You know the drill: They're hers, not mine; she does, I don't. Rated M for Lester's potty mouth.
_
I was sitting in my cubical pretending to write a report while actually day dreaming about long legs and curly brown hair when Junior interrupted my fantasy. In a low, conspiratorial voice he said, "Hey Lester, check this out." He held out a blue sheet of paper. I cocked an eyebrow at him, took it and read:
Annual Lake Gonnacatchem Fishing Derby
Saturday, July 24
Prizes for largest fish, most fish caught and overall weight. Grand prize includes spending the evening with either the Crown Prince Trout or the Crown Princess Guppy.
$50 entry fee
I handed the flyer back and asked, "So? Do I look like a guy that goes fishing?"
Junior just grinned, "Guess who the Princess Guppy is?"
"Who?" Did I really care? Geez, sometimes Junior was dense.
"Stephanie!" Okay, I take it back; he had my attention now.
"Explain."
"My barber's sister's best friend is on the committee. Someone nominated her and she won. Problem is the Crown Prince Trout is Morelli." God, I hate that guy. I still can't figure out why Beautiful keeps going back to him when she could be with me. Or Ranger. Or me.
Junior was still bouncing with excitement in front of me and continued, "My dad used to take me fishing when I was little. We should enter."
I'd never fished a day in my life, but how hard could it be? A pole, a hook, a worm. No big deal. "Okay." I opened my wallet and tossed $50 on my desk. "Go get us signed up. I'm off shift at 3. We'll go to that Cabella's place and get some gear."
A couple hours later we were standing in the entry of Cabella's feeling a tad bit overwhelmed. In front of us, surrounded by three floors of outdoor gear, was an enormous artificial mountain covered with flora and fauna. Mule deer, black tailed, elk, and various other things I couldn't identify without help from the signs propped at their feet. A waterfall streamed down to a gurgling pool of water with ugly brown fish. I nudged Junior and pointed toward the fish, "What are those?"
"Brown trout. It's primarily what we'll be fishing for tomorrow. Unless we're lucky enough to find a bass."
Shit, I was really out of my element. "They have nasty red spots on them. They look like they have chicken pox." Junior just snorted, shook his head and headed towards the fishing supplies. The feeling of being overwhelmed continued as I took in the rows and rows of fishing poles and aisles upon aisles of gear. Hooks, bobbers, weights, bait, fishing line, and nets. A hook is a hook, isn't it? Bait is bait? Apparently not. There was an entire row just devoted to bait. Power bait, natural bait, freeze dried sardines, salmon eggs, blue bait, green bait, pink bait with glitter? What the hell?
"Geez, Junior, this is ridiculous. Don't they just have a kit?"
"Well sure, but you'll have greater flexibility if you pick each element." Argh! I wanted to growl in frustration. I spotted an adorable red head a couple aisles over and walked over to her.
"Excuse me, ma'am." She blushed. "I'm going fishing with my buddy and need some gear. Can you help? We're fishing for brown trout." I gave her my sweetest smile and for a minute I thought she was a mute. Finally she gathered her wits and thirty minutes later I had all the gear I needed for the derby and her phone number. Damn I'm good.
The next morning we were in the garage loading the truck up when Ranger slid his Porsche into the garage. He'd been in Florida for the last month taking care of some issues in the Miami office and visiting Julie. When he flies his own plane he usually leaves the car in the hanger.
"Lester. Junior." Damn man. With one word you feel obligated to tell him your life story. I resisted but Junior couldn't.
"Hi Boss. Lester and I have the day off. We're going to go to the Lake Gonnacatchem Fishing Derby." Thank god that is all he said. Ranger cocked an eyebrow at me, said "have fun", and headed up the stairs.
When we got to the lake we unloaded the small inflatable boat we'd confiscated from the supply room at RangeMan. After getting the gear, a cooler full of beer and ourselves situated in the boat, we motored out. Confidently, I pulled out my pole, tied on a hook, added a worm and threw the line in the water. Junior busted out laughing as my little worm skimmed the top of the water behind us.
"What?"
"You need to add some weights so the line goes down to where the fish are. Do you see any fish two inches from the top of the water?"
"Screw you Junior." I pulled my line back in and added some weights. Sarcastically I held up my line, "Better?" Junior nodded and I threw the line back in. He must have decided we were in a good spot because he cut the motor and we just drifted. After situating his line, he popped open a beer, pulled his hat down and relaxed.
We sat in comfortable silence for twenty minutes before Junior's pole started to twitch and dance. He grinned and carefully started pulling his line in. He explained that harsh jerks could snap the line. He wanted to wear the fish out and slowly bring it in. Ten feet from the boat there was a flash of silver and a huge splash. I looked at Junior in surprise, "Was that your fish!"
"Yep! A nice one. Get the net ready." He started reeling a little harder as the fish grew more desperate. As the fish came up along the boat, darting back and forth trying to get away, I put the net in the water and scooped him up. He was a 14" brown trout. Not huge, but nice. Junior proudly took him off the hook and threw him in a bucket before rebaiting his hook and throwing the line back out.
Shit! This was so unfair. I hadn't even gotten a nibble yet. Time passed, Junior caught two more fish and I had three beers. "This is ridiculous man."
Junior laughed at me again. I was getting really tired of that. "No it's not. It's relaxing and fun."
I scowled and muttered, "Only cause you're catching something."
"I told you that you needed to pick your gear out carefully."
I was starting to feel like Stephanie on a stakeout and was rummaging around in the gear we brought when I spotted a small black bag. We didn't bring it, so it must have been in the boat when we grabbed it out of storage. Unzipping it, I grinned at the contents.
Junior had his hat pulled low over his face again and wasn't paying attention to me. I quickly lit the small stick, tossed it twenty feet away, and covered my head. I wasn't disappointed. Thirty seconds later a sputtering wet Junior was swearing a blue streak. "What the hell was that?"
I shrugged like I had no idea until I heard the unmistakable "blop, blop, blop" of debris breaking the surface of the water. As I spotted the first trout the corners of my mouth tipped up. When I spotted the second one I smiled. By the fourth and fifth it had turned to a full out grin. By the tenth I was laughing like a hyena.
Junior just stared at me like I was a crazed maniac. "You. Threw. Dynamite. In. The. Lake."
He begrudgingly helped me scoop the fish up all the while telling I was freaking insane. Once we had them loaded up, all fourteen, Junior started the motor back up and we trolled our way over to the fishing dock to have our catch weighed. Inside I was doing a happy dance. These fish were huge. No way would anyone beat me to my prize! I was going to go out with Princess Guppy.
My fish weighed in at forty-seven pounds. Whoot! I looked around but didn't spot Stephanie or Morelli anywhere. I asked the official, "Where's the Prince and Princess?" The old man shrugged, "Not sure. They were here earlier but they don't always stay all day. They'll be here for sure for the prize ceremony. It's in two hours. You're ranked pretty good right now, son."
Yeah! Mental fist pump. "Thank you, sir." We decided to take the boat and gear back to RangeMan before the ceremony. Plus, I wanted to shower and change. I smelled like fish.
An hour and a half later decked out in khaki shorts and an open Havana shirt, Junior and I wandered through the concession stands set up near the stage. I notice one was closed and had a health department sign slapped on it. I pitied the fool that ate at that booth. I hated waiting. I was anxious for the appearance of Princess Guppy. She still hadn't shown up and I was beginning to wonder where she was.
Five minutes before the ceremony started an uncomfortable Prince Trout sat down in his throne, but Princess Guppy was still missing. The ceremony started and still no Princess Guppy. Joe Juniak stepped up on the stage to announce the winners. Largest fish went to Mable Hensley. She plastered a huge kiss on the unsuspecting Prince Trout and I had a good laugh at his discomfort. Mable was a friend of Stephanie's Grandma Mazur. The most fish award went to a little boy named Jeremiah Agostino. Finally, it was time for the grand prize. Juniak cleared his throat, "The prize for most fish caught by weight goes to Lester Santos." He and the crowd applauded as I made my way to the stage. When I got up there I shook the Congressman's hand. "Congratulations, Mr. Santos. I'm sorry to say that our Princess Guppy has been delayed." Someone off stage cleared their throat and caught his attention. They gestured towards the back of the stage.
"Ah, it seems our princess has arrived finally." I grinned. I was finally going to get a date with Stephanie. When Mrs. Mazur stepped on the stage, I grimaced. The Congressman continued, "My apologies folks; Ms. Plum was unable to fulfill her duties as Princess so Mrs. Mazur gladly took her place." Oh shit!
Junior was at the foot of the stairs blocking my escape. He just laughed and said, "Nice catch! I hope your date is explosive!"
Word count: 1,768 – Fishing scenario for Babe_Squad