A/N: Hey guys this is my second fan fic for Instant Star and I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or any of it's characters nor do I own Three Days Grace's Song "I Hate Everything About You".
I Hate Loving You
How do you know you hate someone if you never really stopped loving them?
"Jude! You're on in five!" I looked up from the mirror in front of me and nodded at Josie the stage director. You know, a lot can happen in two years, a lot has happened in two years, but sometimes some things just never change.
Flashback
"I'm sorry Jude," Tommy averts his eyes from mine "I have to go." I was at a loss for words, only to find them as I heard his chair screech against the linoleum in the diner.
"What! No, Tommy no you can't! Wait, Tommy come back!"
End of Flashback
"Two minutes till show time little sis, are you ready?" I turned away from the vanity and smiled a smile that I knew was convincing.
"Of course, I was born ready Sades." Sadie shook her head and then tilted it to the side.
"You know, brown hair really suits you, it makes you look a lot older too." Touching my hair I raked my fingers through it's loose curls.
"You think so? I was a little unsure at first, but it's growing on me. Besides, I felt it was finally time for a change." Sadie smiled at my response, but for some reason the way she was smiling told me she was hiding something.
"Alright Sades, what's up?"
"What do you mean?"
"Cut the crap Sadie, and I know you don't like thinking about it, but we're sisters and I know you're hiding something. Now, tell me what it is before I tell Dad!" I smiled at the last part letting her know I was just poking fun. Sadie mulled over what I said, but with a quick blink she ran over to me and sat in the chair next to mine.
"Okay Jude, if I tell you, you have to promise me," she looked at me pointedly "that you won't run off and leave me standing here to fix everything. I mean I may be your newly promoted awesome PR, but I am not that great."
I laughed. "Sadie you can be so dramatic sometimes." I was only joking, but Sadie took a complete 180 and became completely serious.
"Jude?" she warned.
I put my hands up as if to surrender, "Okay, okay, I promise."
"Okay then. Jude, I don't know how to say this, or even if I should say this, but Tommy's back and-"
"Look Sadie, it's been two years okay? I think it's safe to say that if he is back at G-Major then I'll be okay. Besides with Kwest as my producer now I won't be seeing him much right?"
"Who you trying to convince Jude? Me or you? You're in love with him regardless of what happened, and you and I both know that this is not the end of the Jude and Tommy saga. However, I just wanted to warn you that he is here, in the crowd." I looked at Sadie feeling as if this should come as a complete shock, but somehow it's not. "Just thought you should know sis."
"Jude let's go, you're on!"
Getting up Sadie grabbed my arm, "Jude?"
"It's alright Sades, this was going to happen eventually, right?" She let go and smiled weakly, "Right. Well, go on then, go show them what you've got."
Walking down the hall towards the stage I could hear the announcer, "Ladies and Gents please welcome the one and only Juude Harrison!"
I stepped out onto the stage with my guitar in hand and sat down on the lonely stool seated right behind a mic. The light was shining brightly and yet, I was able to find the one set of eyes that was able to see right through me. As we made eye contact he nodded his head as if to signal our own little greeting.
I smiled a little, "I was supposed to sing something else, but the song I am going to sing just seems a little more appropriate with how I feel right now."
"What is she doing Kwest!"
"Just trust her D. She knows what she's doing."
I scanned the crowd and said, "This one's for you."
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
"I have to go…"
Every feeling that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
"Hey you've reached Tom Quincy, leave a message."
Jude babbling drunkenly, "I don't miss you… nope nope nope! Not me no way no how!"
Beep!
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
"-leave a message"
"Did it mean nothing to you?"
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
"Well you know what Tommy! Fuck you! It didn't mean anything to me either-" Beep!
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you!
I could see Tommy visibly flinch from where I was sitting when I sang that one line.
Why do I… love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I… love you?
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take,
Every feeling that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet
"But that's just it. I do. And I don't know how to stop, and for that I hate you." Beep!
Only when I stop to think about it…
I hate everything about you
Why do I… love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I… love you?
Only when I stop to think
About you, I know…
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know…
Standing up still strumming my guitar I pushed the stool back with my foot and made my way down the center stage.
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me?
I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me…
Stopping just in front of him so everybody could figure out and know for certain who this song was for, and sang the end to my song.
I hate everything about you
Why do I…. love, you?
Strumming the final strings, I realized that me and Tommy were standing face to face, as if everyone else in the room had disappeared and in this one instant it was just me and him.
He sighed and placed his hand on my cheek and said, "Why? Because Jude, you know that the only thing I've ever done honestly is loving you." And with that our lips met and the crowd erupted into slow building applause.
So… how do you hate someone if you never stopped loving them? You don't, hate them that is, because the only thing your heart lets you do is love them. It lets you love them so much that it hurts.
Fin
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