Title: Human Nature

Author: Pixiebells

Show: The Big Bang Theory

Couple: Shamy (Sheldon/Amy)

Category: Humor, Romance

Rating: PG-13/T

Notes: I think Sheldon and Amy make a very cute couple and that if they did get together, it would be hysterical. I styled it after the show as much as I could, so here goes...

As Leonard came home, he found Sheldon pacing the living room in his usual bathrobe. Leonard was immediately puzzled because it was only 7:30, about two hours before his usual bedtime. And Sheldon wouldn't wear any nighttime clothes until at least :9:15PM.

"Hey, uh, what's going on?" He tossed his keys on the table by the door and put his computer bag down, and walked closer to him.

Sheldon stopped his pacing and looked his dead in the eye. "I really need your help."

"Okay, what's wrong? Sit." He was a bit worried. Did something bad happen? He sat on a nearby chair.

"Okay, Amy and I went out tonight. And we had a lovely time."

"Okay, that sounds pretty good."

"She told me she's thinking of becoming a vegetarian,"

"Uhhhh..." How was that relevant? What, did she lecture him about slaughter while he ate a steak or something?

"By the way, don't trust the eggplant from that grocer up the street. I saw one of the owners drop one on the ground and just put it back with all the rest of them, ruining them and also I—"

"Sheldon! What's the point?"

"Oh, yes...well. Amy came back here and …." he lowered his voice, as though someone else was trying to listen in, "she wants to sleep with me!"

"That's it?"

"What do you mean, 'that's it' ?" He wailed "I'm petrified! That one sip of champagne was too much! I've gone off the deep end! I said yes! And now she's 'getting ready' and I don't even know what that means!"

"Hey, come one, it's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal? This is a precipice, my entire life will be forever changed! Oh, God, why didn't I read all those Judy Blume books when I had the chance!" He practically collapsed into Leonard, crying frantically.

Leonard tried very, very hard not to laugh. He imagined a 12 year-old Sheldon attempting to steal a copy of Judy Blume's Forever from his sister Missy inbetween reading the latest copy of Physics Today.

But, he had to be a good friend and roommate so, Leonard knew how to handle this: "Alright, you're a man of science. You are a living organism, yes?"

"Well, yes,"

"Okay. So, what are the six properties of all living organisms in order to survive?"

Sheldon knew each one by heart since he was 4 years old: "They are are made of cells, require and use energy, produce waste, adapt to their environment, and have a life span."

"And...?"

He sighed and hung his head. "Reproduce."

"That's right. Now you get in there and have sex with your girlfriend!"

"But I don't know what to do..."

"You'll be fine. I think with you literally being a genius, you'll figure it out."

Just then, Amy appeared from the bathroom, talking to herself aloud and possibly Sheldon: "I swear to God, if that thing takes 20 minutes to put in properly, it better work." She paused, rather startled at Leonard being home. "Oh, hey Leonard. I'll—uh-be in the other room." She turned and went to Sheldon's room and she closed the door.

Sheldon turned back to face Leonard, looking slightly pale.

Leonard knew he needed a little push. "Go on..."

Sheldon sighed, and returned to his room, closing his door.

So, Leonard attempted to nonchalantly go online while they were in the other room. It was hard to not laugh at them, though. Their conversation was hilarious. He really wanted to post it on his new Tumblr account, but knew that wouldn't end well. He typed it out on his computer, in case he either needed a good laugh or blackmail material:

Sheldon: "I-I don't know what I'm doing!"

Amy: "You said you wanted to do this, now shut up and take it like a man!"

Sheldon: "AAAAAHHHHHHH OH GOD what are you doing with that-"

Amy: "Stop being a mood-killer!"

Sheldon: "Oh GOD I can't—oh, hey, that's kind of nice."

Amy: "WOOOOHOOOOOOO!"

Afterwards, Amy sat back and smiled at him. He said nothing but smiled back. She reached over and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

Sheldon was surprised "Amy, you don't smoke,"

"Yeah, well I do now." she said with one between her teeth.

"Oh yes, well that reminds me. I have to call my mother."

"What?"

"It won't take long." He picked up the phone on his nightstand."Hello, mom? Yes well, uh okay— I had I had sex, Jesus doesn't care and you can't stop me! Goodbye." and hung up.

She just looked at him. "You are so awesome!"

He smirked as only he could do. "I know,"

So later that night, since it was a Friday and no one had plans, everyone decided to show up and hang out together. Penny got out of work at 11 and joined everyone else, bringing ice cream, and soy ice cream for Leonard she got at the local organic shop.

The girls shared ice cream and various drinks on the couch, the guys all somehow ended up sitting at the kitchen counter.

"Are we really splitting up boy/girl style to brag about our conquests like in Grease?" Sheldon complained. He wasn't sure how all these changes felt: Are Amy's gal-pals going to spill their drinks on the cushions and get whipped cream residue on the coffee table every time we have sex? God, I hope not. And I can't imagine how terrible soy ice cream must be. But he turned his attention to his friends again.

Raj commented: "Come on, Grease is an American classic. Olivia Newton-John is an American classic. She's why I wanted to come here."

Leonard sighed: "Raj, Olivia Newton-John is Australian."

"So? Both countries were founded by British people who either got kicked out or wanted divorces. Close enough."

"And you told me you came here to eat Big Macs and enjoy the music of Jason Mraz in public." Howard added in. "But onto more important topics," he continued "Sheldon, I am so proud of you right now."

Raj looked astonished: "Wait, that really happened? I thought it was just an Internet rumor!" Leonard shook his head in response with his mouth full of Turtle Mountain soy ice cream. Since Raj had already drank four beers, he turned around and leaned towards Amy: "High five, you finally broke him!" They high-fived and he giggled. He turned back around, shocked at himself. Sheldon merely blushed and didn't reply, just smiled.

Meanwhile, Amy talked with her friends: "And Penny, thanks for the tips. I only used a couple so far." She paused and looked over at him by the kitchen counter. "Three down, seven to go." She turned back and smiled at her girl-friends, and took a sip of wine. "Aah, this is living. God, why didn't I do this in high school like everyone else? I would have had so many friends. Or better, yet, a reputation." She tittered over the idea like she was 15. "I'd be a bad girl, but like, the bad girl getting straight A's in Advanced Biology."

Bernadette added in after sipping her Tequila Sunrise "Who knows, you might have switched over to Anatomy!" she giggled into her drink. All three girls were laughing.

After a bite of Cherry Garcia, Penny added in: "All right! A science joke I finally understand."

Her friends smiled back at her. That night, everyone had a good time.

Just as the night was ending, Amy looked over at Sheldon. Yup, she thought, this one's for good.

3 The End 3