Chapter 1: In the Beginning

I had just revealed my deepest, darkest secret from the one I love. The only person who could understand me and hopefully...just maybe … I don't know. I lied to him. I told him I didn't mean it. And, I stomped away, overjoyed that my secret is safe…kind of. The rest of the walk back was a blur until I opened the door to my house and screamed "Miriam!" Looking towards the kitchen and surprisingly she wasn't there. I heard voices in the living room and went to see what was going on.

I saw my older cousin Veronica. She is about 5'5" with long blonde hair that stops in the middle of her back. He blue eyes stared at me. She smiled when she saw me, ran over towards me and picked me up. I find out she is staying for two weeks. Out of all my cousins I never got along with her. It felt like we were both on two separate pages.

I really didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I turned to go up upstairs. I heard footsteps behind me as I entered my room. I heard my cousin voice…

"Helga, honey it's been too long we need to catch up." She said as-a-matter-of-factly. I rolled my eyes and let her sit in one of the chairs nearby. I lied down on my bed and looked at her.

"So, how've you been?" I asked and she leaned back in the chair and put her feet on the bed.

"Eh, ok I guess. I'm seventeen, have a twenty-one year old boyfriend which my mother hates, I feel like I'm thousand miles away and haven't seen you in what…"

"Five years." I finished for her.

She smiled "That's right. I remember when I was your age. I was a mess. I was in love with a guy who never knew. I became obsessed. I created someone who never existed you know…" I lay there shocked as she described me. She described everything from the way she acted and felt to the way she looked.

"That's why I use the act the way I did…especially towards you" She reached for my hand.

"For that I am truly sorry." I pulled my hand away.

"It's no skin off my nose what you do." I got up as she started laughing at me.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"I'm sorry I just see myself in you in a lot of ways. You don't need to act that way. When we were younger you were nicer. I know it's just an act because I've been there. I can read you like a book. I wanna help you."

I laughed sarcastically. "Help me? You want to help me with what?"

She smirked. "I want to help you be you. I saw all the pictures and accomplishments Olga has. It's all around the house and the way your parents talk about her makes me sick. I know that you must feel neglected and want to shut everyone out so you don't get hurt. Too afraid they won't like the real you."

I stopped and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I wanna help you. I talked to your parents and you're gonna come live with me and my moms." I stood up pacing back and forth. "Don't I get a say in this?" She put her hand up to her chin as if she was lost in thought. "No."

I sat straight up in bed gasping for air. That was the fourth night in a row I've had that dream. That day I kept replaying it in my head. Later that night, I thought about it. He didn't kiss me back. It was understandable because he was in shock. He didn't know what the hell had happened. I'd probably act the same way…I think?

That was the night I moved. Miriam and Bob thought it would be better so that I could mature better or something like that. My Aunt Sue thought that where I was growing up had been unhealthy and that I was neglected.

I sigh and thought 'I really don't want to think about this right now'. Looking at my pink cell phone it read 5:30am. I turned and attempted to go back to sleep, the phone started to buzz. I picked up and it read

1 New Text Message:

Pheebs

Hey are you awake? I'm sorry if this wakes you up.

I rolled my eyes and hit call and she answered after two rings.

"What's up Pheebs?" I asked

"I didn't wake you up did I?" She said in a meek voice.

I sigh and said. "No Phoebe. What's up?"

"I….I, um …I didn't know if" She kept rambling on and on..

"Spit it out…What's up?" I yelled, maybe a little too harshly.

"I didn't know if you were going to visit this summer?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." I sighed and yawned. "I'm just a little tired… Of course we have hung out every summer for the last sixteen years. Why wouldn't I see you?"

"No Helga, I didn't know if you were going to visit Hillwood?"

I didn't say anything just thought of one person. Arnold.

"I know what you're thinking. You've been gone for nine years. I think it's alright to come back for at least one summer. It's our last summer before college."

"We're going to the same college."

"You know what I mean. I know that you're afraid to see him, but it will be ok."

"Is he still with her?" I made a sour face at the thought.

I heard her sigh and said. "Yup, she's got him trained well. He talks to Gerald but doesn't see him as much as he use to."

"What about Mike?" I asked thinking of any excuse I could.

"Quit being a baby, pack and get your ass down here. I'm not taking no for an answer Pataki." She ordered.

"Fine I'll see you next week or maybe the week after."

"I know you too well, you're gonna keep procrastinating and waste the majority of the summer saying I'll be there. So I'll make the decision for you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok…fine. You win. I'll see you tomorrow, tall hair boy won't be mad will he?"

"You're my best friend. He betta not have a problem with it and if he does tough shit." She said then laughed.

"Good night Pheebs."

"Night Helga."

After hanging up the phone, I rolled to my side and was lost in thought.

Over the years Phoebe grew a back bone and told people what she thought. (Which I helped her with, thank you very much.) Even though I moved nine years ago we talk all the time and hangout every so often but it's like I never left. I keep her informed and vice versa. She is like the sister I always wanted.

She started dating Gerald five years ago. They have been through thick and thin. He was a line backer on the football team and also played basketball. Many girls wanted him. Especially cheerleaders but he only had eyes for Pheebs. They have always been there for each other; that is something I envy but am very happy for them.

I don't know much about the others besides the obvious. Rhonda, Lila, and Nadine are cheerleaders for the football, basketball and hockey teams. For some odd reason since sophomore year they have always gotten seniority. I don't get it and I don't want to know.

Sheena and Eugene were in the drama club. And the majority of the guys play sports.

Then there's Arnold. I try at all costs to block him from my mind. Out of sight, out of mind, it's plain, simple and to the point. Every summer for nine years Phoebe has pleaded with me to visit Hillwood and I've always made some excuse. But last summer I promised I would go there and that's what I'm going to do.

I can't believe that's what I'm going to do. I must be going crazy.