Keeper! Of course she wants them to win!
Kirley: Never doubt the wisdom of someone with thrity-six caps for their country, Donaghan.
Donaghan: (shaking head) The Kestrals can still win. And even if we don't, just wait two years – we'll sign Harry Potter as Seeker and then nobody else will stand a chance!
Merton: Erm, I was only two years above Harry at Hogwarts, and I never got the impression he wanted to be a professional Quidditch player…
Donaghan: You were in Hufflepuff – you didn't even know him! Every young wizard wants to be a Quidditch player – if I wasn't a musician, I'd want to be a Quidditch player!

Ok, enough Quidditch talk – I don't want you to start hexing each other again – we don't want any trips to St Mungo's to delay the start of your new wireless show! Let's get back to the music. Albus Dumbledore has been quoted as saying:
"Ah, music, a magic beyond all we do here."
How does it make you feel to know he holds your work in such high esteem?

Myron: Well, obviously it'd be a flattering comment from any wizard, but it's an honour, and a little overwhelming to hear that from a wizard as great as Dumbledore.
Herman: Of course, if he remembered what Heath and I were like at Hogwarts, he wouldn't be so complimentary, I'm sure!
Heathcote: Yeah, you could say we weren't really adept at studying…
Herman: Or at following rules!
Heathcote: We caused him a lot of trouble the time we fed Swelling Solution to the Flobberworms…
Herman: Still, it's nice to know he appreciates our talents now!
Heathcote: Yeah, now he doesn't have to worry about why we'll be turning up in his office each day…
Herman: And what kind of memory modification charms he'll have to use to sort our mess out! He even had to get the Ministry to sort out one of our messes once!
Heathcote: Poor old Dumbledore, we gave him a hard time really!

So it would seem! Ok, guys, how do you prepare yourselves before going on stage?
Any rituals?

Kirley: Ah, that would be down to our very own potions demon here!
Gideon: Yeah, Orsino was Professor Snape's favourite pupil at school, weren't you, Orsi? Favourite non-Slytherin at least!
Orsino: Shut up!
Gideon: Seriously, though, the guy has a talent for potions. He makes us this really cool thing before all our concerts and it just melts all the nerves away!
Merton: Yeah, it's really energising, and you just somehow forget to feel apprehensive – andit's so relaxing, man!

So, Orsino, what do you put in this wonder-potion?

Orsino: Sorry, trade secrets. Can't divulge.

Oh… ok. Could I try some then?

Orsino: No way! Like I said it's a secret recipe, it might jinx the ritual if we go handing it out to everyone!

Oh. I see. That's a shame. Right, I have one final question for you guys... what is the best thing about being a Weird Sister?

Myron: I think we're all agreed on this one, aren't we?
Orsino: Definitely.
Merton: It has to be the Chocolate Frog cards. There's no competition.
Herman: Yeah, keep the screaming girls and the buzz of live performances... being put on a Chocolate Frog card wins hands down!
Heath: It even beats duetting with Celestina Warbeck...
Orsino: Not that that was a particularly enthralling experience anyway...
Herman: Heath and I had all the cards when we were kids - it's actually quite weird seeing yourself on them all of a sudden...
Heath: And it can be quitedisturbing when you stick your hand in your pocket for something and pull out a picture of Donaghan or Kirley strumming away!
Kirley: (sarcastically) Haha. Yeah, I have to admit, being chosen for the Chocolate Frog cards was amazing - the only problem is my Mum's kind of jealous - she always thought she'd get one before me... I think she was quite insulted actually - so if anyone from Honeydukes is reading this...

Indeed - maybe all of Witch Weekly's many loyal readers should start a campaign - a Chocolate Frog Card to honour Catriona McCormack!

Well, thanks a lot for talking to me, guys, and a big thank you on behalf of all the readers of Witch Weekly too. I'm sure they can't wait to hear your new wireless show – I know I'll be tuning in!

Next week in Witch Weekly... An exclusive interview with Gerda Curd, author of 'Charm Your Own Cheese' and a free Merton Graves poster for the first fifty lucky readers!