Brilliant Traces
"Everyone at first positions please!" Screams the assistant director.
Kate, Leisha and Rose get into position and prepare for the impending cue for them to do their lines.
The girls are filming a scene in the planet location for season five, and Kate slumps her shoulders into a Shane-esque slouch, ready to walk through the 'door' of the planet towards where Leisha and Rose were sitting at their usual table.
"Actors ready?" The AD shouts, she looks around and all the actors in the scene nods, "Lights ready? Camera ready? Cue extras!" She continues.
"Action!" Screams Ilene.
Kate strolls into the planet, the way Shane usually strolls, except that this time, Ilene requested a more pensive kind of stroll. It's for a slight change in the script, she had said, and Kate obliges, she always does as she is told.
"Al... so what's the big news?" Kate has the first line in the scene.
Before Leisha replies though, Ilene yells, "CUT!" She turns to the Director of Photograhy and whispers something to him. He nods.
The AD comes over to the set and explains the interruption. "Five minutes break for lighting. Girls."
The three actors nod and relax into their chairs, easy banter came naturally for them. "Did you just come back from L.A. Leish?"
"I did." Leisha smiles, "And I heard something interesting."
"Is it what I think it is?" Rose asks.
Leisha nods mysteriously, so mysteriously that Kate is amused. "What?"
"You'll see."
Kate cannot be bothered with asking more, she shakes her head at how incredibly similar Leisha is becoming to Alice. She sips her coffee in silence as she listens to Leish and Rose talk about the new restaurant a couple of blocks away from the Planet set.
"What's taking them so long?" Rose frowns, she signals for the AD to come over. "What's up with the delay, Tress?"
"Technical issues, Ilene doesn't like how dark it looks when Shane walks through the planet. She wants this particular scene to look brighter on Shane."
"Hmm…. I wonder why." Leisha whispers, not actually asking a question.
Kate shrugs and sips her coffee again as she looks over to where the camera and Ilene are. Suddenly, she sees a female figure – she knows it is female because of that perfect figure – walk up to Ilene, and Ilene stands to hug the newcomer. Kate squirms her eyes to get a better view of the woman, but she couldn't tell who it is. She is wearing a baseball cap and a pair of huge sunglasses that covers half her face, and it doesn't help the fact that that corner of the set is covered in darkness.
"Oh my god! Is that…?" Leisha exclaims, she stands up and runs over to Ilene and the new figure. "Sarah Shahi! It's really you!" Leisha captures the woman – Sarah – in a bear hug and almost twirls her.
Kate, in an utter state of shock, stands up after Rose did and strolls tentatively towards Sarah. She stands behind while Ilene and Leisha make the introductions to Rose. After that is taken care of, Sarah turns to Kate and smiles, in that Carmen-sorta smile. "Hi. Surprise."
"Hey." Kate tries to act nonchalant, well, at least she thinks she is acting nonchalant. But nonchalance is such a Shane thing, it's not really a Kate thing, at best, Kate is bashful, Kate is pensive, so Kate, tries to act as compose as she could.
"Come'n! You can do better than that!" Ilene nudges Kate forward, and Sarah, as confident and assertive as before, steps forward and hugs Kate.
"Hey you!" Sarah whispers, and as she steps back she whispers again, "I miss you," before turning to everyone and announcing out loud, "and all of you! Damn I miss this production so much!"
Kate still cannot find her voice, she watches in silence as the crew members greets Sarah one by one, old hands, new faces, even the extras all want a piece of Sarah Shahi.
Kate takes a step back.
Then she takes another step back.
Before long, she is far enough away that she could slip out of the planet, and no one would notice, and that is exactly what she does. I want to smoke, knowing full well that it is not the truth. The truth is… Kate does not really know what the truth is.
She finishes her first cigarette, and pulls out another. A couple of fans tries to get her autograph, and she obliges, her mind in a faraway place the whole time, but at least, speaking to the fans is an easier way to pass the time.
"Kate! We are ready to roll." The AD sticks her head out of the door and beckons.
Kate signals with a thumbs up and takes a huge drag from her cigarette before throwing it on the floor and stomps at it. She goes into the door and sees that everyone have taken their positions again. Kate cannot help but feel that Sarah's eyes are trained on her, and it is making her majorly uncomfortable. She now has an inkling on why Ilene wants her walk to be pensive, but she cannot know for sure.
This simple scene, one that requires her to greet 'Alice' and 'Tasha', and then sit there listening to them talk about Bette and Tina, took longer than expected. No one else questions why, but Kate knows, just her walking in took four takes, three times longer than she normally would take for something she does in almost every scene. And she knows that it has all to do with one particular ex-cast mate that is standing by the monitors, staring at her every move.
It is lunch break.
And it isn't the easiest lunch Kate has ever had. She piles up her plate with food, and it is great Greek catering – not that she notices – and hides in a little corner. Many a times, she sees Sarah making her way towards her. But somehow, someone, somewhere, would sidetrack her. So Kate sits in her little corner, head lowered in her book, and pretends she is not waiting for that one person to come up to her.
It couldn't be that easy. Because at this very moment, a couple of extras decided that it is time to ask her that question she has been dreading.
"So, what do you think of Sarah rejoining the cast?"
Kate isn't sure how to answer, she wants to say It's great, but is it really? Or she could say I think that the Shane and Carmen relationship deserves this closure, but she really didn't want closure. She wants to keep this relationship open, keep this hope open. Secretly, she is like all the fans on the boards – yes she reads the boards – who hopes for a miracle and still dreams of the days Shane and Carmen were the happy couple. Shane nibbling on Carmen's fingers. Kate nibbling on Sarah's fingers. That's what Kate remembers, and she wants it to stay that way.
In the end, Kate says what she knows is expected of her. "I think it is wonderful that Sarah is back, and that this storyline can finally have some closure."
"Katherine Moennig."
Kate looks up to see that angelic face she misses so much. But she doesn't say anything.
"Katherine Moennig. Are you avoiding me?"
Kate blinked once. Then again. Am I avoiding her? Unconsciously, Kate spent the entire day pretending to be busy, away from the direction of Sarah Shahi.
"No… I'm not avoiding you." Kate repeats the words, cringing as the words pass through her lips.
Sarah sticks one hand on her hip and raises her eyebrow, silently questioning.
"Okay… I am not avoiding you, really." Kate cringes again. "You were just busy with the others, is'll."
"Kate, you said hey to me the entire day." Sarah states in an even voice. "Are you not happy to see me at all."
The little quiver at the end of the sentence reveals the vulnerability under the confident persona that Sarah always wears, and Kate stands, eager to explain herself.
Except she does not know what to say.
"Kate. You want to tell me what's wrong? Because this is awkward, if I am making an ass of myself, tell me, and I will go away."
"No! No no… you are not." Kate exclaims, afraid that Sarah is going to walk away with the wrong impression. She isn't sure what the right impression is, but it is definitely not that. "I just… erm…"
Sarah lifts an eyebrow. "Take a walk with me." Without waiting for Kate to reply, she turns and walks towards the parking lot around the corner from the planet. Kate looks around, everyone else is busy watching as Leisha and Rose make out behind the counter – as required in the scene – and no one is paying attention to where Sarah Shahi is, for the first time in that day.
Kate follows. Tentatively. And as soon as they turn the corner, away from any potentially prying eyes, Sarah turns and looks at Kate, tears nearly falling from her beautiful eyes.
"I would have thought, that you would be happier to know that I am coming back." Sarah says, the quiver betraying her confidence again.
"How long?"
"I don't know, I am here to speak to Ilene about the storyline and the duration and all that. If there is no agreement, I'll be going back home."
"Okay."
A laugh, a strangled little laugh. The kind of strangled laugh you wouldn't hear from Sarah. But that's exactly what Kate hears.
"Okay? That's all you can say."
"What do you want me to say, Sarah?" Kate looks directly into Sarah's eyes, not sternly, not gently, just a very straight look.
Sarah holds her gaze for a moment, and then she looks away, as if looking at Kate is the single most painful thing to do. She sniffles a little, before a single tear fall from her eye.
A brilliant trace of crystal glistering in the setting sun.
"I want you to say that you missed me."