Genre: Reader insert (Armin x Reader implied)
Title: The reason I'm here
First person POV
That's it. I'm here now. I'm officially a member of the Survey Corps. I've made it. And now I was on my very first mission. My very first outdoor expedition. The moment I've been waiting for all my life.
And yet I was just waiting. Like usual.
I could see my horse was just as bored as me. I was sitting on my saddle, holding the reigns in my hands. I could see my horse's ears were twitching. He swiped his tail back and forth in annoyance, and he would occasionally let out huffing sounds.
I thought it would be more exiting than this. But it turns out most of the time we're just waiting or doing chores. The battlefield only takes up 10% of our time. But this was one of these rare times.
We were equipped and on our horses, waiting in line for the command that will order us out of the safety of these walls and into the unknown. Even though on the exterior I looked calm and relaxed, my heartbeat was beating a little faster than usual, and my hands were getting a little sweaty. I wasn't sure if I was scared or excited, or both. Yet, I still managed to keep my composure; my face held an expression that was closer to boredom rather than anxiety.
"Are you nervous?" The guy sitting on his horse next to me asked. I turned my head and it took me a second to remember his name. Armin Arlert. I frowned slightly. Did he see through my apathetic demeanor? No, he was just making friendly conversation. Since it's my first time, he's probably just trying to make me feel at ease.
"No." I replied, keeping my frown. He might leave me alone if I look disinterested.
"It's fine if you are though." He smiled. "Deep down we're all scared, even the experts. They just try not to show it."
Oh I see. He thinks I'm just faking. He thinks I'm actually really scared but I'm just faking confidence. Well guess what pal, you got it all wrong. I'm not afraid of these Titans. I wouldn't have chosen this job if I were afraid of them.
But I decided to not say anything and keep silent. I gave him a curt nod and turned my head back to the front of the line. I noticed that Commander Erwin had climbed onto his horse. We should be leaving pretty soon.
Once the final preparations had finished he gave out the order. Instantly the commotion started. The horses were running out towards the exit, creating a cloud of dust behind them. I instantly took up the rider's crouch: I lifted myself up slightly, pushing my feet on the stirrups while leaning forward at the same time, so that my weight was on my feet, which distributed my weight evenly and put less strain on the horses back. I learned that if you just sit on the horse while it's trotting or galloping you end up bouncing up and down on the horses back, which will end up hurting the horse on the long term.
We had just exited the gate and we were now in Titan territory. I gaped as I looked ahead. This place is huge! It's too big even! The earth seems to go on endlessly. There were no barriers, no walls, just a wide stretch of land that didn't seem to end. I understood now why our team was called "Flugel der Freiheit". The Wings of Freedom. Running across this endless stretch of land really felt like I was flying! I've never felt this free in my life!
"Stay focused. We're not here as tourists. We have a mission." I heard Armin say.
I suddenly realized that I had been grinning like an idiot this whole time and quickly wiped that grin off my face and replaced it with my usual determined scowl.
The commander gave the order for us to separate into the larger formation. We were paired up in groups of 2 or 3. I was paired up with Armin. My eyes widened as I realized what this meant. They paired me up with the coward and placed me in one of the safer places of the formation. That thought made me mad. Just because I'm new doesn't mean I can't fight! I suddenly wished we would encounter a Titan so that I could prove them wrong.
As expected, for most of the way we were all alone. No Titans had approached us… yet. But then, about half way there, Armin spotted a titan coming towards us. He took out his gun and shot a red smoke round, signaling to the others our discovery.
I'll admit; the Titan was a lot bigger than I expected. It was my first time seen a real life Titan. But I was still not afraid of them. I've been training for this moment after all. And I was ready. I gripped my reins tighter and I watched the Titan getting closer. It was running quite fast but we could still outrun it if we had too.
"Remember, we're not fighting Titans unless we really have to. We're avoiding them as much as possible." Armin warned.
But I didn't want to avoid them. I was impatient to use my 3DMG and show that Titan how wrong it was to mess with us humans.
It was right behind us.
"I'm going after it." I said.
"No! What did I tell you!"
I turned to face Armin who was looking back at me darkly, clearly showing his disapproval.
The Titan was getting even closer.
"We can't let that Titan reach the center of the formation." I tried to find an excuse for my behavior. Because I knew I was in the wrong, but I really wanted to fight it and prove to them that I wasn't a dead weight.
I slowly got up so as to stand on my horse, which proved to be very difficult since he was running at high speed.
"Stop! Get back down!" Armin cried out. I quickly saw his panicked expression before unsheathing my swords and taking off towards the Titan using my 3DMG: I grabbed hold of its skin and was now flying in the air heading straight for its neck.
"HIYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I cried out. I was just a few feet away from my target. My arms up in the air, my swords gripped firmly in my fists. I flew straight towards its soft spot , and when I was close enough I slashed a deep cut in its neck and landed on its shoulders.
The Titan was now slowly falling towards the ground, and before it landed I jumped off it and looked at my kill.
"I did it!" I yelled, throwing my arms up in the air. "Did you see that Armin? I killed my first Titan!" I grinned, satisfied with my first kill, and then looked around. But Armin was nowhere to be found. And so was my horse, who had also disappeared. I was all alone with this dead Titan on this great big plateau in the middle of nowhere. I suddenly felt very vulnerable and realized how stupid I had been. How stupid it was for me to suddenly take action like that when I should have listened to the orders instead. And now I'm paying for it. Another dreadful thought crossed my mind. I'm going to die here alone. Anger started to boil up inside me and I kicked the dead Titan's head. What a stupid way to die… on your very first mission too…
I looked around not knowing where to go and what to do now. Should I walk back? But it will take me too long to reach the walls. But what else could I do? I couldn't just stand here either…
My blood was running cold and my body was paralyzed. Even if I wanted to move I couldn't. With the thought of my doom lingering in my head I was too shocked to do anything, so I just stood there.
I don't know how long I stood there for before I heard a distant sound that gave me hope. I instantly turned to the sound that I had recognized to be hooves, and I saw Armin on his horse running towards me! He was holding my horse by the reigns so it was running along side him. He came back for me! And he brought my horse with him! I let out a breath of relief and smiled.
"Climb on! You're vulnerable on the ground like that." He said once he reached me. I quickly climbed onto my horse.
"Thanks for coming back for me! I thought I was done for…" I replied.
"Don't ever do that again!" He retorted angrily, which took me by surprise. "Rules and orders are there for a reason! You can't just act on your own accord, if you do, you will put the lives of your fellow squad members in danger. Think before you act next time."
I pondered what he had said. I hadn't thought that my actions could have had consequences on the rest of the squad. But it makes sense.
"I'm sorry, I won't do it again." I apologized, looking down.
"Good." He said. I looked back at him and saw that he wasn't angry anymore. He hesitated a minute before adding "But I have to say… that was pretty good for a first try. You killed your first Titan. Well done."
I smiled back at him. "Thanks."
Just then I realized where we were heading to.
"Why are we going back?" I asked.
"The mission's over. There we're too many casualties so where heading back."
"Oh."
That had been my first adventure outside the walls. A few days have passed since that event. I got to know more about the people in my team.
We were having our lunch around the table. The ambiance was quite animated; everyone was talking, laughing, having a good time. I ate my lunch in silence and just decided to observe them, which was fun in its own way as they were quite entertaining to watch.
"MEAAAAAAAAAT!" Sasha exclaimed and started gobbling down her lunch.
"Slow down or you're going to choke!" Connie commented.
Sasha instantly stopped in her tracks and glared at Connie. "You don't understand! Meat is everything! Meat is life! Life is meat!" Her expression was so determined that her eyes seemed to be glaring out fire.
"Mikasa, what are you doing?" Jean asked. Mikasa was staring at her food and poking it with her fork.
"I'm waiting for Eren to start eating. I don't want to start before him." Yet even though she said that her stomach growled, clearly indicating that she was hungry, and her mouth was drooling a little bit.
But Eren was busy conversing with Armin who was excitedly talking about something he had read in one of his books.
"And apparently there are these giant blue animals that are as big as Titans that swim in these oceans! But even though they are huge their meal consists of these tiny little creatures called plankton!" Armin's eyes were sparkling as he told his story.
"That's impossible! How can you be sure about all that?" Eren countered.
"It's all written in that book! You see; that's why we need to explore the outside world! It sounds fantastic!" Armin continued.
"I swear you will be executed for this!" Levi yelled. I turned my head towards him to see what the fuss was all about. Apparently Hange had spilled her juice on the table.
"Calm down, clean freak! I just have to wipe it away and then the table will be good as new."
"You guys are all crazy." I muttered shaking my head.
"Yes we are." Sasha said, smiling. "And you, are you crazy?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"By the way, what made you want to join the Survey Corps?" Sasha asked me.
Some people had now turned their attention back to me. I stopped eating, felling self-conscious with all the people staring at me. It felt as though their curious eyes pierced deep inside my soul, which made me feel very uncomfortable.
"I have my reasons." I said and got up. I took my plate and left. I heard their comments as I walked away.
"What's wrong with her?" Connie.
"I can't tell if she just shy or if it's something else." Sasha.
"I think she just doesn't trust people easily." Armin.
I kept on walking.
A few days later it was time for us to go out again; back into Titan territory. I wasn't as exited as the first time. But I wasn't scared either. I knew what to expect now. Once again I was paired up with Armin. This time however, we encountered a Titan early on compared to the last time. But the reason for this is because there were a lot more Titans this time. So we couldn't avoid battle.
"We're going to have to fight them this time." Armin commented. I looked at him. He was looking gloomy. And I couldn't blame him; I was feeling a bit anxious myself.
There were two titans on our tails.
"You take the 10 meters, I'll take the 15 one." Armin called out and unsheathed his sword.
They're still trying to protect me even though I have proven my worth, I thought. But I didn't say anything and just nodded in response.
We slowly got up on our running horses and instantly flew towards our targets. I wanted to try another technique this time. As I was flying in the air I jerked my head down and my body followed suit making a rolling motion; I quickly started spinning in mid air. It's the technique I saw Levi use, and since it's quite effective I wanted to try it out too. If he could do it, so could I… right? WRONG! Instead of safely landing on my target I ended up smashing against it. The impact pushed all the air out of my lungs, making me unable to breath for a full second. I was feeling dizzy. I gasped for breath and before I came back to my senses I felt a hand grab me. The sudden realization of what was going on instantly clicked in my brain. Crap! No no no! NO! It can't be! This can't be happening! But it was; the Titan has taken hold of me and was slowly bringing me towards his mouth.
"(Name)!" I heard Armin's panicked voice. He had just finished killing off his Titan and was rushing towards me as fast as he could, but I knew he would be too late. The Titan will have swallowed me by the time he reached us. Is this the end? Is this really the end? Is it my time to die now? My head was now in the Titans mouth. I closed my eyes tightly shut and prepared for the impact of its teeth crunching my bones. But that impact never came. And instead its hand had released me from its grip. I was now falling in the air. Wha-? I looked up and caught a glimpse of Mikasa slicing the Titan's neck. So that's what happened, I thought. I was dazed by what has just happened and I was still falling faster and faster though the air. But before I reached the ground Armin caught me.
"(Name) are you alright?" Armin asked, looking petrified.
"Hngh" I groaned. I didn't know if I was OK or not… my head was still spinning… I was having trouble staying awake, my vision slowly went black and I lost consciousness.
When I woke up again I was lying in my bed. I sat up, trying to remember what had happened. But I didn't remember anything after that event when I had almost died. I got up out of bed and walked out of my dorm, and went out. Everyone was busy doing chores, but when they saw me they instantly gathered around me.
"Hey (Name)!" Eren called. "It's nice to see you out and about."
"How are you feeling (Name)?" Jean asked.
"Does your head still hurt?" Sasha inquired.
The others also gathered around me.
"I'm fine." I quickly answered, not feeling at ease being the center of attention all of a sudden.
"But you almost got eaten! Weren't you scared?" Connie asked.
"No." I answered, looking down.
"Now that I think of it, you weren't struggling much when the Titan got hold of you. It's as if you were ready to die…" Armin said. That made me tense up. I took a glance up at Armin. Concern was written all over his face. He was dangerously close to the truth.
I couldn't take this anymore; I had to get away from them.
"I have my reasons." I stated and briskly walked off.
But I could still hear their comments about me.
"Why is she acting like that…" Sasha.
"Something must be troubling her." Armin.
"I think I know." Mikasa. "She gave up on life."
Everyone was silent after that.
I walked straight to my room and went to sit on my bed.
Yes Mikasa. You are right. There's no reason for me to live.
Hours went by and now it was nighttime. That night everyone was gathered around a campfire. We do this from time to time… I don't know why. I guess it's a sort of bonding thing. Everyone was sitting in a circle, talking and laughing. I also sat in the circle with them but didn't talk much.
Since we used this moment to get to know each other better at some point someone ask me questions. But I don't like talking about myself. And I especially don't like it when people ask me personal questions.
"I'm different from all of you." I retorted coldly. Everyone stopped talking and turned towards me. That got their attention.
"I'm different." I repeated louder. "You guys… You think you're special, but you're are all here for your personal reasons: Eren is here to avenge his mother, Mikasa and Armin are here for Eren, Levi is here for Erwin, Jean is here for his friend, I could go on but you get the picture. You guys all pretend to be here for the greater good and for the sake of humanity, but you're only here for your own selfish reasons!" I retorted.
"I, on the other hand, am not here for a personal reason. I'm here for humanity's sake alone. That all. I'm not here because of some private matters. Because my life is meaningless." Tears started to come to my eyes. "I don't have a loved one I need to protect. I'm all alone…" The tears finally started falling down my cheeks. "So if I'm going to die anyways, I might as well die for a cause I believe in." I ended, felling miserable.
Everyone was silent for a moment. They all just silently stared at me. I realized I had said too much. Now everyone hated me… I wrapped my arms around my legs and put my head on my knees, curling myself into a ball.
But at some point Armin broke the silence. "So you're also here for a personal, selfish reason." He said.
I instantly lifted my head up and looked back at him in surprise.
"Just like all of us." He continued. "You aren't different. You're not alone. So welcome to the group" He finished with a kind smile.
His words and friendly attitude took me aback. My mouth gapped open. Did he really just-
I was clearly surprised and wasn't expecting that. The usual feeling people get when they're around me is repulsion. They don't understand me. So I closed myself to the world and decided to stay away from everyone.
But these people were different. I suddenly realized that.
That night as I went to bed I couldn't stop thinking about what Armin had said. His words… His words and friendly attitude managed to reach me and break that cold ice-cube that had been wrapped around my heart for so long…
For the first time in my life I had a reason to life. I have found my special person. I now knew what everyone else felt like. And it felt nice.
Bonus scene: Armin's POV
I had gone to get some more food and came back with a basket full of it.
"Thanks Armin! Just put it right here." Eren said. I placed the basket on the table and went to help out with the cooking. I took a few potatoes and started peeling them. Once they were peeled Mikasa would take them and dice them up.
"Finally, we can eat some fresh food! I'm so sick of the canned stuff they've been feeding us with for the past few days." Sasha complained.
(Name) came bounding inside with a hug grin on her face. "Hey guys, can I help you out?" She inquired.
I looked up at her and noticed her bright smile, which made me smile too.
"No thanks, we're fine here." I replied.
"Ok! I'll go see if the others need any help then. See ya!" She said and ran out of the room.
"(Name) has changed a lot since she first arrived. She a lot more cheerful now." Mikasa stated.
"Yeah." I replied.
"It's all thanks to you."
I instantly stopped what I was doing. "Me?" I looked questioningly at her.
Mikasa smiled. Mikasa smiling was a rare sight.
"You're words got to her somehow. And ever since then she's been coming out of her shell." She said, not bothering to look at me, as she kept cutting up the vegetables.
I looked out the window, and watched how (Name) interacted with people.
"(Name)." Levi called.
(Name) quickly went to join him.
"Yes?" She asked. She was a lot more confident in her behavior; she held herself up high instead of looking down at the ground like she used to do. But the feature that changed the most was her smile: A genuine smile had replaced the usual frown that had been on her face before.
"You can help me with the cleaning. Go get the equipment and meet me upstairs."
"Yes sir!" She rushed into the shed to get the stuff.
I went back to my peeling, smiling. "I guess you're right Mikasa."
A/N: This is my first Attack on Titan fanfic.
What did you think of it? Please leave a comment.
PS: I know Hange's gender is not given, but I've decided that she's a girl. ^^