The room was empty; everyone had stopped dressing for the wedding and went downstairs for breakfast because Jo was craving grilled cheese. Bonnie was the only one upstairs; too preoccupied to eat, too tired to spend time with anyone. She had to be alone. It was the only time she could be honest, the only time he didn't have to pretend to be holding it together and she could just let herself be, and there wouldn't be any time to be alone once the ceremony began. Bridesmaid duties and all that.

She stood in front of the mirror and smoothed her hands over her dress; it was blue, knee-length and sheer, more like a sundress than something you wear to a wedding. But it looked nice. And Bonnie was thankful that Jo was a considerate bride, one who didn't dress her wedding party in monstrous tulle and overlarge bows.

"You look pretty."

That voice. Bonnie turned around quickly. Kai was at the doorway leaning against the frame, his leg crossed in front of the other, his hands in his pockets. His smile was unassuming yet smug and Bonnie's heart quickened as he stared at her directly and with no modesty.

"What the hell are you doing here? Kai, if you so much as —"

"Relax," he said. "I'm not here to kill anyone. I just wanted to see you in a bridesmaid dress."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

"You call me ridiculous a lot," said Kai, walking into the room.

"Because you are."

"What can I say, I like you in dresses." He stood a couple of feet away from her. "I like you out of them too."

"Get a grip."

"Bonnie, why else would I be here?"

"You know exactly why you'd be here," she said. "Come to think of it how are you here without Damon knowing? Or Elena and Caroline and Stefan for that matter."

Kai raised his eyebrows mysteriously. "I have my ways."

Bonnie folded her arms.

"What, I'm serious," he said. "I'm not here to hurt anyone. There's plenty of time for that later."

"Kai."

"I'm joking. Well, I'm not but …"

"Well you saw me in a bridesmaid dress you can go now."

"No," he said simply. "I'm not ready to leave you yet."

"Kai —"

They heard footsteps.

"You need to get out of here before they come in and see you."

"What would you like me to do, Bonnie? I can't just evaporate into thin air."

"I should just push you out the window."

"You're sexy when you make threats," said Kai, reaching up to touch Bonnie's face. She slapped his hand away and glared. He grinned.

"In there. Now." She put her hands on his shoulders and led him toward the walk-in closet at the corner of the room.

"A closet?" said Kai. "Seriously?"

"Yes," said Bonnie. She wrenched open the door and pushed him inside but before she could walk away, he took her by the arm and yanked her in with him, their bodies colliding. Bonnie raised her head and Kai lowered his to meet her gaze, their lips just a breath away from each other.

"I'm going to kill you," Bonnie whispered.

"Then why are your hands still on my chest?"

She scowled.

There were voices and Bonnie walked toward the closet door; it wasn't fully closed and she could see Caroline and Elena through the sliver of open space.

"I thought you said Bonnie was in here," said Caroline.

"I thought she was," said Elena. "She was a minute ago."

"Where does she go? It seems like she's always disappearing."

"Yeah, if she's not hanging out with Damon…"

Bonnie could feel Kai behind her, his lips not quite touching her skin but just barely grazing it and she felt tingles on the back of her neck, all the way down her body. She hunched her shoulders. He nipped her earlobe, making her sigh.

She faced him and mouthed, "Stop. They're right outside."

Kai leaned toward her and whispered, "So?"

His hands were on the small of her back and he squeezed, rubbing her hips. Against her better judgement, Bonnie dug her nails into his hair and he kissed her along her jaw, his tongue making a trail down her neck. He slid his hands down further, cupping her and Bonnie bared her teeth on his cheek. He pushed the bottom of her dress up and slowly, sank to his knees, kissing her along the stomach, running his fingers up her legs. Bonnie put her hand against the wall of the closet and pressed her lips together to keep from crying out. She could hear Caroline's voice.

"Did you hear something?"

"No," said Elena.

"Oh. OK. That's weird."

There was a pause in the conversation and Bonnie lost herself in the sensation of Kai's lips on her inner thighs. This was wrong. So freaking wrong. They should stop but Bonnie's body bowed and she put her hand to her mouth and bit down on her thumb so she wouldn't moan.

"Speaking of weird … how is it, human life?" said Caroline. "Adjusting OK?"

"Yeah, I mean, I feel like myself, you know? Like a part of me that has been missing has just sort of clicked into place? But … this whole thing with Damon. I'm just so confused. I don't feel like he's being honest about what he wants."

"Well did you tell him that?"

"Of course I did but he won't be honest with me. He only seems to be honest with … I don't know, he just doesn't talk to me. Like really talk to me."

"Yeah, I get that."

"You and Stefan?"

"Yeah just after everything that's happened I — you really don't hear that?"

"Hear what, Caroline?"

Bonnie gritted her teeth, mentally kicking herself; she'd clung to a hanger for support but when Kai flicked his tongue she pulled on it too hard and it fell to the floor. One of her legs hung over his shoulder while her hand clutched his other. She tried to control her breathing. She tried to concentrate. How the hell did he do this to her? How the hell did she let him? Nothing about what they did together felt right or good even, it was … it felt … like a sin Bonnie thought, biting her lip. Like the best possible sin, which made it the worst possible sin; a wicked desire that gnawed away at her identity, her core but that left her empty and wanting if she didn't satisfy it because satisfying it …

Kai gripped Bonnie's thigh and she threw her head back.

… felt transcendental.

But still wrong.

She pushed Kai away from her and took a step back. "I'm not doing this," she whispered, trying not to make a sound.

He looked at her, his expression a mixture of amusement and ironic disbelief. He stood up. "You mean more than you already have?"

"I don't want to do this." Even she didn't believe her own words, she was aroused and yearning from having Kai's lips on her just moments before, her skin was burning and she knew she must've looked frenzied but she'd made up her mind. "I don't want to do this," she repeated.

"So leave."

Bonnie hesitated and Kai smiled — an arrogant twist of his lips. He infuriated her. She took a step toward the closet door but he took her by the arms and guided her to the wall. Instinctively, Bonnie raised her hand to slap him but he caught her by the wrist. "You don't want your friends to hear us, do you?" Even at a whisper, his voice was husky, on the seductive side of sinister; it made Bonnie's blood scream and her gut sour with shame. How the hell did she let him do this to her? He took her other wrist and put both of her arms above her head, flattening his palms against hers and entangling her fingers with his. Bonnie's lips parted. She heard her name in the conversation happening in the bedroom and she glanced at the closet door.

"Maybe we should just call her?" said Caroline.

"There is no way she could've left this house," said Elena. "She has to be here somewhere. Maybe Damon knows, I'll go find him."

"Be sure to tell him you want to talk later."

"Yep."

Bonnie turned back toward Kai; he was looking at her, his eyes serious and raw, his breathing uneven. "Your friends are looking for you but you don't want to be out there. You want this. You want me."

"This is sleazy," she said. "We're sleazy."

"And you like it. You've never had it so good."

"Don't flatter yourself. I hate you, Kai."

"I know you do. I feel it every time we're together. And it makes you feel powerful … mastering the man who scares you, who loves you."

"Do not start that again."

"Tell me you don't like it. Listening to your old life out there while you're in here mastering me."

"Stop."

"Tell me you don't like it."

"I don't —"

She didn't finish her sentence. Kai pressed his lips against hers and she pushed back with intensity, with aggression. She tried to move forward to deepen the kiss but she was pinned to the wall by Kai's hands and she clasped them, digging her nails into his knuckles. She tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth and he groaned into her mouth. He let go of her hands and pulled away just a couple of inches. "You're a terrible liar," he said.

"Shut up."

Bonnie kissed him again, even wilder than before. He reached behind her and unzipped her dress and she hastily unbuckled his belt. She reached into his waistband and squeezed his hardness; he moaned low in his throat. Bonnie pulled away and put her finger to his lips.

"Shh," she said without sound.

He parted his lips and sucked her finger hard, almost making her gasp. He withdrew it and grinned. "Shh," he said. He brushed against her cheek. "Go to the door."

"What?"

"The door. Go."

"This is —"

"If you say ridiculous, I'll find something in here to bind you with."

Bonnie raised her eyebrows, turned on and irritated. She waited a beat but then did what he said and hated herself for it, hated that she wanted to know what he was going to do, what they were going to do, hated that she was there at all. She watched Caroline through the sliver of open space: she was sitting on a chaise, staring into nothing. There were footsteps. Damon and Elena entered the room.

"You mean she isn't here?" said Damon, throwing his hands up in the air. He turned to Caroline. "Hey, Goldilocks. You look nice."

"I hate that nickname," said Caroline.

Damon smirked. "I know."

"Well we searched the entire house," said Elena. "Where is she?"

Bonnie felt Kai's hands on her shoulders, peeling off the dress, his fingers caressing her curves as the material slid off her body. He pressed her to him and then hooked his thumbs into the sides of her underwear and slid them down her legs. She began to face him but he turned her back toward the door. "Watch," he breathed into her ear. "Watch what you're missing." She swallowed hard and tried not to groan as she felt him sink into her. She clutched onto the doorframe. She watched as Caroline stood up from the chaise.

"Well I'm going to call her and if she doesn't pick up—"

"I'll go out looking for her," said Elena. "Maybe she went to the dorm. Damon — Damon?"

Damon was standing still, his head cocked.

"Damon, what's wrong?" said Elena.

"Nothing," he said, moving toward her. "I think I'm going to check around the house again."

"I just hope Lily didn't do anything to her," said Caroline. "Or Kai."

Bonnie felt Kai's grin against her neck as he kissed it, running his teeth along her jaw. "Tell me what you want," he breathed, moving against her at an achingly slow pace. "Tell me you don't like it, the power this brings you. Tell me you'd rather be out there."

Bonnie dug her fingernails into the frame as she felt Kai thrust and she watched as Elena and Damon left the room. Caroline picked up the phone. Kai started moving faster. "Voicemail?" said Caroline. "Seriously, Bonnie?" And faster. This was beyond depraved. This was beyond carnal. Bonnie was sickened with herself … but not enough to stop. Because …

"Tell me, Bonnie," said Kai, nuzzling her hair, his breathing ragged and heavy, his fingers exploring her hips, her waist, her breasts, feeling the dips of her skin; he ran his fingernails down her sides, making her throw her head back against his chest. He lightly stroked her stomach and made his way downward. "Tell me where you want to be. Say it."

"Here," she whispered as Caroline left the room, muttering about finding Damon. "Here with you."

He groaned. "Again."

"I want this," she said. "You."

They were spent before long and Kai collapsed onto the floor as Bonnie started putting her dress back on. She felt him taking in her every movement and felt a familiar bitterness burn the back of her throat; an acidity that always claimed her mouth after she and Kai were done. She'd hoped that she wouldn't taste that, that the guilt wouldn't twist her stomach into knots until the day was over, when she didn't have to be a bridesmaid anymore, when she didn't have to be happy for someone else.

Kai sat up. "You want me to help do up your dress?"

Bonnie didn't respond. She reached behind her and started easing the zipper back up, letting what just happened sink in; the guilt choked her throat. "I really do hate you," she said finally.

"I know," said Kai. "But you want me. And you won't stop wanting me."

Before she could respond, the closet door slammed open and Damon stood in the doorway. Bonnie's face flushed with embarrassment; her heart started to palpitate. She needed to say something. Anything. But all she could do was stare at him. He would've looked calm if his eyes weren't so wide, so angry… almost murderous. He glanced from Bonnie to Kai. "You. Clothes. Out. Now."

"I think if anyone here should be kicking me out," said Kai. "It should be Bonnie."

"It's my house," said Damon.

"Well, isn't it technically Elena's?"

Damon stepped into the closet. "I have been meaning to kill you since, well since I met you, do not tempt me."

Kai opened his mouth to speak but Bonnie turned to him. "Just go, Kai."

He blinked at her a couple of times and then started to stand up. "As the lady commands." He fastened his jeans and started walking toward the door. "Always a pleasure, Damon." Damon raised his hands and mimed a choking motion as Kai left the closet.

Bonnie shook her head slightly, crossed her arms and waited. But Damon didn't say anything, only stared at a spot just over her shoulder, his body completely still. The quiet stretched on … and on … and …

"Isn't this the part you say something sarcastic and unfunny?" said Bonnie.

"Oh I'm sorry," said Damon. "I'm still trying to mentally scourge myself of the image of you and Kai, I'm not really up to lightening the mood right now."

"Damon —"

"It's Kai."

"I'm well aware."

"KAI."

"Yes."

"You threatened to melt his face off."

"Damon —"

"Not kill, not maim, but melt his face off."

"I know! I was there!"

"You let him touch you. You let him …"

"So I took it you heard us."

"Believe me, I wish I hadn't. I wish I didn't have to see … how could you let him touch you? He stabbed you! Twice!"

"That didn't seem to matter when you wanted me to work with him!"

"Work with him not jump into the sack with him," said Damon. "He was a means to an end. I just wanted my mother back. I just wanted Stefan back."

"So it's OK for you to use him when it's convenient for you but if I want something from Kai then suddenly there's a problem?"

"There's a problem when you're sleeping with the guy who tried to kill you!" said Damon. "I can't believe you're … you let him touch you!"

"You keep saying that! Yes, yes, I let him touch me, so what!"

Damon opened his mouth but didn't say anything and shook his head instead. "I didn't want to see it."

"You didn't see it."

"But I heard it."

The harshness of his tone made Bonnie flinch slightly. This wasn't how he reacted when Stefan slept with Rebekah. Or Katherine. Or when Caroline slept with Klaus.

"You're better than that, Bonnie. Better than him."

"Of course I'm better than him but so what? He … I …" Bonnie sighed. "I don't have to explain myself to you, Damon. You've done terrible things, you've done terrible things to Elena and she's still with you."

"So," said Damon monotonously. "You're with Kai?"

"No," said Bonnie. "But it's none of your business what we are."

Damon pushed out his lips and nodded his head slowly. "Well next time you and psycho-witch-boy do the rough and tumble … I don't want to hear it, OK?"

"Yeah," said Bonnie.

"I mean it, Bonnie."

"I said yeah."

They stared at each other a moment then Damon lowered his eyes. "I'm going to get to get a drink. I'll tell Caroline I found you." He started to head toward the door and stopped short at the entryway. "Don't forget to put those on before you leave." He pointed to the underwear on the floor. "I hear it's going to be windy today."

Bonnie closed her eyes in humiliation and then felt unexpected anger at Damon and his unwarranted anger, his cruel need to embarrass her. When she opened them, she was gone and she was alone in the closet where not too long before she was there. Here she thought. With Kai.