Finding Forgiveness

by LizzeXX

10/OC -Time Lady- The Doctor has finally come clean to Mac, a Time Lady, about only some of his actions on Gallifrey that hurt her deeply. But many more things are still left unsaid. How will their healing relationship go when they land on Mars? What will they do with the Gate waiting? What will happen when the Time Lord and Gallifrey returns? Second in the Time Lady Memoirs.

1. The Next Doctor - Part 1

A/N: Hiya! So this is Finding Forgiveness, the second story in my fourth OC series, The Time Lady Memoirs, for Doctor Who. I'd recommend new readers see 'Losing Hope' the first story to understand Mac's attitude towards the Doctor :) If interested, my other 3 series are 1. The Academic Series (OC - the Professor), 2. The Lunar Cycle (OC - Evy Daniels), and 3. The Heart of Time Saga (OC - the Angel) ;) This story will focus on my OC/Time Lady, Mackenzie AKA Mac. This story will largely follow the events that Mac is aware of, but will also include some scenes with the Doctor elsewhere and possibly others when they talk about her. But it'll largely focus on the scenes Mac is a part of :)

This will essentially be a revision of the 10-Specials of Doctor Who to incorporate the existence of another Time Lord, Mac. This story will be updated every day and each special will be two chapters, however I'll also be doing the Sarah Jane Adventures episode 'The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith' which will only be 1 chapter :) So this story will be about 11 chapters long :)

This will eventually be a Doctor/OC story, but at this point in their story, they've come a long way from where they were, but they'll more be coming to terms with truths and trying to resolve their past hurts :)

Short physical description of Mac, she's a tall woman with brown hair that goes to a little past her shoulders, though she tends to wear it in a tight bun. She sometimes wears glasses to focus, but leaves them on her head most of the time, and has hazel (more brownish) eyes. She tends to wear a professional outfit of a pencil skirt, flats, and a nice blouse. She is currently on her 7th incarnation and, as of the end of Losing Hope, was 913 :)

~8~ is a scene break.

"italics" is Gallifreyan.

'italics' is telepathic communication.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who...or the Daleks would have all been wiped out for good :)

Enjoy!

~8~

The Next Doctor - Part 1

Mac took a deep breath as she stepped out of the TARDIS with the Doctor, this was…actually going to be their first trip since losing Donna. Their first trip since he'd finally told her a little more about what he'd done to her on Gallifrey. She was honestly torn between wanting to give him a slap for being such a dunce, as Donna would have said, and wanting to…hug him. She had been so hurt on Gallifrey when he'd turned his back on her and run off to fulfill his Contract, when he'd refused to even see her before his wedding…she'd ended up thinking the worst in him despite knowing the person she was imagining him to be wasn't who he was at all. She'd fallen into the trap of thinking he hadn't cared for her at all, that he'd just been using her for fun before having to get married, that he had lied to her all along.

To find out that he had done what he had because he'd wanted her to be happy and safe and thought that she'd feel that more with her husband than him? It…was far more like the man she thought him to be originally than how he'd ended up appearing in her mind after the fact. THAT was the Doctor she'd always known, the one who just wanted people to have a better life and be ok and…and he'd truly thought that she would have that with her husband instead of him. His actions had hurt her yes, broken her hearts but to find that he'd been trying to protect her hearts? That was the Doctor in a nutshell. She had just…been impatient on Gallifrey, when she had been coming to tell him that she loved him, he had been coming to tell her that he thought they should end their courting. He'd been thinking long and hard during their entire time together, about all the things he couldn't give her, the places he couldn't take her, the people he didn't know how to act around, and he'd come to the realization that…he couldn't give her the life he thought she deserved.

He just hadn't thought that the life she 'deserved' wasn't the life she wanted and that she wanted that simple life with HIM more than that.

They'd both been in the wrong on Gallifrey. He'd made a decision about their relationship and about her life without asking HER about it. She had stayed away from him after he'd wed and when he'd tried to speak to her (much like he'd done to her before that) and tried to tell her why he'd done what he had. They'd both made mistakes and both been hurt for it.

She was still very upset about what he'd done with the time lock on Gallifrey, the fate of her family. It would still take her a…very long time to try and come to terms with the fact that he'd destroyed their entire planet, her home, her family, but she was trying very hard to remember he'd lost his as well. It was HIS planet too, he had distant family still alive when he'd done that, he'd lost his home too. She was trying to keep that in mind but it was hard because it had been HIS decision, he'd known what was coming and she'd only had mere moments to react when she'd found out. It was hard to know that she was alive and her family was dead and that the Doctor was the cause of it.

Most of her anger, for centuries, had come from what he'd done to her when he'd married, how he'd broken her hearts. THAT was the main root of her anger with him, with her snide remarks. She'd just…wanted to hurt him the way he'd hurt her, commenting on his dead companions, his mistakes, his failures and shortcomings and faults even though she knew he had so many good and redeeming qualities. Right now she felt…lighter of hearts than she had in a long time.

SO much of her anger came from the centuries of hurt festering inside her and now that she knew the truth…now that she realized so much of her anger was coming from his effort to do right by her…it was easier to let go of THAT. She still held onto the anger and hurt from the destruction of their planet. She still didn't think he should have done it, that there were other options, that the Daleks surviving were proof enough that his plan hadn't worked…he got a bit quiet when she'd mentioned that during their talks…but that was far more recent. Centuries of anger for heartbreak were healing now, but…she still had quite a few years on Earth knowing that her planet was gone.

It DID mean that she would likely be less…snippy? Snarky? Biting? All of the above? When it came to the Doctor and how he acted around other people. She really was healing, even now she could feel herself feeling less angry and bitter about the entire mess with Contracteds and Chosens and all that. She understood now, why he'd done it. It was what he thought was best for her at the time and even though he'd been completely wrong…she could feel her hearts starting to mend. Well, they were mending from the heartbreak even if they weren't healing from the loss of their planet.

She was actually hoping that this trip would be…good, for the both of them. A…new start, maybe? There was still a lot of hurt built between them, though it was more a lingering heartbreak from Gallifrey and the mourning of their planet, but she just…she didn't want to be angry anymore, not now that she knew the reasons behind the actions that angered her.

"Where are we?" Mac asked as she looked around. They'd landed under a bridge, in the snow, some light flurries falling around them as they walked, the Doctor with his hands in his pockets, casual, as she walked with her arms crossed, both of them were…nervous, around the other. No, not nervous just…unfamiliar. She had really not tried to get to know this new Doctor and he wasn't sure how to act around her given how often she'd snapped at him before. They had…a lot of work to get to know each other again.

"London," he answered.

She rolled her eyes at that, "I wasn't aware," she joked, "I meant, when are we? Let's see if you actually picked this or if you'll have to guess it."

She knew he'd been aiming for London, for Christmas as he said it was a very good time for a new start, and had been trying for 1850, a nice middle ground. It seemed near enough to the time though, from what she could see. They'd just stepped into a market where she could tell by the clothes the people milling by were wearing and the decorations of garlands and ribbons all over that they were at least close to the desired year. She glanced at the Doctor to see him looking around as though trying to determine the date and knew it meant he hadn't checked before he'd stepped out of the TARDIS, she really DID have to try and get him to at least do that. SO many dangers could be avoided if he'd just check that first.

She paused a moment though when she saw his gaze linger on something a little too long and followed it to see he was staring at a small stall with chestnuts and mistletoe on it…an got the feeling, from the faint pink on his cheeks, that he wasn't looking at the chestnuts.

The Doctor glanced at her to see she'd caught what had seized his attention and cleared his throat, looking around, "You there, boy," he called to a small boy trying to sell papers just a few feet away, "What day is this?"

"Christmas Eve, sir," the boy stated.

The Doctor rolled his eyes this time, even not knowing the date he knew it was Christmas Eve, there were far too many people around for it to not be THAT close to Christmas, "What year?"

"You thick or something?"

"Very thick," she stepped beside him and called to the boy, "So your answer would be most helpful."

The boy sighed, "Year of our Lord 1851, ma'am.

"Thank you."

The Doctor nodded to that and glanced around again, "Right. Nice year. Bit dull."

"And what happens in 1850 that's so much more exciting than this?" Mac gave him a questioning look.

The Doctor glanced at her, offering her a small smile for that. Her question, if it had been said by her only a short while ago would have probably been biting and sarcastic and harsh, like she thought him stupid for commenting that one single year would change anything. But this time…it was more joking. Granted he could still hear a tiny bit of bite to it, but he knew that it was more a left over anger than anything. She had spent centuries angry with him, it would take more than one single trip to get over that. He was expecting some anger to still leak through, but just…tapering off little by little. To hear her not completely snapping at him…well, that was already a sign that this was going to be a good trip.

"Well…" he began, only to be cut off when someone screamed in the distance.

"DOCTOR!" a woman cried out and the two of them spun around, trying to find out what the cry was from, where it was coming from, "Doctor!"

"Who, me?" the Doctor pointed at himself.

"Who else?" Mac countered. They looked at each other for a moment before taking off towards the shouting, thankful that the woman was still calling out so they knew where to run.

They followed the shouts into a side alley, rushing around a corner to another street where they saw a black woman in a period dress backing away from a pair of large bolted doors, staring at them in terror and knew that something had to be trapped behind them for her to be so fixated on them.

"Doctor!" the woman repeated as they reached her.

"Don't worry, don't worry," the Doctor smiled as they ran up, glancing at the door, "Stand back, what have we got here?" he turned, blinking when he saw that Mac was already pressed against the door, her ear to it, listening for what might be on the other side, "Mackenzie?"

She jumped back before she could say anything when something slammed against the doors, making them shift, a growling noise accompanying it.

"You should go," Mac turned to the black woman.

"We've got it," the Doctor agreed, "Leave whatever's behind that door to us."

But the woman just gave them a look as though they were both completely barking mad and turned around, shouting, "Doctor!" again.

"No…" the Doctor frowned at that, "I'm standing right here. Hello," he even gave her a small wave.

"I don't think she's calling for YOU," Mac remarked with a similar frown, "Which Doctor did you want?" she asked the woman.

"THE Doctor," the woman glanced at them, "Who are you?"

"I'm The Doctor," the Doctor told her.

But the woman shook her head, clearly not recognizing him, "Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor."

"Well, there can't be two of ya."

"Oh please don't tell me this is the Library again," Mac muttered, rubbing her head. Foreknowledge was dangerous and if they'd just crossed timelines and were about to meet a future or even a past (though more likely future given the Doctor clearly didn't remember this event) Doctor then things were about to get far more complicated, "Can't you ever go somewhere without temporal incidents happening?" she looked at the Doctor with a lighter huff than he was used to.

Ok, so some of her irritation was with just his overall luck and personality, but in all fairness…he could be quite irritating and annoying at times.

The Doctor just gave her a grin and a wink at that, taking it in stride. He was trying to be different as well. Before, when she'd make remarks, he'd either go quiet and let her rant at him, or he'd fight back. But he knew that…there were some events he just…couldn't tell her about, like why he really time locked the planet. She thought it was to stop the Daleks, and it was, a little, but the real reason, the most dangerous reason…he hadn't told her and…he couldn't. Not yet. The wound was still too fresh, the loss of their planet too harsh and…he knew she wouldn't believe him just yet. She needed time to calm down and let go of most of her other anger before she could listen to him about the planet and his real reasons for what he'd done.

And because of that, because he knew she didn't know the truth…he was trying not to start snapping back at her. He wanted this to work, he wanted her to be less angry with him and arguing with her and bickering it was just going to make it worse and not better. He was just…trying to let it roll off him, as much as he could, to just smile and nod and 'kill her with kindness' as the humans would say. Just…not give her a reason to start yelling till most of her anger had been able to settle down and be worked out and released.

"Where the hell have you been?!" the woman demanded and they both looked over to see an older man in a yellow period jacket jogging up to them with a wide grin on his face.

"Don't worry," the man gestured for them to move, stepping ahead of them, "Stand back. What have we got here, then?"

Mac frowned at him, "Are YOU the Doctor then?"

"Yes," he chuckled, as the Doctor's eyes went wide, "I'm the Doctor. Simply the Doctor. The one, the only and the best. Rosita, give me the sonic screwdriver," he held out a hand to her and Rosita, the black woman, passed him…something they didn't quite catch.

"What?" the Doctor blinked.

"Now quickly," he ushered Rosita back, "Get back to the TARDIS."

"Back to the what?"

"Stand back, sir, madam," the man grinned again, "This is a job for a Time Lord."

"Job for a what lord?"

"I really hope this is the only version of you that does that," Mac told the Doctor dryly, there it was, that tiny part of his general personality that annoyed her. It was normal though, she knew, even the best of friends, even lovers, had something about the other that irritated them to no end.

But before the Doctor could respond, the doors burst open and a small, black, shaggy-furred creature trotted out.

"Hold on is that…" Mac blinked, seeing a Cyberman's face where the creature's should have been.

"Oh, that's different," the Doctor shrugged, moving to pull his sonic out of his pocket.

"Oh, that's new," the other Doctor said at the same time…

Before the two of them held up their sonics threateningly at the creature with a dual shout of, "Allons-y!"

The two men exchanged a glance at that as the creature looked between them.

"Oh put those down!" Mac stepped forward and slapped the Doctor, well, both Doctor's hands down, "It's a screwdriver!" she reminded the Doctor, "Unless you're scanning it, it's useless as a weapon."

He winced at that, "Right…" and put the sonic back in his pocket.

"I've been hunting this beast for a good fortnight," the other Doctor cut in, doing just as the Doctor was even if he'd only heard the first part of what Mac had said, "Now step back…"

They ducked instead when the creature leapt over them and latched onto the wall of the building behind them, staring down at them intently, as though studying them.

"Some sort of primitive conversion," the Doctor mumbled, "Like they took the brain of a cat or a dog…"

"A dog," Mac nodded, seeing more dog-like qualities in how it observed them and moved than a cat, even though it was clinging to a building the way a cat would, "Hold on…" she started to root through the pockets of her jacket for something…silently cursing in Gallifreyan how unorganized her pockets had gotten in the process as she struggled to find what she thought might be in there.

"Well, talking's all very well," the other Doctor rolled his eyes, "Rosita!" he held out a hand to her.

"I'm ready," the woman grinned, stepping over and handing him a rope she'd tied like a lasso.

The man grinned and began swinging it up and around his head, "Now, watch and learn," he cheered, throwing the rope at the creature and managing to snag it, "Excellent. Now then, let's pull this timorous beastie down to earth…"

Before he could even finish, the creature started to climb higher and higher up the wall, pulling the other Doctor right off the ground as he refused to let go of the rope.

"Or not," the Doctor murmured.

"It's never that easy with you," Mac sighed.

"I might be in a little bit of trouble," the other Doctor called down to them for help.

"Nothing changes," the Doctor agreed, rushing forward to help, "I've got you."

"Oh not you too!" Mac grumbled as he grabbed the rope and was pulled right up the building too.

"You idiots!" Rosita shouted at them.

"I prefer morons," Mac mumbled, "Or some other more colorful words," she sighed, pulling something out of her pocket and smiling, "There it is," she smiled, and ran for the stairs she could see running up the side of the building, hoping she could head off the creature before anything happened.

She ran as fast as she could, hearing the two Doctors arguing about pulling, before she heard them give a shout. She managed to peek her head in on one level and spotted an open window at the end of the room where she could see the two men being pulled up by the creature at a rapid pace, clearly it was on the run now, "Wonderful," she muttered to herself before she raced up the stairs again, trying to listen for where the creature might be going.

She gasped as she reached the top level to see the beast running across the floor, the Doctors being dragged behind it, right towards a window at the other side. She brought her fingers to her lips and let out a shrill whistle, holding up a small dog treat she'd confiscated off of one of the UNIT soldiers once when they were trying to bait one of the dogs in the training department.

"Here boy!" she called, holding the treat up and hoping that it was enough like a dog where it would take the treat…and thankfully it appeared to be just that as it wheeled around and started to run…right for her.

Ok, so she hadn't quite thought this part of the plan through.

"Out of the way!" Rosita called as she came barreling through the door towards her, an axe in her hands. She ran past the creature as it kept running for Mac and brought the axe down on the rope, cutting it off and sending the Doctors twisting and tumbling about the floor of the building.

Mac promptly threw the treat out the open door to the stairs, watching as the creature leapt over the side of it after it. She ran to the doors again and peered down, watching it land on its feet…more like a cat now, and ate the treat before it took off once more. She let out a breath, relieved that was over…when she felt someone wrap their arms around her from behind and hug her tightly for a moment before they let her go suddenly.

"Sorry," the Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, flushing, "I just…um…thanks?" he offered, he'd just…he'd gotten up and seen her and realized that if she hadn't turned the creature when she had they'd probably have been falling out the window by now and just wanted to hug her in relief. He liked hugging people but he knew that it was still too soon to really hug her like he wanted to, give her a big old bear hug and just never let her go. His body had gotten the best of him though and he'd found himself about to do that before he'd realized it, but he hoped he'd let her go quickly enough to not make her feel uncomfortable.

"You're um, welcome," she shrugged, though she took a step back from him. She had liked the hug, brief though it was but…it still felt awkward, if she had to admit it. She was used to keeping a distance from him, not just because of how cross she'd been with him recently but just…in general. They'd not had much contact with each other since he'd activated his Contract, at all, no physical contact, no verbal contact, barely any visual contact since that moment until they'd met again with the Sontarans. It was just a little…odd, to have him touching her again.

~8~

The small group of four was walking down the stairs from the warehouse, Mac at the head, with the Doctor after her, Rosita and the other Doctor behind him, the Doctors sharing a little laugh at nearly falling out of the window.

"Well, I'm glad you think it's so funny," Rosita muttered, sharing Mac's thoughts about it all, "You're mad. Both of you. You could've got killed!"

"But, evidently, we did not," the other Doctor countered.

"Give it time," Mac mumbled, "Luck has a way of running out."

The Doctor looked over at her, almost…shocked by how she sounded. He would have expected that to be more biting, like a little hiss, some sort of comment about his recklessness but…it sounded almost like she really DIDN'T mean for him to hear it this time. It sounded almost…worried, concerned. He knew what it was thought, she WAS worried. His last 'mad' moment had resulted in him giving up a regeneration, something he was now realizing was not a good thing to have lost. Seeing this man before him, if he really WAS the future him, it worried him…it made it all the more real to see how his actions would affect his future.

Mac sounded truly…scared for him, for his dumb luck as she liked to put it, running out on him. He knew she meant it as either him ended up regenerating or completely dying and, either way…that would be the end result after a while. She was just on her 7th self, she would live on afterwards if he died which, given how he went through bodies, was likely to happen too soon. He swallowed hard at that because…he knew what she'd do if it came down to it, Time Lords could give others their regenerations if they wished, it was a very dangerous thing to do though and…he could tell, maybe, by then, he and Mac might have rebuilt their relationship enough where she'd risk doing that just to help him out.

And he didn't want that, he didn't want her to give up any of her lives for him.

He'd already ruined every single life that had come before this one, including this one actually, he didn't want to ruin her future lives either.

"Oh," the other Doctor blinked, not having heard Mac, "I should introduce Rosita," he turned to her as they reached the bottom of the steps and gestured at the woman beside him, "My faithful companion, always telling me off."

"Not just companions though," the Doctor joked, managing a small nudge to Mac as well, getting her to roll her eyes at that.

She was…sorry for how she'd snapped at him so much, for quite a few of the things she'd said. Well…some of the things she said. Some things, most of it she realized sadly, were true. Most of the things she'd said were said with at least a shred of truth to them. She just…she wasn't proud now, of the way she'd said it, of how much of her anger she'd let leak through to it. That was the entire point of her ignoring him and avoiding him on Gallifrey, she DIDN'T want to lash out at him or say something like that to him…and now she had. She was a different woman now though, she'd lost and been through so much more than she had then.

She was glad, though, that the Doctor was entirely too forgiving, that he could manage to not be bitter and cross in return for how she'd treated him.

"Rosita though," the Doctor eyed Rosita, "Good name. Hello, Rosita," he offered her a hand to shake.

The woman shook it back quickly, turning to her Doctor with her hands on her hips, "Now I'll have to go and dismantle the traps. All that for nothing. And we've only got 20 minutes till the funeral, don't forget," she pointed at him warningly for that before she turned to walk off, calling, "Then back to the TARDIS, right?" over her shoulder as she disappeared around the corner.

"What funeral?" Mac turned to the other Doctor.

The Doctor nearly beamed at that, the last time someone brought up a death, in the Library with Donna, she'd muttered about how it was likely HIS fault the death had happened. So for her not to jump right to that…he was really starting to like this Mac again.

"Oh, long story," the other Doctor waved her off, making her cross her arms for it, the Doctor chuckling at how he still didn't seem to have the hang of telling others the entire truth, "Not my own, not yet," he bent over, panting a little, groaning in pain from the tumble, which made the Time Lords glance at each other for it, they were remarkably spry given they were aliens, the Doctor himself wasn't as battered or feeling it, yet this one was, "Ooh, I'm not as young as I was."

"Well, not as young as you were when you were me," the Doctor shrugged, confirming Mac's thoughts that this was a future Doctor.

"When I was who?" the man looked at him, making them frown…THAT was something he should have known if he really was a future Doctor though, actually…he should have recognized the both of them.

"You really don't recognize me?" the Doctor wondered, having thought his earlier waving off of their sudden appearance was just the present danger needing his attention.

"Not at all," the man smiled at them.

"And Mac?" he tried, nodding at the woman, "What about her?"

"You're the Doctor though," Mac cut in, already seeing in the man's confused expression that he didn't have the faintest idea who either of them were.

"Well, the next Doctor," the Doctor corrected, "Or the next-but-one. A future Doctor anyway…don't tell me how it happened," he begged, actually really NOT wanting to know, not wanting to know how much time he had left in that body of his, how much time before he ended up a situation Mac had only just mentioned a short while ago, "Although...I hope I don't just trip over a brick, that'd be embarrassing."

"And redundant," Mac muttered, "You nearly did twice before."

He nodded at that, he'd been a rather clumsy boy at the Academy. He really had nearly died twice from tripping over a brick. Once had been when the Master dared them all to walk on top of a ledge during a school trip to a future date on Earth. They'd been wandering the top of a crumbling castle's wall and the brick beneath him had given way and he'd nearly fallen off it, had Mac and the Master not grabbed his arms and hefted him up. And then there was the time he'd been helping the Corsair with a project, the man had, for some reason, wanted to build a set of houses, small hut-like things though, to test out the truth behind some old Earth fairytales featuring little talking pigs and straw/twig/brick houses. He'd been carrying a few bricks with the man and dropped one, tripped over it and nearly tumbled down the stairs if he'd been any closer to them than he had been. Instead he'd just dropped all the other bricks and THEY and tumbled down the steps instead of him.

"Worse ways to go," he offered, "Depends on the brick."

"You're gabbling, sir," the other Doctor chuckled, "Now, might I ask, who are you, exactly?"

"No, I'm, uh...I'm just Smith," the Doctor introduced himself, shaking the man's hand, "John Smith, and this is Mackenzie…er…"

"Noble," she went with it still, knowing that the Doctor was again debating whether to use Smith for her as well but…despite Caan's words, they were NOT Chosens, not now, not yet, possibly not ever. The destruction of a planet was…a lot to get over.

"Yes, Mackenzie Noble, my um…"

Mac nearly rolled her eyes at that, he really didn't need to add in who she was to him. What could he even say about that anyway? She wasn't his companion, they were somewhat almost-friends again, maybe…give it time, and she really…SHE didn't even understand why she was still there. She'd only agreed to travel with him because of Donna and Donna wasn't there anymore and…she supposed it was just…her own guilt? Her own guilt over how she'd acted towards him getting to her.

No, it was Wilf. It was what Wilf had said, he'd made her realize when he'd asked who the Doctor had that…he really only had HER left. She only had HIM too. They just had each other and the TARDIS and that was really it. Yes, she had a small flat in London, she had a job with UNIT, but…the TARDIS really had become her home. She…she didn't want to lose that either. She knew it was going against everything she'd wanted for the Earth, to stay there, to keep it safe but…she'd only done it so that the Doctor wouldn't have to come to it, so that she wouldn't have to see him and now she was, she saw him daily and she just…couldn't leave him, not now.

Not now that she knew the truth and that he hadn't really betrayed her or turned his back on her, that everything he'd done and put up with and put himself (and her) through on Gallifrey had been for what he thought was her benefit. She owed it to him to at least try to be kinder to him for that. The planet would always be a big gaping hole in her hearts, something that kept her from fully forgiving him or allowing herself close to him, but…she could at least try to see where a potential friendship might form. They'd both been alone for so long and…the Earth would be safe enough for now. It had Torchwood and UNIT and Sarah Jane watching out for it and she knew they'd be stopping in frequently to look after it.

"Fiancé?" the other Doctor guessed, cutting into her thoughts.

"No!" Mac shook her head.

"No, we're um, not…not engaged," the Doctor added.

"No," Mac repeated, "Just…no."

"Um…two travelers?" the Doctor supplied, not quite sure if they qualified as friends again, or if Mac would even agree to being his once more. He was hopeful though, because she'd stayed when she could have gone back to UNIT and Earth, "But we've heard all about you, Doctor," he continued, "Bit of a legend, if I say so myself."

"And you do," Mac mumbled.

"Modesty forbids me to agree with you, sir," the other Doctor gave a small bow of the head, "But yes. Yes, I am."

"Very modest of you," Mac gave him a small look, not modest at all was he?

"A legend with certain memories missing, am I right?" the Doctor guessed.

The other Doctor blinked and turned to him, completely startled, "How do you know that?"

"You've forgotten us," the Doctor said simply.

The other Doctor sighed, nodding solemnly, "Great swathes of my life have been stolen away. When I turn my mind to the past, there's nothing."

"From what point?" Mac asked.

"Since the Cybermen. Masters of that hellish wall-scuttler and old enemies of mine, now at work in London town. You won't believe this, Mr. Smith, Ms. Noble, but they are creatures from another world."

"Are they?" Mac nodded slowly.

"Really?" the Doctor agreed, giving a rather bad attempt at shock, "Wow…"

"It's said they fell onto London," the other Doctor continued, "Out of the sky in a blaze of light. And they found me. Something was taken. And something was lost," he looked at the two of them as though just realizing from their remarks about how he had forgotten THEM, that they must have known him a long while ago, "What was I like? In the past?"

Mac made the 'stop talking' motion, cutting the Doctor off from speaking, "Best not to say what with the amnesia," she gave the Doctor a pointed look, "Memory loss is a tricky thing."

"It's strange, though," he eyed them, "I talk of Cybermen from the stars and you don't blink. Either of you."

"Ah, don't blink, remember that?" the Doctor started to smile, "Whatever you do, don't blink? The blinking and the statues? Sally and the angels? No?"

"Didn't she happen after the Cybermen?" Mac glanced at the Doctor. She wasn't entirely sure which encounter with the Cybermen the man was speaking of, but whichever it was, Sally had happened after even the most recent encounter with the Cybers, and if he forgot everything since one of those encounters…he'd have forgotten Sally as well.

"Right," the Doctor nodded, "Forget I said anything."

"You're a very odd man," the other Doctor remarked.

"Hmm, I still am."

"You always were," Mac sighed.

"Something's wrong here."

"Oh!" the other Doctor cried out, almost making them jump if they hadn't been expecting something like that from him, "The funeral. The funeral's at two o'clock. It's been a pleasure, Mr. Smith, Ms. Noble. Don't breathe a word of it," he put a finger to his lips.

"Can't we come with you?" the Doctor called as the man started to head off.

The other Doctor turned to speak to them though he kept walking backwards, "It's far dangerous. Rest assured, I shall keep this city safe. Oh, and, er...Merry Christmas!" he gave them a small bow before he turned around the corner.

"Could be you," Mac remarked, "Absentminded as ever."

"Not THAT absentminded though," the Doctor countered before they both headed off after him, following his tracks in the snow.

~8~

The Doctor and Mac slowly made their way through the house of the late Reverend Fairchild, having followed the other Doctor through town and spied on him speaking to Rosita, basically telling her to go off to the TARDIS because this wasn't any place for a woman. Mac had huffed at that and muttered that she'd show him before she'd stormed off to the house of the deceased man, the Doctor jogging after her in higher spirits to see her cross with someone else instead of him…even if it might possibly BE him at a later part in his life but…he doubted it.

The more he thought about it, the more he was starting to think that this wasn't a future him. To start…neither of them had sensed a Time Lord presence in him and he wasn't wearing a sort of blocker like Mac had been wearing when he first met her. The man had no idea at all who Mac was, not that he could really blame the man for that one. Mac had since regenerated since then and he didn't feel right calling her Naery when the man might not be him. He actually should have realized that he wouldn't have ever recognized Mac for who she was not even as Mackenzie as he hadn't met her like that till just recently, LONG after the Cyber events. But that wasn't it, it was that Mac wasn't with him that was really making him think that the man wasn't him.

He was…determined to make sure that Mac remained with him for a good long while, forever if possible. He just…he wanted to keep her with him, he really did love her still and he just wanted to get back to that. He doubted it would ever happen but, he was quite the optimist at times and he had hope now. If she could forgive him for the centuries of hell he'd put her through with her husband, maybe she might, one day, be able to forgive him for Gallifrey and they might be able to build up and repair what they'd had. It was a long shot, he knew, and it would take time, but, as Mac had said, they were Time Lords, they had all the time in the world. He wasn't going to give up, ever, not on her.

And, knowing that, he couldn't wrap his mind around her NOT being there with him in the future. So if this man was alone…he couldn't be him, because he wouldn't ever go anywhere without Mac again. He'd made a decision once that led to them being separated, he wasn't going to do it again. If she ever decided she wanted to return to Earth, to UNIT…well, he'd park the TARDIS down right beside their base and he'd…he'd live there. He'd live a static life if it meant he could be with her every day or see her and just…he had too much at stake to leave her now. He had too much that needed to be repaired and he refused to allow it to happen.

They were in their 900s, both of them, and for centuries he'd been forced to not even see her. Then, with the war, to think her dead? He just…he couldn't do it, being alone, seeing the Master die…he HAD to protect her, in a way he'd failed to do in the past.

So where she went, he'd go to, no matter what.

He looked over at the door, the back door as they'd entered through the front, and head a faint rattling sound, like someone was trying to break in with a screwdriver. He walked over and threw the door open, revealing the other Doctor hunched over, doing just that, trying to break in with a screwdriver…an ordinary, not-sonic, screwdriver.

"Hello," he grinned.

The other Doctor blinked and stood, "How did you get in?"

"Front door and a hairpin," Mac answered, coming up beside him, "Far less obvious than a screwdriver…" she nodded down at his screwdriver as she put the hair pin back in her bun.

"That's your…sonic screwdriver?" the Doctor eyed the tool.

"Yeah," he held it up, "I'd be lost without it."

"But, that's a screwdriver. How's it sonic?"

"Well, er, it makes a noise," he shrugged, tapping it against the doorframe of the house, "That's sonic, isn't it? Now, since we're acting like common burglars, I suggest we get out of plain view," he gently pushed past them and into the house as the Doctor closed the door behind him.

They glanced at each other as the man continued on down the hall, towards a back room, the library they saw. Everything was very decorated for Christmas and, given that it was a man in the house, they knew it meant he truly appreciated the holiday. It was terrible that he'd passed before he could experience another one. It didn't seem to deter the other Doctor though as he went right for the shelves and drawers and chests and began to search through them.

"What exactly are you investigating?" Mac asked, "The death of a reverend?"

"A murder," the other man sighed, "The second one actually."

"Who was the first?" the Doctor wondered.

"Mr. Jackson Lake, a teacher of mathematics from Sussex. He came to London three weeks ago and died a terrible death."

"Was it those…Cybermen things?" Mac played off, trying to make it seem like they were JUST hearing about the Cybermen as she fingered the spine of one of the books on the shelves, eyeing it oddly, it was a collection of fairytales, which was not something she'd expect a reverend to have but a father, well not THAT sort of father but an actual father.

"It's hard to say," the man sighed, "His body was never found. But then it started. More secret murders. Then abductions. Children…stolen away in silence."

"Children?" Mac murmured, eyeing the book again.

"So the reverend Fairchild," the Doctor began, "He's the second murder then?"

"Yes," the other Doctor, "The Reverend Aubrey Fairchild. Found with burns to his forehead, like some advanced form of electrocution."

"But who was he, was he important?"

"You ask a lot of questions," he glanced at the Doctor.

"He talks a lot too," Mac murmured, "It's why I keep this handy," she pulled a small roll of duct tape out of her pocket, making the other Doctor chuckle and THE Doctor look at her mock-betrayed.

"We're your companions," the Doctor defended.

"The Reverend was the pillar of the community," the other Doctor smiled, "A member of many parish boards. A keen advocate of children's charities."

"Children," Mac murmured, her gaze drifting back to the bookshelf with the fairytales on it, "Again."

"But why would the Cybermen want him dead?" the Doctor wondered, "And what's his connection to the first death, this Jackson Lake?"

The other Doctor moved to open his mouth, only to close it, as though realizing he'd been about to actually tell them, "It's funny, I seem to be telling you everything. As though you engendered some sort of...trust. You both seem familiar to me. I know your face especially Mr. Smith. But how?"

"I wonder…" the Doctor glanced down, having caught sight of a watch dangling from a chain around the man's waist, "I can't help noticing you're wearing a fob watch."

Mac stiffened and glanced back at that, how had SHE not noticed that? But then she pulled her glasses down onto her head and looked over…there it was.

"Is that important?" the other Doctor inquired.

"We've read legends of Time Lords," Mac cut in, "Because of…" she gestured at the other Doctor, letting him continue thinking they were his past companions, "They say that, sometimes, the memories of a Time Lord can be stored in watches like that."

"Do you mind?" the Doctor gestured to it and the other Doctor handed it over, "It's said that if it's opened..." he took a breath and pressed the top button opening it…only for all the gears and springs and other workings to pop right out onto the floor, "Oh. Maybe not."

Mac glanced down at the pieces and moved to crouch down, gathering them up, they could be useful later.

"It's more for decoration," the other Doctor shrugged.

"Yeah. Anyway, alien infiltration?"

"Look for anything different," the other Doctor nodded, starting to move around the room again, searching for whatever it was he'd been looking for before, though he didn't seem to know what that might be, "Possibly metal. Anything that doesn't seem to belong, perhaps a mechanical device that could fit no earthly engine."

"Metal you said?" Mac glanced back.

"Yes."

She nodded, and pulled a set of magnets from her pocket, the Doctor watching with an eyebrow raised as she just shrugged, she honestly couldn't say any more just what she had in her pockets, but if it was metal, the magnets would help. Especially if the metal was hidden somewhere. They were quite powerful magnets, if small, but it would be much easier to use than a sonic, less conspicuous. She could only imagine the daft excuse the Doctor would have made up to explain the funny buzzing noise of the sonic going, probably would have claimed he was whistling or something.

"It could even seem to be organic," the other Doctor continued, "But unlike any organism of the natural world…"

Mac looked over as she felt her arm jerk, the magnet tugging towards a scroll-top desk a foot away. She caught the Doctor's eye and nodded over to it, the two of them stepping over, ignoring the other Doctor as he continued to speak, to focus on the desk. Mac ran the magnet along the wood, smiling when it caught something through it, a small thump signaling it had been caught on something. She let go and the magnet remained in place along the side of the desk, freeing her hands. She looked over when she saw the Doctor pull out the sonic and put her hand on his to stop him, shaking her head and letting go to crouch down. She pulled her hair pin out once more and quickly picked the lock on the desk.

She smirked triumphantly at him, giving him a pointed look that he knew meant he'd gotten too reliant on the sonic, and moved to open the desk.

"There we are," she nodded, seeing the other side of the magnet had a sort of cylinder shaped metal device stuck to it. She tugged it off the magnet, slipping it back into her pocket and tossing it to the Doctor to examine.

"Different and metal," he called to the other Doctor, cutting into the man's ramble about something to do with mechanical, metal trees, and pulling his attention back to them to see they'd found something, "You were right. They are infostamps."

"Possibly," Mac added, giving him a bit of a hard look for his slip.

"Right, I mean, at a guess," the Doctor shrugged, trying to cover up his flub, "Um, if I were you, I'd say they worked something like this," he turned and pointed one end of the cylinder at the wall, pressing a button on the side and projecting images onto the wall, "See?" he smiled, catching sight of the other Doctor falling back onto a chair at the sight of it, "Compressed information. Tons of it…" he pulled on his glasses and glanced at Mac, smirking to see she still had her glasses on, he liked that about them, that they both wore glasses but he knew she actually NEEDED them, he just liked looking clever.

"London," she murmured, "1066 to about 2009 I'd say," she glanced at the Doctor, speaking quietly so that the other Doctor wouldn't hear, having her own suspicions about whether he really was a future Doctor or not, "Why would they bother with a cyberdisk like this?"

He could only shrug, "It's too simple," he agreed, "They've gotta be wireless. Unless...they're in the wrong century."

"Maybe they crashed," she suggested, "If they've lost power they'd need something like this…"

"What do you think Doctor?" the Doctor turned to the other man, with a grin, happy that Mac was bouncing ideas off of him and him her, only o see him hunched over on the chair he'd fallen on, his head in his hands, seeming overwhelmed by it all, "Are you alright?"

The man took a deep breath and forced himself to sit up, "I'm fine."

"Well at least you're still a rubbish liar," Mac mumbled as they moved over to him, "Tell us what's wrong."

The man just reached out and took the infostamp from the Doctor, turning it over in his hands as he stared at it, "I've seen one of these before. I was holding... this device, the night I lost my mind. The night I regenerated. The Cybermen, they made me change. My mind, my face, my whole self. And you were there…" he looked up at the Doctor suddenly, "Who are you?"

"A friend," he held up his hands, "I swear. Mackenzie and me."

"Then I beg you, John," the other Doctor reached out for him, "Help me."

"Ah," he smiled, "Two words I never refuse."

Mac was quiet at that, the last time they'd gotten that request for help…nearly an entire expedition team had died along with someone she wasn't quite sure about. She…trusted River, she actually did. She knew that for the woman to know BOTH their names and to know that the other knew it was not something to be told lightly. Whoever River was they really would come to trust her completely. And to know that their future selves trusted her like that…it made a pit form in her stomach that she knew would just get worse and worse every time they met the woman, if they ever met her again which she thought likely. Because the more and more they learned about her, the more and more she knew she was going to regret what happened in the Library and not having whatever close relationship they'd have with the woman then. She didn't do well with big revelations and, whenever they learned who River was, she knew it would likely break her hearts to think back on what they were like to her in the Library and what she would do for them.

She…she didn't want this to be the same. She was trying so hard not to fault the Doctor for wanting to help a man that was in need of it, it was in his title, literally, to make people feel better but…she just didn't want more people to get hurt because of his efforts. And that was without any anger in her thoughts, people just…tended to get hurt when they got involved with him.

"But it's not a conversation for a dead man's house," the Doctor kept on, "It'll make more sense if we go back to the TARDIS..."

"Your TARDIS," Mac corrected, looking to the other Doctor, she did have to admit she was curious as to what it was if not an actual TARDIS.

"Hold on," the Doctor called, straightening, "I just need to do a final check. Won't take a tick," Mac watched as he started making his way around the room, about to open a door when Mac called out.

"Try this," she tossed him the magnet from before.

He nodded, that would probably be best so that he didn't accidently open a door and see a Cyberman or something. He started moving from door to door, placing the magnet up against it to test, "There's one more thing I cannot figure. If this room's got infostamps, then maybe, just maybe, it's got something that needs infostamping…" he trailed off as he came to a particular door…the magnet remaining fixed to the door too high up for it to be anything but a Cyberman, "Mackenzie…" he reached back a hand for her, but she stood with the other Doctor.

"Time to run?" she guessed.

"Yeah," he nodded, swallowing hard and turning, ushering her and the other Doctor out of the room, right when there was a crash behind them, a Cyberman breaking down the door to get into the library. But at least Mac's magnet had given them time to get out…

Only to run into a second Cyberman in the main hall.

"The Doctor will be deleted!" the Cyberman reached for them, forcing them back, making them turn to go the other way but the first Cyber appeared behind them.

"Delete!" the first Cyber reached for them as well.

"Stairs!" the Doctor called, pointing at the stairs and pushing them up it, "Can't lead them outside!"

They ran up the stairs, Mac pushing the other Doctor ahead of her as the Doctor remained behind to try and find something to use…and decided that the umbrella within reach was not a useful weapon. He looked around quickly, spotting a sword on the wall and grabbed it, trying not to think of how he'd done the same in Agatha Christie's mystery and what had happened after that as he turned to face the Cybers.

"Delete!" they cried.

He swung the sword around, trying to keep them back, to by Mac and the other Doctor time, "I'm a dab hand with a cutlass. You don't want to come near me when I've got one of these. This is your last warning. No?" he quickly put the sword up, blocking a swipe from one of the men, "Ok, this is really your last warning!" and blocked another, starting to be forced up the stairs too, "Ok, I give up."

"Delete!"

He chanced a look up the stairs and could see Mac rushing about and searching her pockets, clearly about to try and come up with something to help him and turned back to the Cybers, needing to stall them, "Listen to me properly!" he backed up again, ducking a blow, "Whatever you're doing stuck in 1851, I can help! Mac and I are the only people in the world who can help you! Listen to me!"

"Delete!"

"I'm the Doctor!" he tried this tactic instead, "You need me. Check your memory banks, my name's the Doctor. Leave this man alone! The Doctor is me!" he kicked one of the Cybers back and ran up the stairs, shaking his head when he saw Mac was tying some sort of metal wire from the umbrella he'd thrown up the stairs to the infostamp, not having a clue what the point of it was.

"Delete!"

"The Doctor, remember? I'm The Doctor! You need me alive! You need The Doctor, and that's me!"

"Now!" Mac shouted, "Doctor duck!"

He dropped to the ground as the other Doctor stepped forward, aiming the infostamp and flicking the edge of it open, sending out a wave of energy, focused down the metal wire and bolting right through the Cyberman's chest, allowing him to turn it on the second one, going right through its head, sending them both toppling down the stairs.

The Doctor let out a breath and looked up at Mac as she smiled, "Infostamp use a cyclo-Steinham core, the wire acts like a guiding rod. Open the core and break the safety and it lets you direct the blast with more accuracy."

"Only you would think of that," the Doctor smiled at her.

"You would have too," she could admit, "Given time."

He chuckled and picked himself up just as the other Doctor stumbled back against the wall, staring at the infostamp in his hand, "I did that... last time."

The Doctor glanced at Mac and moved over to the other Doctor, "Come here, you'll be ok. Let me just check," he pulled out an old stethoscope from his pocket and pressed it to the other Doctor's left side.

"You told them you were the Doctor," the other Doctor looked up at him, "Why did you do that?"

"Rule one," Mac murmured, "The Doctor lies," she glanced at him as the Doctor moved to his right side, "I suppose his companions must need to too."

The other Doctor stepped back, out of the Doctor's reach, "You're trying to take away the only thing I've got, like they did. They stole something, something so precious. But I can't remember. What happened to me? What did they do?"

Mac glanced at the Doctor, 'Human?'

He nodded, "We'll find out. The three of us, together."

A/N: I hope you liked the first chapter :) Mac is a little bit better than she was, still unsure and tense around the Doctor, but she's got centuries of anger to try and let go of. I can say we'll see little things here and there that'll both slip through from her lingering anger but other things that will give the Doctor quite a bit of hope ;)

Let's just say...there'll be a little something at the end of the next chapter about that ;)

Some notes on reviews...(from the end of Losing Hope)...

Definitely 20/20...unless you count Visionaries...I have no idea what eyesight for seeing the future would be lol :) I think Mac didn't go at Davros for his destroying worlds comment because she was being hit with how she'd said the same thing and focusing on piloting the TARDIS and being by the console instead of the door where she could go at him lol ;)

I can say Mac's husband wasn't the Master, nope :)

I think that song definitely parallel's the Doctor in Losing Hope :)

We'll get a lighter Mac, yup, but she's also still very confused about her feelings and trying to let go of anger so sometimes it'll come out, but not as much as before ;) Oh the second the War Doctor said 'No More' I thought of Caan :) I'm almost not sure how I feel about the parallel though, of the Doctor and a Dalek...hmm... :)

I can say that Mac's husband IS dead, yup. I sort of have a throwaway line about it, but I've been having trouble working out a place to put it, so I'm hoping, as I go through and edit, a place will jump out at me :) Her family, for the most part is safe, but I can say one member of her family did die in the war but she's unaware of it :( Oh the rekindling will really pick up with 11, but we'll see quite a few hints of it in these specials ;)

The 'yes, I know who you are' was meant to be a reference to the Harriet Jones joke yes :) I've noticed Captain Jack likes to introduce himself with his title as much as Harriet Jones so I had .Mac give him the same response on purpose ;) Mac meant her part about the Earth in that if she were there she'd have been by her scans and running them, she'd have seen some sort of atmospheric shell being put in place and been able to counter it with UNIT or Time Lord Science but she was off with the Doctor and couldn't do anything to protect it :( The Doctor is pretty arrogant too though, but being a Time Lord, she probably could have worked out a way to keep earth in place :) I don't really think it's an inconsistency when you take into account it was 9 who said those half-human Daleks were more deadly, because this is a new Doctor, a different Doctor with different and new opinions. We've seen 10 have different thoughts on things that 9 probably would have thought one way on the same as 11 had different opinions on things 9 was firm about... Like 9 was SO anti-paradox but 11 was basically like 'bring 'em on woo!' Lol. Different Doctors would have different opinions on what's more deadly for a Dalek so it's not really an inconsistency ;)